So I took MDMA for the first time about 4-5 weeks ago I'm guessing, alone, I took about 120mg (I'm average height and relatively slim). It was amazing, the day after I felt better than usual a couple days after I think I felt more depressed than usual but at the time I didn't attribute it to the MDMA.
Anyway, I took MDMA for the second time I think 3 days ago (150mg) and it was as good if not better than the first time. Now I won't go into detail but I'm an extremely depressed person nad have quite a lot of crap going on right now. Yesterday I was feeling even more depressed than usual (which was 2 days after MDMA which is the same time I started feeling crap after the first time) then quite recently after I woke up I got some bad news, not extremely bad, kinda silly actually but enough to make me feel possibly the worst and most depressed and hopeless I've ever felt in my life. It was a pretty bad day and as I don't do much I don't have things to take my mind off stuff so I just sit around thinking about it and it gets worse. I was also very cold and sweaty. Yesterday night I took 2c-b (35mg oral), I felt quite sick for a while but managed not to be sick. I felt pretty good for a short while then another little negative thing happend and boom. I can't describe the feeling it was like every little bit of happiness and even the thoughts of happiness I have felt in my life had been drained and gone forever. I was curled upp in my bed with my laptop in agony, maybe I was imagining it but I felt so bad psychology that my whole body felt physically drained and empty, I felt dead.
This morning I woke upp felt almost as bad, maybe 5% better, I don't know if it's just because of the psychedelic effects the 2c-b has worn off but I can't cope with this feeling, is it because of the MDMA-like properties of 2c-b that made it like taking MDMA after I had already depleted my serotin? It feels like.. if happiness is a well.. the MDMA drained the well of all happiness and the 2c-b poured a pound of salt into it. I know eating and drinking water is good but it's hard, I've only eaten a sandwhich today and yesterday.
I can't get hold of htp5 (or whatever it's called).. is there anything I can do to recover faster apart from eating, sleeping and drinking water? I've been slightly suicidal for a long while which doesn't really help. I'm not going to comitt suicide but I can't cope with this feeling now. The combination of my already shit and stressy life and situation was hard enough to cope with without this total lack of anything positive.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.
edit: Also, how long will this last? Would benso help? I don't know if I can get hold of benso, possibly on tuesday-wednesday but I'm not the kind of person that tries to solve drug problems with more drugs but if it will help and not make things worse in the long run I'd do it. I'm also feeling hard to concentrate and physically achey, although that is most probably due to the lack of food. Does eating sugar help? Any tips at all I'm desperate.. I don't even have any friends or good family/relative to talk to or hang out with
Anyway, I took MDMA for the second time I think 3 days ago (150mg) and it was as good if not better than the first time. Now I won't go into detail but I'm an extremely depressed person nad have quite a lot of crap going on right now. Yesterday I was feeling even more depressed than usual (which was 2 days after MDMA which is the same time I started feeling crap after the first time) then quite recently after I woke up I got some bad news, not extremely bad, kinda silly actually but enough to make me feel possibly the worst and most depressed and hopeless I've ever felt in my life. It was a pretty bad day and as I don't do much I don't have things to take my mind off stuff so I just sit around thinking about it and it gets worse. I was also very cold and sweaty. Yesterday night I took 2c-b (35mg oral), I felt quite sick for a while but managed not to be sick. I felt pretty good for a short while then another little negative thing happend and boom. I can't describe the feeling it was like every little bit of happiness and even the thoughts of happiness I have felt in my life had been drained and gone forever. I was curled upp in my bed with my laptop in agony, maybe I was imagining it but I felt so bad psychology that my whole body felt physically drained and empty, I felt dead.
This morning I woke upp felt almost as bad, maybe 5% better, I don't know if it's just because of the psychedelic effects the 2c-b has worn off but I can't cope with this feeling, is it because of the MDMA-like properties of 2c-b that made it like taking MDMA after I had already depleted my serotin? It feels like.. if happiness is a well.. the MDMA drained the well of all happiness and the 2c-b poured a pound of salt into it. I know eating and drinking water is good but it's hard, I've only eaten a sandwhich today and yesterday.
I can't get hold of htp5 (or whatever it's called).. is there anything I can do to recover faster apart from eating, sleeping and drinking water? I've been slightly suicidal for a long while which doesn't really help. I'm not going to comitt suicide but I can't cope with this feeling now. The combination of my already shit and stressy life and situation was hard enough to cope with without this total lack of anything positive.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks.
edit: Also, how long will this last? Would benso help? I don't know if I can get hold of benso, possibly on tuesday-wednesday but I'm not the kind of person that tries to solve drug problems with more drugs but if it will help and not make things worse in the long run I'd do it. I'm also feeling hard to concentrate and physically achey, although that is most probably due to the lack of food. Does eating sugar help? Any tips at all I'm desperate.. I don't even have any friends or good family/relative to talk to or hang out with
