Hey man. You have echoed many facets of my thoughts and experiences while on this shit. It was beautiful at first, heartwrenching even, then sad, and ever more terrifying as of late. These latest two particular bouts of "psychosis" to which i am refering . . . I don't even think I can adequately put into words. All I can think is aliens, or ghosts or something. But something happened, and it was NOT the PV, and it was a glimpse of what goes on behind this fabric of conciousness we call "reality".
Though i must say, i believe the PV served as a catalyst for whatever the fuck that was. It opened the door in my my mind, and i was able to effect my surroundings (and those in it) in ways never before. Shit was terrifying, bizarre, and very real. That's the best I'm able to put my finger on what happened. The specifics are hazy.
Anywho.. We can take it to pm if ya want, though I have very little more to say on the matter. I'm still trying to work it out
I can relate to what you're saying about catching a glimpse of whatever lies behind the fabric of reality. There is something there. Obviously. But i believe its nothing like what most could ever possibly imagine and/or understand. PV somehow aids in the perception of that which lies beyond our senses (as do other substances like psychedelics, things like meditation, near death experiences, etc). It seems as if our senses become much more finely tuned (or perhaps tuned slightly to an alter "frequency" or what have you) that we start to become aware of *something* but, for whatever reason, we cannot fully perceive what that something is (and that's probably for the best... or so ive been told by someone broadcasting over pv radio once).
There is no need to take it to pm (about the event that happened to me while on pv that has me questioning reality) as ill just leave some details out... my story is short and probably uninterresting....
...but for me... in the moment... was the single most terrifying moment of my life. I simply cannot convey how terrifying and earth shattering the experience truly was with words so I won't even try. Instead ill just explain what happened so just keep in mind I'm leaving most of the emotional and psychological aspect out.
I was in the middle of a pv run that had been going on for almost two weeks. I hadn't slept much in those two weeks and had not slept for almost 4 days when this event occurred (Discredits the credibility of my experience considerablly but I still cannot accept that it was all in my head)
As usual i had been peeving it up while watching porn. I had gotten so paranoid that I could no longer continue peeving and perving it up in my own house. I felt I needed to go somewhere isolated and safe in hopes I could feel alone instead of feeling under the close watch of the shadow people.
At this point in my run I was exhausted and ready to sleep but knew I needed to bust a nut so I could finally call it quits. I drove around and found a nice hotel far away from where I lived. I checked in, brought all my stuff up to my room, setup all my perv gear, and acclomated myself to the room by lounging around for awhile before doing anything involving porn or pv.
I found the perfect clip to jack off to and loaded my glass pipe with a massive pile of pv. Prepared to do my "thing" I took a massive rip of pv from my pipe. Something didn't feel right almost instantly. My perception of the room was stretched so that everything was being stretched slightly to the right bottom side of my vision. Everything appeared to take on a slightly greenish tint. My hearing was altered slightly that it almost seemed like the acoustics of the room had suddenly shifted. I smelled an odd smell that was reminiscent of somebody's body odor but not one I was familiar with.
I exhale a massive cloud of pv smoke. Just as I am exhaling I heard the loudest groan/moan from right behind me. Not a sexual moan but more like a moan from somebody upset over something they don't like. Only the pitch of the groan suddenly drops towards the end in a way I can only describe as digitized and demonic. The moan only lasted for a second but it was so loud. The best way to describe thee moan was it almost sounded like somebody had bent a huge steel beem just behind my head.
Then suddenly *something* slapped me square on the right shoulder. It felt like a slap from an old friend who is suprising you from behind while saying hi. Except this didnt feel friendly. It felt mischevious. As the slap occured there was a deep voice that said hey or huh... i cant quite recall. Although I recall the voice booming and echoing around the room and through my body.
There was a definte sensation of somebody being in the room with me. I could hear them (the voice, the moan, etc), I could smell them, I could even see them... or rather, I immediately spun around after being slapped on the shoulder and while I couldnt see anyone, I could see the curtains that were 4 feet behind me fluttering around as if somebody had just walked through them. Except that was not possible because immediately behind those curtains was a closed and locked window. Later on I woulld investigate the room and was unable to find anything that could have caused those curtains to move in that manner.
I screamed. Like a little terrified girl. Extremely loud. Over and over repeatedly for what seemed like a minute or so. Im still suprised to this day that nobody called the cops. Nobody knocked on the room to see if I was ok. As if nobody heard me or maybe somebody did and they just didnt know what to think.
I ran to the middle of the room and clutched my arms around my chest. I was shaking from fear and confusion like I have never done before. I stayed with my arms tightly wound around my upper body while my eyes darted around the room looking for my intruder for almost 2 hours. I pissed myself at some point. Not from the fear of the initial incident but from not being able to hold it anymore for those 2 hours because I could not bring myself to move.
Slowly but surely I come down and relax. I examine the room and try to make heads or tails of the experience. I decide I am not sleeping there so I collect my belongings, clean up the room and go home for the night. On the drive home I figure either something visited me (make of it as you will - a ghost, shadow person, who knows) or it was all just a hallucination from lack of sleep and too much PV consumed way to quickly.
I dont know which explanation fits. Id like to think it was all a hallucination but pv always has similar effects and causes similar distortions in reality for me yet this expereince was unlike anything Ive ever experienced on pv ever by atleast 10 fold difference. Different in the effects of the experience, the shear intensity of the experience as well as the quality, clairty and realness of the experience. It all seemed so insanely real that to this day I struggle thinking about it.
I almost quit PV for good that time. Almost.
