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MDMA fucked me due to abuse. Larger pupils/darker eyes

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Sublime947

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 29, 2011
Messages
165
Ok well

I really abused E this summer, by rolling after only 2 weeks from my previous roll and also rolling two days in a row.

this was in july

it is now the end of august, i am in college, and i am experiencing anxiety due to my new physical appearance.

i dont think im just being paranoid here like people tell me

my eyes are usually a dark brown, not too dark though.

after rolling alot over the summer, theyve turned darker. it looks almost black from far away. and my pupil size is larger too.

the worst part is, is that i have ENORMOUS eyes to begin with. im asian, but i have one of the biggest eyes you'll ever see. no anxiety from this though, until mdma abuse changed it and makes me look freaky.

and the fact that mdma made my eyes darker and have larger pupils makes it stand out more. i also see a lot of fuzzy squiggly lines sometimes in the morning.

its fucking awful.

i tried rolling again to try to release the anxiety/paranoia that i thought was leading to this physical symptom which obviously did no good. that was 3 weeks ago.

im in college now and its day 5, people look at me funny alot, ppl dont really want to talk to me either.

i think its because of my eyes.

if only uve seen me in person u would know.

is there anything i can do to stop this? is this eye damage/change permanent? i look like i have no soul or something.
 
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I know you don't want to hear this and will probably write it off but....you are just paranoid. I would bet most of your appearance woes are due to an unhealthy life style that goes with MDMA abuse than the MDMA itself. try eating right exercising and get some sun put on a few pounds it will go a long way to improving your self-image.
 
How much drug taking did you do over the summer?

What did you take? What dose? Can you be more specific?

Sounds to me also like you might be being a bit paranoid.

However, allowing for benefit of the doubt answers to the above will help.
 
i take consistently mints or good molly.

i take usually 2 a time

i have ate 19 mints since october 2011
 
Yeah mdma can fuck you up if you abuse it
Moderation is the key

I'd suggest you don't take anymore mdma for at least 9-12 months if you ever want to roll again and keep the magic with out it effecting you negatively

Also I'm sure you're just being a little paranoid and nervous about your appearance, unless you want to post a pic to prove you're some kind of huge eyed freak that no one wants to be around then go for it lol
But I bet it's just the anxiety, you'll be fine if you just take a loooong break
 
Yeah Bill is right your just being paranoid, that happens after a binge or a night you overdid. Since halloween last year i've taken around 160 beans. Majority were speedy e pills but they were great for the club, you could do those things two nights in a row and still get high. Then i started getting real mdma one weekend did it friday, saturday and sunday such big mistake. I had every bad effect it says u get with mdma but I had em overboard. Anxiety and paranoia threw the roof, couldn't sleep, just brutal man. Even by Friday I still was so dizzy and weird I couldn't even stand up straight or think, I even told my parents I thought my brain has stopped working. Cried all week for the littlest things, then even went to the hospital to checkout my brain then left after waiting two hours because I knew it was really because i did too much mdma. Never have I overdone it since then. But really you gotta eat healthy lots of bannanas, oats, meat, all the good stuff and the recovery gets better. If you blaze I suggest you stop for awhile too
 
Allowing say a third of the dose was powder thats about average 3 doses per month.

Its not complete HR allowing also for the multiple days and more binge periods but I have heard of a lot worse myself included.

My advice in your particular case would be. Follow the guidance from the other members about suppliments and looking after yourself.

Stop thinking about it. Stay off drugs for a 12 month period and evaluate from there.

The paranoia you are describing is likely anxiety driven.

If you are suffering like this I would step back and truly evaluate what role drugs should be in your life for the future. Drugs MDMA in particular have a nasty habbit of effecting people who are prone to anxiety a lot worse than others.

Its a risk analysis. Weigh up the potential good vs the potential bad.

If you are prone to anxiety like I was and you carry on taking MDMA you could be faced with a horrible surprise once in your 30s. It might seem like a long way away now but trust me the time goes very fast.

Hope this helps good luck.
 
19 mints in a year? Hardly enough to do any damage I've done 11 mints in a night before and I'm perfectly normal (well some might disagree) I think like others have said ur just paranoid. Oh and by no means am I condoning my usage.
 
Sublime, i suggest taking some anti anxiety/stress herbs to calm you down a bit, it will help you trust me.

You may even be suffering from some sort of Psychosis from abuse.
Rhodiola Rosea, Camomile and Valerian Root will all help you.
I'd also recommend staying away from cannabis (not sure if you do it or not) because in a fragile mind state it will make you worse.

It will get better trust me just please listen to everyones advice
 
please post a picture of your eyes, so you will realize that they are just normal and your head is being paranoid about the way you look.
That's because your self esteem is very low due to the MDMA abuse and its pretty common, you don't have to worry mate, just eat healthy train hard like running or lifting weights and you'll be more than OK in just 3 or 4 weeks I bet ya!

But please post a picture so you can defeat paranoid thoughts you will feel better
 
everybody is saying im paranoid which i agree but this is no joke ill post a picture up soon. but wen i walked down the street today ihave ppl look away or do subtle gestures like brush their hair or scratch their head. iwant to try not to care but its near impossible wen i want to make friends bt nobody wants to b. i do have a good friend im rooming with but he says im being paranoid but idk. nwent on vacation with my family and cousins n aunt and uncle n i cud tell they were seeing something nt right with me too, which is the eyes part. dont freakout wen i post a pic upclose
 
Sublime947 said:
everybody is saying im paranoid which i agree but this is no joke ill post a picture up soon. but wen i walked down the street today ihave ppl look away or do subtle gestures like brush their hair or scratch their head. iwant to try not to care but its near impossible wen i want to make friends bt nobody wants to b. i do have a good friend im rooming with but he says im being paranoid but idk. nwent on vacation with my family and cousins n aunt and uncle n i cud tell they were seeing something nt right with me too, which is the eyes part. dont freakout wen i post a pic upclose
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paranoia could be a sign of schizophrenia coming on. whenever people think "people are looking at" them, they are typically just being paranoid. Unless you are screaming obscenities holding a sign that says "look at me", or shooting a gun or something, it's probably all in your head. People have enough in their lives going on without worrying about you or what's going on with you.

if your aunt and uncle could tell something was wrong, perhaps it has more to do with the stress you are giving yourself from worrying. People tend to hide emotions and stress poorly.

I strongly recommend changing your lifestyle before you damage your brain. You need to eat more unprocessed food, exercise, drink plenty of fluids, proper sleep, no drugs at all for awhile.

MDMA has been known to have some nasty longterm effects when abused.

3-4 times a year max.
 
lol sometimes the anxiety is so bad im wondering if im developing schizo too but that doesnt run in my family. i am not planing to roll (however may do dmt/lsd which ive been using to help me rid anxiety) until i feel confident that my eyes will go back to normal. if i knew for a fact i looked normal socializing for me woild be so much easier, id have way less anxiety, would be much happier. heres another instance im in the backseat of car and my dad is driving and i see him wipe tear from his eye after seeing me through window. every morning i wake up i hope my eyes have turned back to normall color but its always an ugly scary dark brown with slightly bigger pupils. bill i tried listening to wt u sed about not carin but its just too hard
 
i may have gotten anxiety because of mdma abuse and i cant even remember all the stupid shit that i thought was wrong with me and then a year alater i couldnt even remeber what my worry was.
 
Sublime947 said:
lol sometimes the anxiety is so bad im wondering if im developing schizo too but that doesnt run in my family. i am not planing to roll (however may do dmt/lsd which ive been using to help me rid anxiety) until i feel confident that my eyes will go back to normal. if i knew for a fact i looked normal socializing for me woild be so much easier, id have way less anxiety, would be much happier. heres another instance im in the backseat of car and my dad is driving and i see him wipe tear from his eye after seeing me through window. every morning i wake up i hope my eyes have turned back to normall color but its always an ugly scary dark brown with slightly bigger pupils. bill i tried listening to wt u sed about not carin but its just too hard
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you don't think maybe you're just really really anxious about your looks, to a point you are projecting a different image of yourself than you used to (an anxious one)? we constantly give off lots of subtle body language cues based on our emotions.

severe anxiety can actually trigger a "fight-or-flight" response where adrenalin levels soar and that causes pupil size to increase, senses to be heightened etc.

In other words, your changed appearance could easily be caused by the anxiety, brought on by MDMA abuse. In other words, at this point the MDMA is no longer in your system; it's no longer the MDMA making your pupils large. Maybe it's stress? After all, you said they are only SLIGHTLY larger.

If you eat well, exercise, get your sunlight, plenty of sleep, stay OFF ALL drugs, including DMT & LSD, I'm sure you will see improvement in your anxiety long-term. Your brain needs to heal, not get more fucked up. Wait a few months to do ANY drugs, even alcohol.

If you really need some short-term solutions ASAP, you could try a low-dose benzo, 5-10 mg valium is my personal recommendation. Good luck!
 
I agree with everyone, it seems a case of paranoia and anxiety, relax, eat well, sleep well, and take a break from sweets, everything will be alright, eh I ate more than 20 pills a month and nothing bad happened to ... except for tolerance to develop: (



Edit:
You can even search for activities that help you relax, such as meditation or yoga ;)
 
Thanks for the responses.

I'll do my best.

This is pretty sad really.

I am a naturally socially awkward person and I did use E a lot to try overcome this. I loved that feeling.

guess i just made it worse.
 
Sublime947 said:
Thanks for the responses.

I'll do my best.

This is pretty sad really.

I am a naturally socially awkward person and I did use E a lot to try overcome this. I loved that feeling.

guess i just made it worse.
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Don't give up! Trust me, things will get better. I am also a naturally socially awkward person, and MDMA abuse does make that much worse. Once-in-awhile use, however, does not seem to have a substancial negative impact.

I find valium the best cure for my social awkwardness. I used to pick up so many chicks in high school when I took benzos. I could never get the balls to ask a girl for her number without them. MDMA works, but it's extremely short term, and will not have any lasting impact on it. Benzos impact doesn't last long either, but at least it can be dosed once or twice a week without any serious side effects. Valium is my #1 choice benzo, followed by xanax #2 (xanax doesn't last as long, and has a harder "crash" at the end.)

Good luck!
 
i recently saw a psychiatrist but didnt get diagnosed with anything, maybe i shoulda lied for benzos lol... i didnt tell my psychiatrist i used drugs either though

ya xanax or something kinda appeals to me although ive never tried benzos. i wouldnt do it to get high just so i can get rid of anxiety and paranoia

wish i had some here but im in college now :/
 
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