• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Her past is destroying us! HELP!!!

Pariahprose

Pariahprose

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 14, 2013
Messages
213
Location
United States-Georgia
All right, so I have been with the same girl for almost three years now and we have two beautiful kids(a 2 yr old and a 9 month old),but idk how much more I can take. When she was younger her step father physically abused her and her mom pretty much denies it ever happened and only says she got what she deserved. Her mother wont apologize 2 her( similar events happened to her mother,but with her mom) and I think that is what wud help her the most. Her mom needs 2 apologize 2 her, or she needs 2 make the event something that builds her up instead of tearing her down.

She refuses to go talk to a psychologist and is constantly pushing me to get angry and violent with her( I just usually end up yelling and walk away b4 it gets violent).She is doing this bc it is all she has known,but I am not a mean/violent person! She is perpetuating the same cycle her mom was in with her mother,just with a different person now(me).I am about at my wits end with her,but having kids makes things so much more complicated. I have considered getting someone 2 watch the kids and me and her try a psychedelic therapy session(since she refuses other help).But idk if thats the best idea or how to go about doing it or what drug to use(no hallucinogens are available n my area,only weed,pills,shitty coke,and meth...so RC's are my only thing available). Help wud b appreciated greatly!

Pariahprose
 
You got to do something to get her to a psych. She will project this stuff onto her (your) kids and it will fuck with their mental state.
 
ya I know...thats what I keep telling her...the few time she went to a psych all they told her was that she has social anxiety,but I am doubtful she was honest and talked to them.And it took me calling CPS to get her to go then(now our CPS case is closed,so she doesnt feel obligated to go).Everyone thought I was so wrong and messed up for doing that,but they dont know what its like living with her.I love her and the kids more than anything,but idk how much more I can take!

Pariahprose
 
she really needs to get that shit sorted out by a psychologist or some kind of intervention. They do that all the time on the show intervention lol, parents fucked up and they have to apologize and the drug addict feels better afterwards, that's what she needs. Maybe you could speak to an interventionist and get that whole family's problems sorted out. If she doesn't get treatment, her kids may grow to be the same as she is or you'll end up raising them yourself.

i do not recommend psychedelic therapy, especially without a therapist specializing in psychedelics. People with deep rooted issues can have horrifying trips, if she is suppressing things then a good trip will throw it right in her face and if she can't deal with it a total flip out will ensue. That's just my opinion and guess but i wouldn't risk it.
 
Well her family is in as deep of a denial about any issue exisiting as she is,not to mention they live in a different state,so an intervention wud b hard to do(dont think a Skype intervention wud work to well,lol). Not a snowballs chance n hell n finding an experienced psychedelic therapist n my area either. I dont think she wud leave me for someone else and keep the kids here as much as I think she wud say fuck it and end it herself and leave me with the kids that way(no,she isnt suicidal at the moment,its just the most plausible outcome I see to where I wud end up raising the kids).

Pariahprose
 
I agree with Lysis, you need to find a way to get her to a therapist. A psychiatrist might be better suited than a psychologist but that's your/her/their call. She simply needs to realize how damaging her issues are to all those around her and how important it is that she overcome them. I'm convinced if she made an effort with therapy it could really help her. I'm sorry I can't offer more advice but I really don't know what to say when it comes to getting her to therapy...it just needs to be done.
 
its one thing to bring this shit to a relationship its quite another to start meshing it into your childrens heads.

go to counselling. or get cognitive behavioural therapy

if this is how she behaves and she doesn't get help it will affect your children in a bad way

also why is she still in contact with a mother that condones the sexual abuse she suffered? looking for an apology from someone with that viewpoint is a waste of time because no reasonable sane mother would ever say that to their daughter. she needs to get away from her own septic childhood and get counselling for the abuse.
 
i think he just meant that his gf was physically abused, not sexually. Still, why the fuck would someone stay in contact with someone who allowed that? i don't know.

maybe if you go to therapy with her that would help? just say it's couples therapy just to get her in there and comfortable with the process. She's going to have to accept that her parents are fuck ups and will probably never apologize and to cut contact with them. People say family is everything but family is shit if they are like that.
 
Why would the mother apologise if she is not sorry? Any apology would be lip service at best. My suggestion would be to cut the cancer out of your lives & focus on your family.

*snip*
 
Last edited by a moderator:
RobotRipping said:
i think he just meant that his gf was physically abused, not sexually. Still, why the fuck would someone stay in contact with someone who allowed that? i don't know.

maybe if you go to therapy with her that would help? just say it's couples therapy just to get her in there and comfortable with the process. She's going to have to accept that her parents are fuck ups and will probably never apologize and to cut contact with them. People say family is everything but family is shit if they are like that.
Click to expand...

my bad

anyhoo it still stands- why would you stay in contact with a mother that condones your step dad beating you? thats bad parenting
 
Lysis said:
You got to do something to get her to a psych. She will project this stuff onto her (your) kids and it will fuck with their mental state.
Click to expand...

Yes yes YES! Tell her it is for the kids. Tell her that she needs to get help to make sure that she can raise your kids right!!
 
First off, kudos on the way you talk bro - you are nicely aware of cycles etc - insight I LIKE.

Her mum may need to apologize but your girl cannot wait for it - it may never come. She needs to sort herself out, distance herself from her poisonous/in-denial (she probably got a raw deal from the brer too, think about it) mother.

If she refuses to see a psychologist (I would reccomend CBT or cognitive psychotherapy), give her a book on NLP, ask her if she'd go to a yoga class, and just love her.

Regarding drugs? Right so she's been raped by someone she was supposed to be able to trust - big ouch - MDMA is currently being researched (look up Multi-disciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies or MAPS) for PTSD all over the world legally for the first time in 40ish years. I suggest starting there. Show her some of their literature/youtube vids if she's hesitant.

You can do this yourself, with your insight, just be prepared for the worst if you get what I'm saying.

Feel free to PM me anytime, but MDMA sounds like the way to facilitate some good open dialogue. Other drugs - I can advise as things progress, as I feel you can get ahead of yourself otherwise.

If ya not sure about purity, get a Marquis reagent.
Pariahprose said:
All right, so I have been with the same girl for almost three years now and we have two beautiful kids(a 2 yr old and a 9 month old),but idk how much more I can take. When she was younger her step father physically abused her and her mom pretty much denies it ever happened and only says she got what she deserved. Her mother wont apologize 2 her( similar events happened to her mother,but with her mom) and I think that is what wud help her the most. Her mom needs 2 apologize 2 her, or she needs 2 make the event something that builds her up instead of tearing her down.

She refuses to go talk to a psychologist and is constantly pushing me to get angry and violent with her( I just usually end up yelling and walk away b4 it gets violent).She is doing this bc it is all she has known,but I am not a mean/violent person! She is perpetuating the same cycle her mom was in with her mother,just with a different person now(me).I am about at my wits end with her,but having kids makes things so much more complicated. I have considered getting someone 2 watch the kids and me and her try a psychedelic therapy session(since she refuses other help).But idk if thats the best idea or how to go about doing it or what drug to use(no hallucinogens are available n my area,only weed,pills,shitty coke,and meth...so RC's are my only thing available). Help wud b appreciated greatly!

Pariahprose
Click to expand...
 
Anybody who has been abused or raped and has learned to live with it will tell you that you as victim carry a mass of guilt feelings around. You blame yourself, you think that some how you caused it, your body may have reacted sexually without you wanting it to. Being abused/raped changes you permanently, you can't go back and you are stuck with it. Other people blame you for what has happened (or it feels like that). Psychologists don't know shit, unless they've had this experience.
It's terrible for you as an outsider to see, but there's not much you can do. She is angry, filled with rage at what happened to her, because it feels like somebody has pissed all over your soul.
Talking to other victims of rape and abuse might help a bit, especially if there's a group leader who can help people work exactly through the trauma.
Ultimately after 40 years, I found mdma and taking it helped work through the emotional aspects again. I don't recommend hallucinogens because of the real dangers of things turning bad.
 
All any of us can do is give you the advice we think about be best..

Honestly, If I were you.. I would put my foot down and give her an ultimatum if you are really at the end of your rope. Call a therapist before hand and set up a couples appt. Then talk to her and tell her that ether the two fo you go or you are going to have to change your life for the betterment of your self and your children.

These are real issues that are not going to go away with a few trips, while they might help some (I would recommend MDMA, the empathy, talking and bonding that occurs may halp work out some issues and open you both up to talk about things you would not )
 
AbsintheKittie said:
All any of us can do is give you the advice we think about be best..

Honestly, If I were you.. I would put my foot down and give her an ultimatum if you are really at the end of your rope. Call a therapist before hand and set up a couples appt. Then talk to her and tell her that ether the two fo you go or you are going to have to change your life for the betterment of your self and your children.

These are real issues that are not going to go away with a few trips, while they might help some (I would recommend MDMA, the empathy, talking and bonding that occurs may halp work out some issues and open you both up to talk about things you would not )
Click to expand...

I agree with this guy..

But on a serious note, you have to do what's best for your children. They should be put 1st.
 
Thanks for all the replies,wuda posted sooner but been busy with work...idk why she is still in contact with her mom after this,especially knowing that her mom went thru/ is going thru the same thing with her own mom(who is currently n the hospital close 2 death)...Her mom however pretty much cut ties until her own mother was n the hospital...only reason she is having anything 2 do with her now is for her sister she says...

Have considered MDMA as I realize this wud definatly b the best option,just not easily available in my area.If I was going 2 use MDMA I wud prefer it 2 b molly,not pressed pills...I agree though,something has 2 give,not for my sake,but for the kids...

Pariahprose
 
Pariah, I'm sorry to hear about what your girlfriend has had to go through in the past, and what you are both going through today. Like some others here, I would definitely encourage her to seek help like counseling or group therapy, because this is simply an issue too great for her to battle alone. I am impressed she has gone so long without help and she is very lucky to have a caring person like you in her life. I worry about you also, and I feel there are other options than taking drugs to cope with this. They may make you feel better, but when you wake up in the morning the problem is still there. Please take care.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top