• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

How do you meet people to date when you are sober?

PriestTheyCalledHim

PriestTheyCalledHim

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 7, 2005
Messages
14,714
I am eventually going to be looking for women and men to date. I am sober and do not go to bars. When I was abusing alcohol I would meet men and women in bars and we would then go on dates.

What is the best way to meet men and women to date?

I do not like to use the internet to meet women and men to date since I have not found it to be that useful, and I do not like it since I do better with one on one verbal communication in person with someone than trying to communicate with someone through a computer.

I do not go to AA meetings and people who go to AA/NA are there to get help, stay sober, etc. and not to date. I am not religious so a church would not work. Also I do not date people who I work with. I did this once with a guy I dated at a job we both had, and it is something I will never do again.

Also by dating I mean just that becoming friends with someone and dating them. I do not like to rush into relationships or a LTR very fast.

I have had women and men try to do this with me and some even do the red flag of using the L-word (love) when we do not even know each other. I tell them that they are rushing into things too fast, and if I want to be cold or blunt I will straight up tell them "You don't know me well enough to love me."

Only a few of my friends know I am now sober. I do not go around telling everyone I am an alcoholic, and most of my friends and acquaintances do drink so I have not been hanging out with them as much as I used to when I drank.

If this is the wrong forum for this topic please move it to the dark side but I wrote it here since it has to do with dating/relationships.

Redrum-Yes I am sort of cynical but I have went on dates with women and men I met online and a lot of them were flakes, liars, sketchy, some just wanted casual sex or a hook up but couldn't just say that, and a few got obsessive/stalkerish after just one or a few dates. :\

Redleader-Yes I am into fitness. I go to the gym 5-6 days a week.
 
Last edited:
Well you took out a good few options there. Honestly the only real way is to hang out with friends while they're socializing without drinking and meet new folks. Just because you don't want to necessarily hit on people during a meeting, doesn't mean you can't make friends and widen your contacts there. Other than that take up a hobby or exercising/working out so you can be involved in a community with one of those.

I can understand not wanting to date a co-worker or find someone online, but you sound a little cynical, not trying to be a dick. Everyone's had bad relationships but you should just try to live your life happily and if you happen upon someone who can make you happier, just go where your feelings take you.

No one can really tell you definitely where you'll find someone you'll want to date, just try to stay as positive and open minded as possible. People don't realize how much harder it is to find a significant other once you have to avoid alcohol....
 
Are you into fitness at all? I have met a few people, and could have pursued a romantic route with a girl if I had wanted to, at my gym during periods of being clean/sober. I think it's better to join one of those "health clubs" that has as many different types of rooms/equipment as possible. Group classes are also a great way to get to know people, and a lot of health clubs offer these for beginners. It's also easy to make platonic friends at a gym and then expand your social circles by hanging out with these people outside of the gym, meeting their friends, meeting new people together, and so on.
 
this isn't dark side material as its about relationships in the absence of alcohol.

something i'm getting interested in lately as my drinking has become very negative and i want a fresh life free from drunken antics. try joining a class or socialising with people during the day. i know what you mean about internet people and it being all about hookups
 
I think the gym could definitely be a great way to meet someone. Any sort of physical or recreational activity would be my best bet - so gym or some type of sports class, art classes, music, etc...some sort of activity where you'll be meeting with the same people regularly. Plus that way you'll already have an interest in common :)
 
I've never understood the suggestion that the gym is a good place to meet people. I suppose if by "the gym" you mean "beginner's spinning classes" it might make sense but there isn't exactly a lot of socializing in the weight room of most gyms (in my experience anyway). Sure, there will always be that pack of 16-to-18-year-old guys who spend more time talking to each other than lifting weights but other than that most people seem to be there to work out, not make new friends.

I'd say team sports are more likely to make you new friends, if you can find one you like.
 
mludd said:
I've never understood the suggestion that the gym is a good place to meet people. I suppose if by "the gym" you mean "beginner's spinning classes" it might make sense but there isn't exactly a lot of socializing in the weight room of most gyms (in my experience anyway). Sure, there will always be that pack of 16-to-18-year-old guys who spend more time talking to each other than lifting weights but other than that most people seem to be there to work out, not make new friends.

I'd say team sports are more likely to make you new friends, if you can find one you like.
Click to expand...

Well just yesterday I met a guy at the gym. He came up to me to say he was impressed with the weights I lifted, we talked for a couple minutes, went back to our respective work outs and then spoke a bit more when we were both done, exchanged numbers and we're gonna hang out again. Meeting people at the gym doesn't mean spending two hours speaking to them there instead of working out, it means exactly 'meeting' - you speak to them a bit and if you get along you can suggest seeing each other in a different context. I don't even think it necessarily entails a romantic or sexual interest or whatever.
Of course there isn't a lot of socializing going on in gyms in general but IME it's very easy to make it happen.
 
Pagey said:
Well just yesterday I met a guy at the gym. He came up to me to say he was impressed with the weights I lifted, we talked for a couple minutes, went back to our respective work outs and then spoke a bit more when we were both done, exchanged numbers and we're gonna hang out again. Meeting people at the gym doesn't mean spending two hours speaking to them there instead of working out, it means exactly 'meeting' - you speak to them a bit and if you get along you can suggest seeing each other in a different context. I don't even think it necessarily entails a romantic or sexual interest or whatever.
Of course there isn't a lot of socializing going on in gyms in general but IME it's very easy to make it happen.
Click to expand...

I was mostly talking about this advice that gets trotted out all the time, that the gym is a great place to meet new friends. Sure, every now and then you might bump into someone interesting but IME this is rare, most people who are there want to focus on their workout (of course, there's a bit of selection bias here as I don't hang out in any of the cardio areas, just the weight room).
 
Are you into exercise? My boot camp is mostly women but the occasional guy who shows up gets a lot of attention. Lol

I'm probably not a lot of help since I always meet people at work or at school. It's really all I got since I work all day. The obvious problem at work is working with that person if it falls apart
 
Cafes, parks, libraries, bus stops, buses, trains - these places among others I just meet people, build up a relationship built on friendship, then pursue something more if I see a blatant opportunity if I am interested in them like "that".
 
Since you go to the gym - that is an option.

Friends of friends. You probably hang out with people outside of work, right? Meet their friends.
Join a different type of club or activity that somewhat interests you.
 
I hear yoga classes are a lot like gyms. People come and go and stay in their own zones.

True there is more chance to meet someone at a yoga class than staying at home.
 
Cohesion said:
I hear yoga classes are a lot like gyms. People come and go and stay in their own zones.

True there is more chance to meet someone at a yoga class than staying at home.
Click to expand...

my limited experiance.

the class isn't social.

pre and post class is.

rather than gyms where there is no start/end... yoga begins and ends, so people congrate in changerooms, lobbies, water before and after. people talk, and arrange dinner and stuff.
 
^ yup pretty much - both are good, they jsut take a bit more time as one is so focussed.

I have found both to be good places to meet people - yoga class is not so good to start with if you're tryin to find someone to fuck/date, as most people are there to get closer to enlightenment, or at the very least a calmer state of mind, and toned body..but go to a particular class for long enough, and of course these barriers are going to go down.
 
Go ti other places where single people go with friends:

Something exciting, like rock climbing or hiking groups, bicycling groups or runners.
The gym
The local park, just stray from the people with children
The mall, though this might be less successful.
Honestly, it's about trying new things. If you try new things, people will be there to guide you through it. Ask that person out on a date.

Don't try the movies or a fancy venue to find someone to date. Those are places people go on dates. Lol.

Try a sporting event. Hockey (next year, ugh), soccer, football, basketball, etc. Talk to the people around you.

What kinds of things do you like to do? Wanna go out in a date? Bam. That's it.

Note: I haven't exactly put this into practice, but the people I have dated have been friends of friends usually and we've met while out doing something on the town or a common interest idea.
 
school works well for me. if your gym has a running track sometimes you chat up someone who's stretching or warming up for a run. Idk why but since I got clean I've been loving strippers...
 
I find the best way to meet people when sober is to go to AA meetings and then bone the newcomer chick.............j/k I heard that at a mens stag meeting and have always wanted to say it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top