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Alcoholism discussion thread v. 5.0

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herbavore said:
Sepher, my man, CONGRATULATIONS! Why aren't there little exploding fireworks emoticons on here? Anyway, if you look west, you'll see them going off for you. Yay! When I was knitting your hat, I was thinking about what a great metaphor knitting is for just stringing together little moments, that become hours that become days that become months and on and on--voilá! A hat from a ball of yarn. Or a life from a million little choices. All the little pieces, joined together make the whole. There is no other way there. So simple but so true.:)[/QUOTE

LOVE IT. WELL SAID!
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Lawless666 said:
Hello fellow alcoholics/binge drinkers

Jumping right into the middle of this thread here, may be considered a little rude.....sorry.

I'll just introduce myself as a former alcoholic (I thought I was) - I had to give up drinking for 3 years to get a grip on myself, now I drink in moderation, rarely. I believe my brain re-wired itself and that SOME people can return to normal drinking after a period of abstinence.
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I feel the same way. Sometime I've gotten into a huge mess drinking and sometime I can't be bothered with tge smell, or feeling full, or getting sleepy.. I guess it depends on my mood. The older I get the less I want to "party drink" or just drink.
 
Harlans said:
it's been a long time since i posted here. after numerous and constant struggles i got into a dual diagnosis out-patient program. i've only slipped up once in the past 2 weeks. although, i'm the type of alcoholic that needs total abstinence. i was sober for 5 years and when i started trying to drink socially or whatever it was a rapid descent into the dark alcoholic pit. within that first week i was drinking every single day. three years later i'm trying to get a grip on myself again. i've moved across the country to a conservative and religious state (ugh!) and the aa here doesn't really jive with me which is very unfortunate. the aa here is way way too religiously oriented for me. oh, well, whatevs
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Hey Harlans, good to see you about the place. Yeah, it's been a while. How you feeling? Know my first few weeks were rough, very mixed, kinda PAWS territory. Hope the positives are outweighing any negatives for you so far, and congrats on the two weeks, slip or no. That's a big improvement I think isn't it IIRC?

I can see how in a conservative state AA members might seize on the higher power spiritual awakening thing in a much more God botheringly literal sense than you might get elsewhere. I struggle with it enough as it is without having to pretend the higher power thing's anything but metaphorical as it is, AA's not for me either. They probably won't have much call for a Smart Recovery type alternative thing if that's the case then either I guess, huh?

I dunno how things work where you are but here everything's coordinated through specialist addiction units you have to get referred to by your GP or self-refer to here. They'll make use of AA as an option that might work for some but they also tend to run their own group therapy sessions for addicts that are completely unallied to outside agencies like AA that operate within a properly psychologically / therapeutically informed context completely free of all the mystic mumbo-jumbo and pseudo-science. There nothing like that available at least?

Your comment on the five year thing is a little worrying. Only a little though, and maybe worrying's the wrong word. I used to cling to the idea that after a few months I'd have relearned some control. Then when that didn't happen it was maybe after six months, then a year. Now I have the odd thought that maybe I'll be ok after a couple of years of sobriety. Deep down I know I won't and I'm resigned to that now, the idea I'll never be able to drink again doesn't bother me all that much, except forever seems a long time, but you kinda confirmed my own thoughts there. Kinda still a little hard to take though really, that I got myself here where this is the reality I'm gonna have to live the rest of my life, however long that is, 30-40 years or so yet if I'm lucky. I'm ok with it though, it's just how it is. I don't miss heroin anymore, would toss a bag if I found one, see no reason why I can't get to the same place with booze.

Lawless said:
Hello fellow alcoholics/binge drinkers

Jumping right into the middle of this thread here, may be considered a little rude.....sorry.
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Hey Lawless, good to know you. Not rude at all! ;) Far more rude of me not to reply to you sooner with a hey, so hey again, welcome to the thread. :)
 
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Hope all is well with everyone. Wish I had time to make some full responses and catch up. Haven't stopped in for a while, as things have been a little hectic. I'm sober now (only as of a few days ago), and doing my best to keep it that way.

Sepher - Very happy you're doing well. Brings a smile and some hope to the rest of us. Three months is excellent, and is a huge accomplishment. You're great and deserve to be proud of yourself.

harlans - The religious aspect of AA is one major element that turned me off from it. Have you tried different meetings in the area? Where I live, they vary greatly and some are pretty laid back; the young people meeting around here, in particular, focuses on fellowship and people a lot more than stringent religious principles. And in other meetings, it's quite the opposite. Have you tried a different program, like Rational Recovery?
 
Hey man, good to hear from you! Glad to see you able to check in with us, albeit briefly, and so pleased for you on the sober thing, other things going on notwithstanding. How you feeling? No DTs or anything too worrisome to cope with?

Cheers for your congrats, still good here. Onwards and upwards. Speak soon fella. :)
 
harlans - The religious aspect of AA is one major element that turned me off from it. Have you tried different meetings in the area? Where I live, they vary greatly and some are pretty laid back; the young people meeting around here, in particular, focuses on fellowship and people a lot more than stringent religious principles. And in other meetings, it's quite the opposite. Have you tried a different program, like Rational Recovery?

well, i'm currently in an out-patient program through a behavioral health and addictions clinic. the facilitator still cites prayers and such - always segueing into those things by saying "now, [harlans] might not appreciate this, but..." i haven't really looked into anything else, though. there are NO young people's meetings anywhere near where i live - i wish there was. no, i live in a rural area of florida. florida! ugh! at 35 i'm usually the youngest person in any meeting by at least a decade. makes it a little more difficult to connect, and it seems everyone here is super religious :\ it's fine for them, but doesn't work for me

glad to see you here, blahman. i remember you having a number of struggles in the past and it's great to hear you've put some time together. keep it up! =D
 
Thought I'd take this chance to stop by here. Sepher, the withdrawals were pretty bad the first day, but nothing like they used to be. No DTs or seizures. Just cold sweats, shakiness, anxiety, mood swings, etc. It didn't take long to subside. Fortunately I'd begun limiting my alcohol intake shortly before I finally quit for good, so the transition wasn't nearly as rough as it has been before.

harlans, I know how it is to be the youngest at a meeting. I'm 24, and aside from the young people's meeting, most of the meetings around here are made up of older folks. They certainly have their wisdom and experience to share, which is priceless when you're in need of it, but there isn't much common ground there, and at a meeting I would prefer to be on a more even keel, I guess. I'm here trying to finally gain momentum and get my life started, and alcohol has impeded my efforts for years. And I definitely can't get into the religious stuff. There's a block there, I guess. So I can understand. Maybe you can find a different kind of recovery program to keep you going?

Still sober, about a week. There's really no choice in the matter. I don't have the opportunity to drink, nor do I have the cash right now. It's Saturday and this might only be the second time this week I've had the chance to actually sit at a computer. I use my cell phone to get online but can't seem to post on this forum with it, although I can read your posts.

I'm working on a lot of things, and I'm at that stage of sobriety where the cravings have settled a bit, the acute withdrawals are behind me, and the thought of drinking repulses me. This is familiar, though, and tends to fluctuate. I know I need to stand my guard against unhealthy impulses and focus on continuing to move forward. For the first time, I'm in a life situation where I have no room for drinking. It's either I continue to press on, or I drop everything I'm working for so I can drink. So I'm doing my best to be strong.
 
Wow, am i late for this one! Seems most everyone is doin well in here. Sorry to jump in at the end! I did read a good 5 or 6 pages of this before deciding to chime in with my situation, but here i am! So i've decided to quit, or at least cut way back in my drinking. I made a post a couple days ago, and in case you didn't see it, i've been drinking from 5 to 20 drinks a day for about two years on the dot. I think you guys assumed it was closer to 20 a day, but in reality, i'd say my average would be about eight drinks or so on a working day. Be that malt liquor, beer, or straight up spirits. Before the two years, i was in a halfway house for three months, where i'd occasionally drink right when i left for work, and blow clean on the way back in. Before that, six months jail for my 3rd DUI where i hit a 16 yr-old in a car (i know, but it really was her fault, EXCEPT that i was technically drunk, so it was my fault...grr), and was taken right away. Before THAT, i was drinking every day for a bout three years.

So, back to about where i am now. I drank a beer, and a 24 oz of olde english last night, and am planning on tonight only drinking a 24 oz of Mickey's. I picked a helluva day to quit, seeing as i had yesterday and today off from work, but so far, i am doing well all things considered. Normally, i would have started drinking at 9 am, and probably be napping right now :D , how i love to nap! Bout to go play some guitar, take just a little bit of morphine to help me out with the "non-fucked up boredom", and then grab some lunch. No plans for after that, so hopefully ill be able to stay busy with something...

Anyways, my plan is to not drink tomorrow night, after work, and have that be my first 24 hour sober period in two years! I'll check back in with you guys to let you know how it went tomorrow and/or the next day here. Congrats to everyone who's workin to make it better and apparently doin it well! See you guys in a bit!
 
I make that 80 something ( 84? ) days Jungle? Congrats man, good going! :) Milestone coming up for you too soon, eh? ;) Realised I have another small milestone coming up myself this week, 100 days. Not a long way from 3 months, will let it slip me by mostly but hey, I'm taking the little victories any which way they come wherever I can get 'em at the minute, and this one'll do nicely!
 
I'm surprised I've never posted in here, given alcohol has had as much deleterious effects on my life as anything else. I was sober for a week and last night I squandered that by getting drunk. I don't even like the feeling anymore, I'm diabetic, and I get horrific hangovers. Yet, I think due to the accessibility I wander back to the stuff always....
 
gman2008 said:
43 days sober temptation kicking in.....so bored 8(
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Sorry not replied up to now Gman. You still hanging in there? 43 days is some achievement. The rewards of alcohol will be very short-lived, if there are any at all once you're a bit pissed. I get pissed then pissed off these days, plays havoc with my mood at the time and for days afterwards, hardly worth it. Not worth the cost when you wake up in the morning kicking yourself for giving in to a crave. Keep at it fella, it gets much, much easier with each day goes by IME I promise you.

motherofearth said:
I think due to the accessibility I wander back to the stuff always....
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^This^. When you've had a bad day it's the easiest, most readily available head change to reach for, why it's so destructive and difficult to quit, yes. I have to plan to bring in the more benevolent substances available I'm using instead and I can't do them every day, they're a little treat a coupla times a month. They've helped me get through weekends and been very therapeutic at times but through the week it's often hard not being able to reach for an instant mood change in chemical form. Alcohol is always there, a learned coping behaviour with social approval and ready availability. Hard to learn new coping mechanisms not reliant on it when the stuff's in your face everywhere you look, but doable though, as I am learning myself. :)
 
Sepher said:
Sorry not replied up to now Gman. You still hanging in there? 43 days is some achievement. The rewards of alcohol will be very short-lived, if there are any at all once you're a bit pissed. I get pissed then pissed off these days, plays havoc with my mood at the time and for days afterwards, hardly worth it. Not worth the cost when you wake up in the morning kicking yourself for giving in to a crave. Keep at it fella, it gets much, much easier with each day goes by IME I promise you.

Its OK i fought the temptation am so glad i did thanks for the kind words will try and not let myself down :)
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gman2008 said:
Thanks i did now 48 days substance free :)
The kind words on this site really help. its unbelievable how others can can motivate sober ism just by words :)
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Works for me. Examples of what works, what doesn't work, general encouragement, leading by example, success and failure, and support in abundance when it's the latter. Invaluable for me, wouldn't be where I am at the moment without it I don't think. Not even sure I was getting there at all despite what life was handing me. Why I feel it's so important for me to give some back. I know its value! :)

Great going on the 48 days btw. :)
 
Sepher said:
Works for me. Examples of what works, what doesn't work, general encouragement, leading by example, success and failure, and support in abundance when it's the latter. Invaluable for me, wouldn't be where I am at the moment without it I don't think. Not even sure I was getting there at all despite what life was handing me. Why I feel it's so important for me to give some back. I know its value! :)

Great going on the 48 days btw. :)
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I aint really good with words but some of the encouragement people give on this site its like wow!!!

thanks again =D
 
Keep up the good work, everybody. I like this thread too.

Still not fully abstinent, though I have not gone beyond 2 glasses of wine on weekends and 1 cocktail at lunch (off work today). Since I quit drinking heavily, my stomach lining seems to want to reinvent itself. The 1 cocktail made me feel like my insides were tearing out. I have had no real behavioral issues; doctor says my stomach and intestinal linings are readjusting to nutritious food and water. I'm told it's normal.

I'm also told it is normal to feel bored. I doubt I could be bored with so much to do - school and work. Neither is compatible with active alcohol addiction. I try to tire myself out through physical and mental activity. I'm learning so much, retaining so much more now that I'm approaching abstinence. I now feel that when the time is right, I could get in touch with my desire to be a parent. I am absolutely against any drinking or drugs for a pregnant woman. I might be able to meet the right, equal, supportive partner.

I guess that's tearing me up as well. I've recently started seeing a guy, a little older, married young, has teen children, also an alcoholic. We've not been intimate, but we've gotten to know each other very well. He's in a similar field to mine, where everyone drinks after work. I'm glad to report that we went to lunch today and drank... iced tea, not of the Long Island variety. We had a great time at lunch without booze, and we both acknowledged that two alcoholics CAN walk into a place where alcohol is freely available and not drink. :)

I know my relationships have been adversely affected by alcohol. I notice the difference in the reaction that others have to me lately now that I drink so much less. It's more favorable. I'm still fiery me, but somehow I am softer and easier to understand when I am not drinking. I can calmly discuss situations that would have had me upset, baffled, or both before, in a much more gentle and effective way. I feel I am getting my heart back after drowning it for way too long.

Most of all - however any of what I'm doing to better myself right now works out - I no longer feel condemned to be a drunk the rest of my life. It's too early to call, there's not enough information yet. Creating new memories in a state of sobriety might be what I need in order to rebuild. I don't feel angry or lost. I feel focused and aware. My decisions made in near-sobriety have gained me an awesome sublet, lifelong friends, and most of all, I'm getting back my self-respect. I'm answering the tough questions. It's exhausting. It's exhilarating.

I like it. :)
 
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