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How Are You in One Word Vs Happiness; Only Real When Shared =D

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@hthr~ no we're trying to work it out. Its bc of debts :/

@spork~i'm staying positive, and thank you sweets.
 
falling
I'm used to moods swinging up and down but it's not just the usual mood thing.
I physically can't keep doing the work I love. After a few 12 hr shifts I feel like I'm gonna die, too old to keep up and once your body turns on you, it doesn't matter how sharp your brain is or how much knowledge is stuffed in there. If you can't keep up physically, it's time to step off.
I've been battling RA for over 20 yrs and progressively worse traumatic arthritis from so many broken bones cuz of getting my ass beat regularly as a kid and young adult. Now i'm so stiff i can barely move for more than an hour in the a.m. I hate having to take meds to be functional and actually try to have a life and I feel so much shame because of the stigma and assumptions people make. I don't say a word about my medical problems because i don't/can't trust anyone but I catch people watching how stiff I move and medical workers aren't oblivious to certain signs I cannot hide. And then the mouths start to run, speculation and assumptions are shared, and the whispers start. I AM NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG!!! But that doesn't stop tongues from wagging.
I'm just really exhausted and lonely and isolated. I cannot continue doing direct patient care so it's time to go back to working alone auditing charts. I thought I could keep up if I limited the number of shifts I worked but I'm fooling myself.
I'm broken and old and in the way.
Must be one of those years... Again.
Ok, pity party over. All apologies for babbling.
-izzy
 
Captain.Heroin said:
^ one of two things I'm thankful not to be in school for ever again ... "blackboard" and "clickers".

my word: happy :)
Click to expand...
I hate all this new technology theyre trying to integrate into the education system. just put up slides, lecture, and assign readings and test me goddamit
 
Good morning TDS :). I am drinking coffee but I might go back to bed. It's my day off so I can do what I want :p. I am excited
!
 
izzy66 said:
falling
I'm used to moods swinging up and down but it's not just the usual mood thing.
I physically can't keep doing the work I love. After a few 12 hr shifts I feel like I'm gonna die, too old to keep up and once your body turns on you, it doesn't matter how sharp your brain is or how much knowledge is stuffed in there. If you can't keep up physically, it's time to step off.
I've been battling RA for over 20 yrs and progressively worse traumatic arthritis from so many broken bones cuz of getting my ass beat regularly as a kid and young adult. Now i'm so stiff i can barely move for more than an hour in the a.m. I hate having to take meds to be functional and actually try to have a life and I feel so much shame because of the stigma and assumptions people make. I don't say a word about my medical problems because i don't/can't trust anyone but I catch people watching how stiff I move and medical workers aren't oblivious to certain signs I cannot hide. And then the mouths start to run, speculation and assumptions are shared, and the whispers start. I AM NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG!!! But that doesn't stop tongues from wagging.
I'm just really exhausted and lonely and isolated. I cannot continue doing direct patient care so it's time to go back to working alone auditing charts. I thought I could keep up if I limited the number of shifts I worked but I'm fooling myself.
I'm broken and old and in the way.
Must be one of those years... Again.
Ok, pity party over. All apologies for babbling.
-izzy
Click to expand...

You are not broken, old, or in the way. <3

People are jerks. Plain and simple. Not many people understand (or take the time to understand) what is truly going on in a persons life. Poor judgements are the norm. If people actually took the time to understand or not be judgmental they'd see what a great person you are.

You mention maybe switching to auditing at work again, is that something that interests you? Or could you possibly be able to do shorter shifts?

You're in my thoughts Izzy.
 
sconnie420 said:
@hthr~ no we're trying to work it out. Its bc of debts :/
Click to expand...

Ack! I've been there, hun. I'm still actually trying to get out of that hole. In my case, I was able to avoid court by biting the bullet, calling them, and making payment arrangements. They will work with you on it and do what it takes to prevent it from going to court.

<3 moe
<3 izzy

My word currently is lazy. I need to get ready for work, but after my day there yesterday I think I'd rather go to the dentist. :\
 
Incredibly sad.

Just got news that my great grandmother passed away this morning, just a few hours ago. We weren't extremely close and I haven't seen her in at least 5 years but I'm heartbroken nonetheless...
 
modelskinny said:
Incredibly sad.

Just got news that my great grandmother passed away this morning, just a few hours ago. We weren't extremely close and I haven't seen her in at least 5 years but I'm heartbroken nonetheless...
Click to expand...

I am so sorry for your loss <3
My grandmother passing was one of the hardest things I ever dealt with in my life.
 
modelskinny said:
Incredibly sad.

Just got news that my great grandmother passed away this morning, just a few hours ago. We weren't extremely close and I haven't seen her in at least 5 years but I'm heartbroken nonetheless...
Click to expand...

I'm really sorry :( <3

My grandfather died last April and I've been thinking about him every single day since. It's both incredible and terribly saddening that it's only when they're gone that you realize how much you cared for someone.
 
@hthr~ these were judgments I already had, just hadn't been paying on..

@spork~ yeah, I think I got it taken care of, hopefully.. I got something set up.

I'm ok today. A lil shocked they found a long ago ex of mine, passed away yesterday.
 
^glad to hear that, moe.

can't quite think of a word for how I am atm. Nostalgic? Surprised? Moving on? Still there? all of the above swirling through my brain? Yeah, swirling must be the word. I just went to my husband's office to meet a cleaning service worker that was supposed to do a one time deep cleaning of his office. My sister arranged it for a present for him and I was just supposed to go unlock the door and orient them since he is traveling.The worker turned out to be one of Caleb's old friends! Anyway, I ended up staying and cleaning with her and talking about Caleb. It makes me so sad to see everyone else moving on, growing up and becoming adults and at the same time I am always so happy to see them--they are a connection to him and I treasure those whenever they come. Came home and got really, really sad though. When I feel like this I am always thankful that my body knows what to do. My mind doesn't, but my body just gets to work manufacturing salty, cleansing tears. Feels almost like a miracle when everything else wants to shut down.
 
Does everyone think my stuff is theirs? My cousins boyfriend aka my "new roommate" had a friend over and she used my pricey shampoo/conditioner AND my brand new hair straightener. Who knows if she has lice or not? That's brand new!! Don't use my stuff without my damn permission. And there was an apartment I was interested in but of course someone looked at it before me. I'm just overall annoyed.
 
Alone.

My ex finally moved out today which I could live with. She took my fucking dog. That has me tore up. Ive been without her and I'm ok. But I haven't spent a night away from my dog in almost 2 years. He was my only friend left.

Fuck. Id be angrier or have more to say but I'm drunk :/
 
My one word is two words:

Cautiously hopeful

I relapsed again a few days ago (if using after 11 days is even worthy of the term relapse) and I'm back on day 3 clean. Thing is though... the first few days used to be unimaginably difficult, but now the first few days are relatively easy. It's sustaining sobriety that is the hard part.

But 12 hours clean used to be unheard of in my life, waking up in the middle of the night just to get high and go back to bed. So yeah, I'm hopeful.
 
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