About two years ago I took the acid and now I'm a wreck. It was only my second time but that day I was with none of my close friends and one of my friends who really begged to come with me I took, but since the other guys didn't really seem to like him he went to hang out with another person who lived close by. I guess this situation made me feel real upset cus I brought him with me.
So later in the night we dropped, I took one tab of some potent LSD known as shiva. As I mentioned it was just my second time, and as I started tripping everything seemed fine except for the floor that started slanting downwards which was pretty cool, and the odd trippy feeling. After a while of coming to realization that I was trippin I tried to stay calm and hoped a smooth trip. I really failed there. It was horrible, I felt as if i was just a guy looking at me tripping but not going with the flow of the trip like how it was when i did it earlier.
So I was trippin but all my thoughts were just wildly bad, I thought that my friends were really horrible people and that everything that was going on around me was pointless. It's the worst feeling I've gotten almost close to when I got caught with a bunch of pot to some cops. But this was way worse.
Finally I left the party and drove back home wich was the most shitty 3 hour drive back. I was totally fucked and this was after my trip was over, I felt really self concious and scared as shit. Slept for 2 days but woke up with the same crappy feeling. Then after a few days some of my other friends came over with some MDMA and I decided to try this too. But again these trips didn't mean anything to mean for what I was feeling with the bad trip. Months went by where I continued to smoke pot cus i jus love the herb, but the highs were more depressing than anything. I was really messed up and couldn't even do my work right in college and on top of that I got caught smokin pot in my room and then was suspended and came back home. It was the worst times of my life along with having to go through some lsd break down.
Anyways now it's been almost 2 years and I only stopped smoking herb 6 months ago. But I still feel really messed up. Before The trip I was the most outgoing, outsocializing other persons person ever, my friends wouldn't wanna go party without me. And not even that I was just such a kind hearted fellow and I felt for everyone, loved life and more than anything loved myself a lot. You could imagine my confidence was through the roof, and girls were up on my ass. And this trip has drained all that out of me, i can't socialize anymore cus I feel scared of what others think, I think too much and this disrupts my studies a lot, I feel really stupid talking to people cus i seem to ask stupid questions. And everyone seems really wicked to me like sort of evil. Before this I felt love for every soul even hitler if he was alive. I tried playing a game of cards which was newly introduced, everyone understood the concept of it except for me, I was totally lost like I didn't understand anything. It was real embarrassing. I used to understand anything before this it was all so natural to me. Like a god given gift I had.
It's been like this for 2 years. But remember I only stopped smokin pot 6 months back thinking things would go back to normal, not much has changed. What is this that is happened to me? Has anyone experienced it? Will I be this way forever cus I think about ending it a lot of the time, I mean its pointless living like a stupid turtle hiding away for the slightest thing? I've read so much about bad trips that going online itself is a bad trip for me now, I never had any issues such as bipolar or psyhosis or anything. Except I was super cool. If that's a problem. So why should I feel messed up like this? I just want my old self back and now that I've learnt so much what not to do having myself back would be amazing to me and I wouldn't even smoke anything, but I don't know. Some forums people have written saying that they had this for 10 or more years and such, but I only did acid twice. I hate to believe these people cus losing 10 years of your wonder years is like just not worth living life. I totally regret everything beginning from even smoking pot, and this is how I live now everyday thinking about this problem. It just surfaces cus everything seems odd to me and not like how my perception was on things before the trip. Most days I feel sad. The good thing is I have hope to get out of this. I haven't talked to a friend properly or felt that emotional bond with a person during all this time which is the saddest part. Just been lonely most of the time, and my girlfriend has had to put up with this mess too for long. But she's so good and tries to comfort me, and I love her a lot, but I don't even have my full potential to give her which sucks and I get real I secure and all those bad feelings too. I really wish I didn't do that acid. Now having a conversation with me is like talking to a parrot. It's pointless and boring and dull. Earlier my conversations could go on for hours and days with such intelligence and I made lots of tight bonds with people. Now I'm a sitting duck, with a quack and a lousy one too. Please explain to me what's wrong if anyone can. Isn't acid supposed to broaden your mind and stuff? Please help me out with this I really need to know something that will unscrew me.
So later in the night we dropped, I took one tab of some potent LSD known as shiva. As I mentioned it was just my second time, and as I started tripping everything seemed fine except for the floor that started slanting downwards which was pretty cool, and the odd trippy feeling. After a while of coming to realization that I was trippin I tried to stay calm and hoped a smooth trip. I really failed there. It was horrible, I felt as if i was just a guy looking at me tripping but not going with the flow of the trip like how it was when i did it earlier.
So I was trippin but all my thoughts were just wildly bad, I thought that my friends were really horrible people and that everything that was going on around me was pointless. It's the worst feeling I've gotten almost close to when I got caught with a bunch of pot to some cops. But this was way worse.
Finally I left the party and drove back home wich was the most shitty 3 hour drive back. I was totally fucked and this was after my trip was over, I felt really self concious and scared as shit. Slept for 2 days but woke up with the same crappy feeling. Then after a few days some of my other friends came over with some MDMA and I decided to try this too. But again these trips didn't mean anything to mean for what I was feeling with the bad trip. Months went by where I continued to smoke pot cus i jus love the herb, but the highs were more depressing than anything. I was really messed up and couldn't even do my work right in college and on top of that I got caught smokin pot in my room and then was suspended and came back home. It was the worst times of my life along with having to go through some lsd break down.
Anyways now it's been almost 2 years and I only stopped smoking herb 6 months ago. But I still feel really messed up. Before The trip I was the most outgoing, outsocializing other persons person ever, my friends wouldn't wanna go party without me. And not even that I was just such a kind hearted fellow and I felt for everyone, loved life and more than anything loved myself a lot. You could imagine my confidence was through the roof, and girls were up on my ass. And this trip has drained all that out of me, i can't socialize anymore cus I feel scared of what others think, I think too much and this disrupts my studies a lot, I feel really stupid talking to people cus i seem to ask stupid questions. And everyone seems really wicked to me like sort of evil. Before this I felt love for every soul even hitler if he was alive. I tried playing a game of cards which was newly introduced, everyone understood the concept of it except for me, I was totally lost like I didn't understand anything. It was real embarrassing. I used to understand anything before this it was all so natural to me. Like a god given gift I had.
It's been like this for 2 years. But remember I only stopped smokin pot 6 months back thinking things would go back to normal, not much has changed. What is this that is happened to me? Has anyone experienced it? Will I be this way forever cus I think about ending it a lot of the time, I mean its pointless living like a stupid turtle hiding away for the slightest thing? I've read so much about bad trips that going online itself is a bad trip for me now, I never had any issues such as bipolar or psyhosis or anything. Except I was super cool. If that's a problem. So why should I feel messed up like this? I just want my old self back and now that I've learnt so much what not to do having myself back would be amazing to me and I wouldn't even smoke anything, but I don't know. Some forums people have written saying that they had this for 10 or more years and such, but I only did acid twice. I hate to believe these people cus losing 10 years of your wonder years is like just not worth living life. I totally regret everything beginning from even smoking pot, and this is how I live now everyday thinking about this problem. It just surfaces cus everything seems odd to me and not like how my perception was on things before the trip. Most days I feel sad. The good thing is I have hope to get out of this. I haven't talked to a friend properly or felt that emotional bond with a person during all this time which is the saddest part. Just been lonely most of the time, and my girlfriend has had to put up with this mess too for long. But she's so good and tries to comfort me, and I love her a lot, but I don't even have my full potential to give her which sucks and I get real I secure and all those bad feelings too. I really wish I didn't do that acid. Now having a conversation with me is like talking to a parrot. It's pointless and boring and dull. Earlier my conversations could go on for hours and days with such intelligence and I made lots of tight bonds with people. Now I'm a sitting duck, with a quack and a lousy one too. Please explain to me what's wrong if anyone can. Isn't acid supposed to broaden your mind and stuff? Please help me out with this I really need to know something that will unscrew me.
