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The EADD Mental Health Support Thread

Urg fuck it, don't even know what to type other than what I've posted in other threads.

I'd forgotten how low I could get and how long it can go on for.
Tis strange - At one point I feel the world is all good and I'm on the up, then it all just shatters and I'm at the bottom of the pit I climbed myself out of.
Creative drive's completely disappeared, I'm drinking a lot again, have no cash whatsoever, B.Day coming up and I've no desire to do anything or see anyone.

And oh the utter all-consuming boredom. I'm sure you'll say:
"Well get out there and do something"
...but I can't even get out of bed without a struggle. There's nothing to do, I've no energy, no drive, nothing.

I'm not really expecting a reply at all, just needed to vent.

<3 To those going through the motions <3
 
Shut yer trap y'wee pirate cunt ;)~<3

Really wish it was that simple.... Aside from being completely skint (no cash whatsoever) then the only other way that could be achieved would be rehab.
I'm gunna go with Amy Whinehouse on that one with "Nooooo nooooo no...."

Then agian, look where that got her :\
 
monstanoodle said:
Shut yer trap y'wee pirate cunt ;)~<3

Really wish it was that simple.... Aside from being completely skint (no cash whatsoever) then the only other way that could be achieved would be rehab.
I'm gunna go with Amy Whinehouse on that one with "Nooooo nooooo no...."

Then agian, look where that got her :\
Click to expand...

There must be loads of things that have got you out your bed in the past. Have you had a think about them?

Can you get yourself completely out your current daily routine for a bit? I feel a bit more ready for the world after my holiday!

How can you drink with no cash?

Are you out of bed? Get up, have a shower and a cup of coffee if you like coffee. You'll feel better for it and it won't cost much, if anything! You can even go back to bed afterwards if you still feel the same, and blame it on me.
 
knockando said:
There must be loads of things that have got you out your bed in the past. Have you had a think about them?

Can you get yourself completely out your current daily routine for a bit? I feel a bit more ready for the world after my holiday!

How can you drink with no cash?

Are you out of bed? Get up, have a shower and a cup of coffee if you like coffee. You'll feel better for it and it won't cost much, if anything! You can even go back to bed afterwards if you still feel the same, and blame it on me.
Click to expand...

The only thing that got me out of bed today was that one of my cats was in my room and walking all over me (the cute twat!).
The only reason I get out of bed is because I'm gunna get a load of shit from my family which would make me feel even worse, and doesn't always happen.

Nah, I've no other life than clean, rinse, repeat.

My mum's an alcoholic so she's always got booze around the house. "Parents teach children" n all that.

I get up, have a cuppa Tea n then I'm awake feeling like shite for the rest of the day until I manage to sleep (~5am).
Can't go back to bed - I'd get a load of shit from my family.

Then consider that the Alcoholic parent makes me feel like a fucking genetic mistake.

Anyhoo, balls to it.
But thankyou Knock <3 much love <3
 
monstanoodle said:
Nah, I've no other life than clean, rinse, repeat.
Click to expand...

But you're choosing that life aren't you?

You're a talented, intelligent guy. Not that long ago you were over the moon about what sounded like a fantastic relationship. I take it that's not worked out. But it shows you're also loving and loveable!

If you chose a different life then you could easily have it.

My mum's an alcoholic so she's always got booze around the house. "Parents teach children" n all that.
Click to expand...

Sounds like you need to move out of there!

I get up, have a cuppa Tea n then I'm awake feeling like shite for the rest of the day until I manage to sleep (~5am).
Click to expand...

Coffee is supposed to be good for the liver in ways tea is not.
 
knockando said:
But you're choosing that life aren't you?

You're a talented, intelligent guy. Not that long ago you were over the moon about what sounded like a fantastic relationship. I take it that's not worked out. But it shows you're also loving and loveable!

If you chose a different life then you could easily have it.



Sounds like you need to move out of there!



Coffee is supposed to be good for the liver in ways tea is not.
Click to expand...
I'm choosing life only because I'd really hurt the people I love (and who apparently love me) and I really couldn't bare to hurt them (even though I'd be dead by then...).
I don't want to hurt or upset anyone in my life... But the number of those in my life are getting smaller... but I still can't do it.

I thank you (even though I disagree) for yer opinion of me, even though it's likely misguided (no disrespect to you mate <3 ).
Yes, I wasn't able to change a century of thought and actions quickly enough to suit the expectation of said love.
Honestly? I thought I was a sociopath tbh, but the only thing that disproved that was that I replied to one of the ladyfriend's (well, now Ex-Ladyfriend) in complete tears...
Never cried so hard in my life.

I do need to get out of here, but there's no way I can do that at present. I've no money, I've been cut off benefits...
Waiting for a call or letter from them but, as of yet, I've had nothing. Which is rather stupid as I'd get a letter from them every week post-cut-off.

Urg, and Coffee makes me manic and anxious I'm afraid.

Still - Much <3 to you knock
 
Feeling in a similar situation but it's only due to being left by my girlfriend of 3 years for another guy. Feels pretty shit and just makes you feel backstabbed. Should see the stuff she used to write to me and tell me, really had me caught under her thinking it was for life. Shouldn't have been such an idiot and have believed it as it's just left me hurt that she could say those things and move on even before we'd properly ended. It's not as if she just broke up with me, she threw everything back in my face and kicked me when I was down. Really hard to not just go and kick the fuck out of the guy, especially as he was a mate and I watched it happen and just thought I was paranoid. Someone told me to think with my head and not my fists though today and as simple as it is it was the advice I needed to hear.

Just too much free time at the moment, and that's leaving me thinking about the situation constantly. I know the roles are gonah be reversed in the future and I'm gonah come away better. But at the moment it's shit having to ride things out knowing that time is the only thing that's gonah solve this. I'm the kind've person who doesn't really like sitting about alone or not talking to someone, I end up in just thinking a lot and it just results in me feeling shit and head fried. The past few weeks had been rough ones for me in general and this has just really had me stuck. At least there's BL though and I can have a wee rant in this thread. Alongside that realized that I've been missing loads of great times with my mates for the past 3 years and having all this free time means I can make up for it.

Other than that it's becoming an hourly struggled to not go down the benzo route. I know that while it'll make me feel better for a while, it's only going to make things harder in the long run. Have to lay off the psychedelics too, which are my favourite and that's a bit shit. Weeds been good for me though, really makes me see sense and stop trying to work it out. But then I sober up and it's back to square one.

Hope things improve for ya Monstanoodle, only way is up! And as hard as it is you gotta just keep things a positive mindset and try and take the good out of everything, even the complete shittiest of things. Gonah start getting into my mixing properly too, new hobbies are needed.
 
Sorry to hear about the break up mate, I hadn't pegged her as a cheater from what I saw at sunflower. Keep your chin up though, you'll feel better in time. Please don't go down the benzo route though mate, I started down the benzo route 8 years ago when I was about your age and I only just managed to stop taking them a few months ago and it's still really hard every day to not buy some more or go crawling back to my doctor to try and get some prescribed again. They are really not an answer to anything, they just put things on hold. I really wish I'd never started taking them in the first place, I hope that in time I wont be craving them almost daily, but at the moment I can't imagine not craving them.

My heads a bit crappy because of what happened on Friday night, it's fucked things up so that the next few months are all going to be crappy, it's horrible going into work everyday with this fucked up mouth, I have been talking less because of increased anxiety and also not wanting to show my half a front tooth. My anxiety is getting bad again but I've still been managing to make it into work which is nice, maybe I can cope without benzos and without missing work, it's a struggle though.

Other than that though the depressive episode seems to have been almost lifted, I'm feeling better about things in general even though some things are falling apart. I can see a way out now though and at times over the last couple of months it's been hard to see a way out.
 
Bollox

Been flicking through a few Erowid reports on quetiapine and one says it feels like ecstacy and another says it's mildly psychedelic and only on 50 mgs.

I'm currently on 300 mgs nightly and it's about as psychedelic as a doughnut.

Sunday,i have to up to 450 mgs.I'll report back if anything interesting happens. Don't hold your breath.
 
I am extremely fragile atm . My stupid drugs binge yesterday didn't help . I must be very careful what i get up to atm as i feel that some kind of nervous breakdown / Episode is on the horizon . & i'm nearly always right about these things.
 
scrooloose said:
Been flicking through a few Erowid reports on quetiapine and one says it feels like ecstacy and another says it's mildly psychedelic and only on 50 mgs.

I'm currently on 300 mgs nightly and it's about as psychedelic as a doughnut.

Sunday,i have to up to 450 mgs.I'll report back if anything interesting happens. Don't hold your breath.
Click to expand...

A relative of mine has just been started on Quetiapine Scrooloose I was a bit concerned for him the other week but i've heard and read some really reassuring success stories this week about it. People seem to say unanimously that it causes a lot of drowsiness to begin with but that wears off after a couple of weeks. I havn't read that it has any similarity to ecstasy though. Mind you psychotropic drugs seem to produce dramatically different effects in users so your mileage may vary ay?! I really hope it works for you love :) xx Its been bloody hard work for you by the sounds.

************

Headfuck and B rimz.. I think the change in season and light has an impact on most people. I take it you've read about light boxes if you have SAD ( Seasonal Effective Disorder)? If not heres a link expounding all the lovely benefits of the light box :) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Light_therapy

I'm feeling strong today. I've battled a headfuck of an hormonal storm the last few days so seasonal mood storms can hold the fuck on while I have a breather.

PS Brimz your mind might be telling you very persuasively that you're heading for a breakdown but you don't have to agree you know.. you can fight it.. I know how bloody exhausting that can be though chuck. Have you tried any cognitive therapy? Are you getting any counselling?
 
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YellowPolkaDotHalo said:
I'm feeling strong today. I've battled a headfuck of an hormonal storm the last few days so seasonal mood storms can hold the fuck on while I have a breather.

PS Brimz your mind might be telling you very persuasively that you're heading for a breakdown but you don't have to agree you know.. you can fight it.. I know how bloody exhausting that can be though chuck. Have you tried any cognitive therapy? Are you getting any counselling?
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i 'm not suitable for CBT Yella . I had a assessment for it & because i'm still using drugs ( Heroin ) & also because i'm not prepared to taper my Benzos any further right now they deemed that it would be ineffective n a waste of money .
I could have lied at the assessment but i thought better of it , i've told medical professionals :| what they WANT to hear in the past n it has never benefited me in fact it's got me in a bit of bother when i was in my 20s.

I here what your saying and you have a point but from previous experience i usually have some kind of episode about every six months i can be fine for ages n then i start to get a familiar feeling that i can't really explain . i've told Psychiatrists about it & the best they can come up with is a diagnosis for Boderline Personality disorder , i was first given that label when i was 22ish . I think their must be something to it cos 4 different psychiatrists have given that diagnosis.

Earlier this year i was referred to a neurologist & he came up with some bollox about Brain Damage this was after a scan . It really scarred me but when i went back to my GP ( the one that deals with my Methadone & Benzos) he was dismissive of this , so i felt a bit better . i have alot of faith in my GP he's not everyone's cup of tea cos he can be blunt but i'm not going to the doctor to make friends , i need someone who's opinion i respect not someone who is a nice person .

I had a nice GP once a combination of his his niceness and my manipulation him it ended in a right mess that is still with me ( the benzos ) .
Re . Counselling . every addict is supposed to get an hour a fornight with a key worker n that's it . Mine can only give half an hour & by the time we have started it's over so i rarely bother unless i need something signed . He is happy with this as hes' overworked anyway .

It's pretty fuked up really . For someone that has been signed off since sept. 1997 i seem to have just fallen through the cracks .

How are you ?
 
Arghh I've been feeling pretty fucking neurotic the last few days. Extremely hormonal to the point of tears. Its past now thank fuck. I've learnt a lot from it ( as is often the case) but it was hard won.

Re the brain scan : I should think it would scare you Brimz! I'd be terrified of seeing a neurologist in case he cant find anything. " sorry ms Halo we cant seem to find your brain. You've fried it completely away"...
Its bloody good you got a second opinion you trust though! I think i'd be inclined to stick the whole neurologist ordeal on the denial pile for life.

The Borderline Personality seems to be the de rigeur label this psychiatric season. Everyone appears to be getting it. It seems like a really fatalistic perspective to me. As i've said before though, i'm rather cynical about psychiatric diagnosees. I see a self or personality as constantly changing, growing and moving. Theres a part of us that wants to slow that down somehow, make static patterns out of the shift and would feel safer sitting in some kind of mould I think. Thats one of the reasons we accept a label to get some kind of unchanging island of stability in whats basically a constantly shifting river of energy. I read somewhere that contentment involves 'learning to dance on shifting carpets'. roll with the punches kind of thing.. I agree with that philosophy at the moment.

I hope you can make sense of all that ^ and see an alternate way of looking 'your' condition if you want it.

So yeah I dont like lables :D
 
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Cornishman said:
Keep posting CK, no need to apologise.

This is the place to let it all out.

Fwiw, I been on pretty much every anti d going over the years. Even seroxat.

Anyway, I reckon they all suck.
Self medicating with the odd diazepam, spliff or mild k sesh seems much more therapeutic.
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I swear down seroxat gave me suicidal thoughts and eventually led to my two unsuccessful attempts. Horrible fucking stuff to give to a 16 year old.
 
backroll said:
I swear down seroxat gave me suicidal thoughts and eventually led to my two unsuccessful attempts. Horrible fucking stuff to give to a 16 year old.
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Bloody hell yeah! There was a lot of controversy about Seroxat several years ago. They are unable to prescribe it to teens anymore because it causes sucidal ideation in teens. There were a lot of court cases from what I remember backroll.
 
As a rule of thumb, be wary of all psychotropic drugs approved by the state and particularly suspicious of anything whose alleged benefits only show after taking them for a prolonged period. An anti depressant will only 'work' on patients of a particular neurology appropriate to the compound; for the rest, at best it'll be a waste of time. Whatever the pharmaceutical multis may claim, very, very little is known about the neurology of mood an their products are little more than the guesswork of uninspired minds. Best you can do, if you look for chemical remedy, is pick and mix what's on offer, legally or not, and swiftly discard anything your instinct tells you feels wrong, till you find one that helps. Above all, trust yourself - it's your mind.
 
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