To all the mid 20's...

[chrisalt]

Are you worried as fuck? About kids, houses, careers etc. Everything is 100 times harder then its used to be.
Its seems most of us our destined (if we are lucky) to 1700 dollars are month jobs or even less. Just surviving. If you lucky with someone who loves you or people that do.

Getting old sucks. Thoughts?

Chrisalt

 

[RhythmSpring]

Something tells me that because it's so much harder, and because our generation is a different creature, that there will be many of us opting out of the traditional life event sequence that our grandparents grew up with. Alternative, new careers, alternative living situations, no kids, etc.

 

[chrisalt]

Something tells me that because it's so much harder, and because our generation is a different creature, that there will be many of us opting out of the traditional life event sequence that our grandparents grew up with. Alternative, new careers, alternative living situations, no kids, etc.

I hear you man. Im living so close to my job i can walk or take a short bus ride, and im not having kids period.
I can't take care of myself. Never mind kids that depend on me, and that would not be right. This is the reason i wont have any. It's sad id like to provide for a family. It would give my meaningless life atleast some meaning. People would depend on me.

Oh well, drugs, booze ,hookers, loose on/off gfs and basment apartments for me. Yay!

 

[PriestTheyCalledHim]

Yeah I am and I'm in my very late 20s. I have friends who are in their 40s or even older who aren't any better off.

 

[malakaix]

I guess it will force me to take a much more simplified perspective towards life in terms of what I want to achieve and accomplish..

I think I could manage if Im with someone I love and loves me; but man.. on my own, it may just be too depressing with how difficult it is.. but then, it may be the uneasy transition period into an entirely different foundation of living and lifestyle.

 

[herbavore]

I'm just going to chime in as someone who is not only so far over that hill (mid 20's) but the next one (mid 40's) and halfway up the following one (turning 59 in a month!).

I decided in my twenties to make the life I wanted. I roamed around until I found a spot on the earth that felt good to me. It, like most of the beautiful places in the world, is expensive--ridiculously so. But I accepted the consequences of my choice which meant living paycheck to paycheck on a waitress salary and tips. I never had a car, I never had insurance and I lived in a cottage in an elderly woman's back yard that was literally rotting into the ground. I loved it! I never felt scared about the future because I really subscribe to the power of trust. I trusted that everything would be OK as long as I kept following my heart. I got all sorts of advice from relatives, not to mention the larger culture's endless barrage of media hype telling me that my life would be greatly improved if I had a career. (I come from a family where my mom and sister both have doctor attached to their names). My response was to get rid of television and read alternative news sources and be thankful that my family lived in other states. I learned to make art, make meaningful relationships with people of all ages and to live on very little and actually enjoy that.

What i am trying to say here is that rather than worry about careers and children and mortgages, your twenties are much better spent IMO getting to know yourself, developing your ability to both take responsibility for and nurture your own freedom of choice. Find your tribe of people. When the majority of people around you are living like you, with similar values about what really matters, it makes it much easier to reject all the nonsense in very air we breathe that says there is only one way to do things. If you live in a place where you constantly feel like someone that is swimming against the currents, go exploring. It's a big old world and there are beautiful pockets of resistance everywhere!

The irony of my earlier choices is that I did end up with a career of sorts. I did end up with children and a husband and a house with a mortgage. It would take a novel to describe how all this happened but a few details are needed: I had my first baby at 33 and my second at 38. The reason I own a house is that an old man I waited on and talked to every day, who had no relatives, actually left me money when he died and it was just enough for a down payment. I have a "career" as an artist and an art teacher simply because I have refused to give either of my passions up for all these years whether they paid well or not.

Having kids is expensive--no doubt about it. But raising kids outside of the normal consumer culture is entirely possible. One of the things I feel most proud of in raising my sons is that neither of them saw material wealth as even desirable and their greatest joy is in the natural world and their relationships with others. My surviving son is in his mid twenties. He wonders about this stuff but he doesn't really worry about it. His dad and I have continually urged him to follow his passions and to trust that he has everything he needs to create whatever kind of life he wants. I believe that the world underneath the consumer frenzy driven world is the real world. That is where I want him to find his place. There are so many ways to do this but you have to first see the limits that the larger culture prescribes for what they really are: an illusion.

Working to support yourself is inevitable. Finding work you care about may mean that it is low paying but not necessarily. Even the most menial job can be done with both integrity and gratitude when you focus on why you are doing it (independence, goals to travel, etc).

I think that part of why things seem harder is that expectations have been raised unrealistically. Everyone is expected to own far more than they need. In native cultures people that wanted and consumed more than they needed were considered mentally ill and attempts were made to help that person heal from such delusional and self-destructive thinking. Now we elevate the materially "successful" to be role models for the young. No wonder everyone is so stressed. You are not crazy, the culture is!

Shifting your focus from the future to the present is a powerful tool. In the present you can engage in creating the life you want as those wants define themselves. Like all creative endeavors it is not static--it is fluid-- and you may be surprised continually at how your creation morphs and changes. At the end of my life I want to look back and say that it was an exhilarating adventure, not something to be stressed over and simply endured.

Lastly, I have to bring my younger son into this. He was a very sensitive soul. I know that though he struggled mightily not to let the larger forces of culture influence his view of himself, he was very vulnerable to the destruction of his self-esteem nonetheless. Many of you have read my intro to Bluelight and how I came here because I was so grateful to know that before he lost his life he had this community that saw him as so much more than a high school drop out, a person with mental illness, an addict and a felon in the american injustice system. While all those things are true on one level, his truth was so much bigger, so much grander. Bluelight offered him a place to be himself with all his flaws and all his miraculous beauty. I hoped that he would find that in the world outside of Bluelight but he lost his life to despair instead. That is why I am so passionate about creating the life you want--for all the young people on here and elsewhere. It is as possible for you as it has always been for those who seek it. The only difference as far as I can see, and it is an insidious one, is that there is a far thicker fog of media hype around your generation than was ever there for me to wade through. Fight through it. The life you want is definitely out there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLBE5QAYXp8

 

[Captain.Heroin]

My grandparents grew up during the great depression, so I respectfully disagree. Things are better now than they were 90 to 100 years ago.

 

[nastypoker]

Who knows what the future will hold for us all. Stability does not seem guaranteed by any means but it never really has for any generation.

 

[tripnotyzm]

Take it as it comes. If you spend your days worrying about the future (I think) it will only bring more stress and anxiety.
Things will fall in to place if you truly want them to.

 

[J.Wallace]

I'm just going to chime in as someone who is not only so far over that hill (mid 20's) but the next one (mid 40's) and halfway up the following one (turning 59 in a month!).

I decided in my twenties to make the life I wanted. I roamed around until I found a spot on the earth that felt good to me. It, like most of the beautiful places in the world, is expensive--ridiculously so. But I accepted the consequences of my choice which meant living paycheck to paycheck on a waitress salary and tips. I never had a car, I never had insurance and I lived in a cottage in an elderly woman's back yard that was literally rotting into the ground. I loved it! I never felt scared about the future because I really subscribe to the power of trust. I trusted that everything would be OK as long as I kept following my heart. I got all sorts of advice from relatives, not to mention the larger culture's endless barrage of media hype telling me that my life would be greatly improved if I had a career. (I come from a family where my mom and sister both have doctor attached to their names). My response was to get rid of television and read alternative news sources and be thankful that my family lived in other states. I learned to make art, make meaningful relationships with people of all ages and to live on very little and actually enjoy that.

What i am trying to say here is that rather than worry about careers and children and mortgages, your twenties are much better spent IMO getting to know yourself, developing your ability to both take responsibility for and nurture your own freedom of choice. Find your tribe of people. When the majority of people around you are living like you, with similar values about what really matters, it makes it much easier to reject all the nonsense in very air we breathe that says there is only one way to do things. If you live in a place where you constantly feel like someone that is swimming against the currents, go exploring. It's a big old world and there are beautiful pockets of resistance everywhere!

The irony of my earlier choices is that I did end up with a career of sorts. I did end up with children and a husband and a house with a mortgage. It would take a novel to describe how all this happened but a few details are needed: I had my first baby at 33 and my second at 38. The reason I own a house is that an old man I waited on and talked to every day, who had no relatives, actually left me money when he died and it was just enough for a down payment. I have a "career" as an artist and an art teacher simply because I have refused to give either of my passions up for all these years whether they paid well or not.

Having kids is expensive--no doubt about it. But raising kids outside of the normal consumer culture is entirely possible. One of the things I feel most proud of in raising my sons is that neither of them saw material wealth as even desirable and their greatest joy is in the natural world and their relationships with others. My surviving son is in his mid twenties. He wonders about this stuff but he doesn't really worry about it. His dad and I have continually urged him to follow his passions and to trust that he has everything he needs to create whatever kind of life he wants. I believe that the world underneath the consumer frenzy driven world is the real world. That is where I want him to find his place. There are so many ways to do this but you have to first see the limits that the larger culture prescribes for what they really are: an illusion.

Working to support yourself is inevitable. Finding work you care about may mean that it is low paying but not necessarily. Even the most menial job can be done with both integrity and gratitude when you focus on why you are doing it (independence, goals to travel, etc).

I think that part of why things seem harder is that expectations have been raised unrealistically. Everyone is expected to own far more than they need. In native cultures people that wanted and consumed more than they needed were considered mentally ill and attempts were made to help that person heal from such delusional and self-destructive thinking. Now we elevate the materially "successful" to be role models for the young. No wonder everyone is so stressed. You are not crazy, the culture is!

Shifting your focus from the future to the present is a powerful tool. In the present you can engage in creating the life you want as those wants define themselves. Like all creative endeavors it is not static--it is fluid-- and you may be surprised continually at how your creation morphs and changes. At the end of my life I want to look back and say that it was an exhilarating adventure, not something to be stressed over and simply endured.

Lastly, I have to bring my younger son into this. He was a very sensitive soul. I know that though he struggled mightily not to let the larger forces of culture influence his view of himself, he was very vulnerable to the destruction of his self-esteem nonetheless. Many off you have read my intro to Bluelight and how I came here because I was so grateful to know that before he lost his life he had this community that saw him as so much more than a high school drop out, a person with mental illness, an addict and a felon in the american injustice system. While all those things are true on one level, his truth was so much bigger, so much grander. Bluelight offered him a place to be himself with all his flaws and all his miraculous beauty. I hoped that he would find that in the world outside of Bluelight but he lost his life to despair instead. That is why I am so passionate about creating the life you want--for all the young people on here and elsewhere. It is as possible for you as it has always been for those who seek it. The only difference as far as I can see, and it is an insidious one, is that there is a far thicker fog of media hype around your generation than was ever there for me to wade through. Fight through it. The life you want is definitely out there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLBE5QAYXp8

Excellent post as always, Herbavore. Hope all is well

 

[Carl Landrover]

Are you worried as fuck? About kids, houses, careers etc. Everything is 100 times harder then its used to be.
Its seems most of us our destined (if we are lucky) to 1700 dollars are month jobs or even less. Just surviving. If you lucky with someone who loves you or people that do.

Getting old sucks. Thoughts?

Chrisalt

Yes. I am constantly worried. I'm worse off financially than I ever have been before and I'm 26. I'm still struggling with an expensive heroin addiction, so that adds to a lot of the stress, but even without that I'm still worried about surviving financially. I'm not sure what I want to do for a career and I have no idea on how to move forward.

One thing though, I do not think everything is 100 times harder than it used to be. Yes, the economy isn't in the greatest shape and getting a good job isn't easy, but times have always been difficult. I do not believe that we are much worse off than our parents or grandparents, and in many aspects we're in much better shape.

A lot of these worries about the future and about things that will come up in the future aren't worth getting overly stressed about right now. You deal with things as they come along. If you're in a position where you can roughly plan out your next few months, maybe even your next few years, then you have a start at least. If not then don't get overly concerned, many people are in similar positions. There's no point in getting worked up over something that is out of your hands and isn't going to happen for years to come.

 

[chrisalt]

Yeah I am and I'm in my very late 20s. I have friends who are in their 40s or even older who aren't any better off.

What a fucking bummer

 

[chrisalt]

I'm just going to chime in as someone who is not only so far over that hill (mid 20's) but the next one (mid 40's) and halfway up the following one (turning 59 in a month!).

I decided in my twenties to make the life I wanted. I roamed around until I found a spot on the earth that felt good to me. It, like most of the beautiful places in the world, is expensive--ridiculously so. But I accepted the consequences of my choice which meant living paycheck to paycheck on a waitress salary and tips. I never had a car, I never had insurance and I lived in a cottage in an elderly woman's back yard that was literally rotting into the ground. I loved it! I never felt scared about the future because I really subscribe to the power of trust. I trusted that everything would be OK as long as I kept following my heart. I got all sorts of advice from relatives, not to mention the larger culture's endless barrage of media hype telling me that my life would be greatly improved if I had a career. (I come from a family where my mom and sister both have doctor attached to their names). My response was to get rid of television and read alternative news sources and be thankful that my family lived in other states. I learned to make art, make meaningful relationships with people of all ages and to live on very little and actually enjoy that.

What i am trying to say here is that rather than worry about careers and children and mortgages, your twenties are much better spent IMO getting to know yourself, developing your ability to both take responsibility for and nurture your own freedom of choice. Find your tribe of people. When the majority of people around you are living like you, with similar values about what really matters, it makes it much easier to reject all the nonsense in very air we breathe that says there is only one way to do things. If you live in a place where you constantly feel like someone that is swimming against the currents, go exploring. It's a big old world and there are beautiful pockets of resistance everywhere!

The irony of my earlier choices is that I did end up with a career of sorts. I did end up with children and a husband and a house with a mortgage. It would take a novel to describe how all this happened but a few details are needed: I had my first baby at 33 and my second at 38. The reason I own a house is that an old man I waited on and talked to every day, who had no relatives, actually left me money when he died and it was just enough for a down payment. I have a "career" as an artist and an art teacher simply because I have refused to give either of my passions up for all these years whether they paid well or not.

Having kids is expensive--no doubt about it. But raising kids outside of the normal consumer culture is entirely possible. One of the things I feel most proud of in raising my sons is that neither of them saw material wealth as even desirable and their greatest joy is in the natural world and their relationships with others. My surviving son is in his mid twenties. He wonders about this stuff but he doesn't really worry about it. His dad and I have continually urged him to follow his passions and to trust that he has everything he needs to create whatever kind of life he wants. I believe that the world underneath the consumer frenzy driven world is the real world. That is where I want him to find his place. There are so many ways to do this but you have to first see the limits that the larger culture prescribes for what they really are: an illusion.

Working to support yourself is inevitable. Finding work you care about may mean that it is low paying but not necessarily. Even the most menial job can be done with both integrity and gratitude when you focus on why you are doing it (independence, goals to travel, etc).

I think that part of why things seem harder is that expectations have been raised unrealistically. Everyone is expected to own far more than they need. In native cultures people that wanted and consumed more than they needed were considered mentally ill and attempts were made to help that person heal from such delusional and self-destructive thinking. Now we elevate the materially "successful" to be role models for the young. No wonder everyone is so stressed. You are not crazy, the culture is!

Shifting your focus from the future to the present is a powerful tool. In the present you can engage in creating the life you want as those wants define themselves. Like all creative endeavors it is not static--it is fluid-- and you may be surprised continually at how your creation morphs and changes. At the end of my life I want to look back and say that it was an exhilarating adventure, not something to be stressed over and simply endured.

Lastly, I have to bring my younger son into this. He was a very sensitive soul. I know that though he struggled mightily not to let the larger forces of culture influence his view of himself, he was very vulnerable to the destruction of his self-esteem nonetheless. Many of you have read my intro to Bluelight and how I came here because I was so grateful to know that before he lost his life he had this community that saw him as so much more than a high school drop out, a person with mental illness, an addict and a felon in the american injustice system. While all those things are true on one level, his truth was so much bigger, so much grander. Bluelight offered him a place to be himself with all his flaws and all his miraculous beauty. I hoped that he would find that in the world outside of Bluelight but he lost his life to despair instead. That is why I am so passionate about creating the life you want--for all the young people on here and elsewhere. It is as possible for you as it has always been for those who seek it. The only difference as far as I can see, and it is an insidious one, is that there is a far thicker fog of media hype around your generation than was ever there for me to wade through. Fight through it. The life you want is definitely out there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLBE5QAYXp8

Your a wise women herb. Thanks, i needed to read this at this moment.

chrisalt

 

[endlessnameless]

I'm just going to chime in as someone who is not only so far over that hill (mid 20's) but the next one (mid 40's) and halfway up the following one (turning 59 in a month!).

I decided in my twenties to make the life I wanted. I roamed around until I found a spot on the earth that felt good to me. It, like most of the beautiful places in the world, is expensive--ridiculously so. But I accepted the consequences of my choice which meant living paycheck to paycheck on a waitress salary and tips. I never had a car, I never had insurance and I lived in a cottage in an elderly woman's back yard that was literally rotting into the ground. I loved it! I never felt scared about the future because I really subscribe to the power of trust. I trusted that everything would be OK as long as I kept following my heart. I got all sorts of advice from relatives, not to mention the larger culture's endless barrage of media hype telling me that my life would be greatly improved if I had a career. (I come from a family where my mom and sister both have doctor attached to their names). My response was to get rid of television and read alternative news sources and be thankful that my family lived in other states. I learned to make art, make meaningful relationships with people of all ages and to live on very little and actually enjoy that.

What i am trying to say here is that rather than worry about careers and children and mortgages, your twenties are much better spent IMO getting to know yourself, developing your ability to both take responsibility for and nurture your own freedom of choice. Find your tribe of people. When the majority of people around you are living like you, with similar values about what really matters, it makes it much easier to reject all the nonsense in very air we breathe that says there is only one way to do things. If you live in a place where you constantly feel like someone that is swimming against the currents, go exploring. It's a big old world and there are beautiful pockets of resistance everywhere!

The irony of my earlier choices is that I did end up with a career of sorts. I did end up with children and a husband and a house with a mortgage. It would take a novel to describe how all this happened but a few details are needed: I had my first baby at 33 and my second at 38. The reason I own a house is that an old man I waited on and talked to every day, who had no relatives, actually left me money when he died and it was just enough for a down payment. I have a "career" as an artist and an art teacher simply because I have refused to give either of my passions up for all these years whether they paid well or not.

Having kids is expensive--no doubt about it. But raising kids outside of the normal consumer culture is entirely possible. One of the things I feel most proud of in raising my sons is that neither of them saw material wealth as even desirable and their greatest joy is in the natural world and their relationships with others. My surviving son is in his mid twenties. He wonders about this stuff but he doesn't really worry about it. His dad and I have continually urged him to follow his passions and to trust that he has everything he needs to create whatever kind of life he wants. I believe that the world underneath the consumer frenzy driven world is the real world. That is where I want him to find his place. There are so many ways to do this but you have to first see the limits that the larger culture prescribes for what they really are: an illusion.

Working to support yourself is inevitable. Finding work you care about may mean that it is low paying but not necessarily. Even the most menial job can be done with both integrity and gratitude when you focus on why you are doing it (independence, goals to travel, etc).

I think that part of why things seem harder is that expectations have been raised unrealistically. Everyone is expected to own far more than they need. In native cultures people that wanted and consumed more than they needed were considered mentally ill and attempts were made to help that person heal from such delusional and self-destructive thinking. Now we elevate the materially "successful" to be role models for the young. No wonder everyone is so stressed. You are not crazy, the culture is!

Shifting your focus from the future to the present is a powerful tool. In the present you can engage in creating the life you want as those wants define themselves. Like all creative endeavors it is not static--it is fluid-- and you may be surprised continually at how your creation morphs and changes. At the end of my life I want to look back and say that it was an exhilarating adventure, not something to be stressed over and simply endured.

Lastly, I have to bring my younger son into this. He was a very sensitive soul. I know that though he struggled mightily not to let the larger forces of culture influence his view of himself, he was very vulnerable to the destruction of his self-esteem nonetheless. Many of you have read my intro to Bluelight and how I came here because I was so grateful to know that before he lost his life he had this community that saw him as so much more than a high school drop out, a person with mental illness, an addict and a felon in the american injustice system. While all those things are true on one level, his truth was so much bigger, so much grander. Bluelight offered him a place to be himself with all his flaws and all his miraculous beauty. I hoped that he would find that in the world outside of Bluelight but he lost his life to despair instead. That is why I am so passionate about creating the life you want--for all the young people on here and elsewhere. It is as possible for you as it has always been for those who seek it. The only difference as far as I can see, and it is an insidious one, is that there is a far thicker fog of media hype around your generation than was ever there for me to wade through. Fight through it. The life you want is definitely out there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLBE5QAYXp8

A very interesting post herb, thank you very much for sharing. Indeed a very interesting and timely thread so thank you for creating it chrisalt. I'd love to chime in and likely will when the motivation to do anything at all returns. Such is the irony of browsing the darkside - ideal reading for when I'm in that 'darkside mood', but when in said mood I can barely bring myself to write. Subscribed regardless.

I love reading about other peoples lives when its written in retrospect. It was not knowing what to do with my life that lead me to begin writing and to ultimately create journals documenting my journey to find my ever so elusive place in the world, so I figure if I don't find contentment and/or eventually leave this world without having made some kind of beneficial impact then at least I'll leave behind an autobiography of my path and perhaps someone of like mind or circumstances will find it of use.

 

[Foreigner]

I have all of the concerns of the OP. I'm a working professional now but I am hugely in debt because of the cost of my education. It seems like the cost of everything has risen sharply and the economy is way different from my parents' day. Kids? Forget it. I'm still figuring out how to support myself and balance the books. A house? I'm not paying half a million dollars for a piece of shit in this city. A car? Maybe someday, if I'm lucky (and if I care).

I do see how people taking the traditional route are still rewarded, but my generation has grown up in the midst of the information age and it's plain to see that the traditional route is devoid of meaning for many. I could stop what I'm doing and maybe get one of the few remaining meaningless corporate jobs out there, but I would be a slave and hate my life in the process. Yet, the system makes it increasingly hard for non-traditional people to function. The field of medicine I practice is not conventional in this continent but I believe it's really worth it, so I push on. My partner is an artist and in the year 2012 artists are starving way more now than they used to, especially with all the public funding for the arts being gutted by neo-con globalists.

Things are going to change though. They have to. Generation X is going to die out and as the newer one takes the helm it will implement policies closer to what the newer generation wants and needs. It's just that older generation that is clinging to power that is making the transition harder than it needs to be. They're sucking up all the monetary wealth by thinking of only themselves, shipping jobs overseas, and maximizing their obscene profits. Something's gonna give.

 

[ugly]

Herbbbyyyy
That was MOST awesome.

I have adult children two in their 20s and two in their 30s. They are having one hell of a time, to be sure. At least they have all been able to work. I have not been able to find a job for two years. No more unemployment checks either, those are ancient history.

If it wasn't for my kids I wouldn't have food or a roof over my head. We are struggling, and we may lose our home. That is not what I want. It is not what I expected. I thought when we bought our home that we had made it. You know, like... we MADE it! We bought a 5 bedroom 3 bathroom in a planned community with a park, a pool, a jacuzzi, a playground, all private for this housing development. We have nice views from all the upstairs rooms because our house is at the top of the development plus we are on a corner and our house faces south so we only have one house next to ours but we never see them and they never see us. My husband and I both worked full time and made good money. We used to eat dinner at a restaurant once a week. I could go do a little shopping whenever I felt like it. Get a pedicure. Life was pretty great.

My husband became disabled. We didn't see that coming. Shortly thereafter I was laid off. We didn't see that coming either. We surely didn't WANT either of those but there's no return policy on life's bullshit.

My parents were able to buy a home for $22,000 in '65. They paid it off early. When they decided to retire and move to Nor Cali in '95 approximately I don't remember for sure, they sold that house for $220,000. They were able to get a new custom home in Nor Cali with money left over.

Houses don't go up like that anymore. I don't care if we live in our house for a thousand years, it's not going to go from $175,000, our original price, to $1,750,000. My sister bought a 3 bedroom 3 bathroom home five years ago that is nice, but it's 50 years old and needed some work, and she paid $500,000. Half a mil. She's totally upside down and I doubt she's going to be able to keep it. She got laid off. She's managed to find another job but she makes half what she used to, and doesn't have company car anymore and a company gas card. Her husband's hours have been cut, too.

I'm 53 and having financial disaster. She is 44 and having financial disaster. My kids don't even THINK about buying a house. What used to be the way to get ahead in life, by owning property, isn't the way anymore. Investing money in stocks during the 60s when my parents did was another great way to get ahead in life. My sister and I can't invest money because there isn't enough. My children can't invest money because there isn't enough.

It's not just 20somethings that are financially fucked.

It's every damn one of us.

Oh yeah, I'm disgusted with the whole mess. I'm angry. I want stability and security! I want a job! I want to go to a restaurant! I want a pedicure!

But I don't have a job anymore.

I don't have money anymore.

We stopped doing anything that costs money because we flippin HAD to. My husband, at 65, says he NEVER would guessed in a million years that our lives would change like this. We both believed that hard working people reaped rewards and benefits from their work.

We were definitely hard working people. We haven't got any rewards or benefits though. We got bankruptcy instead.

Go figure.

Charles Manson once said "No sense makes sense."
That crazy bastard was right about that.

 

[Mariposa]

Herbie, I also needed to read that!

At 32 (tail end of Gen X), my career has been a series of free associations. 5 years ago I was making a lot - a lot - of money. Now I'm pretty much throwing what I make back into what is turning out to be a thriving business in which I have a lot more freedom. Not being of the artistic bent myself (how I wish), I've found ways to slash my overhead and live very independently. Yet what have I sacrificed? I don't have time or energy at the end of the day even to party anymore. I don't have a lot of money; I've just reached the point where I can live on a budget. More money wouldn't even necessarily make me happier.

I'd like someone special to come home to at the end of the day to share a life with. Even if my past relationships have not worked out (no one can do it alone, good or bad and that is all I will say about that) it would be nice to go on a sweet date with a sweet guy. I have my best friend, who is wonderful, but we really can't be together nor do we necessarily want the same things. I'm scared shitless of internet dating, I just can't get into it. My relationship with alcohol is not healthy and I don't go to bars anymore (at all) so I won't be meeting anyone there. Work is out - I hang out with a couple of professional contacts who may know someone, but so far it's been a matter of I have zero fucking luck. I want someone to snuggle with, to come home to, to cook with, travel with. And after my last attempt at a relationship (sexist jerk, dog thief, complete with me needing to file a restraining order so I don't wind up on the news)...I just don't know why I will ever even bother again.



Oh well, at least I have my career.

 

[Vaya]

Another winner, J. That underscores my gratitude for knowing you in real life, as well as via fiber optic cable data transfer
Much love You've got so much to teach. In many ways, your post helps to alleviate some of the misgivings and persistent doubts about my own present and future.

I'm 26 years old, facing crises on just about every facet of the human spectra. Being without health insurance doesn't bode well for additional reassurance. In this sense, my lack of structure, direction and even definition have left me feeling quite feeble, even at my strongest. But there is, I have discovered, a silver lining to it all - one that has been keeping me afloat for several years now. And it seems remarkably simplistic, even moreso as I prepare to type it out.

In a recent thread here I referred to the mistakes I have made in my life as launch pads for fortifying resiliency within myself. Anyone who knows me is aware of how remarkably resilient I can be, and often am. To me, it is a well-known fact that fear is one of the most powerful motivators in our lives. Fear has prompted me to make the most momentous changes to my life that I can recall. And as a male in his mid-twenties who can both empathize and sympathize with the plights described by others above, I am fearful!!

By this point in my life, though, I realize that said fear can either immobilize me or motivate me like nothing else on this Earth. And I choose to opt for the latter.

Look, my "career," as it were, is shit; destined for a brick wall, and at devastating speeds. I get that. But, although this may be the case, fear of simply remaining where I am leads me to seek something better - and, to my delight, several once-impossibilities may soon come into fruition.
Yesterday I was betrayed by the one I love(d), in one of the most calculated acts of interpersonal malice I've ever fallen victim to. But I've come to know myself and - more importantly - love myself such that I know I will rise above it and, when the time is right, discover another who is more deserving of the cornucopia of love and affection that I know I have to offer!

I'm ranting - I am aware But all of this fear-inspired hope and self-affirmation I speak of truly breeds resiliency. Resiliency has become, IME, an indispensable factor in living these mid-twenties of which we all speak.

The hardships, the unsteady gat, the slips and falls in all directions we collectively combat can represent the privileged opportunity we have all been afforded to realize what amazing creatures we truly are, and for this reason I simply love this topic! I can't wait to read others' forthcoming responses...

...yikes, it's 3:30 AM and it is my hope that some of that was coherent. Unfortunately at this time Vaya cannot grant refunds on his labyrinthine pathology - but I do offer store credit

~ Vaya

 

[chrisalt]

Herbbbyyyy
That was MOST awesome.

I have adult children two in their 20s and two in their 30s. They are having one hell of a time, to be sure. At least they have all been able to work. I have not been able to find a job for two years. No more unemployment checks either, those are ancient history.

If it wasn't for my kids I wouldn't have food or a roof over my head. We are struggling, and we may lose our home. That is not what I want. It is not what I expected. I thought when we bought our home that we had made it. You know, like... we MADE it! We bought a 5 bedroom 3 bathroom in a planned community with a park, a pool, a jacuzzi, a playground, all private for this housing development. We have nice views from all the upstairs rooms because our house is at the top of the development plus we are on a corner and our house faces south so we only have one house next to ours but we never see them and they never see us. My husband and I both worked full time and made good money. We used to eat dinner at a restaurant once a week. I could go do a little shopping whenever I felt like it. Get a pedicure. Life was pretty great.

My husband became disabled. We didn't see that coming. Shortly thereafter I was laid off. We didn't see that coming either. We surely didn't WANT either of those but there's no return policy on life's bullshit.

My parents were able to buy a home for $22,000 in '65. They paid it off early. When they decided to retire and move to Nor Cali in '95 approximately I don't remember for sure, they sold that house for $220,000. They were able to get a new custom home in Nor Cali with money left over.

Houses don't go up like that anymore. I don't care if we live in our house for a thousand years, it's not going to go from $175,000, our original price, to $1,750,000. My sister bought a 3 bedroom 3 bathroom home five years ago that is nice, but it's 50 years old and needed some work, and she paid $500,000. Half a mil. She's totally upside down and I doubt she's going to be able to keep it. She got laid off. She's managed to find another job but she makes half what she used to, and doesn't have company car anymore and a company gas card. Her husband's hours have been cut, too.

I'm 53 and having financial disaster. She is 44 and having financial disaster. My kids don't even THINK about buying a house. What used to be the way to get ahead in life, by owning property, isn't the way anymore. Investing money in stocks during the 60s when my parents did was another great way to get ahead in life. My sister and I can't invest money because there isn't enough. My children can't invest money because there isn't enough.

It's not just 20somethings that are financially fucked.

It's every damn one of us.

Oh yeah, I'm disgusted with the whole mess. I'm angry. I want stability and security! I want a job! I want to go to a restaurant! I want a pedicure!

But I don't have a job anymore.

I don't have money anymore.

We stopped doing anything that costs money because we flippin HAD to. My husband, at 65, says he NEVER would guessed in a million years that our lives would change like this. We both believed that hard working people reaped rewards and benefits from their work.

We were definitely hard working people. We haven't got any rewards or benefits though. We got bankruptcy instead.

Go figure.

Charles Manson once said "No sense makes sense."
That crazy bastard was right about that.

Ugly this is why im so like why the fuck should i even try and just do crazy shit, live hard and if i die at 40 so be it.

 

[herbavore]

^because living your life as if the worst will inevitably happen is no way to live your life; because then it is not so much a choice to live hard and die young as it is a fatalistic resignation. There is no doubt that everything is changing and I see it getting worse before anything changes for the better. The old paradigm of getting an expensive education, working hard and retiring at a decent age is no longer the safe path. The old norms used to work out for many, now they don't. I see this as an opportunity to change everything for the better. We are a dying culture. Yay! That means rebirth--and in this case rebirth is welcome.

There is a quiet revolution brewing. Occupy has come up with some fantastic strategies--debt forgiveness being the best. Basically they are buying the debt from the banks and then forgiving it for those in foreclosure. This is getting virtually no press coverage but here is some information.http://finance.fortune.cnn.com/2012/11/16/occupy-wall-street-rolling-jubilee/

I am hoping that we can expand this to help people like foreigner who did everything "right" and is being punished for it (paying for loans for higher education that employment cannot begin to pay back).

Despair at what is can be a catalyst or a numbing, paralyzing drug. When all the disenfranchised can come together and see their commonality it is very empowering (like this thread! Thanks, chrisalt!). Changing institutions and bureaucracies and the people's assumptions rarely happens quickly but I would much rather put my shoulder to that wheel and work hard than just to put another useless object in my life.