Toz lol I didn't mean being truely sober. I was talking about getting high , then stopping for 2-3days, rinse and repeat
I think you need some hobbies my friend, and I think you definitely need to diet and exercise better and more often. Trust me from a fellow drug user to another, you need exercise . Working out will get you higher when you get high. I exercise, or started exercising 4 times a week, and it has helped with depression, anxiety, and helps me enjoy my high. No no joke, I get higher now then I did before , and with adding in day intbetween drug use and T-breaks havw heplped tremedoisly. I am literally soo happy.
Lol smoke, your a ravens fan eh? I want them to win too, dick san Fran beat my falcons
Sounds like fun as fuck
oh well, I was to eager to resume building the wall off text again, I need to pay more attention
It was exactly that I tried, and it lasted a month, first it felt like a cold, then it felt like the flu (the days between opiates) and then the last day I had a hit, it sent me into full blown withdrawal as if I had been using for a year. I tried again one month after that when it was over, but ended up using that 4;th day and there we go back again to square one. So now some days ago I dug a hole threw the opiates in and I'd like to think I've buried the problem for now. But knowing myself, I'll likely be digging myself another hole instead. Actually I already started by doing amphetamine to get high for the first time in like 3 years? I think it was that long ago. Benzos and alcohol seem more tempting now too, and I never enjoyed alcohol before. But it kills the pain so it's welcome, benzos don't really but they make me not care so much+stops anxiety/cold sweat/insomnia.
I want to start hitting the gym again, if not for any other reason than to get bigger veins (yes lol), mine sucks to shoot up in. Would do it, but the pain at the moment is just too much (or my motivation to do anything is lacking because of it). I don't excercise much now, but I used to as much as I could during summer. You don't want to go outside in the constant darkness and -17c when in withdrawal. That temperature alone is pain even when I am healthy. Excercise however, unlike during opiate withdrawal when it offers alot of relief, doesn't help against the nerve pain at all. During summer I used to jog/walk at least 10km / day. I liked it, since it took my mind of things. Now if I go out, my snot instantly freezes to ice while pain is increased alot.
Feels just not worth it, still I go out when it's not so damn cold, unfortunately when I consider it warm here at this time of year it's -5c or more.
I know regular excercise etc helps you get higher, I used to gym 3 days a week when I started doing heroin. Eventually it was less gym and more heroin though, then there was more heroin and less everything else, eventually there was only heroin and other drugs.
Maintenance therapy I was on for a short time, I paid for my own pills for several years, it helped me get my life back together. I couldn't really stand being prisoner to the clinic (subutex controlled as methadone here in sweden). They wouldn't let me smoke weed, which I hated. Eventually tapered down to 2mg and found an addiction specialist that could prescribe me temgesic off label, also prescribed me ritalin and benzos.
Things were fine for some time. then my girlfriend overdosed and was forced into a "rehab" if you could call it that, for 6 months involuntarly stay (yes they can do this here, unlike jail, you get no phonecall or lawyer if immediate effect decision). This sent me spiraling into depression, she managed to call me sometimes I don't really know how but she was crying all the time, appearently one of the personell emplyed had beat her up for using the phone one time. I said I would go there and take her away and show him how much I love guys who hit girls. Especially my girl. She dissuaded me from doing this, I guess it would only have made things worse as she said, but it hurt me so much, I felt helpless. There was no help here, it was simple cash cow herding.
When she got out, she went to visit a friend and when she came back I didn't recognize her. She had been doing large amounts of stimulants and was delusional. I thought she would just sleep it off, but the next day I awoke and my money and drugs are missing and she is ranting and raving about some text I have to see which read like Q#E/)#&)%&(#!/Q on my computer screen. I was annoyed at this time, I asked where my money was (it was all my earnings for that month) and she had no idea. I managed to retrace her steps and found half of, the drugs I found 2 years later when she remembered where they were (hidden under some pavement at a day care center ffs). Anyway the police came by asking me if I had seen a crazy lady running around throwing stuff raving about whatever and I told them yes ----> that way lol, thankfully she was occupied with someone that didn't exist in another room at that moment. The day ended however in her being extremely paranoid thinking I was going to kill her, before I knew it, a drawer hit me in the head and she came at me with a kitchen knife. By now I had had enough, I had to subdue her and call her father to come help me. It was really horrible. Thankfully I had trained Judo for some years. Someone could have been hurt otherwise had I not been quick to disarm and subdue her.
After this, she got sent back, to the same place, for the same time, but this time I got no phonecalls almost. I was now even more depressed, started using drugs again because I felt lonely and I was thinking how they were treating her there, not really knowing anything.
After she came back from that, something was off. All she ever wanted to do was drugs, I started to feel like her dealer only. Eventually I got sick of everyday use, told her I wanted to quit and that was that. She took off in a few weeks, taking with her some pills and money and I never heard from her again. By this time I had been cut off by my doctor, because I constantly missed appointments and was always fucked up, I had started failing my studies and it was all going downhill.I was shooting up all the time several times a day / opiates and stims. I had also developed a dependancy to benzos, something I would never even have thought of before. It had to end.
So I got on maintenance, again. From my own wallet. Paid for the subutex, I could afford it since I knew someone who sold it cheap. Then from there it was a relapse to heroin and then to real maintenance and then cold turkey after complaints of benzo and weed use + I was sick of it anyway and from here on you know the story if you had the energy to keep up with the last wall of text lol
eh what was I going to post? I think I got sidetracked here a bit, don't even remember what I started writing about in the beginning
eh wait what was the initail topic here? think I got sidtracked a bit lol
edit: I think I got sidetracked writing the sidetracked reply, as there obviously already was one.
Now there is a 3rd if someone missed it.
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