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Drugs and Family

Tude said:
Hello, all.

So I have a 12-year-old brother. I think he's getting to that age where he's going to need a little more guidance to keep him on the "straight and narrow." I was wondering how to broach the subject of drugs with him? Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think it's wrong for adults to use drugs. Key word: adults. I think that as long as he's a minor, he should abstain from drugs, seeing as his brain is still developing, etc. Before I continue, let me confess that I've never had a drop of alcohol, and never even seen drugs. It's simply a matter of personal choice, not that I think drug use is wrong. In fact, I believe all drugs should be legalized and the drinking age lowered to 18. I think adults should be able to do with their body as they wish, but I digress.

I think drug-free programs offered by the school system do more harm than good, and rely on disinformation. I believe drugs can be used in moderation without necessarily leading to dependence. This is simply a gut feeling, since I have absolutely no experience with this segment of society, so please correct any misconceptions I may have.

Now to my question, how do I talk to my little brother about staying away from drugs? If he chooses to do drugs as an adult, it's his choice, but I'd rather he abstain at this point in his development. I want to speak to him honestly about a subject I admittedly know NOTHING about. I don't want to lie to him, but I don't want to indirectly encourage him to try drugs. Or should I keep my opinions to myself and go with the scare tactics?

Thanks for any help! :)
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what have you been posting about if you have never done drugs or drank alcohol??

and i cant really help you, since you because of that ^. when i was his age, i was doing coke, acid, shrooms, E, heroin, and smoked more than my fair share of weed, and my little bro is 15 now, and has kinda learned to stay away, cause he saw me when i was strung out, and saw how bad it is.
 
I think the 2 MOST important things are:
- to NOT take the "all drugs are bad" approach, where you just say drugs are bad/evil/wrong/dangerous etc with no context, no explanation and no differentiation between different drugs
- make him feel like he can tell you anything, don't threaten him or make him feel like if he tried drugs he would have to lie to you about it to avoid getting a lecture or punishment

I think it's really important to be truthful about drugs, tell the kid which ones are really important to stay away from completely and WHY, and which ones might be safe to try when he is older if he chooses. I know that one of the things that led to my drug use at a very young age was the fact that the school programs (and other adults) took the "drugs are bad" approach and so when I tried alcohol and pot with no serious consequences I figured they were probably lying about all drugs. Drugs in and of themselves are not "bad" or "evil" or "immoral", the problem is that some drugs can be dangerous, have health consequences, and adversely affect a person's life. I also really didn't understand addiction and figured that I could try addictive drugs without getting addicted to them, I would just have enough willpower to only do it once in a while. Kids think they are invincible and that it won't happen to them. Of course the main reason I developed a drug problem was because I was unhappy. So the biggest thing you can do for your brother is do everything you can to make sure he feels loved, happy, safe, and that he can confide in you.

You can discourage drug use without using scare tactics. You can gently explain/show examples of the consequences of drug use and drug addiction. But don't just lump all drugs in together, they all have different levels of risk. I think that education about drugs is power and taking a harm-reduction approach is very important. For example explain what the dangers are from taking too much of a drug and how people die that way, or from mixing drugs, or from using drugs and alcohol at the same time, and explain why it's harmful to one's life to get addicted to drugs, and that there are certain drugs that are not safe to try because so many people get addicted to them and that a person can't tell in advance whether they will get addicted or do anything to prevent addiction (other than not taking the drug).

But make sure you tell him that if he is ever going to try drugs he can always talk to you about it and you won't get mad at him, he can come to you for advice if his friends are doing a drug and he wants to try it, and you will help him find out whether it's safe to try and how to do it as safely as possible if he insists on trying it. Of course if that does happen and he comes to you and says he's going to try a certain drug, you will actually do everything to try to talk him out of it, but you will be honest with him about the drug so at least he can make an informed decision and do it as safely as possible rather than feeling like he has to lie to you about it.

Kids are going to drink, smoke, and use drugs regardless of whether they have permission from the adults in their lives and if they feel like they can't tell you about it they are just going to lie to you about it. It is really important to raise them in a way that they will be equipped to make good decisions regarding drug use. Saying something like "if I ever find out you tried pot I am going to ground you for a month" is not only going to guarantee that they will lie to you about it, it is going to make them more likely to do it in the first place (it's like saying "don't eat that cake") AND it's going to make them not respect anything you have to say about drugs.

I think it's great to tell your brother that you have chosen not to use drugs and alcohol. Explain why you have made those choices and be a good role model for him. Just make sure that you come across and educated about drugs/alcohol and understanding of the reasons why some people use them, so that he doesn't think you don't know anything about them or that you couldn't possibly understand what it's like to want to try drugs/alcohol or have friends that offer you drugs/alcohol. I think the fact that you don't use drugs/alcohol yourself will be a positive influence on him if you play it right and don't appear judgmental about drug/alcohol use or the people that use them.

Sorry that was so long, I just have a lot of opinions on this subject and wish I'd had someone talk to me about drugs differently when I was your brother's age :)
 
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if you know any addicts/alcoholics have him talk to them, i'd think that would make an impression. if you lie to him about marijuana being overly dangerous (it can be dangerous sometimes but usually isn't) or say ecstasy drains spinal fluid/acid turns you into an orange he'll know you're full of crap.
 
You need to learn more about drugs yourself before you can really educate him on it :)
Seriously though, do your research, BL is a great tool for that! So LEARN!!!
Then teach him the facts.

Make sure you're honest with him about everything. (like other non-drug related things)

I wish I had gotten to my sis at a young(er) age. She just took a course at university that had a part dedicated to drugs. She believed everything in it (she goes to a super religious school ...). Urg, makes me so angry that they can just teach that stuff. :p
 
Telling him you're the person to come to if he does decide to use drugs is probably the best thing to do. But you must do so in a way that he senses you mean it, and won't get angry (or upset) when he does. Tell him you'd like him to tell you should it happen, just to talk it over with him. Getting angry or upset will keep him from telling you. Caring is the right attitude, and don't criticize him if he does, you can warn him of the risks, maybe ask him to read some bluelight or erowid reports by users. But you should let him know that it's his decision and responsability alone. Which it, in the end, is.

Cool that you posted here to understand the drug-user's point of view better. I wish more people did that, they might actually learn something about drug use if they did.
 
First, make sure the kid doesn't get bored. The biggest reason why I considered touching anything psychoactive in the first place was boredom. Spend time with him, make sure he's got shit he enjoys doing other than video games.

Second, make sure he trusts you. This has been suggested already, he's going to use whether he trusts you or not. He's better off if you know when and what he's using.

Third, you've got to let a few things slide. While I wouldn't suggest that its a good thing for a 12 year old kid to shoot meth, if worst comes to worst, encourage drinking or smoking pot over harder drugs. If he's determined to get high and your parents are going to be upset if they find out, he'll probably settle for something else. You could hope that "something else" would be one of the stupid "household drugs" teenagers do, or you could provide asylum of sorts for him at your house so he doesn't start using coke or dope to get high without his parents finding out. This is how I got started on opiates.

Sorry to use myself as an example so much, but I figured its better that I suggest things that I know would have helped me rather than trying to guess at how other people might think or feel.
 
Myself and my 2 brothers have the same mother and father, we were all brought up the same way, educated at the same school, and given the same drugs ruin your mind, body and wallet story, only idiots do them etc. There's only a year between each of us, so no major generation difference, in fact we all share some of the same friends.
Age 14 I began experimenting with alcohol, weed, coke etc.13 yrs later I use speed everyday. One of my brothers began experimenting the same age as me, nowadays he dabbles occassionally and is borderline alcoholic. The other didn't touch anything, even alcohol, until 3 years ago when a mutual friend offered him coke and he accepted, I went mad as my own life is a mess thanks to my drug abuse, he didn't listen, and now won't go out socially without a gram.
Give him your opinions and views, explain how easily addiction happens and how it can ruin lives. Ultimately though, whatever you say, he's going to do what he wants to do, whether it be to stear clear, have a dabble, or fall head over heels with his DOC. And if you preach, as oppose to advise, if he's out like me he'll try them just to rebel against you.
 
What you can do is give him the truth about drugs. Don't push harshly that he shouldn't use, or you'll be doing the same as our shitty education system. You need to ask him what he knows, what he thinks about it. Let him talk to you and express his own feelings. Don't come off as if you are trying to play mom/dad, but a friend who just wants to listen. Depending on what he tells you, try to educate him on the values of harm reduction, not abstaince (not that not doing drugs isn't the way to go). He'll be more likely to avoid using if he knows the truth and why he should at least wait. Tell him why people enjoy using, when he might run across situations where drugs might be around, tell him what are also the negatives of the use, why he should wait till hes a little older, but also how he should be responsible if/when he decides he wants to expirement. He might decide in a few years he'd like to use, and this could happen if you push NO DRUGS on him or good education with drugs on him. So if you tell him how to be responsible while using drugs you could save him a lot of trouble. he will most likely also be more truthful with you and possibly come to you when he has any interests in drugs. Make sure you keep a friendly attitude, as he'll trust you and see you as his friend.

Don't be upset if he decides even in a few years he might want to experiment. He might choose to do this with or with out your advice, so its better he is being truthful with you and wants to take some of what you said and use it. If he starts using any drugs (alcohol included) you rather him be smart than be and idiot while hiding it from you. Also if he has interest in learning more about drugs, bluelight is a good site. A lot better than other sites, as there is a prominate harm reduction attitude here that shows the positives and the tragic negatives involving drugs.

Just remember, be his friend, not his mom, dad, or teacher. A friend will be honest and more likely to come to you than if you had the parent attitude .
 
I think honesty is the best policy when it comes to talking about drugs, with kids especially. They will find out things on their own. If they find out you were lying or using scare tactics then I think that will impede them coming to you when they actually have questions about it. Leave the door open for questions. Also you don't need to use scare tactics on some stuff the truth can be scary enough when it comes to abusing substances. I think it's cool that you haven't done them but your not blinded by propoganda about how dangerous drugs are. Also I agree with the bordom thing if he has things he's truly passionate about drugs will always be less important in his life no matter if he uses anything or not. Good information is key. Inform him that all drugs are not the same. Stress that his brain is developing at this time. And express your view that it's not nessecarily bad later in life if used in moderation. Anyway good topic.
 
First of all, thanks everyone for your input!

Alex, other than some bottles of cough syrup and a friend's bottle of Concerta, I've been sheltered pretty badly. We rarely get sick in my family, so we don't get prescribed drugs (other than my mom's insulin and my dad's cholesterol pills.) Other than Tylenol, Vicks 44, antacids, and antibiotics, I've never taken a drug. I think if he were to wait until he's 18, at least he'd be old enough to make that call maturity-wise. I do agree with educating myself, though. If I'm trying to be honest, I should know what I'm talking about.

Bigfan(...), I've posted mostly in SLR asking for relationship advice, kinda. This is something else I have zero experience in.

Swimming(...), great, great post. I'll try my best to seem like he can talk to me about anything. I've already started
spending time with him on my day off from work.

Treezy Z, I don't know any alcoholics or addicts, or else I'd set that up. Great idea, though!

Llama 112, I've noticed that BL is an extremely resourceful/knowledgeable place, and it'll sure be a tool I use to educate myself. Until recently, I didn't really interact with my brother much at all, but I've always been honest when I do. Usually, I'm telling him to fuck off, but I need to be a better sister.

Bigfan(..), lol! I won't :D

Pilltochill, I really hope I can make him believe I won't judge him should he try anything. I posted on here because I thought it'd be better if I got help from drug users, or an honest point-of-view. As much as I'd like to think I know everything, I know better.

Lds 324, all he does is play video games...fuck! I gotta find him a hobby lol. No need to apologize for using yourself as
an example, it's kind of what I was looking for. Thoreau said he spoke about himself, since it was what he knew best, and I think it's a universal truth.

Manicmama, my little brother in fact is pretty rebellious, so I do have to tread lightly.
 
Try being totally straight and telling him its honestly a giant gamble. He could be someone with out the "addict gene" as i call it; meaning he could be someone who could use even HEROIN and put it back down just as easily. But theres also a chance that he COULD have that "addict gene" (even if it doesnt run in your family, it can be totally random!) and NEVER be able to put it back down, at least in his mind.

Straight ask him if he wants to take that gamble and possibly end up being the one who cannot control use. Its basically a game of russian roulette IMO, if you use that analogy maybe it will help him realize he doesn't want to take that risk. Especially with "hard drugs", thats like putting a few bullets in the gun instead of 1.

Just my comparison but i feel its apt. You can pull that trigger and be good, or pull it and end up a junkie. Honestly impossible to find out until you try; although if you come from a family of addicts you can probably guess you'll lose that game.

Also definitely not a stupid question man; youre a good sibling. If you can save your brother from shooting himself in the face with a heroin/meth/cocaine bullet, you've effectively saved his life.
 
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Tude said:
First of all, thanks everyone for your input!

Alex, other than some bottles of cough syrup and a friend's bottle of Concerta, I've been sheltered pretty badly. We rarely get sick in my family, so we don't get prescribed drugs (other than my mom's insulin and my dad's cholesterol pills.) Other than Tylenol, Vicks 44, antacids, and antibiotics, I've never taken a drug. I think if he were to wait until he's 18, at least he'd be old enough to make that call maturity-wise. I do agree with educating myself, though. If I'm trying to be honest, I should know what I'm talking about.

Bigfan(...), I've posted mostly in SLR asking for relationship advice, kinda. This is something else I have zero experience in.

Swimming(...), great, great post. I'll try my best to seem like he can talk to me about anything. I've already started
spending time with him on my day off from work.

Treezy Z, I don't know any alcoholics or addicts, or else I'd set that up. Great idea, though!

Llama 112, I've noticed that BL is an extremely resourceful/knowledgeable place, and it'll sure be a tool I use to educate myself. Until recently, I didn't really interact with my brother much at all, but I've always been honest when I do. Usually, I'm telling him to fuck off, but I need to be a better sister.

Bigfan(..), lol! I won't :D

Pilltochill, I really hope I can make him believe I won't judge him should he try anything. I posted on here because I thought it'd be better if I got help from drug users, or an honest point-of-view. As much as I'd like to think I know everything, I know better.

Lds 324, all he does is play video games...fuck! I gotta find him a hobby lol. No need to apologize for using yourself as
an example, it's kind of what I was looking for. Thoreau said he spoke about himself, since it was what he knew best, and I think it's a universal truth.

Manicmama, my little brother in fact is pretty rebellious, so I do have to tread lightly.
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If you don't know any addicts personally, I'm sure someone on Bluelight would talk to him or address a post to him for him to read. I think that could make him feel like you don't trust him or like you're trying to be an authority figure if you do it wrong though. If you randomly sit him down in front of a computer to talk to a long term addict about drugs, he's going to figure you're trying to scare him. On the other end of things, bluelight is just not a good thing for a young kid. He probably feels "invincible" or "special," more so than most drug users because of his age, and if he sees that there are ways to reduce harm and precisely dose drugs, he'll probably just end up justifying harder drug use because he uses "harm reduction" and he "carefully doses."

I guess the best way to mitigate that would be to make acquaintances with a couple mods or anyone who has been here a while, and then tell your brother that you've got a few friends that he can talk to that have more drug experience than anyone he's going to meet in school. Keep communications in email. Bluelight isn't some hidden, super secret forum, but its best not to bring him here.

Also, DooMMooD's advice is really solid.
 
I haven't read all the posts so maybe I'm repeating what has already been said, but:
I think you should definitely tell him realistically what drugs are like. This is a bit harder since you've never done any, but what I mean is, don't demonize drugs and drug use by saying such things as "drugs are bad", and "if you do drugs, you'll end up living on the street, murdered, or in jail". I'm exaggerating a bit, but that's basically how society portrays us drug users and that's the sort of thing they say to scare kids off of ever trying drugs. Speaking from personal experience, hearing this all the time just made me feel like adults were inventing stuff and had no idea what they were actually talking about, so I really was everything but scared when I tried stuff in the end - alcohol & weed, of course, but stronger things as well. And when I kept using these things and saw that no, I wasn't thrown out of my home yet, I felt even more justified in my assumption that the so-called "war on drugs" is stupid.
So my point is, I think you should tell him quite frankly that it's perfectly normal to want to try drugs, and that yes, drugs do feel good at first, but that this feeling never lasts and that in the end it will come back and bite you/ addiction is too awful to risk, etc. etc. If you admit to him that drugs feel good, I think it would really help you win his trust, and he'd therefore take your advice much more seriously.
I also agree that if he ever wants to get high, don't try to push the idea out of his head necessarily - weed rarely hurts anyone, and chances are he'll try it at a party eventually :)
 
lds324 said:
If you don't know any addicts personally, I'm sure someone on Bluelight would talk to him or address a post to him for him to read. I think that could make him feel like you don't trust him or like you're trying to be an authority figure if you do it wrong though. If you randomly sit him down in front of a computer to talk to a long term addict about drugs, he's going to figure you're trying to scare him. On the other end of things, bluelight is just not a good thing for a young kid. He probably feels "invincible" or "special," more so than most drug users because of his age, and if he sees that there are ways to reduce harm and precisely dose drugs, he'll probably just end up justifying harder drug use because he uses "harm reduction" and he "carefully doses."

I guess the best way to mitigate that would be to make acquaintances with a couple mods or anyone who has been here a while, and then tell your brother that you've got a few friends that he can talk to that have more drug experience than anyone he's going to meet in school. Keep communications in email. Bluelight isn't some hidden, super secret forum, but its best not to bring him here.

Also, DooMMooD's advice is really solid.
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Well, what you're suggesting shouldn't be done without a conversation first, and should (if you'd want it) be suggested to him, not forced upon him. It's something you can maybe ask if he shows alot of interest towards the subject.
But you're right, reading about people who use in moderation, and about harm reduction might help him take the leap towards drugs rather than stop him from it.

E-mailing could be equally seen as a scare-tactic, or a way of harm reduction leading to a higher interest in drugs. ("I can ask w/e I need to know to person X, so I'm using safely.")

Honestly I wouldn't apply either of these tactics myself unless he's taken drugs already. I agree mailing would be preferable to bluelight for a beginner-drug user. Don't get mad/preachy if he uses, and again suggest, don't force it upon him!
 
Parents knowledge of your drug use and their stance with it

I would like to hear your stories about your parents view on your drug use and the stories around it... for example their reaction to the first time realizing you do drugs/catching you in the act and what crazy shit they may do to try to keep you from it

I remember the first time my mom confronted me about drug use- I got home from working at burger king and she walked right to my room with me telling me to follow her... she got to the nice big locking rolltop desk I have (basically a big desk where the top slides over it and locks so you can't see anything inside) and pointed to it and said "there's a problem in this household, and I think it lies in that desk so you can either give me the key and unlock it or we're going to smash it open"...

Anyway so I tried to call it as a bluff because it's a reallllllllly nice desk and i didn't see her actually breaking it but once she got the hammer and I found out she was for real I opened it up because it was going to happen anyway

She found like 1/4 of bud inside and a bunch of cordiciden pills in an altoid can lmao (yea retarded drug and terrible way of taking it i know)

Funny thing is though I had a bowl and 2 bubblers inside and she didn't even take notice of them even though they were right in front of her face hahaha i told her they were decorative glass pieces of some shit and she actually bought it, dismissing them pretty quick haha





These days she knows I do and have done a lot more though and I'm actually on the verge of getting kicked out again for it, but I can't think of anything else that'd be very interesting to read right now

So let's here some stories about you guys and your parents
 
I tell my mother what Im usually using for safety reasons- like she will know if I am taking oxycontin or something dispite the fact she really has no clue what it is. I never tell her about the heroin/street drug use though.
 
I agree that Bluelight is not a place you need to introduce your brother to at this point in time (especially since as far as you know he hasnt even tried drugs/alcohol yet and you were just asking because he is getting to that age where it is common). However I DO NOT agree with the idea that the harm reduction approach increases the likelihood of drug use. It's very important to offer HR IF someone is going to be doing drugs anyway. I think the main reason not to introduce your brother to BL is because it is not just dry facts about drugs and HR. There's a lot of drug culture and glorification of drug use (even dangerous drug use or hard drug use) on BL, the majority of people who post on here use drugs already, and also there can be misinformation, since anyone can post and people don't always research things before they post, or they are in denial about the danger of what they are doing, or they tell people things that they based solely off their own subjective experience. Most adults and responsible older teenagers can filter this stuff and take it with a grain of salt, but a 12 yr old may not do so. You don't need him reading that someone says injecting fentanyl is safe because they do it all the time and haven't died, or that smoking crack is awesome and the best experience ever, or that it's easy to use heroin and not get addicted if you only do it on the weekends (all things I have read on BL). And he doesn't need to see all the detailed talk about getting high and how great drugs are etc.

At this point I don't think you need to go overboard and immediately start telling him everything there is to know about drugs, or setting up email dates with drug users. Start with the basics and gauge his reaction. If you want to show him the risks of addiction i can recommend some good films that interview addicts (and also arent DEA propaganda).
 
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Oh wow, I think if my parents found out they would probably throw me out of the apartment and murder me. Not necessarily in that order.
My dad once mentioned the situation in which he'd feel most humiliated is if he found out one of his kids did drugs. And my mom then chipped in and said she couldn't imagine how horrible that would make her feel.

Luckily I'm moving out in 3 months so I don't need to hide them much longer =D
 
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