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Regional Heroin Discussion v14: What's the point?

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I think the worst part of wd's for me is the fact u just cannot get comfortable. Its been years since I tried to detox but I can remember the feelings like yesterday,and for me the worst was like lashing around in bed literally wanting to crawl outta my own skin. I would try to force my joints beyond there range of motion or scratch myself cos the pain was kind of distracting. Id wriggle around so much trying to find one position that might give me one second of comfort that I'd get all twisted and tangled up wiv the bedsheets! Then there's the fuckin cold sweating, the orrible smell of me skin, the sneezing and retching and the painful stomach cramps. Nasty. This is why I personally wont diss methadone; yes it aint ideal but I really am grateful that Im allowed to be on it in this country, cos I probably owe me life to it. Im very glad Kats not having to go through this in nick, Strungout that rattle sounded fuckin horrendous!
 
& endless....

Hang in there son , from reading your post I feel you really are intent on knocking it on the head , and making that decision yourself un- pressured by anyone is always the best time to attempt it.
It's never easy , but being in a free mind state is your best chance you have.

Good luck mate , And don'tt think that your long old rants are pissing us off , that's what B/L is here for.
Be thinking of ya.
 
PapaverSom said:
I think the worst part of wd's for me is the fact u just cannot get comfortable. Its been years since I tried to detox but I can remember the feelings like yesterday,and for me the worst was like lashing around in bed literally wanting to crawl outta my own skin. I would try to force my joints beyond there range of motion or scratch myself cos the pain was kind of distracting. Id wriggle around so much trying to find one position that might give me one second of comfort that I'd get all twisted and tangled up wiv the bedsheets! Then there's the fuckin cold sweating, the orrible smell of me skin, the sneezing and retching and the painful stomach cramps. Nasty. This is why I personally wont diss methadone; yes it aint ideal but I really am grateful that Im allowed to be on it in this country, cos I probably owe me life to it. Im very glad Kats not having to go through this in nick, Strungout that rattle sounded fuckin horrendous!
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Urgh yes! I even moved myself to the floor and lay flat as I just could not stay still or get comfortable. I was stretching out, grabbing on to my bedposts, kicking my legs out, kicking the mattress, screaming, crying. It's horrible. I understand now why it's called kicking the habit.

I can't describe the feeling of just wanting to be out of your own skin, constant feeling of not sitting right. Fist clenching, head shaking, feet stamping, nothing makes it go away.

I wasn't going to score today, but I got sick of the sweats (even with 60ml of meth, I'm used to using on top so still sweat) and emotional turmoil. Giving up a drug is about so much more than just the drug. There's the routine i've had for the past few months, the emotions flooding back and smacking (har har bad pun 8))me in the face all at once. Really, the drug is the least of my worries now. Now that I know i'm scoring as I' ve raised the cash, i'm not sweating and feel calm, as I know it's just up to me when I go call my dealer.

Not sharing this with my mate either, he told me yesterday that i'm a bad influence on him and his using has gone up since we've started to hang around with each other more. Well, I didn't see him objecting when I'd turn up at his door with items!
 
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If anyone is looking for something good to watch on a bank Holiday Monday (is it a bank hol in the UK?) here is a good documentary, its a few years old so most have probably seen it before, but its very interesting! It shows how heroin is Not bad for you, but how the crap that gets mixed into the heroin on the black market is whats bad for people. Its all stuff that we already know, but its interesting to hear Doctors say that Paracetamol is more harmful then heroin.

Well worth a watch, makes me angry that heroin/drugs are still illegal!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QC_nrLIc2Zk&feature=related
 
I'm so tired of telling judgmental people that there is no scientific proof that heroin is actually harmful for the body, what is harmful is the adulterants it is cut with and the needle and the damage done (as Neil Young sang), ie DVT, abscesses etc.
 
They say everything happens for a reason, my usual guy stood me up so I went with someone i've not used in a while and for the first time in a few weeks I just found good gear again, people had been saying he had good stuff but I didn't listen. When it cooked up dark brown I had a feeling it was going to be good. I very rarely do one of each to myself, even if I've paid for them I'll still sort out a mate if they're about, as I sometimes prefer to have someone with me to talk to, and i'm also generous and know that some friends appreciate it as they've got nothing themselves, but apparently i'm a bad influence and use too often so one friend told me to slow down offering him sorters as he's not got the will power to turn them down. He's worried about me, but can't be around me.

Banged up and bag and a stone to myself and when I finally got my hit, took 25 minutes to find a working vein (yes, that long as i've ran out of obliging ones apart from my hands which I said I'd never do as I already have some nerve damage, but how things change for a few seconds of pleasure. Decided to avoid my groin as the gear was too dark so i cant see colour of blood) it made me realise why moderation and not being greedy is worth it, takes tolerance back down! To think I used to have 5 item hits shared with a mate a few times a day, and i'm this happy from just one of each just once a day. I know i'm still using, but my long drawn out taper is getting there.

However, problem with doing drugs on you're own = nobody to gibber at, didn't think the gibberings thread would appreciate my topic of gibber. Lucky I teethed a bottle of wine from Tescunts to come down with eh?
 
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endlessnameless said:
That means so much to me cazamac. Really, it does. I've changed into warmer clothes, have a coffee here beside me and listening to the smiths seems to help a bit. No matter how many times I bathe myself I still feel filthy as fuck. However, unless I have a shave with a decent blade I'll still feel like an aimlessly wandering tramp (no offense any of those, of course).

If I can bum a 5r I'll be able to get a box of codeine tablets. My friend is going through the cold turkey too and just cant do it - with almost absolute hesitance I barely can myself - and wants to hit the streets for methadone. I really dont think theres much point in going onto methadone now that I'm on day 2. Of course it would certainly make things much easier, but would I be setting myself back? It'd only be 10-15mls for 2/3 days at most anyway...humm.
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Im sorry man but this is bull shit your not clucking you have had very mild symtoms at most- being able to sleep for 4-5 hours ffs listen mate when in your in wd;s you wont sleep for a week plus all the other symtoms mentioned before - is it sympathy your looking for?
Im i the only one here who thinks this is just bollox?
 
^ He's here for support! Isn't that one of the reasons this forum exists? I've heard of dick sizing about drug taking, but dick sizing about who's withdrawals are worse than others? Come on!

Everyone's different, everyone's body reacts differently. It's all relative to whatever amount it is you're coming off. Who are you to say he's not suffering, just because he's not reacting the way that you do when you're clucking? He's also said he's just into day 2, he has a little way to go yet and in reality probably a lot more hell before he gets better.
 
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News from our kat!!!

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NEWS FROM OUR KAT!!!!!!
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Kat's Mum has received another letter from Kat. Kat seems in good form, she is glad coz at the moment she has a cell to her self, she says that she is really missing the internet & she is finding herself watching a lot of T.V. Kat has been getting all of the e-mails that are sent to her, she gets them more or less straight away (i posted link for e-mails on this thread the other day) But she needs stamps so that she can write back to people, she will also need paper.

She has asked her Mum for some jumpers coz all her jumpers had hoods so they were all taken off her. :( She is also still going crazy for tobacco & chocolate! She is gonna try get a job or else she is gonna do a course, she needs to earn a few bob to get by. She can't make up her mind if she should appeal or not, she is worried in case she gets a longer sentence. Kats Mum is very unhappy at the way Kat's solicitor handled her case, she feels that he didn't do enough to get her off! Kat's Mum is very upset about this!!! :(

& lastly Kat has been advised that she could put in for a transfare so she could be moved to another prison that is nearer to her family, she is not sure what to do? Kat is not even sure of the location of the prison that she is in now, she had to ask her Mum were abouts in the country she is in, god love her, that must be terribly confusing! :(

So that is Kats news so far. She seems have got a lot of letters & e-mails in her first week from friends & family, i'm gonna wait till next weekend to post my letter when things die down a bit. Her Mum was worried about Kat not having enough paper for letters, apparently paper is expensive to buy in the prison shop, so her Mum wants to know can we send in extra paper with out letters? Or can Kat use the back of our letters to write her reply on? Does anyone know? It would be handy to just put a few extra sheets of paper in with our letter so Kat has paper for her reply, but does the prison allow this?

All in all Kat sounds like she is doing ok, but Kat did tell me that she will be putting on a brave face for her Mum. Kat also put me in touch with her best mate, she said that she will tell her mate how she is really getting on. I have been in touch with her mate but she doesn't seem to have ant news yet. I'll keep yous all posted, although i'm sure some of yous will be hearing from Kat yourselves soon! Don't forget to send stamps & paper when you write to her! (thats if we can find out if we're allowed send paper?)
 
Or can Kat use the back of our letters to write her reply on? Does anyone know? It would be handy to just put a few extra sheets of paper in with our letter so Kat has paper for her reply, but does the prison allow this?
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She can ask for letter paper from the prison. It's usually lined and is headed with space for them to write their Prison number and wing etc. I got a letter from a friend the other day, it amused me as it says on the top 'When writing to Members of Parliament please give your previous home address in order to avoid delay in your case being taken up by the M.P'.

If the won't give her enough, nothing wrong with sending in a few blank sheets included with letters. They don't read all letters that come in.

Good to hear she's doing well. When it comes to chocolate, she can order this from canteen, she'll be able to hand in a list with what she wants. Comes around a certain day every week, that and visits are the one thing to look forward too on a daily basis!

I used to do a job writing up the learning agreements of prisoners, there's some good courses available. Some people even got through degrees! Best job she could get is Cleaning (cleaners get their own cells) or kitchen.
 
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cherrycolouredfunk said:
She can ask for letter paper from the prison.
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Yeah she gets a weekly allowance of paper but she says thats its not enough. Her Mum has rang the prison a few times asking about what Kat can & can't have, but she said they were unclear about the paper. When i have written to mates on the inside i didn't know paper would be a problem so i never asked, i guess its something that you'd never think of unless you were locked up yourself.

Poor Kat, you'd think that the miserable bastards would give her as much paper as she needs........
 
Unless it's changed, you have to buy extra letters if you want to send more than the allocated free one a week. If you want to write to someone without letting on you're inside, you have to smuggle it out - all approved letters have the prison address stamped on the top of the first page.

Cherry, ffs stay away from the groin, you're letting yourself in for all sorts of problems in later life. Be easy with your hands too - you can't wear gloves all the time as you can long sleeves and tracks on the hand are a dead giveaway. I know it's a bore but it really is a good idea to go back to smoking when you lose your mainlines. If you just can't hack it, use a 1ml and be careful and your ankles are probably the best place. Nerve damage is usually irreversible and it's rare to find a chronic users without one example or another. Your health is precious and you'll regret it if you damage yourself now. I don't know what your dsp is like but, if you won't face 'punishment' as you do with the crazier ones, perhaps tell them all about it . An increase in your methadone or maybe morphine pills on top could well sort you out. And, if you want it, hassle like hell for a diamorphine script - it's almost certainly out of the question at the moment but winds of change are blowing in treatment circles. The 'encouragement to abstinence' initiative turns out to be the failure anyone with a modicum of understanding could have predicted and the nutters who've dominated policy these past forty years surely can't claim credibility much longer. Well, you can hope and it won't do any harm to get your name down early. If you still plan to give up, leaving the needle behind is a rather essential first step. It's a difficult business but take care whatever you decide.
 
^ I know. Hopefully, I won't be injecting much longer.

I already have nerve damage in one foot, one thumb. Track marks running up both inner wrists. Lumps in arms from misses, collapsed veins. Almost a miss in my Jugular! Abscess, that's still not healed and is leaking. I seem to have got all the ailments of a long term injector, in just a few months. My key worker is proving to be shite, I'm going to ask to have my script managed by my doctor instead. Didn't want to go up on my Meth, but I've been thinking about it again like you've said.
 
blondin said:
Im sorry man but this is bull shit your not clucking you have had very mild symtoms at most- being able to sleep for 4-5 hours ffs listen mate when in your in wd;s you wont sleep for a week plus all the other symtoms mentioned before - is it sympathy your looking for?
Im i the only one here who thinks this is just bollox?
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Theres no need to apologise; if you believe I'm talking bull shit, then that's a perfectly acceptable, legitimate opinion and you should never apologise for stating your opinion. I cant say I agree - I'm definitely suffering to an extent, but its nothing I cant handle. I have however tried my best not to venture too much detail of my withdrawal process, and theres quite a lot I'm holding back because I actually didnt want to piss any of you off with the length of my posts. The depression is the worst of it and I fully admit that its the dark thoughts in my mind that make me drone on in my posts, however if you expect me to apologise for expressing myself then I must tell you I will not.

I'm not at all looking for sympathy - no. Honestly, all of this is just posted in an effort to maybe attain a hint of support. I agree that my posts read like a load of old bollocks. Trust me: no one believes this with as much vehemence as I.

In hindsight, the truth is that my descriptions of withdrawal and general ever lasting depression are more suited to the dark side. I no longer consider myself a heroin addict, so soon enough my knowledge of the scene will grow obsolete and so I wont be posting in this thread anymore so you wont have to read it for much longer blondin; though of course you know you're not obliged to read and/or respond to anything I post. Have a nice day pal.
 
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Depression is one of the reasons many people self medicate with heroin (I did/do). I was just getting bored with your description of going thro WD's when you were obviously not - just mild symtoms, have you ever had a habit on proper gear , not the muck that youve been getting since the drought? and then gone thro it its 4-5 days of torture then 2 weeks or so of hardly any sleep, no strength or appertite and an overwhelming desire to score. Ive been thro WD's a number of times always cos Ive run out of cash but Ive promised myself never again as I would sooner kill myself than go thro it again - THATS how bad it gets there are enough old heads on here who know the score.
 
^ Again, that just sounds like you're dick sizing about WD's and who's had the worst habit. I've already made that point earlier in the thread. So what if he's not suffering as badly as you did, if it was me i'd say it's a blessing he's not, and that you'd not wish it on him!

Can't see what's wrong with him typing his issues out, and getting some support, even if they are considered to be, in your opinion, nothing!
 
cherrycolouredfunk said:
^ Again, that just sounds like you're dick sizing about WD's and who's had the worst habit. I've already made that point earlier in the thread. So what if he's not suffering as badly as you did, if it was me i'd say it's a blessing he's not, and that you'd not wish it on him!

Can't see what's wrong with him typing his issues out, and getting some support, even if they are considered to be, in your opinion, nothing!
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Piss off - your as bad, been on gear for 10 minutes and your going on about abcesses and groin hits - you two should get together and write for Jackanory
 
I'm not getting into an argument with somebody who doesn't know me. I did go to hospital to be put to sleep to remove an abscess after the anti biotics didn't work, and I am using my groin. Girls have weaker veins than blokes, so they run out faster. There's people who post on BL who have seen the evidence in real life. However, I don't need to prove anything to someone who's just looking for a fight. I'm also too weak after a day in court to stand any insults, ha! ;) I'll end up blubbing like a baby. End of discussion.

Go take some drugs or something and chill the fuck out.
 
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blondin said:
Piss off - your as bad, been on gear for 10 minutes and your going on about abcesses and groin hits - you two should get together and write for Jackanory
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That just shows how bad the gear is if their habit is barely a year old and they are hitting up. Sad but true that anyone who's taken to kit in the last 4 years has really missed out on the real deal.

Fuckin' Jury Duty:

I put on my form that I have to pick up a methadone script every Wednesday between 9:30 and 5. Will this exempt me from the selection process?
 
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