sometime the openess of gay dudes is really uncomfortable, especially really flamboyant dudes but that doesnt make me a homophobe..i think it just makes me normal, i dont know anyone that can see that shit and be oerfectly comfortable with it. its gross
im the same fucking way. you have to understand i grew up in private schools in the south. sure we had dudes we KNEW had to be gay....one was a good friend of mine....but they didnt dare come out of the closet until after high school, which is cool because i knew it bothered my friend to be someone he wasn't. i remember like literally 2 days after school let out he had a little get together at his house, like me and 6 other friends, said he had something important to tell us. he just sat us all down and said "guys, im gay" it was kinda funny because all of the guys just kind of looked around and right in front of him we all just went "I TOLD YOU"...we all laughed it off, i still talk to the guy, genuinely good dude.
so anyway this brings me to my first experience meeting a flamboyantly, openly gay male. i was 19 or 20 and down at ole miss, just partying. im in the apartments directly across from the frat houses and this kid, couldnt be older than 18 himself walks up to me and introduces himself....at first it sounded like "Hi, I'm, NSFSJ KERJHEWRIWEHSKF" because of the music. i told him i couldnt hear him so he leans in and says "HI MY NAME IS NIGGA FAG". no fucking lie this is how this guy introduces himself to me....IN MISSISSIPPI WHILE AMONGST THE ROUDIEST GROUP OF REDNECKS I HAVE EVER BEEN AROUND....i had to take like a triple take....the entire time i was wondering if he was fucking with me. im talking to him and it wasnt unconfortable at first, i was basically complimenting him on being who he is while amongst who he was with, really fucking ballsy if you ask me, only black dude in the party and surely the only gay guy....we start talking and it becomes very clear just how open and flamboyant he is....he was basically hitting on me and thats when i became like....so unconfortable i became confrontational....because i really had no idea what to do, this was the first openly gay dude i had come in contact with....i just kinda walked off after awhile, i was getting extremely agitated and the thought of punching him in the face wouldnt leave my head so i just walked off. im almost positive he got kicked out of the party at some point, i just hope the kid didnt get damn near murdered on the way out....if i had met him now i bet it would be cool, i just wasnt prepared for that shit at 19....good ole country catholic boy and all.
the entire party called him "nigga fag" too.....i never learned his real name.
sometime the openess of gay dudes is really uncomfortable, especially really flamboyant dudes but that doesnt make me a homophobe"
HoL almost 2 years already? Damn, time flies.
KC, that sucks, I'm sorry to hear you're having money issues. That type of shit always sucks. You're right though, you can't just leave the past behind because you changed your lifestyle. Still though, that's pretty bullshit that they're suing you over it.
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"nigga fag"
I never had too many encounters with gay men until I went to prison. I am from a small Mississippi town were southern baptist teachings were the law pretty much so if people were gay they kept it hidden. In prison well at least in prison in Mississippi gays are called "Punks" The gays or punks had certain hustles like mending clothing, hemming up pants, and doing laundry and in some cases prostitution. I would say that in the average unit of 120 men there were generally 4 to 6 gays. They were generally respectful to the straight men and kept their distance and eye contact to a minimum. The gays were required to shower together or alone. I remember an instance were a gay man was washing clothes at the sink and the mirror in front of that sink was positioned so he could see into the shower. His ploy to see men showering was discovered and he was brutally beaten. There was also the possibility of encountering punks making love or giving blow jobs. I always had to make my presence known when I had to get up to piss at 3:00 AM or there is no telling what you might encounter. I've seen gays fight and hold their own. Some people forget just because a dudes gay doesnt mean he lacks strength and fighting skill, he is still a man, and can fight like a man. Well that pretty much sums up my experience with homosexuals.
happy 18 months to me
it's so weird that I'm posting this here.
wow kc thats amazing. Congratulations. Honestly BL would be big trigger for me if I was sober.
congratulations, 18 months is a long time for anybody, especially a junky!!
out of curiosity, how long were u using? and what made you decide to quit?
PS 18 months really is great! the longest ive gone is 5 months and that was foreverrrrr