Alcoholism discussion thread v. 5.0

[RedLeader]

^ That's great to hear, that you had a good day, BN! And yes, progress is progress, and if you've got the discipline, tapering down to 2, 1, 0...can take away a lot of the really nasty withdrawal symptoms. I know how grabbing a drink at the end of a long uni day can feel like a treat - I used to do that all the time. It was worse in grad school, since even the professors wanted to grab drinks sometimes! All I can say is just to not get too caught up with the drinking crowd there, and focus on what really matters - your education. Alcohol will always be an option, but the chance to make a good transcript for yourself isn't something you want to pass up.

Day 6 of sobriety now. Got a kava tincture that is in 98% grain alcohol. Hoping that taking the tincture doesn't violate my decision. Only take a couple dropperfulls at a time and it is in an ounce bottle...so not getting much alcohol in at all for each dose

I'd say that it's only bad if something about the alcohol generates cravings for actual alcoholic beverages. I still allow myself to consume cold medication (like NyQuil) that is 10% alcohol, as it does nothing to make me actually want to drink. And I don't consider doing so a "relapse" or anything. So if the taste, the burn or anything like that is too much for you to handle right now, I'd opt for kava not in solution like that. Otherwise, go for it!

 

[Dark Ambience]

Day 18 with no alcohol - feeling pretty swell.. but its been a rough road. I still have the occasional sudden urge for a beer... like right now 8( I survived an engagement party without drinking and am going strong. I have managed to put in a bigger effort to get work and it appears I have an interview (round 1 only) on monday.. so happy about that, I really am hoping to get the job.. but know not to get my hopes up all the same. Unemployment for over a year + boredom + depression +drinking daily has really taking its toll on me and it feels good to have a glimmer of positivity!

Its nice to feel clear headed again.. I find all the little annoyances in life are suddenly less of an annoyance and quite manageable! I swear drinking regulary spikes the anxiety something chronic when sober.

I have the deamon in the back of my head already saying it will be OK to have a drink if I get the job.. and I can't say at this stage I won't. What do you guys think about only drinking for celbrations.. I'm thinking it can work for me, however I know as soon as I get that alcohol rushing through my blood and calming my senses I will want for it.. But if I can survive an engagement party and if I get through another social event I got this weekend, maybe it will be possible. In any case, I've told myself I'm not having anything to drink until I have a job as the added responsibility in my life will lead me away from drinking. Its my #1 priority.. wish me luck.

 

[blahman8000]

I no longer have a choice. I am going to have to quit drinking immediately. I am going to taper off rapidly, and if it doesn't work out, then I'm going to detox. Symptoms of jaundice have begun to set in. The whites of my eyes now have a yellow tint to them, if I look in the mirror with the sun shining on them. I've read that this is a sign of liver cirrhosis. If that is the case, then it's likely that I'm going to die. I'm going to quit drinking and then see a doctor. It's not looking good.

 

[polymath]

I no longer have a choice. I am going to have to quit drinking immediately. I am going to taper off rapidly, and if it doesn't work out, then I'm going to detox. Symptoms of jaundice have begun to set in. The whites of my eyes now have a yellow tint to them, if I look in the mirror with the sun shining on them. I've read that this is a sign of liver cirrhosis. If that is the case, then it's likely that I'm going to die. I'm going to quit drinking and then see a doctor. It's not looking good.

It usually takes 10+ years of constant drinking to develop full-blown cirrhosis, so its not likely if you're under 30 years old... Alcoholic hepatitis can develop earlier. Do you have other symptoms of liver disease, like abdominal swelling? I think you should seek medical help immediately, even if you can't stop drinking before that.

 

[rocknroll702]

if i drink like 20 beers a week how bad is that?? ive been to AA before and i stopped drinking liquor like 3 years ago.. havent had a sip of it since.. but like my man devin says -- reefer and beer baby

 

[batmanplaybaseball]

if i drink like 20 beers a week how bad is that?? ive been to AA before and i stopped drinking liquor like 3 years ago.. havent had a sip of it since.. but like my man devin says -- reefer and beer baby

I think you really have to make that call yourself. If you personally feel a need to slow down, then you probably do. Some people will drink 20 beers a week never feel like it is affecting them negatively. Other people will have two beers a week and feel like it's setting them back.

For me it's pretty easy to tell when I need to cut myself back, actually doing it is then is a different problem...

 

[SubDude]

I no longer have a choice. I am going to have to quit drinking immediately. I am going to taper off rapidly, and if it doesn't work out, then I'm going to detox. Symptoms of jaundice have begun to set in. The whites of my eyes now have a yellow tint to them, if I look in the mirror with the sun shining on them. I've read that this is a sign of liver cirrhosis. If that is the case, then it's likely that I'm going to die. I'm going to quit drinking and then see a doctor. It's not looking good.

I got jaundice twice and both times it was from shooting dope... once Heroin and the other Cocaine. Both times it woke me up quickly and I started living healthy [at least for awhile]... I've had hep B and C too but both have been reversed for some unknown reason. They tell me ,my levels no longer are in the diagnosis range... Start living healthy now and IMO you'll be OK. When we abuse ourselves it's amazing how strong our bodies/organs are if they are OK to begin with...

Day 18 with no alcohol - feeling pretty swell.. but its been a rough road. I still have the occasional sudden urge for a beer...

Its nice to feel clear headed again.. I find all the little annoyances in life are suddenly less of an annoyance and quite manageable! I swear drinking regulary spikes the anxiety something chronic when sober.

First off congratulations!! You definitely got that right about anxiety and little annoyances bothering drunks a lot more when sober. It's got to the point I can hardly stand to drive a car... I'm in such a hurry to get where I'm going and get back. Wish we had better mass transit.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Yeah my willpower seems to have taken a leave of absence.

I drank one bottle last night and thankfully fell asleep, i woke at 3am with this real feeling of fear and dread and i was not sure why i felt like that, so at 3am i drank am entire bottle of wine in what must have been record time for me (about 8 minutes), the immediate warmth and comfort soothed me and i listened to some music and fell asleep. Woke at 1.45pm with a horrible hang over and am curing it the only way i know how, beer
I start school tomorrow, which i am nervous about as i am 30 and didn't do to well at school the first time around, the perverse thing is i am studying social work, luckily it will take a few years to get the qualification as i would be of no value to give advice to anyone in a vunerable situation right now

BM I can really relate to this, ALL of it (I'm studying Psychology and hope to be a psychologist one day, but am such a mess myself right now I often feel hypocritical for even helping out people in TDS!). Especially the bolded part.....I am ashamed to say that I did this last Wednesday night. I was having a panic attack on the way home, I knew that the only thing that could calm me down was wine. So I stopped at a bottle shop, got a couple of bottles, parked up the street from my house (I didn't want my boyfriend to know I was drinking, as we were meant to be sober all week last week) and downed one bottle of wine in about 10 minutes. I have never done that before. I always watch Intervention (especially the alcoholic episodes) because a) I'm interested in the nature of addiction, and b) it always kinda makes me feel better about myself that I'm nowhere near as bad as the alcoholics on the show are. But when I was sitting in my car in the dark by myself sculling this bottle of wine I really honestly felt like I could be on an episode of Intervention. How depressing. I sunk to a new low that night.

BM I wish you all the very best with school, and I hope it gives you the focus you need to cut back on your drinking and take better care of yourself

UGH.

i wouldn't reccomend being a drunk to anyone except similar awful individuals such as myself, as i think life would probably suck even more if i weren't one. i embarrass myself at least twice a week. it's gotten to the point where i ask my roommate not to tell me what i do. this morning he asked "do you remember how last night ended" and i said no, and he said good.
(and no i didnt sleep with him, he wouldn't approach something like that in that manner)

AND I APPEAR to have put out a cigarette on my person last night.
>=|
...best not to think about it

Man this really sucks to hear, it sounds like you're really unhappy Why do you drink? Do you have any intention of cutting down or getting some help? If you're blacking out and embarrassing yourself, it's only a matter of time before you do something serious or hurt yourself.

 

[DexterMeth]

You shouldn't be ashamed of anything neo. Your love and compassion far exceed any short commings you believe to have. You've put a lot of work and time into this place. I for one am thankful.

 

[n@nn@]

You shouldn't be ashamed of anything neo. Your love and compassion far exceed any short commings you believe to have. You've put a lot of work and time into this place. I for one am thankful.

I agree, and do not feel hypocritical, it actually helps to know you experience the same as we do. Oh, did I mention I binge drink sometimes when I'm anxious, or even when I'm not .... that's another story and at 53 I should know better.

 

[DexterMeth]

^Pretty much. The best alcohol/drug counselors and psychiatrists I've ever had all used to be like I was. Direct experience goes a long way.

 

[S.M.F.G]

^ I got one thats like this, done the hard yards, recovered alcho/drug addict....
I recently had a session where we talked about everything i disclosed that id been on it for about a month and i was 32 odd hrs sober asked if it were possible if i were getin WD's the answer was certainly yes, thing that bugs me is i went in there saying I'm 32 hrs off. He basicly said id reached the point where i need to go into detox for alchohol n weed and actualy told me that id be off to get another drink within 3 days k.? k.
Now why in the world would he even suggest id go get another drink when i was dead set on stoppin it, Was just like a trigger.
Could bring Whitney in here due to my pill perscriptions but lets just say folks im concerned for my health, now ive got an even bigger problem and i have much respect for this guy, but was that wise advice? Maybe i do neeed a detox but was sure i could ride the week out here and was well into it, Untill that was said. So here i am with the beer he told me id get like the thought was implanted the power of suggestion is very strong yea? I really dont know what to do.
Any aussies in here that have been thru a detox facility in QLD by any chance? Im totaly stuck here folks and sorry if i run off topic a bit im despratly seeking help from those who been there.

 

[DexterMeth]

He was just being honest. Better than letting you float on a pink cloud and thinking you're all out of the clear simply because you've partially detoxed. Even a full detox and years later is not being out of the clear. It's one day at a time for a reason.. and more like 1 second.

 

[n@nn@]

I am a binge drinker at the ripe old age of 53. Usually weekends, more so when I'm with a seasoned every day drinking girlfriend who holds her alcohol far better than I do. I love a drink, champagne or wine, has to be a decent one though. Sometimes I just can't stop and go onto my second bottle, from then I can guarantee I won't remember a thing. This usually happens when I'm home alone, relaxed and happy watching my fave shows or chatting on the phone to my bestie. I can't touch alcohol when I'm depressed, I like to actually enjoy the wine and when im depressed i cant enjoy anything. Recently I had severe anxiety and took .5mg Xanax in the morning then another .5 before going out mid afternoon, then kept up with everyone else drinking you can imagine how I was, practically asleep on a table. I felt like shit for weeks after as I knew many people at that pub and knew how bad I was. I knew it was the combo of drugs and booze and I knew I shouldn't have had a drink with the Xanax but I was so relaxed and wasn't watching what I was pouring down my throat. I didn't drink for 2 weeks after but gradually had one, then another. I can usually handle one bottle but after that it's downhill. I'm too old for this shit. We socialize a lot, travel a lot. Hubby likes a drink and the odd "cone" and we were never going to fit into the steriotypical "proper" family. Sometimes I sneak drinks downstairs with the pretense of taking out the dog ...that's not good. Oh God, that's pathetic. I'm pathetic.

 

[n3ophy7e]

thing that bugs me is i went in there saying I'm 32 hrs off. He basicly said id reached the point where i need to go into detox for alchohol n weed and actualy told me that id be off to get another drink within 3 days k.? k.
Now why in the world would he even suggest id go get another drink when i was dead set on stoppin it, Was just like a trigger.

So here i am with the beer he told me id get like the thought was implanted the power of suggestion is very strong yea? I really dont know what to do.

SMFG, do you really think he triggered you in to drinking again? Or do you think you would've started drinking again even if he didn't say that to you? I know, it's a really hard question to answer, you'll never really know either way.....but is it possible that you're trying to blame him for you not being able to stay sober? It's a thing that us addicts subconsciously do, try to blame other people/things for our slip-ups. Maybe he is right, maybe you do need to detox, or maybe he's just trying to make you think that you're in such a bad place so as to give you a kick up the bum to try harder at sobriety....what do YOU think??

at 53 I should know better.

Gosh hun, if only it was that easy huh
It's really common for people with anxiety to abuse alcohol and other depressant drugs, as you can imagine. It's such a "quick fix". But unfortunately, as we know, it's doesn't really fix anything.

n@nn@, let's get one thing straight right now love, you are NOT pathetic, and your actions e.g. sneaking drinks, are not pathetic. You are just doing the best that you can with the tools that you have to try and manage your symptoms. There is so much shame surrounding mental illness such as depression and anxiety, a LOT of people who suffer with it carry out secretive rituals and hide or lie about their substance use to the friends and family. You are not alone. There is also no reason to be ashamed about this kinda stuff. I am personally hoping that society continues to become more open-minded about mental illness, and I've made it my own personal agenda to do all that I can to help lift that "taboo" status linked with mental illness by openly discussing mental illness as much as I can with friends and family (and on here of course).
Anyway, back to you hun. Does your husband know how much/how often you drink? Has he ever expressed any concern about it? Are you worried about when you might combine xanax and alcohol again?

You shouldn't be ashamed of anything neo. Your love and compassion far exceed any short commings you believe to have. You've put a lot of work and time into this place. I for one am thankful.

DM thank you so much for this, I really appreciate it man

 

[Vaya]

I can really relate to this, ALL of it (I'm studying Psychology and hope to be a psychologist one day, but am such a mess myself right now I often feel hypocritical for even helping out people in TDS!). Especially the bolded part.....I am ashamed to say that I did this last Wednesday night. I was having a panic attack on the way home, I knew that the only thing that could calm me down was wine. So I stopped at a bottle shop, got a couple of bottles, parked up the street from my house (I didn't want my boyfriend to know I was drinking, as we were meant to be sober all week last week) and downed one bottle of wine in about 10 minutes. I have never done that before. I always watch Intervention (especially the alcoholic episodes) because a) I'm interested in the nature of addiction, and b) it always kinda makes me feel better about myself that I'm nowhere near as bad as the alcoholics on the show are. But when I was sitting in my car in the dark by myself sculling this bottle of wine I really honestly felt like I could be on an episode of Intervention. How depressing. I sunk to a new low that night.

Aw n3o

First of all, I've felt the same feelings of hypocrisy; I graduated in 2010 with a degree in Biological and Evolutionary Psychology, but continued to grapple with immense struggles regarding addiction and alcoholism. But when we become sober - or are on the road to recovery - we only keep what we have by giving it away. And you give so, so, so, so, so much that I have complete faith you will keep what you have when you amass some time away from the chemical crutch we've all come to love and hate with such a passion. You're not alone. You're absolutely not alone.

You say you've "sunk to a new low."

Story of my life.

I've reached rock-bottom several times before, and found myself to have kept on digging. Things I told myself I'd never do, I did. And that's part of our affliction. Sinking to a new low may be the impetus for profound and lasting change. I went to the house of one of my most beloved sober friends this evening and we discussed how difficult a time I am having remaining sober (today is day 101 and I am absolutely miserable). She related to me that in her first four to five months of sobriety, she experienced no tranquility, no serenity, and in fact had had persistent thoughts of killing herself - on a daily basis. But now, almost two years clean and working a program that works for her, she wouldn't trade those horrible first few months for the world, because they were that terrible that she NEVER wants to return to those days, and in-so-doing, her resolve to hold on to her sobriety is stronger than ever now. It gave me true encouragement to persist through these dark times I have stumbled across. For the past few days, I wasn't suicidal, but the attitude I put forth towards my very existence was one of ambivalence. I feel encouraged today (I just got home from her house).

Everyone's bottoms are different. Don't worry about that show Intervention. If you hit a new bottom that goes below that which you saw on television, perhaps that is what was needed for you to take that momentous step in the right direction. And, if so, more power to it and you, for the longer each of us drags out reaching our truest bottom, the longer we engage in this "dance with the devil," and the longer we remain miserable. Be thankful that you have the clarity of mind to be rigorously honest with yourself with regards to how you truly feel about drinking a bottle of wine in 10 minutes parked in your car. If it weren't for your honesty, you may very well have found yourself drinking two bottles.

PM me - I haven't heard from you since the last discussion we had about this. I want to know how you are We cannot do this for ourselves, and our lives are testaments to that notion. Please make use of all the avenues available to you, which absolutely includes reaching out to other members of this beloved community

...That goes for the rest of you as well!!!



~ vaya

 

[n@nn@]

He does know I can't stop at times and doesn't really like it, and doesn't hold back in telling me. Sometimes he is my saviour. I won't combine Xanax with alcohol again, it wasn't intentional that time and I hated how disgustingly blind I got and having no control. I might add my mum was an alcoholic and my sister can't control her drinking (even worse than myself) I don't want to get this far.

 

[S.M.F.G]

He was just being honest. Better than letting you float on a pink cloud and thinking you're all out of the clear simply because you've partially detoxed. Even a full detox and years later is not being out of the clear. It's one day at a time for a reason.. and more like 1 second.

I can see your point DM, I havnt really disclosed till now the extent of my problems to my therapast, although ive taken a massive slide down in the last month, i was doing ok i thought... Experience IS key in relating ot these issues, ur very blunt @ times, But i admire and respect that, ya not pissing in my pocket

SMFG, do you really think he triggered you in to drinking again? Or do you think you would've started drinking again even if he didn't say that to you? I know, it's a really hard question to answer, you'll never really know either way.....but is it possible that you're trying to blame him for you not being able to stay sober? It's a thing that us addicts subconsciously do, try to blame other people/things for our slip-ups. Maybe he is right, maybe you do need to detox, or maybe he's just trying to make you think that you're in such a bad place so as to give you a kick up the bum to try harder at sobriety....what do YOU think??

n3o... Honestly b4 that session, Yes i thought i could do it without detox etc, maybe as DexterMeth was saying is true hard fact. But ive known this guy for a good few years now, and he sounded dead serious. The next appt was made but he said "thats if ur not in Hospital by then". So to draw a conclusion I think he wants me there for the bettter, but you may know of the system here, Its not by any means perfect and i dont wanna end up in some unit being pumped full of anti psycs and fucking my brain even more. It is indeed a tough one I wish i could say more but im lost

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ Yeah I know what you mean mate, and I know you're concerned about detox. Do you know for a fact that it's going to be that bad? (i.e. pumping you full of anti-psychs and stuff????) Honestly, I don't know much about detox centres in Australia but I haven't ever heard of them being that bad....
Also, if you're prescribed benzos, would they really take them off you?? Again, I don't really know, but I'd be surprised if they did. If your counsellor seems so adamant that you need to go in to detox maybe you should look in to it man. But ultimately, it's your call

He does know I can't stop at times and doesn't really like it, and doesn't hold back in telling me. Sometimes he is my saviour. I won't combine Xanax with alcohol again, it wasn't intentional that time and I hated how disgustingly blind I got and having no control. I might add my mum was an alcoholic and my sister can't control her drinking (even worse than myself) I don't want to get this far.

That is great you're not going to combine the xanax and alcohol again, that is a nasty combo for sure!! The one time I have combined the two, I was so messy, arguing with my boyfriend, crying uncontrollably, just making a massive fool of myself......only to not remember a damn thing about it in the morning and was left wondering why my boyfriend had the shits with me! 8)


Vaya, thank you so much. You are amazing I will PM you

 

[S.M.F.G]

To combine the xanax and alcohol again, that is a nasty combo for sure!! The one time I have combined the two, I was so messy, arguing with my boyfriend, crying uncontrollably, just making a massive fool of myself......only to not remember a damn thing about it in the morning and was left wondering why my boyfriend had the shits with me! 8)

^This is me exactly put as i would say it if i had the cognituve function to think straigh (exept for the boyfriend part mines a chickata) feels bad and i keep making the same mistakes, am amazed she still around.