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How are you in one word? v. flying purple elephants

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sarcophagus.heels said:
Worried...

I just told my mother that I want to take the next trimester off to focus on dealing with my mental health issues. She is not at all sold on the idea, and was trying to convince me to go to school this spring and then to come home for the summer, which would be awful. I haven't told her that my pdoc recommended an out-patient program...if it's not working out, I guess I'll let her know. I am absolutely not telling her about my hospitalization and my later shoplifting arrest, because she'd never let me leave the house.

Really, I don't know why I'm making a huge deal of it - my parents contribute nothing to my education, I'm basically financially independent. But if I can't find a job soon, I will have to ask them to cosign a loan for me...Also, talking to them about the whole thing is just painful because it makes it amazingly clear that my parents don't know me at all.
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Hey sarcophagus.heels, first I have to say, every time I see your username, for some depraved reason, I think of my ex-girlfriend and her 4 inch heels. It was mandatory/clearance for her attire she rock no less than 4 inches. Maybe I should just get over it, haha ;).

But yeah, I'm now wishing, more than halfway through the semester, I had sat this one out. I had more than one escalating drug habit, and I should have known at best I wouldn't handle the semester well - especially since I was to prospectively start my thesis now, which I did; however it all caught up with me between the intensifying drug use and the subsequent and current effort to quit along with the perfunctory sickness nipping at my motivation. I understand your issues are different than mine, but taking a semester off can be a shrewd decision. I've done it before to get my alcoholism in check, and I still believe it preserved my GPA and allowed me to easily enter grad school. Furthermore, my parents were explicitly opposed to my decision at the time, yet when they saw I was making a concerted and earnest effort to address and amend my problem they gradually understood. In my case, as a 20 year old with an alcohol problem, my folks assumed initially I was taking the time to exacerbate my issues. I could understand from were they were coming, so I conserved my energy, avoided clashing with them, and subtly showed them by action I was at least making an effort to better myself. In terms of academics it concluded well. I don't struggle with alcohol anymore, but I do with other addictions now. Anyway, I hope with time your mother will see you are genuinely making the best decisions for yourself. Good luck.

PS - I picked up a copy of My Booky Wook at the booky shop. I was a bit chagrined when I had to ask for help finding it.

Right now, euphoric. Damn the limitations of the English language: I need one word to convey euphoria tainted with guilt. Bittersweet sensations of some kind, perhaps?
 
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motherofearth said:
Right now, euphoric. Damn the limitations of the English language: I need one word to convey euphoria tainted with guilt. Bittersweet sensations of some kind, perhaps?
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One of those words not allowed in this thread? I hope you are alright.


tired

This weekend is going to be extremely rough on my sleeping patterns.
 
This morning I am very tired
It's Saturday and I have been up since 3 30am for a 12 hour shift.. Lame.

But at the same time as being very tired, I am also really happy with a new couple my partner and I made connections with over a Thai dinner last night..
These people are great.. We share unbelievably similar interests & hobbies, and get along like butter on hot toast!
Recently we've had bad, bad struggles and vibes from our regular friends.
As a result we have pretty much been forced to extend our friendship with others.
I'm finally happy with our social outlook again :)
Yay!
 
a bit scared
I think my boyfriend and I just broke up.
Weird.
It's been a long time coming, but yeah it's just, really really weird.
 
content

first good day of the week. woke up to the sun, was motivated enough to shower and go longboarding, which was absolutely glorious. First ride of the year, even had my first bail already lol
I may be going back to normal me, if that's possible.
this new boy in my life might be really good for me : )
 
n3ophy7e said:
a bit scared
I think my boyfriend and I just broke up.
Weird.
It's been a long time coming, but yeah it's just, really really weird.
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Oh no!!! It is very weird losing someone you were so used to having in your life. Follow your heart and do what makes you happy. <3<3<3<3

Today I am feeling good.

I did not drink last night and as per the advice of my tds buds and I am definitely feeling alright today :).
 
^^ Thank you lovely <3
So proud of you for not drinking last night too by the way! Go you!
 
@n3o: Strength and serenity to you. :)

ATM: Beat. Covering for a coworker for the last three days, and I'm just wiped. Bleh.
 
n3ophy7e said:
a bit scared
I think my boyfriend and I just broke up.
Weird.
It's been a long time coming, but yeah it's just, really really weird.
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I'm so sorry n3o. Breakups suck. Lot's of hugs and warm vibes sent your way <3<3<3

My one word's: Soon to be sleeping. With any luck and if my sinuses would fuck off :\
 
please be well n3o <3

FWIW, its his immense loss. You are pretty much symbolic of all that is female (strong, wise, compassionate, beautiful, perceptive and loving).
We need to clone you so that the world can be filled with more attributes such as these <3
 
Ahh n3o im sorry about that :(
Sometimes the universe makes drastic changes like this..
It's all a part of life :( hang in there, stay strong and stick close to your buds <3
 
n3o that shit sux <3 n thoughts r with ya for a sad time.
Im actualy going out tonight to meet a couple of people with my gf so am feeling a bit anxious. I got my emergency bail money so lets hope im all good and dun need to use it.
 
Pained

I would elaborate, but I think that is better-suited for the Heroin/Opiates megathread. When I get a chance I'll vent there. But I will say it is physical, and of course, there is the perennial mental pain (not sure if pain is exactly the right word, but if not, it is very close). Nothing life or limb threatening. Just pain resulting from continued bad decisions. Bleh. I'll save it, and suffice to wish you all the best. Some days helping and being helped on bluelight is the sole thing which keeps me out of my evil, and that has everything to do with you uncanny people wherever you are out there. It's amazing, the amount of help here, and just so unexpected. I'm working on changing it, but I've been classically jaded about many things since I was a teen. Point being, and I've said it before, no more than a few months ago I would have chortled at the idea of internet support, especially for addiction. That proves the flaws of my poisonous (soon former) outlook. You all, the good, the bad, and the gratifyingly attractive (all of you on the photo thread are beautiful), all make this place, everyone contributes, and I sincerely consider you a component of regaining/retaining my sanity. Sadly, I don't always turn on the computer.
 
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