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I have a huge crush on this girl and idk what to do.

T

Trigger543

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 4, 2012
Messages
20
Edit: question in post #9, feel free to skip the OP.

I'm starting out in bullet points b/c if I write paragraphs this will turn into a 5 page essay in a matter of minutes. And please, if anyone wants to give advice but doesn't want to read through this mess let me know and I'll simplify it as best I can.

-this girl works for me
-I never used to hang out with employees but I never get to see my friends so I said screw it
-just for an idea, she's 20 and I'm 24, so it's not like she's a child and I'm an old man
-we hooked up once (the second time I hung out with her and my other employees)
-no sex but if I had pushed for it, definitely would have happened
-didn't hook up after that, she said she didn't know if she was comfortable hooking up with her boss but then she came over and suggested we should be FWB
-that never really happened either, but I haven't been very pushy because I don't want to make things uncomfortable at work or put her in a tough situation (handled this situation differently than I normally would b/c she works for me.. didn't know how hard I should push before it's too much, ya know?)
-since then, working with her almost every day... I can't stop thinking about her and I have no idea why...
-She will openly admit she's afraid of commitment (and not just with me, I know of a couple previous men she's had brief relationships with and she cuts them off as soon as she gets feelings) and that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone
-I know she was started to have feelings for me too for several reasons, but partially b/c one night when she was drunk and mad at me she kept saying "I already care too much"
-people who see us together say she likes me but she's a friendly, bubbly person, so IDK if it's just me or not.

so anyway if you read all of that, here are the questions... Do you think I have a thing for her b/c we hooked up but didn't have sex? Do you think it's possible she's really just afraid of commitment or is that an excuse so I don't feel bad? I'd be willing to bet she doesn't know how I feel. Based on the above information do you think it's possible she just doesn't like me? I mean I've had random hookups before but she was ALL OVER ME that night like no other girl I've ever been with. Some of the things that came out of her mouth... and you'd think it would be awkward but it never has been.

I thought I was over her, I convinced myself I just had a crush on her but this feels different. I'm 24 years old. I've had crushes before. Maybe it's just been a while but I don't remember EVER being like this. I would try to explain how I feel but every time I type something I realize it doesn't really explain it properly and I delete it... I need to do something about this.

if anyone actually read all of that (I'm all over the place right now, sorry) I really appreciate it and would love some advice. I honestly believe she likes me and the only reason we haven't made anything out of it is because she doesn't want to have a problem @ work because of it and maybe because she doesn't want to be in a relationship. But then she'll tell me about a guy she's talking to and she'll say she likes him but not enough to be in a relationship... and then she'll tell me she thinks she doesn't want to be in a relationship because she hasn't met anyone she likes enough. It seems like she's young and doesn't know what she wants...? Not that I can talk.

PLEASE HELP!!!
 
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Regarding the girl saying that she's afraid of commitment, I often tell girls that I'm talking to that I have an issue with pushing away girls. While I do definitely do this, I am actually trying to improve on it. If I'm having this conversation with a girl, it's because I'm actually trying to get closer to her by letting her see the real, flawed me. Said girl usually gets pushed away not long after this conversation, but the point is that I do truly desire to have a different response than I do to the opposite sex. Maybe this girl is going through something similar.
 
consider these:

-She will openly admit she's afraid of commitment (and not just with me, I know of a couple previous men she's had brief relationships with and she cuts them off as soon as she gets feelings) and that she doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone
Click to expand...
-I know she was started to have feelings for me too for several reasons, but partially b/c one night when she was drunk and mad at me she kept saying "I already care too much"
Click to expand...

you can't know a genuine root of this fear of commitment until she really gets to open up to you about her feelings. her feelings for you are usually disclosed preceded by other things, like personal shit she wouldn't ever share with anyone else. it sounds to me like she needs to know, not hope, that you are going to take everything she says in confidence and not look either way for it. you can only achieve this by getting to know each other and build a huge swell of trust that she knows isn't going to go away anytime soon

you're probably saying a lot of the shit that she is thinking about you right about now, and i don't think that's because you just haven't had sex yet. she's made that pretty obvious already going off your post.

you probably did right in treading carefully not just because it would make things awkward at work, but coming in too hard can make things awkward everywhere else. or maybe she just thinks that she is too young for commitment and wants to fuck around before taking on something serious

theres no way you or anyone else on here can know. you just have to get the kind of feel for these things by spending time with her. go out and do things together just you, not a date just fuck about up the fair or go for a drive somewhere. get out of your usual surroundings and give yourself chance to really be alone together, if you have no problem keeping conversations going and being open with one another i can't see that being much of a problem. keep it light and keep a smile on your face, don't expect anything and you should start to have some more of your questions answered

hope this helps
 
MoosejawSanders said:
Regarding the girl saying that she's afraid of commitment, I often tell girls that I'm talking to that I have an issue with pushing away girls. While I do definitely do this, I am actually trying to improve on it. If I'm having this conversation with a girl, it's because I'm actually trying to get closer to her by letting her see the real, flawed me. Said girl usually gets pushed away not long after this conversation, but the point is that I do truly desire to have a different response than I do to the opposite sex. Maybe this girl is going through something similar.
Click to expand...

very interesting, thanks.a

Aegslenaarthes said:
consider these:

you can't know a genuine root of this fear of commitment until she really gets to open up to you about her feelings. her feelings for you are usually disclosed preceded by other things, like personal shit she wouldn't ever share with anyone else. it sounds to me like she needs to know, not hope, that you are going to take everything she says in confidence and not look either way for it. you can only achieve this by getting to know each other and build a huge swell of trust that she knows isn't going to go away anytime soon

Only thing I can think of is her mother passed away a few years ago and she really doesn't have any other family here.

you're probably saying a lot of the shit that she is thinking about you right about now, and i don't think that's because you just haven't had sex yet. she's made that pretty obvious already going off your post.

You're saying it's obvious that she's thinking the same things that I posted?? idk if that's true...

you probably did right in treading carefully not just because it would make things awkward at work, but coming in too hard can make things awkward everywhere else. or maybe she just thinks that she is too young for commitment and wants to fuck around before taking on something serious

theres no way you or anyone else on here can know. you just have to get the kind of feel for these things by spending time with her. go out and do things together just you, not a date just fuck about up the fair or go for a drive somewhere. get out of your usual surroundings and give yourself chance to really be alone together, if you have no problem keeping conversations going and being open with one another i can't see that being much of a problem. keep it light and keep a smile on your face, don't expect anything and you should start to have some more of your questions answered

we actually did spend a lot of time together right after we initially hooked up and then there was an argument one night and "I already care too much" kind of shut things down...

hope this helps
Click to expand...

When we first hooked up I remember asking her what her intentions were (I was very drunk, don't remember how I put it) and her answer was something like "It's summer, I'm just having fun!". But then she contradicted herself when she was starting to hook up with this kid and she would tell me she was really into him and everything and then all of a sudden she just broke off contact with him and she said it was b/c she likes him but he's a douche and she doesn't like him enough to be in a relationship with him. So again, she's just having fun but she obviously considered a relationship with this guy? Also, when "I already care too much" came up, she was also saying things like "Maybe it's just because we work together all the time" and what not, at some point she was even trying to get a different job and she gave me the impression at the time that it was b/c she wanted to hook up with me (or go out, IDK) but didn't want to make it awkward at work. The other job didn't go through but IDK if that was the reason or if it was because she was having feelings for me and was trying to pull her escape routine? IDK what the hell is going on here it's so damn confusing... but the last couple of days we seem to be flirting a lot at work like we used to after we hooked up and I don't want this to get to the point where it affects my business and I don't want the other employees to see any favoritism so I'm in a tough spot... yesterday (I don't know if she was serious but I think she was) we were talking about massages and she told me she wanted to go to some spa in the mall and asked me to go with her for facials and shit... I've never done any of that shit, if one of my friends told me they were doing that I'd probably make fun of them. It's kind of a weird thing in my opinion to ask a guy to go do with you if you're trying to date him but at the same time she has plenty of girl friends she could go there with so again... idk what the hell is going on. I'm a damn mess when it comes to this girl. Oh and there's another girl she knows I hooked up with and she knows I don't like her but she CONSTANTLY brings her up... I think the problem is since this girl works for me I'm handling the situation completely differently, normally I would have just straight up asked her out if I was interested but if she says no then I have to work with her... I can handle rejection but I don't think I like the idea of being rejected by an employee and then having to work with them

Ronnie84 said:
You need to fuck this girl asap bro, See how you feel after you have gotten one away!
Click to expand...

that's kinda what I thought at first but right now I don't see any way I could possibly make that happen and I'm not sure it would help at this point...
 
I am far too lazy to read all this shit, but think about things.
What is the worst that can come from you expressing your affection?
Could you handle this outcome?
What is the best that can come from you expressing your affection?
Is the converse possibility enough to prevent you from attempting to attain this outcome?

Just love her man. Saying 'I love you' isn't loving her, either. When I say love, I mean love.
Affection, care, compassion, yada yada all actions and emotions you associate with love, not pixels and words. I'm talking about caresses and cakes.
 
If you can sift through all the drama that has already accumulated then pursue your options with this girl. But, always keep in mind if she's an employee of yours and things do not proceed well it could effect the business.
 
I think it's a bad idea to pursue this girl-she's an employee. Unless y'all are able to keep your relationship secret-then go for it!
 
DeathDomokun said:
I am far too lazy to read all this shit, but think about things.
What is the worst that can come from you expressing your affection?
Could you handle this outcome?
What is the best that can come from you expressing your affection?
Is the converse possibility enough to prevent you from attempting to attain this outcome?

Just love her man. Saying 'I love you' isn't loving her, either. When I say love, I mean love.
Affection, care, compassion, yada yada all actions and emotions you associate with love, not pixels and words. I'm talking about caresses and cakes.
Click to expand...

No worries, I appreciate the advice.

To answer the first question, if she didn't work for me it would be one thing but I cant tell her how I feel and work with her if she rejects me.

I think I know what I'm going to do, please let me know what you guys think. I've been planning on resolving this one way or another so a few days ago I told her I had to talk to her about something and to remind me. I hadn't decided what to do yet so every time she's asked me about it I've just brushed it off and said I'll talk to her later... now she's kinda going nuts though, every time I see her she's asking me about it, and last night she texted me all night, she even said "omg why are you doing this to me!?" lol. I'm not trying to drive her crazy so I have to do this.

Here's what I'm going to do because I really don't think I can deal with this. Tell me if this makes me a complete asshole please. She's not planning on working for me forever, it's a menial hourly job and she's trying to get out ASAP. So I'm going to tell her I need her to find a new job and find a way to work it out with her. She already has another part time job, an internship, and an interview coming up for a job she wants... the truth is I can't work with her like this. It's too distracting and rather than try and make something of it I think we should just go our own separate ways. I'll explain the way I feel and I have a strong feeling she'll respect where I'm coming from and if we end up seeing each other outside of work in the future and something happens then we'll take it from there.

Please let me know what you think of that, cause I might do it tonight.

reader's digest version
-don't want to tell her how I feel, have her reject me and have to work with her.. but I can't keep this up, it's too distracting
-she doesn't want to work for me forever - she has another job, an internship, and an interview coming up
-I'm going to tell her I need her to find another job and explain why (my feelings and all that gay stuff)
-I'll just tell her I'd still like to remain friends and I'll do whatever I can to help her (letter of recommendation, I know people who might be hiring, etc)

does this make me a complete asshole? Is this a retarded way of going about solving this issue? I think she might think I'm just trying to get her to go out with me, but the truth is I don't think it's going to happen either way so I think the best way to go is to part ways as friends.

Edit: man this whole thing sucks!!!! I used to laugh at people who get into situations like this WHAT THE HELLLLLLL
 
DeathDomokun said:
If she stops working with you, what's preventing you from expressing your emotions?
Click to expand...

Absolutely nothing. That's why I'm basically planning on firing her and telling her it's because I can't work with her like this anymore... It really is causing a problem. I just have to find a way to do it that doesn't make me look like an asshole... I mean she has another job, an interview coming up, and an internship plus I'm sure I can find someone to hire her if I try.

Texted her about doing something last night, both our friends bailed on us so I jokingly suggested drinking together and she bailed... the last time we had a couple drinks together she left in a hurry "because something might happen" - basically she doesn't want to hook up with me b/c I'm her boss and she can't control herself when she drinks with me. IDK if that's still the case b/c that was a while ago but that's what I think.
 
have a decision to make... short, easy read please help!

I have a crush on an employee of mine, I don't think I can keep working with her like this. She tells me a while ago that she doesn't know if she's comfortable hooking up with her boss (we hooked up once) but then last night she texts me randomly at 1:30 am telling me what bar she's at and how long she'll be there... basically looking for a booty call.

What should I do!?

Should I talk to her and tell her how I feel? I didn't go over there last night btw.

Shes also passively looking or another job... right now she's working an hourly job in my family's restaurant, she's trying to move onto something better. She also has another part time job, an internship, and an interview coming up. Should I help her get a new job and then tell her how I feel?

Should I just try and ignore this? I don't know if I can...





by the way, this is in regards to this ridiculous thread I made: (read at your own risk)

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/642753-I-have-a-huge-crush-on-this-girl-and-idk-what-to-do
 
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OK since you're her boss would you get in trouble if you dated someone who worked (no pun) beneath you in your workplace? You said you already hooked up once so I would stay in contact with her and tell her how you feel about everything.
 
PriestTheyCalledHim said:
OK since you're her boss would you get in trouble if you dated someone who worked (no pun) beneath you in your workplace? You said you already hooked up once so I would stay in contact with her and tell her how you feel about everything.
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I wouldn't get in trouble.

The thing that's stopping me is she's kinda flaky when it comes to relationships, she's told me several times she's terrified of commitment but someone else pointed out she might just be trying to sabotage herself? Idk. When we first hooked up she discussed making a relationship out of it but she was worried about favoritism and all that nonsense... I didn't push her either way b/c I thought that would be wrong as her boss.

I don't want to tell her how I feel and have to be her boss the next day if it goes south... I can handle rejection but I feel like that will undermine my authority.

does any of that make sense?
 
so we're at work together today.. she asked me if I got lucky last night and proceeded to tell me she did on Friday... then told me she didn't remember what the guy looked like and made it a point to tell me she bolted first thing in the AM, "hell no I wasn't about to cuddle with him!" ... when we hooked up, she was all over me in the morning still.
 
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