Mental Health Body image issues

[Captain.Heroin]

I don't understand why women always think gaining a little fat is a bad thing. Most guys aren't into bone-thin chicks, and women are designed to have a higher body fat percentage than men.

Have you tried addressing why you feel this way about yourself? Is it connected to a low self esteem?

Everyone deserves to be able to see how beautiful they really are, inside and out.

 

[SuperCool]

Thanks for the answer
I do actually have some experience with weight loss. When I was 13 I lost 30kg in a couple months although that's what led me to the anorexic state and all so it didn't end very well, but still. I remember at the time I wasn't cutting down on calories too much but I was eatingo nly healthy foods and going for runs every day. I don't mind the exercise bit so much now - I have an hour walk a day to go to class and I'd been spending about 1h/1h30 in the gym every day as well before coming home for the break. 1500 calories a day is a good goal and is what I'd been aiming for but I just get these massive cravings after a few days and then just give up and go back to the ~2000/2200 I eat if I'm trying to stay stable. I'm happy to hear about your own experience though (congrats btw), it's motivating to hear that others have done it; especially since I only have about 10kg to lose this time round.
And thank you haha.

you're welcome! 10 kg is good because its not alot so thats another reason why you should lose it slowly! 2000-2200 calories is totaly fine aswel if you kee the carbs at about 100 grams and the fat at about 50 grams max. you walk and exercise daily so the only problem im seeing thats making you fail is that you try to eat 1500 a few days and then binge/go back to 2000+. when you eat less and then you eat more, the body puts the weight back alot quicker. also, if you just lose track of what it is you're eating then it can be worse. so like i said 2000-2200 isnt alot, my tip is just stay at that but less carbs.

 

[Raasyvibe]

I realize how ridiculously petty this is going to sound considering the other things going on in this forum but I seriously do need help, support, advice, whatever.

I absolutely despise how I look. I have put on an insane amount of weight ever since I moved away to college in september and have never been anywhere near this heavy. I wouldn't say I'm 'fat' but I certainly left the realms of 'thin' that I'd been comfortable in for years. I was severely anorexic a few years ago, spent a bit of time in the hospital for being too skinny. Anyway I got back to a safe weight that I'd been at until about last may/june. I really liked myself like that and was confident abotu how I looked. I've never had any self-confidence in general, mostly because of my destructive/abusive relationships with many people like my dad or a couple ex-boyfriends. I need to feel good about how I look or I literally can't cope with things. It's one thing that I can hold on to and tell myself 'well, at least this is something I can feel good about'.
Anyway ever since about last april when my depression got way worse I've been steadily putting on weight, and especially as soon as I moved a few months ago. I'm honestly addicted to eating. I snack when I'm sad, bored, whatever. Quite frankly it helps me almost as much as the 'real' drugs I use, except it's cheaper and easier to get. And so now I'm humiliated by the way I look, I don't want anyone to be able to see me whenever I go out, I just feel so embarrassed. I feel ugly and disgusting and worthless. I know it's stupid to base my self-worth on my looks but it really was one of the only sources of confidence for me. Whenever someone looks at me I just want to hide because I feel like they're laughing at me inside their heads.
I've tried going on countless diets that had worked for me in the past but I'm not managing. I go 3 days and give in to the cravings and eventually just hate myself more. I've got no self-control at all these adys because I'm in such a bad state of mind in general. My diets have only ever worked in the past when I was relatively happy; so I know I should be focusing on the other issues that are keeping me from being happy right now but I know that'll be work in the very long term and I just can't look like this so much longer. I just saw myself naked in the mirror when I was going to take a shower and just spent the next half hour punching my stomach or whatever part of me I now hate.
And I know if I don't take care of this now I'll just continue putting on weight and then it'll get to the point where I've got 50kg to lose or something. But I just can't do it.

I know it sounds stupid and pathetic but I can't deal with this anymore. I feel disgusting and like no one could ever want me; considering loneliness is another thing that's been making me depressed this is just reinforcing it so much more.
If anyone has any advice on how to deal with these sorts of feelings I'd appreciate it.

At 163lbs you're not THAT heavy for your height. I wouldn't call it a problem. I think you're being irrational.

I by all means appreciate the extra 10kilos is a product of what is currently an unhappy lifestyle, and you'd be happier going through life without it. I have no doubt you can make changes. I don't think you should be so concerned.

We all put on wieght and lose it in life. Who is going to blaim you for that? your worrying seems more of a psychological problem to me.

In fact, there are probably many many people worse off than you, yet still manage to be happy about themselves and positive towards life. Sure, it's nice to be healthy and looking well... but if you're not currently at your best... does it matter to anyone... at all?

Pagey, I wish you the best in overcoming depression and embracing a healthy active lifestyle, but your posts sound to me like you have some kind of dependence on looking good, and you're quite scared not to be. And I believe that itself is a problem. Anyone who is genuine towards you, will not care at all about your body image. Only those who do not care about you could consider it an issue.

you're welcome! 10 kg is good because its not alot so thats another reason why you should lose it slowly! 2000-2200 calories is totaly fine aswel if you kee the carbs at about 100 grams and the fat at about 50 grams max. you walk and exercise daily so the only problem im seeing thats making you fail is that you try to eat 1500 a few days and then binge/go back to 2000+. when you eat less and then you eat more, the body puts the weight back alot quicker. also, if you just lose track of what it is you're eating then it can be worse. so like i said 2000-2200 isnt alot, my tip is just stay at that but less carbs.

Personally i think a lot of people over-emphasise calorie intake and percentage of carbs/protein/fat, you should be more concerned about scrapping the harmful products from your diet (Saturated fat, Sugary drinks (especially fructose) refined carbohydrates (White bread, white rice) these are what cause bodyfat increase. Lean proteins and complex carbs the body will make use of.

 

[Pagey]

An hour of walking and 1/1.5 hours in the gym is more exercise that you should be doing on a 1500 calorie diet. When you cave in and eat too much, you are getting those cravings because your body NEEDS MORE FUEL.

Try to create a long term stable diet and exercise plan, that you can maintain and enjoy, and then start worrying about weight loss through gradual calorie deficit.

FYI you are not fat and don't need to lose weight.

That's a good point actually. I've been too focused with losing the weight fast I think, but I suppose it's never going to stay off in the end if I can't stick to a long term stable plan. If I continue with that exercise plan I think I'll try to go back around 2000 calories a day.

This. Although I know from personal experience that body image issues aren't rational, it's good to convince the rational brain at least that you have a lovely, healthy physique.

There's a lot of good in this thread, so I've little else to add other than solidarity. I have never liked how my body looks, and while I've made strides in both improving my appearance and self-perception, I doubt that I ever will. For myself, I use my self-loathing as motivation to go to the gym, but while that's not uncommon, it's horribly unhealthy. Take what you will from that.

Yeah, that's kind of what I do - don't think I've ever worked out cuz I actually wanted to

LOL thats what I was thinking. You are extremely sexy pagey so dont lie to yourself.

Thanks guys, I do appreciate that but in the end I still don't feel comfortable with myself, at all, with where I am now - at the risk of sounding obnoxious I know I'm not unattractive but I'm just far from my comfort zone. Aand that sounded pretty conceited. Sorry.

I don't understand why women always think gaining a little fat is a bad thing. Most guys aren't into bone-thin chicks, and women are designed to have a higher body fat percentage than men.

Have you tried addressing why you feel this way about yourself? Is it connected to a low self esteem?

Everyone deserves to be able to see how beautiful they really are, inside and out.

Oh I don't think that; at my best I'm still not at all bone-thin, I like being 'curvy', it's just now I'm getting into, say, 'chubby'.
It's most definitely connected to low self esteem considering I don't really have any. As I mentioned, if I feel good abotu how I look it's at least something I can hold on to but otherwise it just adds to the general self-loathing.

you're welcome! 10 kg is good because its not alot so thats another reason why you should lose it slowly! 2000-2200 calories is totaly fine aswel if you kee the carbs at about 100 grams and the fat at about 50 grams max. you walk and exercise daily so the only problem im seeing thats making you fail is that you try to eat 1500 a few days and then binge/go back to 2000+. when you eat less and then you eat more, the body puts the weight back alot quicker. also, if you just lose track of what it is you're eating then it can be worse. so like i said 2000-2200 isnt alot, my tip is just stay at that but less carbs.

Yeah that sounds good, and like a more 'finishable' diet plan. Thanks

At 163lbs you're not THAT heavy for your height. I wouldn't call it a problem. I think you're being irrational.

I by all means appreciate the extra 10kilos is a product of what is currently an unhappy lifestyle, and you'd be happier going through life without it. I have no doubt you can make changes. I don't think you should be so concerned.

We all put on wieght and lose it in life. Who is going to blaim you for that? your worrying seems more of a psychological problem to me.

In fact, there are probably many many people worse off than you, yet still manage to be happy about themselves and positive towards life. Sure, it's nice to be healthy and looking well... but if you're not currently at your best... does it matter to anyone... at all?

Pagey, I wish you the best in overcoming depression and embracing a healthy active lifestyle, but your posts sound to me like you have some kind of dependence on looking good, and you're quite scared not to be. And I believe that itself is a problem. Anyone who is genuine towards you, will not care at all about your body image. Only those who do not care about you could consider it an issue.



Personally i think a lot of people over-emphasise calorie intake and percentage of carbs/protein/fat, you should be more concerned about scrapping the harmful products from your diet (Saturated fat, Sugary drinks (especially fructose) refined carbohydrates (White bread, white rice) these are what cause bodyfat increase. Lean proteins and complex carbs the body will make use of.

Yeah don't get me wrong, I know I don't have a weight problem and I know I'm not that heavy for my height and stuff, but I'm considerably heavier than I'm used to be and this just isn't how I feel comfortable with myself. Trust me I'm very well aware that this is a psychological problem and not acutally a physical one, sorry if that wasn't clear.
I know we say looks don't matter and stuff but in the end is that 100% true? I'm not at all focused on my looks as such, I don't wear make-up or spend time on my hair etc etc but yeah I do place some importance in my overall figure cuz I don't see why anyone else would care about me because I hate my personality and stuff. I know it's completely unhealthy and I know I should get out of that state of mind, but there you go.

I think the fact that I grew up in an overall skinny country very much focused on its 'skininess' probably didn't help.

Thanks again for the answers.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

It's most definitely connected to low self esteem considering I don't really have any.

Well in my experience, it can take some time to build up self esteem, but you can learn how to start taking pride in yourself. Before you know it you'll have a completely different outlook on yourself.

I hope you are having a good day, I have had a good one myself.

Feel free to ask me anything or PM me if you ever want to.

 

[Foreigner]

Pagey, it sounds like you suffer from body dysmorphic disorder like I do. And I say that because it doesn't seem like you are *that* overweight. It's hard for me to tell if I look good or not. Some days I think I look nice and other days I hate how I look. It changes like the wind. I'm skinny by nature and want to have more weight on me, and be more muscular. No matter how much I work out at the gym I can't seem to build enough muscle. I've met muscle men who have what I have to the extreme. They have become huge muscular guys, on steroids and everything, and they still have trouble seeing themselves as anything other than too slim.

For me, feedback from others is what tends to guide me. I have some good friends who often tell me how nice I look, so I just place my faith in that. It's honestly hard for me to gauge my own features. I've removed all mirrors from my home except for the one in the bathroom because I don't like having to deal with it. It has sort of shifted me away from worrying about how I look to making me turn inward and focus more on feeling good. If your body is physically healthy then that is more important than image.

Also, I find that going to the gym and eating well helps me psychologically, even if there aren't a lot of visible changes. I can go to the gym and lift some weights, come home and eat a good meal, and then when I look in the mirror that night I swear I look bigger even though I know I'm not. I bring this up because your routine can "trick" your dysmorphia into something more favourable.

My self-esteem is in good shape these days but the dysmorphia remains. I think once you start to unconditionally love yourself, the dysmorphia becomes less of an issue and you just start to assume you look nice even if you have a hard time proving it to yourself.

 

[Dre1990]

I know a girl who has this problem. It's an addiction to food and the struggle to stay away from eating too much. The last time I saw her I almost wanted to cry, she looked so depressed... I wanted to help her in some way but we're not really close. Anyway, my best wishes.

 

[kace]

Pagey, am in the same boat.. Coming off benzos = own body image issues/ eating disorder coming back. I was EDNOS (anorexic but not a low enough waeight), then bulimic for years, then got addicted to food and gained SO much was too ashamed to leave my room.
It really is another addiction, and it's worse than drugs as it's EVERYWHERE.
Really tho, you don't sound pathetic or stupid, I wish I could offer decent advice.. But one thing which helps me is avoiding mirrors and just remembering that physical attractiveness really means shit all anyway. It really doesn't.But I get what you mean in that you need to feel in control of how you look just to get by.. tis hard!!
Don't be scared to go out. I always always do that too. I feel for you! I used to be too embattassed to leave my room as I gained so much. In reality though I'm sure it's not noticeable to others- most people are too warped in their heads. Sorry I ewanted to say more but these prescript things are K.Oing me and giving me double vision heh..
Hope you are doing okay and feeling better Pagey! X

 

[gman2008]

we are all harsh judges of ourselves by nature; you have to over-compensate by knowing you look good.

you have to also consider a certain percentage of the male bluelight population would lay down their coat in the gutter for you to walk on it... You have nothing to despise.

this ^^^^^

 

[Wolfmans_BrothEr]

Personally i think a lot of people over-emphasise calorie intake and percentage of carbs/protein/fat, you should be more concerned about scrapping the harmful products from your diet (Saturated fat, Sugary drinks (especially fructose) refined carbohydrates (White bread, white rice) these are what cause bodyfat increase. Lean proteins and complex carbs the body will make use of.

THIS

theres healthy fats and unhealthy ones. your body needs a well balanced diet (composed of healthy fats, proteins, vegetables etc) actually promotes weight loss. when your bodys deprived of those things, itll hold on to whatever u put into it bc it needs SOMETHING. and when u eat a bag of chips when ur bodys deprived itll hold on to all that bad shit. have those same chips when your body's not craving the essentials and more will pass straight thru u. and remember what i said about the water

 

[Pagey]

Thank you for yet another set of answers. All of these replies have helped clear my head a bit, it's amazing how far a little support can go. I wish I could write out lengthy responses right now but I need to go out, so -

Pagey, it sounds like you suffer from body dysmorphic disorder like I do. And I say that because it doesn't seem like you are *that* overweight. It's hard for me to tell if I look good or not. Some days I think I look nice and other days I hate how I look. It changes like the wind. I'm skinny by nature and want to have more weight on me, and be more muscular. No matter how much I work out at the gym I can't seem to build enough muscle. I've met muscle men who have what I have to the extreme. They have become huge muscular guys, on steroids and everything, and they still have trouble seeing themselves as anything other than too slim.

For me, feedback from others is what tends to guide me. I have some good friends who often tell me how nice I look, so I just place my faith in that. It's honestly hard for me to gauge my own features. I've removed all mirrors from my home except for the one in the bathroom because I don't like having to deal with it. It has sort of shifted me away from worrying about how I look to making me turn inward and focus more on feeling good. If your body is physically healthy then that is more important than image.

Also, I find that going to the gym and eating well helps me psychologically, even if there aren't a lot of visible changes. I can go to the gym and lift some weights, come home and eat a good meal, and then when I look in the mirror that night I swear I look bigger even though I know I'm not. I bring this up because your routine can "trick" your dysmorphia into something more favourable.

My self-esteem is in good shape these days but the dysmorphia remains. I think once you start to unconditionally love yourself, the dysmorphia becomes less of an issue and you just start to assume you look nice even if you have a hard time proving it to yourself.

Yeah that sounds pretty much like me. Other's opinions do help but the problem is with my friends I can never tell if they're being honest or not because they might just be sparing my feelings, and I can't see myself asking a stranger for his thoughts, hah. I think you're definitely right about the gym & healthy eating helping on a psychological level though and I think that'll make a difference for me as well once I get back into it.

I know a girl who has this problem. It's an addiction to food and the struggle to stay away from eating too much. The last time I saw her I almost wanted to cry, she looked so depressed... I wanted to help her in some way but we're not really close. Anyway, my best wishes.

Sounds about right...thanks

Pagey, am in the same boat.. Coming off benzos = own body image issues/ eating disorder coming back. I was EDNOS (anorexic but not a low enough waeight), then bulimic for years, then got addicted to food and gained SO much was too ashamed to leave my room.
It really is another addiction, and it's worse than drugs as it's EVERYWHERE.
Really tho, you don't sound pathetic or stupid, I wish I could offer decent advice.. But one thing which helps me is avoiding mirrors and just remembering that physical attractiveness really means shit all anyway. It really doesn't.But I get what you mean in that you need to feel in control of how you look just to get by.. tis hard!!
Don't be scared to go out. I always always do that too. I feel for you! I used to be too embattassed to leave my room as I gained so much. In reality though I'm sure it's not noticeable to others- most people are too warped in their heads. Sorry I ewanted to say more but these prescript things are K.Oing me and giving me double vision heh..
Hope you are doing okay and feeling better Pagey! X

Thank you for the support. It does feel better to hear others are in the same boat although I'm not happy that any of you feel the same of course.

 

[TangerinO]

No need to apologize for this. Food and weight issues are serious business. The economies of the modern world are often based on how internally awful people feel about themselves--it keeps us buying! But putting all the larger forces aside, it is something that I think every woman, and a whole lot of men, can relate to. Food can be a drug and it can be abused in exactly the same ways: by needing instant gratification and temporary relief of emotional discomfort. I have food addiction issues (all the behaviors from rationalizing to dependence) and like with any addiction, I find the concept of "baby steps to change" to be the most useful. Decide to change one behavior only and then stick to that for as long as it takes to instill a new healthier habit; then tackle another. These baby steps can be either psychological ("I will not berate myself or put myself down") or practical (keeping cut up fruit and veggies in the dorm fridge to snack on when you need to eat for comfort). Eating for emotional reasons is all about habits. If you can break down the habits into individual behaviors that you can tackle one at a time it is easier than the whole overwhelming set of them. Overall though, just like with drug addiction, it is an emotional imbalance that needs your attention. Self-loathing is built into so many of us through our families and our cultures. That is the real foe that needs to be dealt with honestly and with persistence. You can't root something like that out in a week--it has developed over a lifetime and become familiar and comfortable in an insidious way. It will take time but the good thing is that it will eventually change not only your relationship with your body and food but your need for drugs and outside acceptance as well.

^ That bold bit! For sure!

I am so addicted to junk food I literally make myself sick. I justify wasting money of greasy, salty food and seek it out like an ill junky and it makes me feel pathetic. Pagey I hope you don't take offense to this but I'd almost rather be putting on the weight, so at least you have a physical reminder of what's happening. I'm really skinny, been on prescribed amphets since I was 12, got really tall around the same time, but my diet is so bad.

So even though I look like a relatively healthy, normal looking guy I know my organs are caked with all sorts of disgusting bullshit from the food I've eaten over the years.

It's a shame I feel worse about my weed smoking, because of how everyone close around me feels and reacts about it, when really deep down it's junk food that is my only true vice.

We live in a twisted backwards society. The trick is stop caring what they think, I used to literally get sick in the stomach when I went into public Pagey, the exact same thing you describe (Everyone was laughing at me, or so I thought) but seriously once you realise how screwed up we all are, and that you're just one of the rarities ready to discuss how you really feel, it becomes easier to feel better about one self.

Anyway that was half comfort for you, half getting some shit of my chest. Hope that helped a little.

 

[Raasyvibe]

I know we say looks don't matter and stuff but in the end is that 100% true?

Oh yeah certainly.

I'm extremely good looking, and it just causes so many problems in life. Everyone gets so jealous and competitive about everything, problems in the work place. and if i chat with a nice-looking girl... you get 100's of haters.

Some days, i deliberately make myself look minging so i can function in the world.

people LOVE humilty, those who don't take themselves seriously.. if your fat, nerdy everyone loves ya. If you're looking stunning, it pisses everyone off.. and the only people who give you attention are jerks who're using you

 

[pancakepirate]

Ah man, eating disorders are such hell. At one point I was taking 25+ laxatives a day while restricting to a daily caloric intake of no more than 300 calories. Over-eating has always been my biggest struggle. Regardless of where you fall on the spectrum, the underlying obsession with food/weight is so indescribably miserable. The voice in your head...ugh *shudder*

I refuse to step on a scale these days. I can still tell what weight range I'm in, even with my distorted perception. I can just tell. And I'm currently at a weight that would've caused my world to collapse a year ago, but I just...well, I don't know. I don't want to obsess about a number anymore. I just want to feel good about my appearance, not out of vanity, but because I think we can only be at our best when we have a positive self-perception.

I resisted for a long time, but I recently started using affirmations. It's funny how verbalizing something can actually align your behavior with what you're declaring out loud, even if doing so without conviction. A friend of mine started telling me about this girl she knew who has always struggled with body image, and every time she would walk past a mirror, she would say, "Wow, you look great! Are you losing weight?" It sounds super silly, but this actually led her to feel more comfortable with her body, and as a result she lost weight.

There is a cultural obsession with weight, and even if you don't have a full-fledged eating disorder, it's so toxic! And we have such a backward thought process regarding the relationship of weight and the way we view ourselves. Instead of losing weight to feel good about ourselves, we should feel good about ourselves and let our bodies naturally regulate our diet and weight. When I was at my happiest, my weight was stable not because I was trying to exert control over my diet, but because I didn't abhor myself and was thus less likely to indulge in self-destructive behavior, like over-eating or restricting/purging.

It was so easy for me to dissect and reduce the world in terms of fat and thin because it makes sense. It's something comprehensible in an otherwise incomprehensible world and existence. But reducing my world to that caused me such pain. I've noticed that I also don't constantly compare myself to other women the way I used to. If I find myself thinking something critical of another girl's appearance, I replace it with a mental compliment.

What I find most ironic about my situation is that I'm gay, and the body I've always wanted to have isn't necessarily what I find most attractive. I've dated a lot of girls, some of whom either were much bigger or much smaller than I am. Attraction isn't something controlled by our intellect, which is interesting because the same brain that is so critical of MY weight doesn't seem to apply the same draconian standards when it comes to selecting a prospective partner!

 

[Captain.Heroin]

^ that was a good post

 

[Raasyvibe]

What I find most ironic about my situation is that I'm gay, and the body I've always wanted to have isn't necessarily what I find most attractive. I've dated a lot of girls, some of whom either were much bigger or much smaller than I am. Attraction isn't something controlled by our intellect, which is interesting because the same brain that is so critical of MY weight doesn't seem to apply the same draconian standards when it comes to selecting a prospective partner!

I think intellect surpasses attraction. As you get older and understand people better, you will outgrow immature attractions and develop more complicated ones. At least this has been my personal experience.

 

[lazydullard]

As you get older, you start feeling better about yourself, even if you really are ugly. You prolly ain't ugly.

Stay away from hot or not, make some nice friends on facebook and post pictures of yourself and you'll almost always get nice comments that you can believe if your body image mental illness isn't too powerful.

 

[pancakepirate]

I think intellect surpasses attraction. As you get older and understand people better, you will outgrow immature attractions and develop more complicated ones. At least this has been my personal experience.

Absolutely, I was trying to convey a similar idea. While I think that what we collectively deem as attractive is largely conditioned and almost certainly affects our individual tastes, I don't think that we consciously control the psychological forces that govern with whom with are infatuated. I think this is universally true among age groups. I'm talking more about infatuation and attraction, but I do think that those are necessary precursors for true love (not my preferred term to use here, but I'm linguistically constrained) although they do not guarantee a successful relationship. Of course preferences will shift and vary at any given point in someone's life, both on conscious and unconscious level. Certainly life experience and self-knowledge, which undeniably correlate with the process of maturation, will make it easier for us to differentiate between love and infatuation. But I think most people will encounter having a seemingly inexplicable and completely arbitrary attraction to someone that even they can't logically explain. Same can be said for human sexuality, which I'll avoid discussing at length right now because I don't want to get too off-topic.

I can look at woman and say that she's beautiful and not be attracted to her. I might look at a girl and not feel a strong physical attraction initially, but then find her irresistible when I get to know her. I have had times when I've become infatuated almost instantaneously, and I've had times where they developed much more slowly by comparison. Regardless, conscious reasoning played maybe a tertiary role if any at all when it came to attraction.

Passion is a very powerful emotion, and it is not easily subdued. I think it's important to temper passion with rationality. I just don't think passion is birthed in the same cognitive realm as our intellect.

-Gonna kind of ramble from here on out, but this is a topic that I find so fascinating and could talk about ad nauseum.-

I naturally have an aversion to plans and routines, and the same has been true in my love life. Whenever I was asked what my "type" was, I'd try construct some nebulous outline of physical preferences, but then I'd find myself having an intense attraction to someone who might be superficially antithetical to whatever I had just described. I'd say I like brunettes, then I'd meet a blonde. Say I like dark skin, develop an attraction to someone who was fair or pale. The only thing I could almost guarantee, though I also was not privy to thinking in absolutes, was that I would be attracted to a woman. Still holds true today, but once again, not gonna delve into that. But yeah, I was still trying to find aesthetically based trends instead of looking at the similarities among personalities. So far, I've noticed several attributes that link ALL of my attractions in the past 7 years: (1) A very maternal aura or nature (2) sweet and very warm disposition (3) extroverted or having a strong social presence as perceived by outsiders.

Those are just the biggest and easiest for me to define. Of course I value intelligence, humor, etc., but those are kind of cop-out answers if I can't define them by my idiosyncratic interpretation of such qualities. It's like saying, "Well, I want her to be pretty", and then we're just dealing with another abstraction. There is a cultural consensus that we can agree upon, but that's so reductive of such a complex subject. IMO


Anyway, I think it's interesting that my intellect is only now being able to identify common traits that I believe to be true on an intuitive level

 

[Pagey]

Thanks for the latest replies, sorry I'm answering so late. I'm really grateful to anyone who took the time to reply to this thread, it honestly has helped tremendously to hear or other people's experiences and for it to be confirmed to me that I'm not the only one to have these kinds of feelings.
I got back to my dorm yesterday and have been to the gym both yesterday and today - I've got a pretty good gym routine I think, I burn ~300 calories per session and these past two days I've eaten about 1800 calories a day. I know two days isn't much and I probably haven't lost anything at all yet, but it still feels good to know I'm doing something

 

[Lysis]

Pagey I love eating and honestly the one thing that works for me is having no food in the house. Lol. I laugh but it's true. I don't buy any snack foods except fruit and buy what I'm going to eat that day (although I usually eat out when by myself).

Also tonssss of water. Lots of water and if I am hungry a piece of bread and I'm full. Also I always try to remember my vitamins and flaxseed oil.

My sis is always weighing herself and I think it's dumb. I go by how my clothes fit. This way my goal is to fit comfortably in my outfits and not a scale.