Gibberings CVI: Check Out My Subaru

[Mailmonkey]

n'night, beddybyes time :#########0

 

[Bluebell]

It's the only option.

if my memory serves me wright there was a huge hoof of MDMA went in that last gin,

Valkyrie dont think we have ever spoken before, but I think your one of my kind

You seem less complicated thn ather other girly posters here!

 

[Valkyrie]

I'm usually a day time poster. And yep, uncomplicated - that's me!

 

[Bluebell]

I'm usually a day time poster. And yep, uncomplicated - that's me!

Cool i lurk and notice you post abount your kids, lol gota a feeling you get up to more shit thn the kids but you hold it back


Or maybe NOT

 

[Bluebell]

Its best to keep out the drama;s the just fuck op the jokes to hear whil your easing

 

[mydrugbuddy]

n'night, beddybyes time :#########0

EH ? I thought post men got up very early, rather than going to bed very late. Or have you just been having a bit of 'indulgence' with some time off ?

 

[Valkyrie]

My kids know some of what goes on, they just tut.

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Fuckin hell MDB! You've got yourself up shit creek

IMO staying awake all the next day works best. I couldn't sleep during the day due to kids being demanding (the little fuckers want food and stuff) so it had be straight through. Kids are grown up now but I still do the same, although they now sleep half the day! Stop taking the stims by 9am though.

Aye, apparently they say that reckognising a problem is at least half the battle. Nver really understood that though. I mean its fuckin obvious. I think the counselors etc may just be trying to put a 'positive spin' or some encouragement to people who are trying to regain control.

And yes i am going to have to stay awake now, unless i just grab one hours kip or something like that. NO WAY do i want to be sleeping until 2 or 4pm or something like that again...

 

[Mugz]

That is quite an epic post MDB, good luck on the other side. I've been in your shoes. About all the living situation, you can get back to "normal" I find it really good to not think of the big picture, just think of the small marginal gains, like for instance, focus on one thing at a time like maybe make a point of brushing your teeth twice everyday for the next week. It sounds a silly thing to have as the main goal, but if you keep the goals low then the problem seems more manageable and before you know it all of the small gains will have added up to become some pretty big gains and you will start to feel good about things again. I'm trying to be more positive and instead of looking at all the bad shit and dwelling on it and getting more depressed and cycling downwards it is nice to FORCEfully find at least 5 things each day that I am happy about. It is hard most days to think of 5 good things about the day but I've managed it this week and it's gotten me back to work after 9 weeks off, and things are feeling a bit better now.

I managed to find another final line of fleph out of the tube I was snorting from and the card I was cutting with and the remnants in the baggy, it was a pointless line, I'm done with the stims though, gonna have a small bit of mxe, then have a shower in a couple hours and then I'll make a plan for the sunday!

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Thanks fro the response & encouragement Mugz. The good thing from my point of view is that I do believe I can do it. It's just turning out to be harder than i expected...

I need to get things back under control quite soon though, or else i could end up loosing my job. Looking at it objectively, I can see that my behaviour/attendance/timekeeping etc @ work would appear to be becoming more and more erratic. Ive not had so much as a verbal warning yet though, so should be safe for some while yet....

I occasionally get scary paranoid ideas like they know im taking drugs and they're gonna call the police into the office, and they'll come in, handcuff me, search all my works lockers and all that, and then frog march me out of the office, for everyone to see. If they did find anything I'd be very likely to be instantly sacked. I dont think the company i work for has any progressive or liberal ideas about helping or supporting any of their employees with this type of problem. Their approach seems to be zero tolerance, no second chance, no time off to recover, nothing, just instant sacking. I find that fucking draconian. Its not like i have to uphold the highest moral codes in society, with my lowly job (even though it is a lowly job, ive grown to really like many parts of it, and it would be my worst nightmare to be sacked), or be responsible for co-ordinating all the airplanes coming into land @ Heathrow or something like that.....

Anywy I hope to soon have tapered to the extent that i wont need to have anything 'on me' @ work. Even if it is a madly paranoid idea about management/HR calling the police, i guess it is something that could possibly happen, so it will be good to reach the stage where i wont have to worry about things like that at work !

 

[parttime crackhead]

Fuck... the pope.


And the IRA.

 

[Mugz]

I know it's gonna be hard. Look at the positive things though, you have a job, when many are struggling to find jobs and keep them. I don't know how I have managed to keep mine, the NHS is different to most businesses, I would have been fired from a non NHS job a long time ago, I hadn't been to work in 9 weeks and before then I would regularly skip days because of comedowns and stuff, I was late everyday too. I keep having to go see Occupational Health and HR about my absences but they're no closer to kicking me out than when I first started.

Think of the small things in life that make you happy like the other day I was hoovering my room and I accidently hoovered up my phone charger and the hoover actually threw the plug part up at my eyes and nose and it cut my face on the top of my nose near my eye.I can look at that situation in two ways, I can either say, thanks life for literally kicking me in the face when I'm trying to get better, and I can turn around and laugh at the universe and now I've got another funny story to add to my collection of unfunny stories.

 

[matt<3ketamine]

its just unfair! life keeps kickin me in the balls, as many of you have probably have happen to you, ive formed a small on/off addiction, to oxycodone for the past few years that ive been fighting, so far im all good and dont have much of a dependence, it mainly comes when i get told dont use (reverse psychology) i didnt like many people knowing and have been trying to descrease my use

unfortunately a close friend found out and couldnt do the best thing and keep it too themselves, oh no they had to do the nice thing and stick it on my facebook status for everyone to see that didnt no, cheers specialk! now everyone knows of the problem that im trying to sort out, some friend you are, your friend has a problem and you turn your back on them (just like you have with many other friends) and openly tell everyone their problem, of all the people i thought i could talk to and get help from, you were my main one, now ive no one to speak with
on other news ive found someone new i like, another prospect that is looking up, ive finally someone i can properly talk to without feeling judged

hi, im matty, ive a small time addiction to oxycodone and cannabis, im an open bi-sexual, i work a shitty saturday cafe job and im at the end of my tether, im 19, fuckin hate this

 

[Urbain]

Lovely weekend. Came back home at 8am on Sunday, dropped .4 of Etiz, and slept right through from 8am to 9pm. Just woke up now, and catching morning sun through my window. Away to the gym for a run, and then a massive cycle later Feeling good, just down to blowing my nose every 5 minutes. The usual!

 

[YellowPolkaDotHalo]

Its not like i have to uphold the highest moral codes in society, with my lowly job (even though it is a lowly job, ive grown to really like many parts of it, and it would be my worst nightmare to be sacked), or be responsible for co-ordinating all the airplanes coming into land @ Heathrow or something like that.....

Anywy I hope to soon have tapered to the extent that i wont need to have anything 'on me' @ work. Even if it is a madly paranoid idea about management/HR calling the police, i guess it is something that could possibly happen, so it will be good to reach the stage where i wont have to worry about things like that at work !

Morning MDB.. rest of ya.

Are you an air traffic controller?

 

[Allein]

wish I had some benzos right now, sometimes I miss them, it would be so easy to end up back taking them daily though, which I don't want, I do miss them and crave them most days though. Stupid fucking benzos......

I hear you Mugz, it's been a couple of months and I thought it was getting easier but if late I've been really tempted to dabble. I'm pretty sure it would soon end up in daily use and I'd end up back to square 1 so best left if possible. I've already started constructing all sorts of good reasons to get some in.

Good luck with the abstinence

I occasionally get scary paranoid ideas like they know im taking drugs and they're gonna call the police into the office, and they'll come in, handcuff me, search all my works lockers and all that, and then frog march me out of the office, for everyone to see. If they did find anything I'd be very likely to be instantly sacked. I dont think the company i work for has any progressive or liberal ideas about helping or supporting any of their employees with this type of problem. Their approach seems to be zero tolerance, no second chance, no time off to recover, nothing, just instant sacking. I find that fucking draconian. Its not like i have to uphold the highest moral codes in society, with my lowly job (even though it is a lowly job, ive grown to really like many parts of it, and it would be my worst nightmare to be sacked), or be responsible for co-ordinating all the airplanes coming into land @ Heathrow or something like that.....

Hey MDB I'm not encouraging you to take drugs at work but I would try not to worry too much about people catching on. IME it's the very last conclusion most people would come to. I used to regularly go to work totally spun out of my face on various substances and despite being on a very sorry state at times, no one every caught on.

That said it does add a great deal of unwanted stress that drives you to take more drugs which is a shit situation for anyone. Etiz is very short acting for such activity and reports do seem to suggest it gets a bit more flaky at high dosage than common Benzos. Hope you can start to tapper down, even just getting to grips with the night time binging for now sounds like a good first step.

 

[YellowPolkaDotHalo]

Its more the come downs that people notice and conclude youre on something. I rarely take stims anymore but if I do I try find a way to take time out away from everyone while I feel like the scum of the earth.

Well done btw ATM... Could you not take something more benign if you're gagging for a sesh?

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Morning MDB.. rest of ya.

Are you an air traffic controller?

HI YPDH. No im not an air traffic controller. It looks like i messed up my point by putting that big bracketed bit in - i was trying to say my job is not very high responsibilty, or high pressured, critical, life and death type stuff. Even so, i still value it enough to try to do things properly and 'make a good job of' whatever task im doing.....

Ive just had a look outside and been dazzled by some rare Manchester sunshine. Should try and get out at some point today, i think some vitamin D rays would do me quite some good. I also plan to do at least half an hours worth of washing up to do. I know thats a fuckin pathetically lazy target, but i think its the thought of the huge amount i need to do, that is putting me off from even starting. Once i get going I'll probably stick at it for much longer than 30 minutes.

Have you got anything more exciting planned for today ?

 

[mydrugbuddy]

Hey MDB I'm not encouraging you to take drugs at work but I would try not to worry too much about people catching on. IME it's the very last conclusion most people would come to. I used to regularly go to work totally spun out of my face on various substances and despite being on a very sorry state at times, no one every caught on.

That said it does add a great deal of unwanted stress that drives you to take more drugs which is a shit situation for anyone. Etiz is very short acting for such activity and reports do seem to suggest it gets a bit more flaky at high dosage than common Benzos. Hope you can start to tapper down, even just getting to grips with the night time binging for now sounds like a good first step.

Yeah cheers for that second opinion ATM. Sometimes thats all thats needed to help put things back into perspective,. Its not like im totally and obviously off my face all the time. I'm taking the lowest possible doses of everything that i feel that i need at the moment. Just enough for the stuff to do what i want it to.

I may have taken a bit too much ethylphenidate the other day though, as i was working flat out for 6 hours without taking my usual periodical mini breaks to have a browse round the net. Again im probably overthinking and over analaysing, i doubt anyones gonna automatically think - hes on drugs, look how hard and fast hes working. Unless i get stupidly pumped up, which i dont plan on doing.....

Yeah i really need to get etiz back under control, i was doing well (in my own opinion) before, (before tapering down on opiates) in sticking to the recomended daily therapeutic 2mg doses. I only took a total of 4 mg all yesterday - day and night. Though i have been buzzing off pentedrone through the night, which must have filled my need for a buzz. I know i really should not be slipping into using using etizolam as a recreational drug, i think i need it for its therapeutic properties, so abusing iyt would b particularly stupid/self-destructive of me. Regularly taking 6-10mg doses of etizolam throughout the evening and nights is obviously not what i should be doing. As nice as it feels, i have to resist, somehow... That would be a very bad habit to get into. For starters, it would probably rapidly escalate the doses id need to take for therapeutic effects, to wreck my tolerance/

I have no reason to feel anxious when im at home, so i dont feel i need them during those day times. Over the last month or so ive felt that i need to take 0.5mg every few hrs @ work. Definately helps me relax and feel at ease. Its so hard to stop taking something that feels like its helping you a lot. I know that longer term, its gonna make everything worse......

 

[YellowPolkaDotHalo]

arghhh washing up.Its so fucking monotonous and bloody infinite isnt it?.. If I've got a pile I can sometimes motivate myself by committing to do a really good job of it. Dry everything up instead of leaving it ( which I have a habit of doing)..and then scrubbing the sink so its shining. If i've done a really good job of that it motivates me to do the rest of the house actually. Another tactic is to bully and emotionally blackmail my daughter into doing it? :D

It probably wasn't your post that was unclear i'm feeling a bit frazzled this morning. I had silly mgs of valium last night.

I'm cooking for my family today. What are you up to?

Do you live on your own MDB?