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Introduce Yourself! v.2.0

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Karebear13 said:
hey there after roaming around today i decided to join...im 27..im a hydrocodone addict (even tho i have a running perscription for them) i dont know if i can even use the term addict b/c i feel b/c im bipolar 2 when im in a deep depression if i take some pain killers i can come out of the depression..my shrink thinks im nutts.. im 16 days in to a seperation of being together for 13 years and married for 4 years which is really bringing me down...cheating involved lots of emotional abuse.. and i just feel a mess..

i have a past history of 2 suicide attempts an a 2 week stay in a treatment center.. which really helped i feel...but was all stemmed to my son to be ex husband and his cheating and ect..

im glad i came across the group..life is pretty crappy right now..
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Hi Karebear <3 I'm glad you have found your way over to The Dark Side. There are several things in your post that I am able to relate to. I hope TDS helps you as much as it has helped me and continues to do so.

xo
 
Karebear13, I want to extend a very warm welcome to our community <3 :)

At any time, please feel free to contact any of the staff here if you feel like you are at the end of your rope. We also have an excellent Suicide Support Thread (You'll find it sticky'd at the top of the forum page) where I personally would encourage you to express yourself, especially given your past suicide attempts. I'm grateful that they were unsuccessful.

Emotions are like clouds in the sky... some drift slowly, others rapidly. Some are dark and brooding, others are brilliantly fluffy and gorgeous. But the sky changes. So, too, is it with our emotions. Coaching ourselves to abide by the inevitabilities in life - the ebb and flow of emotions - ought to be the ultimate goal of all human beings.

Once again, welcome to The Dark Side!

~ Vaya
 
hey, im Lydia, i live in auckland, new zealand, and have gone under the alias of drug_wench for years (joined under that name, 2005), but wanted to kind of 'start again' on BL so to speak, for my own reasons.
im 28yo and have had problems with drugs (including alcohol) from the age of 10, with the end consequence being a horrendous problem with methamphetamine and opiates, and a sick fascination with needles.

ive kicked meth now (for the most - i have no desire to use it these days, everytime i do it gives me a rotten headache), and have just recently got out of medical detox again (a place where they know me well) for methadone and heroin. i came out on suboxone maintenance and have already found the side effects too much, and admittedly it makes recreational opiate use pretty inconvenient. so im trying to just use morphine here and there (having found this never works with heroin/homebake), and, believe it or not, looking at going back on a smaller dose of methadone and weaning off that since i so cant stand suboxone.
oh and hoping always for a miracle to happen that results in me actually wanting to completely stop doing drugs.

i have ADHD and severe anxiety problems (GAD, PTSD and the odd panic attack), and was diagnosed incorrectly with bipolar and BPD at the peak of my meth addiction, however the mood swings and psychosis resolved when i stopped using stimulants. very unfortunately, the anxiety got somewhat worse without meth - god knows why, you would think that would have aggravated it.

anyway, i look forward to slowly getting to know everybody whos joined since i was last regularly using this site and catching up with old friends. im not the type who comes online everyday - opioids, including suboxone, make me disgustingly lazy. :o
 
Hi westside, welcome back.<3 It never ceases to amaze me the survivors that exist in the world of addiction. Since the age of 10???!!!! Do you realize all the strengths that you have built during those formative years? Yes, you have also built an arsenal of self defeating habits and behaviors, I'm sure, but if you look at the underside of most of those there is a positive attribute that you can call on. I hope that the Darkside corner of Bluelight can serve you well in exploring how to step out of the cycle that is wearing you to exhaustion.
 
Hi Lydia!

Congratulations on kicking methamphetamine. That was a tough monster for me to beat as well... Didn't hold a candle to heroin, though :(

I noticed that my depression, and by extension my anxiety, got worse after quitting meth. It takes a while for neurogenesis to have an appreciable effect on the human brain's dopamine rigid system. Hang in there - this community is here for you <3

~ Vaya
 
Hello all!

My name is Jameson. I was in business school at UNLV, University of Las Vegas, Nevada. I was in my senior year and took Psych 403. I was getting a Psych minor and had to take a 400 level course, and Physiology of Psychology sounded pretty sweet. I walked in the classroom and saw a diagram of a neuron and thought "ooohhh shit!!"

A year later, I have dropped everything, applied for a ton of grants and student loans, and am in the beginning stages of attempting to learn as much as I can about how the human brain works! I am no expert, but I have some areas that I study heavily and am up-to-date with current research findings etc.

My main areas of interest are sleep patterns and drug interaction. If there's one thing I feel extremely comfortable discussing it is anything related to sleeping and dreaming. A lot of this subject is open for argument and still in it's infant theoretical stage, but I have been part of many studies and have done disturbing amounts of research on the subject.

Most important thing about me - I LOVE meeting people who make me feel stupid. Generally these people make you smarter... and I think that is what life is all about.

Look forward to learning from all of you and hope that at least some of my knowledge will help some of you!
 
^Hi and welcome to Bluelight.:) You should check out both the Science and Technology forum and the Philosophy and Spirituality Forum as well as the Education and Careers forum; I think all of those would be interesting to you. There are many fascinating and brilliant people here in the Bluelight world and I know that I learn new things every day from all of them. There are often threads about dreams in TDS so I look forward to your input. I love my dreams and on the nights that I use weed to sleep I usually don't remember any which is a total downside as far as I'm concerned and why I use that only after several days of insomnia.:\
 
Hi there, Im a 22 year old male from England.
Been addicted to opiates for the past 5 years. I Am now down to 8mg of methadone daily,and my support worker says I should be opiate free within 6ish weeks! I honestly cannot wait to be free from the grip of opiates. Will be helpful during this time to speak to some others who are going through the same sort of things.
 
konawarrior, that is amazing! Congratulations on everything that went into getting where you are. I'm sure that it will be helpful as well to share some of the hard times you have already put behind you--it can seem endless when you are in the midst of it, so your experience coming out the other side should be very helpful to others as well. What else is going on in your life that will keep you engaged when you are opiate free? What are your interests?

Glad you are here.<3
 
Greeting from the frozen tundra of upstate NY. I've been lurking for a while around here, but recently decided to join. Glad I did. As for my story, I survived a year long brush with H in the late 90's, got clean for a looong time, but in the past two years I have found myself eating every painkiller I can get my hands on. I've recently taken some steps, and I am a little better than I was, but no where near where I need to be. My habit is super small at the moment, but sometimes I feel like I am one good binge away from trying to score some dope, something I REALLY don't want to do. I guess in some ways, it probably doesn't matter, as I am tickling most of the same receptors anyway, but it just seems like a bad path for me to go down at 38. Thanks for listening...
 
My name (here) is Moskito, And I am from the province of Québec. I am a multiple drugs user and tired of it. What else is there to say...?
 
I'm more into the: ''what do you do with it'' phase than the: ''how can you do it'' phase. But since I am (was) an IV drug user, I wish I can be helpful to those who still want to plat dare devil.
 
Well, what would you want to hear ? All answers already are inside of YOU !
Besides, there is no LOL about your situation...
 
hey twotoomany and moskito, welcome to both of you. Sounds like TDS is the right forum to be in--you'll find lots of supportive people here at every step of the recovery process--from wondering if they can really commit to becoming completely abstinent and everything in between. It's a dynamic community and it is the supportive nature of the forum that keeps it that way. So, again, welcome and feel free to PM any of the mods with questions.<3
 
Hi I am Toz from the land of everlasting darkness and climate that suits polar bears better than men. Greetings from Sweden / Stockholm. Today I am happy. I have been depressed for over a year, today, I feel incredibly wrong. Why? Because something is off with the world. It does not seem like the cold dark place it has been for me this last year. The land of everlasting darkness, will soon again be the land of everlasting sun. We get hard and cold winters, but when summer comes, it will be warm and sunny 24/7 almost.

The tunnel I have been going through, I seem to be able to glimpse the light at the end. It will be possible to get there, I don't know when, but it will happen. I had decided to not suffer today, I was so sick of it all. It such a strange feeling now, there is no pain I feel the need to erase. While I am not feeling normal, I have forgotten what normal really feels like, I can sense that one day, I will get there. And all the measly problems of daily life shall never bother me again after being through this.

I could post how I ended up here, what's happened during the last years why I am here, but it would be quite long and the content triggering. Maybe it would be better suited to the rant thread ;)

I will try to offer other people the same advice I offer myself everytime that life has me down. Giving advice is easy, following it is hard.
 
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What a great intro^. It is so hard to remember at times that happiness is indeed a choice, like everything else, we can give ourselves to it or not. I know from some of your other posts that you suffer from some pretty horrible chronic pain. We do not choose suffering. Suffering happens in the form of disease, disasters, death of people that we love, but within even the most trying suffering I have found that happiness is still both a possibility and a choice. Reading your words is inspiring and reminds me of this; and I do need reminders.

One of the things that you may consider doing, Toz, if you haven't already is to write your story in blogs. I love reading people's blogs because they are not specific questions that invite opinions, they are just little glimpses of the life and the person--or the life that is shaping the person and the person shaping the life.<3
 
Toz said:
I will try to offer other people the same advice I offer myself everytime that life has me down. Giving advice is easy, following it is hard.
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Agreed, quite a nice self-intro. Toz, and I couldn't agree with this statement more! I love reading quotes, because quotes inspire me to make change or, alternatively, to enjoy what I currently have rather than ruminating on what I might not have. I find the same constructive comfort in advice from others on a broad range of practical life scenarios.

With quotes, I naturally appreciate websites that collect and dispense them en masse. I hope that you find here what I find in The Dark Side - a likewise hearty collection of experience, strength and hope that can be harnessed for personal growth as well as redistributed for the benefit of others.

It's what's kept me coming back for years, and years, and years now :)

See you across the boards!

~ Vaya
 
twotoomany said:
My habit is super small at the moment, but sometimes I feel like I am one good binge away from trying to score some dope, something I REALLY don't want to do.
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Hey there :)
Your actions - signing up for and beginning to post in TDS after lurking for a while - most certainly reinforce not only what you say here about wanting to quit, but reflect knowledge of the power of finding constructive outlets for destructive habits/ways of thinking. Congrats on giving it a go as a member of BL; as a past lurker, I'm sure you know how amazingly wonderful the people in this community are. It really helps me, as a recovering opiate/opioid addict, to know that I can find strength and a gentle ear amongst other people from all walks of life, all over the world, here! Anything you need, please PM me or any one on the mod team, as well as those friends-to-be you'll no doubt make here.

moskito, it sure sounds as though you're "sick and tired of being sick and tired," as certain programs of recovery choose to phrase it! I know the feeling well. I hope that The Dark Side can give you some good pointers towards recovery from substance abuse. I definitely suggest performing some forum searches and asking questions whenever you can; you'll no doubt be quick to recognize the vast amount of kind-hearted people who frequent TDS who have incredibly insightful suggestions and who inspire so much hope for others here on a daily basis.

To each of you, again, welcome to Bluelight :) :)

~ Vaya
 
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hey guys.
i have been a general opiophile for years. done the usual detox, relapse, detox, relapse, rehab, relapse, and one final rehab before my current 'relapse.'
im say relapse because most people consider using ANY drug in any amount a relapse.
ive perused bluelight and several other drug forums for a while now, figured it was time to start contributing.
anyway, just looking for a good group of people that i can feed off of and possibly offer advice where i can.
much love, rat
 
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