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  • EADD Moderators: Shambles

I'm having a... describe your number 2s here!

So you're accusing me of cheating and I don't even get a test?

Prove me guilty! Posts on here from a couple of days back don't count, that's hearsay.
 
I'll dig out her email address :D

I've just realised I'm the first to deliver the goods in this thread, not sure whether to be proud or slightly embarrassed. Seeing as I feel proud anyway I'll stick with that.
 
bump you morons!

knockando said:
BUMp.
NSFW:

Zv8D2.jpg


Lamb burger rolls, bourbon biscuits, toast and dhal. Largest and most solid I've passed for some months! Felt like it was going to give a fight both on exit and flush but in the end went without argument.
Click to expand...
 
Like the stylistic use of poo aliteration there, Knock. Turd in the shape of a capital 'T'. And congrats on the safe delivery - was it a boy? =D

On the topic of aliterated analism, I recall one time I was out for a bit of a lengthy country walk with a coupla chums as a kid. The dopey one nobody knew that well (there's always one in any group of kids out for the day, I always found) needed a dump. He decided to try to make it into the letter 'B' (cos his name was Barry - for the sake of aliteration we'll pretend it was for Bowel Movement). Quite the challenge he set himself there. And failed, naturally. Ended up more like the shape of an umbrella stick. Anyhoo, the poo itself may not've been shaped as desired but was well over a foot long and thick as a goodly-sized baguette. To this day it remains possibly the longest and largest single, unbroken poo I've ever had the joy to behold <3
 
I'm pretty sure that one up there was a foot long if not more, bear in mind a 2D photo does not capture the effects of perspective. Plus I have a deep bowl.

I'll need to devise some kind of in-bowl measuring device.
 
Shambles said:
He decided to try to make it into the letter 'B' (cos his name was Barry - for the sake of aliteration we'll pretend it was for Bowel Movement). Quite the challenge he set himself there. And failed, naturally. Ended up more like the shape of an umbrella stick. Anyhoo, the poo itself may not've been shaped as desired but was well over a foot long and thick as a goodly-sized baguette. To this day it remains possibly the longest and largest single, unbroken poo I've ever had the joy to behold <3
Click to expand...

If I could have any superpower, it'd be the ability to poo solid unbroken cables like that, to such an extent that I had the confidence to attempt a capital B with others watching. I bet he's managed it since, laying a trademark capital B wherever he goes.

I bet he gets a lot of fanny too nowadays with a trick like that up his sleeve.
 
I'm deleting facebook tomorrow because I dont like having to look at daily comments and photos from apparent olympians at life.

I'm about to have a poo.. when I look at the rabbit pellets Ive managed to produce i'll be thinking ' I wish I could do a poo like knockando'. :(

Ed :I bet I could do a V or at least an L when I'm off opiates.
 
Don't think like that, yours are entrants in another category, that's all. Think of it as hurdles and long-jump.
 
YellowPolkaDotHalo said:
I bet I could do a V or at least an L when I'm off opiates.
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Go on: challenge yourself. I reckon a 'V' would be trickier than it initially seems - sharp old angle to crimp that'd be. Not to mention having to judge the percentage of poo held in reserve to balance the shitty strokes up nicely. An 'L' may be marginally easier but that full 90° crimp should prove a challenge to even the most talented of creative crappers. Good luck <3

And do please post evidence if successful :D

Knock: You may have a total of a foot or so of loggage there but you snapped yer stool in two so doesn't count, I'm afraid :(

MM: Y'know I'd never considered the ladygirl impressing aspect to calligraphically-crimped crappery. Now you mention it I can quite imagine it'd raise a man up to levels of near godlike gusset-moistening ability with the laydeez. If a man could shit a perfect, unbroken heart-shaped shite and leave it in the pan for the object of his affections to discover on Valentine's Day morn he'd surely never have to worry about fanny again in his puff :D
 
Well, it's flushed now so I can't really prove anything but I was talking about the ship, not the lifeboat.
 
Hmm... might have to call for adjudication on the matter then, Knock. Failing that, you still win the special prize for first poo pictured 'n' posted and the bonus prize for correct spelling of the letter 'T'. Think that qualifies you for the British Olympic Ordure Origanii team too :)
 
"Can you tell what it is yet?" That sort of thing?

I'm starting to think Shammy's off with his alphabet characterisation, it's a J for Jobbie not a T for Turd!
 
I've done a V in the last week. and I do fucking stims. and my bowels are like clockwork. stay away from volumous [sp?] amounts of food and stick to alcohol is the moral of the story

also, my two full bulbs (all be it small ones) of garlic that I lobbed on a pizza the other day turned out not to be a good idea. there commenced a Coney Island Cyclone* which lasted from 2am til 10am. was woken up by horrendous noises numerous times. BAD BAD BAD odour included

* indeed yes, a great track MM!
 
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