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Heroin I need to tell my story....New here..sorry if its in wrong place

So happy for you! I love methadone It only saved my life about 4 months ago but i ..like you..owe so much to mmt. but to continue along the line of this thread...do you think you were in a way born craving opiates in some way. Like you were always missing something and opiates (wish they did not come with so many problems)filled a void that was and would always have left you not full...
method own girl said:
I have one word: methadone. I truly believe that some of us will never function normally again in our lives without opiates once we've gotten to a certain point. Your brain chemistry has been seriously altered and can take years to get back to " normal" ,if it ever does. Methadone allows for you to lead a productive life and keep you on an even keel. I was about as bad as it gets. My entire body covered in tracks and scars. I have permanently damaged veins all over my body. I have permanent purple splotches on my feet from poor circulation from this. I was at the point of having to inject in my neck and femoral veins, VERY dangerous! Now, I have a steady job for years, nice home, and happy healthy children. I just drink my dose everyday and go on with my life. The legal risks are gone, the lifestyle risks are gone. Something you might want to consider...
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Sepher said:
I agree that addiction can be defined as a disease. A self-inflicted one of course, but an opiate addiction has a very real neurological mechanism behind a very real physical dependency that responds to medical interventions designed to treat that dependency, so in that regards it qualifies, the disease as mental illness angle being entirely seperate but equally as valid. Take away the opiate crutch from an addict and the psychological effect of that is very real, in a way that manifests itself physically. It's not just 'all in your head.'

I would not be so quick to recommend methadone or some other kind of maintenance, not unless the extreme chaos of your lifestyle threatened your physical well-being or safety. Once you're detoxed you're gonna have a hard time convincing anyone that your life would be less chaotic were you to be put back on an opiate, unless you're determined to keep chipping to the point of risking re-addiction and its consequences. I can't seem to find how long you were an addict, but regardless, simple fact is your body and mind will recover quite naturally given a long enough period of abstinence. You will have to adjust to not having the gear available as a mood enhancer or stabiliser and that can be difficult at first, you having to relearn how real emotions feel and how to cope with them now that you're not medicating them away, but going on maintenance does not make that any easier in the long run. You're just deferring payment. Might as well get it over with now, cos who can say if you'll have a better time than you have now at some unspecified future time?
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The big question to me is why... not only was my life 'less chaotic' but I felt more 'real (or so they seemed) emotions...I took on more challenges...I got more accomplished..I helped more friends/family for the first 2 years of my (hidden from everyone) life as a opiate (oxy/H) addict. 2 years...not a short time... so I did "get it over with" a few times and went through the WD like mad, but feel better 100% on everyday methadone...was I destined to have my opiate receptors full to feel okay...is that my disease?
 
debbbideb said:
So happy for you! I love methadone It only saved my life about 4 months ago but i ..like you..owe so much to mmt. but to continue along the line of this thread...do you think you were in a way born craving opiates in some way. Like you were always missing something and opiates (wish they did not come with so many problems)filled a void that was and would always have left you not full...
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I myself wasnt missing anything in life..........I have back pain & hence, my start with opiates. I for one tried vicodin & percs about 11 years ago & was so disgusted by them, I told myself I would never do them again because they made me feel awful. Opiates are something you dig or you dont. My sister hates opiates with a passion.

Others take them to escape reality for whatever reason..........
 
the funny thing is i cant figure out what i am trying to escape... i have always had a good life..i mean i have the great husband 2.5 kids..my parents are amazing and still together...i truly did not even like opiates that much when i first started... oxys after an accident... but they became fun...fun...made every morning an easy morning...then an expensive morning..then an..oops i missed the vain morning..etc...then a not getting up without them morning... but i am and was never trying to escape anything except maybe being hung over...or bored of my great well paying job... i wish i had an excuse...
TheLostBoys said:
I myself wasnt missing anything in life..........I have back pain & hence, my start with opiates. I for one tried vicodin & percs about 11 years ago & was so disgusted by them, I told myself I would never do them again because they made me feel awful. Opiates are something you dig or you dont. My sister hates opiates with a passion.

Others take them to escape reality for whatever reason..........
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i waited after my post and was hoping u would back up the...escape reality for whatever reason comment...
 
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debbbideb said:
the funny thing is i cant figure out what i am trying to escape... i have always had a good life..i mean i have the great husband 2.5 kids..my parents are amazing and still together...i truly did not even like opiates that much when i first started... oxys after an accident... but they became fun...fun...made every morning an easy morning...then an expensive morning..then an..oops i missed the vain morning..etc...then a not getting up without them morning... but i am and was never trying to escape anything except maybe being hung over...or bored of my great well paying job... i wish i had an excuse...


i waited after my post and was hoping u would back up the...escape reality for whatever reason comment...
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Yeah it doesn't really matter what kind of life you have when it comes to addiction. I mean, obviously if you're perfectly content, than opiates probably wouldn't effect you that much anyway. When I started using heroin, I believe I was self medicating some anxiety problems and also a lot of anger that I felt for my parents at the time, because things weren't going so great at home. But since than, things have improved a lot in my life, family and otherwise. And no matter how successful I become, no matter how beautiful and loving my girlfriend might be, it doesn't change the fact that I want to use heroin.

I feel like once you start to really understand all that opiates do for you it really makes it hard to put them down, because nothing else does what opiates do for you with such ease.Like Lou Reed said, "it's my wife, and it's my life." I don't usually like to quote songs, but he really hit it on the mark there.

Oh, and just to be corny, "it's more than a feeling! Dada dum dum dum" though that's taking things way out of context, unless marry Anne was a very secretive term for heroin in the 70-80s
 
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debbbideb said:
So happy for you! I love methadone It only saved my life about 4 months ago but i ..like you..owe so much to mmt. but to continue along the line of this thread...do you think you were in a way born craving opiates in some way. Like you were always missing something and opiates (wish they did not come with so many problems)filled a void that was and would always have left you not full...
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I definitely believe that there has always been something different in my brain chemistry that causes me to feel like I need opiates to function "normally " perhaps because I have been on one opiate or another for more years than not I don't remember what it's like without them. But I know that I always felt anxious, on edge, and just " not right " and opiates took that away. I know myself well enough that I know I will never function normally without them and mmt is a lifelong thing for me. It's already been 19 years and I still know that I would relapse if I got off of methadone. Granted, the first several years of mmt was rocky. It took awhile to leave the dope life behind but eventually it all falls into place. I know that most of the recovery industry says that total abstinence is the only way, I just don't think that's realistic in all cases. If the only things keeping someone from leading a productive life are the health/ safety., legal, and financial obstacles of getting the drug the feel they need to function then why not provide them with a safe, legal, and inexpensive alternative?
 
by the wqay it seems u are severely psychologically addicted..which would constitute also a physical addiction..im a former heroin addict the shit ruined my life and beat my ass so fucking hard..ill never touch that garbage shit again and honestly if u want a life and dignity/ you will stay away from the crap..u have to want to quit though or else it will never work for a second.. best of luck
 
Debbideb, it's not necessarily that you're trying to escape anything. All of us feel that no matter what we have in our lives they could be better than they are. That knowledge is felt as a loss, intangible though it is. Opiates are very good at filling the holes made by that feeling of loss so you no longer feel them, and that is what you crave. The relief from it.
 
very true Sepher..nicely noted i used opiates to hide from every damn problem i had and it was terrible... there is an escape though im living proof..
 
You don't get it. The disease is not caused by the individual itself. The opiates DON'T cause the brain chemistry to change so that the person gets ill. The disease exists BEFORE the first pill/beer/shot/line/whatever. Getting physically dependent wouldn't be a problem if you'd get the medication you need.

I won't explain it anymore, because I don't want to convince anybody. We all have the true knowledge in us, we just have to remember it. We have been indoctrinated and programmed to an extreme extent, and this goes on day after day.

All you guys who think that they have an "opinion" should really think about where the opinion comes from. Please - free yourself from all your belief systems, and make yourself a blank sheet of paper. Tabula rasa. It's necessary to DE-program from all the bullsh*t that's poured into your heads.

Go watch the movie "They live" from mister Carpenter. Type in "they live carpenter" on youtube, it's a great movie and SO symbolic for our global society. Our "leaders" are very evil individuals, and they do everything to enslave and control us. The best slave is a slave who thinks he/she is free. You don't have to believe me, but it is as it is. If you want to call yourself an open-minded, MATURE person, go and research it for yourself, and don't judge the information while you're still encaged in your belief-system. Lay down every belief system. Open up to ALL POSSIBILITY.

It's very basic stuff, and I don't really like how famous David Icke has become (as I wrote, he's also part of the game, but most of his information is valid), but I don't know what to tell you where you should start to research. Type in "david icke beyond the cutting edge" on youtube and watch the whole lecture. Then watch "the lion sleeps no more". You can also go to his webiste davidicke.com and watch the headline videos. There's some good stuff. Don't listen to the radio show of "Alex Jones". Some of his information is valid, but he is a brotherhood agent who works against us. It's important to understand that drug laws are a major tool of control, as people's minds are bombarded with ELF-waves, EM-frequencies, toxins (food, drink, vaccinations, flouride, iodine...) and their electro-chemical balance goes nuts and they need medication - in most cases it's opioids. Just research it... you will find out things that sound like a science-fiction movie. But the reality is much more crazy.

So why do I write all this stuff? Because all you guys are good people, I'm sure, and you have the best intentions and want to help the OP. But your opinions are fed by the control system. It's scientifically proofed that the disease I speak of is caused by non-correctly-working endorphine-neurotransmitter-system and it's also proofed that opioids are the best treatment for it.

I want to end my post with this quote from the movie "The Matrix" (of course we don't live in a Matrix like in the movie, but the Matrix is in our heads - implanted by the control systems - our belief systems are the Matrix):

"The Matrix is everywhere, it is all around us, even now in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window, or you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.

What truth?

That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else, you were born into bondage... born into a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch. A prison for your mind."
 
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