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Opioids Time to get serious about quitting opioids

PlesantlyOpiated42 said:
just wait until they start losing that effect on you and then you need them just to feel normal. I guarantee you wont feel the way you do now you will be everything that you didnt want to be and will be stuck in the miserable cycle of addiction..
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It's reaching that point already... I've tapered back and it's time to deal with the real issues.
It's either; Get Real, or move up to The big H.
There is good news, I used to drink and since swithcing to opioids have not touched alchohol, nor will I.
My coping skills are better than before. Still room for improvement I'm sure.
Don't wish to bore anyone with the soap opera of my life story. I'll stop here
 
Congrats on taking steps towards ending your dependence. It's a truly powerful thing when you take control of your life. I wish you luck in your journey towards a dependence-free lifestyle!
 
diver said:
This is all such good news - Still I can't find a shop locally that even knows what Kratom is.
This is HUMBOLDT COUNTY CALIFORNIA! Fer CRYIN OUT LOUD!
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You don't want one, even if in humboldt. All the shops I've seen in cali have kratom but it really is like throwing your money compared to choosing the right vendor online.

However
DoomMood made a really good point! I used kratom to 'get off' oxys before. I realized quickly however I was still using as much as ever. Having kratom be a bridge between pickup like people use bupe. I haven';t touched my kratom stash since I came to this realization making kratom one day sweating in w/d. So have a plan if you are planning to use it to taper.
 
RegisteredStoneeer said:
You don't want one, even if in humboldt. All the shops I've seen in cali have kratom but it really is like throwing your money compared to choosing the right vendor online.

However
DoomMood made a really good point! I used kratom to 'get off' oxys before. I realized quickly however I was still using as much as ever. Having kratom be a bridge between pickup like people use bupe. I haven';t touched my kratom stash since I came to this realization making kratom one day sweating in w/d. So have a plan if you are planning to use it to taper.
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Good info - Thanks
 
I can relate to this, OP. Opiates are the only thing that really "get me off," and when I'm on them I feel like I've achieved complete "self affirmation," if that makes any sense (psych majors?). Similarly, it's the realization that both the monetary cost of a habit and the physical toll of WD that makes one realize the unfortunate reality that this lifestyle is unsustainable. If I could reconcile those two factors, I'd probably willingly be railing Oxycodone the rest of my life.

I'm 36 hours into my latest kick, and I'm willing to make my strongest effort yet to stay off the shit. Then again, I'm prescribed opiates for a serious injury, so it's an additional struggle for me.

I have a full out fucking arsenal this time to stave off the worst of the WD beast; bringing copious amounts of benzos, Kratom, Lope, and Tramadol into the fold. I just honestly can't handle the mental aspect of WD. The physical stuff, yeah, alright I've had the flu before. It sucks, but whatever. The mental side? Torment. Utter, nightmarish torment. I feel like my psyche has been replaced by a parasitic nightmare of negativity. This is my first kick with benzos, and it really, really helps man. Fucking giving myself a lobotomy to get those (understatement) negative thoughts out of my head, and it's working quite well.

One day I'll feel normal just living life. Like I did for many years. Or not, and I'll be a trainwreck the rest of my life. I guess only time will tell.
 
diver said:
It's reaching that point already... I've tapered back and it's time to deal with the real issues.
It's either; Get Real, or move up to The big H.
There is good news, I used to drink and since swithcing to opioids have not touched alchohol, nor will I.
My coping skills are better than before. Still room for improvement I'm sure.
Don't wish to bore anyone with the soap opera of my life story. I'll stop here
Click to expand...

Good man im glad to hear that, I wish nothing but the best for you. I have a similar situation to you but I recently moved to H after my oxy use was over 300mg a day. Its definitely a bad idea dont do it, I wish I never made the switch its hard to go back once youve got a taste of potent H. I fucked up and Ived recently and that was a really bad idea I liked it way too much, that made me clean my act up and get on suboxone and Ive been clean for 2weeks now (4days on subs). Keep up the good work though wanting to quit is the first and hardest step IMO.
 
SaosinEngaged said:
I can relate to this, OP. Opiates are the only thing that really "get me off," and when I'm on them I feel like I've achieved complete "self affirmation," if that makes any sense (psych majors?). Similarly, it's the realization that both the monetary cost of a habit and the physical toll of WD that makes one realize the unfortunate reality that this lifestyle is unsustainable. If I could reconcile those two factors, I'd probably willingly be railing Oxycodone the rest of my life.

I'm 36 hours into my latest kick, and I'm willing to make my strongest effort yet to stay off the shit. Then again, I'm prescribed opiates for a serious injury, so it's an additional struggle for me.

I have a full out fucking arsenal this time to stave off the worst of the WD beast; bringing copious amounts of benzos, Kratom, Lope, and Tramadol into the fold. I just honestly can't handle the mental aspect of WD. The physical stuff, yeah, alright I've had the flu before. It sucks, but whatever. The mental side? Torment. Utter, nightmarish torment. I feel like my psyche has been replaced by a parasitic nightmare of negativity. This is my first kick with benzos, and it really, really helps man. Fucking giving myself a lobotomy to get those (understatement) negative thoughts out of my head, and it's working quite well.

One day I'll feel normal just living life. Like I did for many years. Or not, and I'll be a trainwreck the rest of my life. I guess only time will tell.
Click to expand...

Whew!
Yeah... W/Ds... Yeah I had the help of benzos... Sorta ended up putting myself in a coma for a few days, til those no longer had an effect.
When I'm going through W/Ds I don't even have the willpower to brush my teeth. I tell myself my mind shouldn't work that way, I should be able to control my attitude better than that. I dread that I'll be seen that way. It seems impossible.

Best of luck - I hope for both of us that W/Ds isn't a life sentence.

My roommate went from about 12/day (120mg) to zero, then she started again when she had surgery. I was pretty surprised that she accomplished that and it's too bad she's back on em. Took her abt 3wk to taper off.
 
agreed the mental aspects are 10x worse. Its like an unchangeable loneliness,dysphoria and depression.

I dont think its as much as a "give and take" as with stimulant comedowns and withdraw but it definitely sucks.
 
Well, I ordered some Kratom on Mon, and it showed up Wed AM.
I can definitely say that the stuff works at keeping the worst part of opiate W/Ds under control.
I can function. Kratom isn't an opiate, but ummm... Well, we'll see how I sleep on it.
Is sort of reminds me of an antidepressant I tried a while ago.
I'm REALLY appreciating it though, cause I'm not suffering :)

Oh BTW My connect showed up and I bought only 5 OCs and they've been untouched all day.
 
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diver said:
I don't panic or over react to things when I have opioids in my system. I just handle the rough spots a lot more smoothly.
Wish I could be sober and stay as cool as when I'm high.
I'm a lot less cynical when I'm high
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I'm sure if everyone could "be high" without "being high" we all wouldn't have a problem.
But the world doesn't work like that man, it just doesn't.
you have to change that thought.
 
beengerman said:
I'm sure if everyone could "be high" without "being high" we all wouldn't have a problem.
But the world doesn't work like that man, it just doesn't.
you have to change that thought.
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I can't argue that I need to change my thinking. How many of us wouldn't be posting here if that were as easy to do as it is to say?
For myself, the what came first chicken/egg analogy has never applied.
When I feel okay or stable, I have a good attitude.
But I've never succeeded at making myself feel stable by faking a good attitude.
Perhaps there are lessons to be learned about genuinely having a good attitude.
Chemicals to make up for whatever my brain chemistry is lacking have been a crutch.
I know I'm weak... but honestly, I'm doing a lot better than I was.
I started out mainlining Heroin as a teen. But I moved from town before I got hooked.
That was 30 yrs ago, I've been off and on pills since then.

I'm feeling like Kratom is an antidepressant for me as much as anything else. I don't get a feeling of
enjoyment from it as I would with a strong dose of opioids, but I am incredibly thankful right now that there's something that I won't run out of that keeps me out of absolute misery.
My metabolism is pretty fast and I'm doing small doses at about 1-1/2hr intervals. I'm going to brew up a quart of tea and try sipping it throughout the day and see how that goes. The taste doesn't bother me at all.
It seems like I read somebody mentioned something about grapefruit juice?

Changing my thinking... I really admire anyone who has the patience to cope with things like - The kid on a skateboard who decides he owns an entire lane of the road and doesn't give a shit if he holds up 5 cars as long as he has a chance to show everyone how cool he looks carving a freshly paved section of hill... Or someone who thinks I owe it to them to underbid a job for them just because they know more cool people than I do.
Yeah, I really do need to work on my coping skills. It's pretty tough sometimes. To be honest with myself about what the real source of some of my issues is, and how to deal with that... That's actually the real challenge.
But today I'm drinking Kratom tea, and I used to shoot Heroin and binge drink.
Looking back on the days when I used to slam drugs... I must have had a death wish.
Today I look at my substance use as being therapeutic and an opportunity to use these chemicals as a cushion to lessen the shock of my own fears as I skate or crawl over the thin ice of each new day.
 
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Diver I can totaly relate to your feelings of enjoyment and how the chemicals make up for what your brain is lacking.
I take norcos, and I enjoy life, and have such a feeling of wellbeing while taking them. I think that I feel like what everyone else feels like normally that doesn't take them. I take norco and feel as though "this is how I should feel", like this must be how everyone else in the world feels on a daily basis that have the right brain chemistry.

Crap I'm a new poster here and had a really long reply beyond what auto saved above, but when I clicked post - it just wiped it out.....gurrr

trying again here.....
 
part II lets see if I can finish this and get it to post.....

Anyway -
I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't smoke pot, I have never done any sort of illegal drugs beyond "trying" pot and I didn't like it. No desire to try anything else. Valium/Xanax just make me zone out, don't like those. I do take Paxil for my anxiety in the form of just being a bitch, snapping at little things - it does help me to level out and not be so snappy at people. But nothing but vicodin makes me feel like what I feel like "normal" probably is for everyone else. I know people will just say - well of course you feel good - you are high right?? But i've never had a time in my life where I felt like I had energy and a sense of well being like when I take vicodin/norcos.
I sorta quit a about a year and a 1/2 ago - withdrawl was nuts - anxiety like I've never had before in my life. Ended up with a large amount of ultram and I took those daily for a few months. That stopped the anxiety, stopped all the other withdrawls, and I felt pretty good on those too. Then ran out of those and sourced some regular vicodins for a while. Was down to just taking one or 2 a day. Had only about 5 days total during that time where I took none for the whole day. But I never did feel "great" like some who come off the addiction tell you that you will feel after you stop taking them. I had no energy, no motivation to do anything. Then I went back to the MD who prescribes the norcos regularly for me. Now back to taking 8 to 12 a day, and I don't want to stop, because there is so little benefit to stopping. Hard to stop something when you don't "want" to stop.
So what do you do? Who knows.....
 
the flaw in this is simple.

it doesn't last.
we become tolerant and dependent.
always.
there's no avoiding it.
then it's either quit..or move onto something stronger..
which inevitibly causes more problems.
medical..relationships..law..
could be any number of things..

i used to think..this is what other ppl must feel like..
why can't i be like the rest of them..
now i know they don't feel that way at all..
they're just so much better at coping.
they can't/don't pop a pill to feel okay with the world.
they have to make their world okay..
instead of choosing to escape it- the way i tend to..
they actually have to live in it. sober.
so they make it as livable as possible.
 
diver, we have a lot in common... Both up in the north state, both used to mainline as a younger man, both now use pills to get through work and life, and both know that there has got to be a better way. I aslo used to drink a ton, when I lived in the 'ville I was drinking at least a fifth of Jim Beam a day...1 1/2 fifths or more if I was drinking with someone else... I was using the alcohol to help me deal with the PAWS of paxil and klonopin withdrawals that my dr. had me on to deal with the H withdrawals. One day I woke up and realized that the paxil was garbage and was fucking up my brain chemistry, so I did a short taper and then just dropped em. Threw em out. The acute withdrawals came on hard, hard like the H, but totally different of course. More psychological than physical, but there was also a physical WD, as paxil has an anti-depressant and an anti-anxiolytic (similar to Ativan)... So I used the booze to help mask all the WD from the paxil, which was prescribed to help me deal with the WD from ~2g a day of "good" black tar. It was horrible. I finally got free from the booze and the 'ville and moved to a safe place (parents') and finished up my schooling. Unfortunately my desire to feel "normal" and "good" lead me to start up with pills. I was getting Methadone extremely cheap from some older dude in one of my classes... I went through all his stash bottles, and had a nasty 150mg a day habit. I ended up running out on the day of one of my finals! I was getting up and running outside to puke on the grass outside the classroom every 20 min! Afterward, some angel from class noticed my suffering and administered me like 60mg of methadone and probably saved my life...
I don't want this to turn into a long response and get off track, but I just wanted to let you know that there are people just like you up here and probably everywhere.
To finish my little spurt, I got off the methadone, moved out of my folks' place, went back and got my degree in science and am now leading a somewhat successful and controlled life.
I am dependent although, as get RX'd hydrocodone daily. I have been trying to taper and get off and the cycle has been horrific at times. It is funny how people will tell you that your 60mg of oxycodone a day is "not a big habit" and minute compared to their burned on H addiction. But I know, having kicked 2g a day of strong H, straight from the source, 2 year (8 month IV) habit, cold turkey, that it is all relative. I still have a hell of a time kicking hydrocodone if I want/need to. The pain is relative, as is the high. Just remember that when someone tells you that your habit is nothing compared to their's...
 
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