I want to get your guys input on this, and I will try to keep it short and sweet because I know I hate reading super long posts.
Basically I am on a buprenorphine maint. program. I ended up doing maintanence (currently on 4mg) because I became a lost cause, couldn't stay clean no matter what, so I figured i could get my life in order then detox when I was ready off bupe. Its been a few years and I have not worked the program properly. There were good periods and bad periods where I would never use, and sometimes I would use every week for a day or two.
Well lately I am really just having trouble staying clean.. every time I transition back to bupe from H I say I am NEVER going to do this again.. but something gets the best of me. My body just gets up goes to the atm and buys drugs like a zombie under someone elses control. Lately I have been using 2-3 days a week H mostly every week but sometimse I stretch it to every 2 weeks.
Keep in mind I DO want to get clean off ALL drugs. I really hate them and especially H.. but anyone who's an addict knows how it just keeps you coming back for more.
The dilemma:
I am considering switching back to methadone maint from bupe for a few reasons, these are my
Pros:
1. There is weekly drug testing with consequences. My bupe doctor tests at MOST once every 3 months.
2. You meet with a conselour weekly almost like a little psychiatrist session type thing for an hour
3. The medicine is dispenced helping you to follow a taper. It prevent's you from saying 'ah just one more day on this, then i'll drop the dose' and getting absolutely nowhere
4. It's a structured program, so I can start a taper and go all the way down to 1mg. My friend tapered from 140mg to 40mg like 3mg weekly and she said it was 100% pain free. I plan on starting at 40mg or 50mg MAX then tapering. I will just lie and say I use less than I actually do or they jack up your meth dose.
5. If I do fuck up and use H there isn't this hellish transitional period I experience switching back to bupe, which often times keeps me using H longer b/c I am avoiding the inevitable shitty transition.
Cons:
1. It is a full agonist drug.. not sure if that's a pro or a con but it is an abuseable drug whic his my point. Though I remember back in the day being on 80mg methadone daily and I tried even doubling my dose and it doesn't get you high for jack shit. Even though it's a full agonist, coming from a serious 15 bag a day NYC dope IV habit, the high feels non existant. But I do feel more 'right' than on bupe.
2. You can only dose once a day instead of splittle your dose into 2 doses one in the am one in the PM (now this is osmething I might be able to work out). Because last time I was on MMT I would dose at 6am and I felt like by 10pm I was just tired and pooped didn't feel like doing anything.
3. You have to go there EVERY day at first, it's about a mile or 1.5 mi from me. I don't drive b/c I live in a city but I could biek or skateboard there.. thats not a big problem. If anything it's good to give me excersize daily.
4. My relatives knwo I am on bupe and I think they will think I am taking a step backwards going onto MMT.
5. You become handcuffed to the program.. like you have to bow down and praise them and shit - they control your life lol.
6. I just know from experience a lot of people on methadone becoem lifers. I've seen blind people, people in wheelchairs, 80y/o+ still coming in and dosing. I don't want that to be me. I wan't to get clean.
7. It's tough to do stuff liek go on vacation and stuff until you have 3 months clean in the program. And takehomess take mad long.. 1 takehome for every 90 days if its like the last clinic i was at.
Now my plan is that I would tell them I use a lot less than I really do. Last time I told them I used 3 buns of paterson dope daily (equal to 1.5 buns of nyc dope) and they had me on an 80mg dose. Too high. I am aiming to have them get me on a dose like 40mg daily if that would hold me, or even less if less holds me but I don't think it will. I will maintain for a little until I have a solid 30 days or more clean time under my belt then start a taper. I would go down to 1mg then detox. I would use bupe to help me detox.. the lowest dose possible and taper quick. I 5 or 6 unopened 30 pack jars of 2mg bupe on reserve so when I detox I won't have to go back to a doctor. But I would like to think 1mg methadone translates into way less than 1mg bupe.
I am only on 4mg bupe, and use sporadically, lately I have been on like a week long run though using like 15 bags a day. Last time I was on methadone 80mg daily I switched to 12mg bupe. I am hoping 40mg or less would hold me. Financially it doesn;'t matter.. its 50 a week or less for the clinic, for sub I only pay 45 a month b/c of insurance. k shit this is not short my bad. I hope you read it.
They also offer a 30 day detox but I would feel better doing a littel maint b/c I have been using too much to realistically think after I detox I will stay clean. I need to nto use ANY drugs while I am on this methaodn eprogram, get my life in order, then do this shit for real. When I used to be on teh clinic even though IMO my dose was too high I used a LOT less. On sub its like I ALWAYS think about it for real.
Theoretically I can do the same with bupe, taper, then just get off, but maybe b/c its a partial agonist, I dunno, I just keep fucking it up like a jack ass.
Basically I am on a buprenorphine maint. program. I ended up doing maintanence (currently on 4mg) because I became a lost cause, couldn't stay clean no matter what, so I figured i could get my life in order then detox when I was ready off bupe. Its been a few years and I have not worked the program properly. There were good periods and bad periods where I would never use, and sometimes I would use every week for a day or two.
Well lately I am really just having trouble staying clean.. every time I transition back to bupe from H I say I am NEVER going to do this again.. but something gets the best of me. My body just gets up goes to the atm and buys drugs like a zombie under someone elses control. Lately I have been using 2-3 days a week H mostly every week but sometimse I stretch it to every 2 weeks.
Keep in mind I DO want to get clean off ALL drugs. I really hate them and especially H.. but anyone who's an addict knows how it just keeps you coming back for more.
The dilemma:
I am considering switching back to methadone maint from bupe for a few reasons, these are my
Pros:
1. There is weekly drug testing with consequences. My bupe doctor tests at MOST once every 3 months.
2. You meet with a conselour weekly almost like a little psychiatrist session type thing for an hour
3. The medicine is dispenced helping you to follow a taper. It prevent's you from saying 'ah just one more day on this, then i'll drop the dose' and getting absolutely nowhere
4. It's a structured program, so I can start a taper and go all the way down to 1mg. My friend tapered from 140mg to 40mg like 3mg weekly and she said it was 100% pain free. I plan on starting at 40mg or 50mg MAX then tapering. I will just lie and say I use less than I actually do or they jack up your meth dose.
5. If I do fuck up and use H there isn't this hellish transitional period I experience switching back to bupe, which often times keeps me using H longer b/c I am avoiding the inevitable shitty transition.
Cons:
1. It is a full agonist drug.. not sure if that's a pro or a con but it is an abuseable drug whic his my point. Though I remember back in the day being on 80mg methadone daily and I tried even doubling my dose and it doesn't get you high for jack shit. Even though it's a full agonist, coming from a serious 15 bag a day NYC dope IV habit, the high feels non existant. But I do feel more 'right' than on bupe.
2. You can only dose once a day instead of splittle your dose into 2 doses one in the am one in the PM (now this is osmething I might be able to work out). Because last time I was on MMT I would dose at 6am and I felt like by 10pm I was just tired and pooped didn't feel like doing anything.
3. You have to go there EVERY day at first, it's about a mile or 1.5 mi from me. I don't drive b/c I live in a city but I could biek or skateboard there.. thats not a big problem. If anything it's good to give me excersize daily.
4. My relatives knwo I am on bupe and I think they will think I am taking a step backwards going onto MMT.
5. You become handcuffed to the program.. like you have to bow down and praise them and shit - they control your life lol.
6. I just know from experience a lot of people on methadone becoem lifers. I've seen blind people, people in wheelchairs, 80y/o+ still coming in and dosing. I don't want that to be me. I wan't to get clean.
7. It's tough to do stuff liek go on vacation and stuff until you have 3 months clean in the program. And takehomess take mad long.. 1 takehome for every 90 days if its like the last clinic i was at.
Now my plan is that I would tell them I use a lot less than I really do. Last time I told them I used 3 buns of paterson dope daily (equal to 1.5 buns of nyc dope) and they had me on an 80mg dose. Too high. I am aiming to have them get me on a dose like 40mg daily if that would hold me, or even less if less holds me but I don't think it will. I will maintain for a little until I have a solid 30 days or more clean time under my belt then start a taper. I would go down to 1mg then detox. I would use bupe to help me detox.. the lowest dose possible and taper quick. I 5 or 6 unopened 30 pack jars of 2mg bupe on reserve so when I detox I won't have to go back to a doctor. But I would like to think 1mg methadone translates into way less than 1mg bupe.
I am only on 4mg bupe, and use sporadically, lately I have been on like a week long run though using like 15 bags a day. Last time I was on methadone 80mg daily I switched to 12mg bupe. I am hoping 40mg or less would hold me. Financially it doesn;'t matter.. its 50 a week or less for the clinic, for sub I only pay 45 a month b/c of insurance. k shit this is not short my bad. I hope you read it.
They also offer a 30 day detox but I would feel better doing a littel maint b/c I have been using too much to realistically think after I detox I will stay clean. I need to nto use ANY drugs while I am on this methaodn eprogram, get my life in order, then do this shit for real. When I used to be on teh clinic even though IMO my dose was too high I used a LOT less. On sub its like I ALWAYS think about it for real.
Theoretically I can do the same with bupe, taper, then just get off, but maybe b/c its a partial agonist, I dunno, I just keep fucking it up like a jack ass.
