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I have strict age standards. That I want to break, but can't.

Eyes On the Roll

Eyes On the Roll

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 26, 2010
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What would you say to a 21 year old male getting with a girl 4 years younger?
I've always had a really strict code when it comes to age, and that code consists of no one more than 3 years younger. I have incredibly high standards when it comes to appearance and personality too, and there is a girl 4 years younger than me (that falls into the "illegal" zone) that measures up to all of my standards, except those of age. She has taken and interest in me. The thing is, since I have such high expectations of a partner, few come around that I deem worthwhile (unless I get really fucked up.. but the next morning I feel really gross.. and these girls were probably average at worst, And sex while under the influence is something I don't respect, even if i do rarely partake, and my standards drop.).

Ugh. This damn code. I honestly have no morals in life, and I'm indifferent to almost everything, except this. 3 years under is my limit, and that is firm. Looks like I'll have to let this one slide, but I won't deny my attraction. I guess I'm kind of looking for one of you to convince me otherwise and say it's okay. Although, I'm quite firm on this one. Quite a shame. What would you do if you were my age and in this situation?
 
Why are you so firm on it? What's so special about 3 years younger?

What if you were 22 and she were 18? If she were legal would it be a big deal?

If that was still a problem I'd be kinda interested to hear the reasoning why.
 
3 years younger is fine. But 4 years is just pushing it.. Idk, maybe it's just subconsciously thinking about the illegality of the situation (but then again, I've never cared about what's legal or illegal.. my rap sheet is proof"). I was trying to rationalize it in my head, and I came up with the thought "well, it's not long till she's 18, I'll almost be 22, maybe I'll wait till then". Idk. I just can't really explain it. Maybe it's because when I was 19 I had a roommate who was 21 that was hooking up with a 17 year old (that completely met my standards) and was playing her at the same time. I knew that I had the ability to have her if only I had gotten to her first, but because of her young age and naivety he took advantage of her. Her naivety spawned great disrespect in my eyes (towards her individually).. and me being 19 at the time, with a 17 year old girlfriend who cheated on me around the same time, spawned great disgust towards young women of that age. and her being 4 years younger than him, I realized how naive a 17 year old girl is.. and around that time, the time I had a relationship that was failing (who was 2 years younger), I adopted the 3 year rule.

That's just a guess. There is no firm reason why I have this strict rule, I just do. I believe it to be something pathological that manifested through a bad personal experience, and I've had plenty of bad experiences with relationships from birth to now, so it's hard to pin point. But the code is so strong in my mind, that there is a mental wall that won't let me justify breaking it.

Is it so bad for a 17 year old female to get with a 21 year old male? Relationship wise, not just sex, but let's also include just sex just in case.

This is really unusual for me. I'm a diagnosed aspd, and I don't give a damn about shit, except this. Maybe something about this obsessive standard correlates to anti social personality disorder (sociopathy/psychopathy)?? idk. Thoughts please.
 
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Has anyone actually fully read and understood my second post?

older women... been there, done that, but it's difficult to assert control over someone who has had more experience than you (also from a gender that is 2 years mentally more mature..). I don't like being the underling. Anything about that is humiliating. That is something I will just not venture to, relationship wise(sexual encounters only, older women are ok). And this 17 year old has relationship potential.

I'm sorry, I guess I was a fool to expect anyone to understand or even ALMOST relate, as there are very few who think as I do.
 
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In a few years the age difference won't matter. But for now, it is a big deal. I'm a 21 year old female ... I think about 17 year old males and females and I think they are rather immature, you know? I guess I couldn't imagine seeing someone that much younger.
If you can hold out until she's older, then that would be ideal.
 
Eyes On the Roll said:
older women... been there, done that, but it's difficult to assert control over someone who has had more experience than you (also from a gender that is 2 years mentally more mature..). I don't like being the underling. Anything about that is humiliating. That is something I will just not venture to, relationship wise(sexual encounters only, older women are ok).
Click to expand...

Wow. Now we know what your M.O. is. 8) You need someone immature, but not too immature, so you can assert control over her without feeling like you are breaking the law. Ugh.

Good luck with that one. Hopefully when you get a little older you will mature and realize that healthy relationships are not about control, but give and take, on equal footing. Each person teaches and learns from the other, unless you are specifically seeking a submissive partner, which certain relationships certainly do have, but even a dominant/submissive relationship is based on clear communication, rather than manipulation of someone who may be more naive than the other.
 
Wow. I completely respect your post. You revealed something about myself that I MYSELF have even overlooked. And I thought I knew myself best. I feel the negativity of your post, but I respect it nonetheless. I was being completely honest in these posts because they are anonymous, but you've shown me something about myself that even I overlooked. Thank you. Best post so far.
 
Eyes On the Roll said:
Has anyone actually fully read and understood my second post?
Click to expand...

I was referring to maturity disparity as much as legality.

llama112 said:
I think about 17 year old males and females and I think they are rather immature, you know?
Click to expand...

Generally speaking, this is true, and very pertinent, but mostly in a relative manner. More specifically, there are many 17 year olds possessing virtues we'd attribute to a mature person; yet most 17 year olds aren't where a 21 year old is, even if matured.
 
I apologize for overlooking your post.
Maybe, it can be said, that there is a strong psychological component to my standards?
I type that last sentence with a question mark because I am asking a question. This is one subject out of only one that I am confused about, and it has troubled me. By cross examining all of you I am getting a better understanding of my motives/intentions/and pathologic processes. I apologize if some of the things I say don't make sense, because I have been drinking. I just want to better understand myself, and the way I think, because even my own thought processes baffle me.

Just a little fun fact:
My dad is a highly successful and wealthy man who is 59 years old, and my step mom is 20 years younger than him. Why can he get away with it but I feel like I should abstain? Their gap is MUCH wider than "ours".
 
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To be perfectly honest, your second post didn't come across conclusive or declarative to me; you seemed to be speculating and analyzing yourself - sort of a stream of conscious.

Your step mother at 39, and your father at 59 surely will suffer disparity. However, a 17 year old still has an undeniably significant deal of growing to do, some physical, but assuredly more upstairs. You, at 21 still likely haven't settled into a fully-realized maturity. I don't know you, so I'm generalizing. My point here is, it is very possible the gap in maturity/emotionalism/professionalism between you and your crush is larger than that of your father and his spouse. Sorry if that lacks resounding conclusiveness; I'm watching a flick concurrently.

Of course, there's also the line society, our society, drew at 18 to decide when a person is cognizant and capably mature of granting consent. I know you've considered this, and you personally don't regard it, but it's a dangerous battle to wage against societal mores.

This whole thread is evoking this for me.
 
This whole topic is about speculation and declaration (concerning myself).
I am analyzing myself, because even I am curious as to how I think egotistically, since I can not explain it privately to myself and accept it.

Everything about me is stream of conscious. If you were to analyze aspd, you would realize that we are impulsive and momentous (I'm not trying to demean or humiliate you like I would anyone else in real life, as this is anonymous, and I feel safe being myself here; I don't expect you to have researched my condition as it is not one to want to know.); In other words, I don't expect you to know or want to know anything about my personality type.

But, try to understand, that I am in quite a quagmire. I've grown up in a perfectly healthy Christian family, yet, somehow, I operate on a completely different mental plane than anyone I am genetically related to, and I have no idea why, and this confuses me.

I am trying to better understand myself, looking past the subtleties of the mask of my first post. Sorry for trying to cross examine you all without telling you... no.. I'm not really sorry.. I never am.. and I don't care. I just feel safe being completely open on an internet forum. I've been in front of psychologists and have lied, which has lead inevitably to my diagnoses (because lets face it.. there are plenty of professionals out there that are smarter than me.).

You now know my M.O. of this post. I'm trying to understand why I have this code. Why, if I don't care of your life from my own mothers, do I care so deeply about a more than 3 year age difference of myself from a potential partners?

Let us cut to the chase. Is it something pathological, do you think? Something I indirectly experienced growing up that has indirectly imprinted this little petty honor code upon my brain? Or is it societies own morals against my personal ones that have forced me to try to conform to social norms, despite my indifference to just about everything?
 
I much prefer a woman who is about 5-10 years older than me, not slutty except for me, their experience pays off, 420/opi-friendly, these women tend to be much better than any young girl who you basically have to train first and their immaturity is a turn off.
 
Yes, sexually. But unlike most people of my percentage, I don't base almost any of my innate feelings on sexual desirability.
I'm not very sexual.. I am far from a pervert, although gifted materially and of possessing ability, sex is not my motive.

Since there are few who relate to my personality, I seek out those who are JUST like me mentally, or those who are prone to manipulation, but also meet my physical standards so sex can make up for the lack of personality equality.
If I could choose anything, I'd choose a girl around my age who was cruel and insensitive.. psychopathic. Personality turns me on sexually more than anything. But, if the personality is there but the body isn't there is no deal. There is some correlation between a cruel personality and a sexual body that meets my standards.. and there are few who do. This girl, however, is prone to thinking me as the best, and I can see it in her eyes, and other people have told me they have seen it in her eyes, and she meets my physical standards more than I would hope.
Which makes up for the lack of mental similarity.
 
Eyes On the Roll said:
...it's difficult to assert control over someone who has had more experience than you...
Click to expand...

It's been mentioned but I want to reiterate that this is straight up disturbing. You are talking about wanting to date a high school girl because it would be easier to assert control over her than someone with more experience than you.

Imagine you have a daughter who is in high school and you hear that a 21 year man wants to assert control over her, how would you feel exactly??
 
honestly, I wouldn't feel anything.
I was just looking for others opinions, and I respect yours. I'm not very sexual.. like I mentioned.. but I can be if it is implied by the acquaintance. I'm mostly intellectual/psychological. It's mostly what's up top that turns me on. What I mean by asserting control, is asserting psychological control.. not sexual.. I'm extremely far from being a pervert, despite how irresistibly charming and handsome I am, sex is just a bonus, nothing more.
 
At least you're humble.

I don't see how asserting control psychologically over someone is any less disturbing. I think it'd be better for society if sociopaths stayed away from high school girls.
 
Well, I want to say I won't fault you for your honesty, but if I'm understanding correctly, duplicity is a recurring theme for you. In any case, for our purposes, I'll cast aside concern for your motive temporarily, and address your essential question(s). I'd hazard the guess the seemingly arbitrary coda is a manifestation of something internal, rather than societal influence, and unlikely due to some experience in the distant past. I base this on your other posts, as well as what was said here. It may be linked to the value, or lack-thereof, you overall place on morals: a last bastion of morality to leverage against your other behaviors?

More likely, I'd guess you're currently bored and aiming to rouse conversation concerning society v personal coda, or a dissertation over the formation of ethics.... something like that? Frankly, you are quite safe over the internet from many vulnerabilities presented by reality - furthermore, you (along w/ any poster) possesses the ability to make an appeal, and upon receiving replies (themselves speculating in attempt to address your question), belittle or lambast the conclusion or solicitation. We don't truly know you, so as to not speak absolutely, we'll generalize.

Whether it's drunken stimulation, or down to the ground assessment, I wouldn't expect much headway. But good luck to you in either endeavor!
 
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