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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

If you died today

As I said people in general don't always show there feelings for somebody they love, they just assume u already no. Some people are good at showin how they feel, others don't feel comfortable doin so.

Even if you's have had a falling out and aren't speaking, if you were to die today (plz don't btw) I'm pretty sure they'd be absolutely devastated. I'm certain your mum would be, as a mum myself, I know if something happened to 1 of mine a part of me would die too.
 
My mom, dad and brother. everyone else would be surprised (if they even heard about it), and forget the next day. Some would be happy
 
If I died today I would be okay with it. Not that I want to die, or that I'm depressed or in pain or anything, cause I'm not, I love life. I'm just not afraid of death, and if it's my time then it's my time.

If I were to pass, there would be a lot of people that would be effected. My whole family.. all my friends, my X girlfriends..
 
Your family would miss u dearly trust me im in that black whole of having suddenly lost my 2 yr old son its a pain words cannot describe griefis far worse than death we are the living dead
 
If other people can't accept a natural, inevitible aspect of life, thats their problem and its their responsibility to reconcile their views. I'm completely at peace with the prospect of my impending death. In fact, its the ultimate fail safe. When things get bad in life I realise they're not all that bad cuz I could die at any time. I never feel bad about other people dying. Its like feeling bad about the fact the sky is blue.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
I would miss myself.
Click to expand...

I'd miss you =) Your information on how you were stretching your suboxone helped save me a lot of pain and agony. Also I feel you're a very notable person here on BL so I know more than just me would miss you.
 
My family would for a bit, I can't help but thinking that they wouldnt mind not dealing with my shit anymore. They say they still love me but I just dont see it anymore. I'm 20 years old and have been a heroin/opiate addict since I was 15. My friends only care about me on a superficial level, I don't have a girlfriend and I'm easy to replace at work. I have absolutely no self esteem, its not that I'm a piece of shit or anything; I would stop whatever I was doing to help a complete stranger; but nobody would stop to help me. I use drugs to escape from my mundane life but I have such a tolerance I can't even get high anymore. The only relief I can get is a heroin rush, but even that can't take that pain away for long. I just want to end it, its day after day of the same shit, I wake up, get high, and go to work so I can buy more drugs after, then I try and sleep but can't. (I have serious insomnia, not the kind where I'm just awake all the time, I get tired but can't sleep. I feel like a good nights sleep would be helpful but not even a crazy intravenous sleep cocktail can put me out. I want to get clean, but then what? Will I just be a zombie for the rest of my life? I don't know. I just wanted to share to let people know that they are not alone.
 
Also i read your story thread a while back and it touched me. In an odd way, when it comes to BL and getting clean, i almost idolize you (no homo). Youve been through a lot and youre still here, i can honestly say your knowledge of harm reduction has made my days when i was still using so much safer, maybe even saved my life.
 
Serotonin101 said:
Also i read your story thread a while back and it touched me. In an odd way, when it comes to BL and getting clean, i almost idolize you (no homo). Youve been through a lot and youre still here, i can honestly say your knowledge of harm reduction has made my days when i was still using so much safer, maybe even saved my life.
Click to expand...

Thanks man! :)

It feels great to know what kind of a positive impact I've had in peoples lives.
 
I have lost allot of people in my life, One parent, My sons Father, My Grandmother, My Grandfather, And 3 pets all cremated, and put on the table I have of the dead, No its not creepy or anything, Mostly Pictures, Mementos, And 3 urns. It helps me to still see them although they are not here, So if i died today I would miss My Mom, who is older and now stage 3 kidney disease, my one and only older son, who has overdosed 4x now he is no stranger to death he comes back to me every time. And My Long time Boyfriend of 20 years now. That are the only people I have left in my life.
 
My animals would miss me & my mom nephews brother & sister would to
That's about it what few friends I do have would miss me to that's about it
I wouldn't want any of them to miss me but I know they would
hopefully it would only be for a minute and that's it
 
I had a very close encounter with death in a car crash. My car flipped and I was headed towards a huge and thick metal post at high speed as the car was flipping.

In a split second, I felt this sensation I never felt and it was like I saw my life in a fraction of a second as I saw myself approaching the big metal post. My car ended 6 feet away from the metal post, if I had hit it I would have killed myself but for some reason the car was stopped by the soil as it was flipping. I also got out of the crash in one piece and unharmed.

Fuck, I missed my parents and siblings and it helped put life into perspective.
 
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