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You might be an alcoholic if..

If you have to drive with the windows down in the winter, because you don't want the passenger (family members that called you for a ride) to smell the booze on your breath, and that would be the only way they could tell because alcohol barely touches you at that point, and you just act normal on doses that would knock most out. Also, you couldn't really turn them down for the ride because it is 10 AM and they know that you are home alone, so instead of explaining that you have drank half a bottle to get rid of the shakes, you just make the ride with the windows down, and smoke a few cigarettes so that you smell like smoke instead of booze. You then accept any gas money offered, and buy more booze with it.
 
if you've been given benzos do deal with delirium tremens
 
You've been drinking with your friend almost non-stop since friday morning.... (Just stopped drinking less than an hour agoy

You're so drunk you start dancing to yeah by usher and rapping party up in here.... 99 problems and other stupid shit. Then literally listening to jump around by house of pain...and then you hear your bed break. Whoops we were so drunk...

Your mom ends up smelling your cup and going is this vodka I smell and then says "you guys are eighteen and already pathetic drunks...."

LOL... Just another day. Now watching spun cause we drank all our liquor.
 
Oh yeah another one from today of what my friend and I did:

You go to the mall to go get your work schedule with your friend and then you decide to start drinking after you get your schedule. So you go to dairy queen to get two artic rushes (slushies) then walk to the bathroom and both wait for the chick to leave... Then go to seperate stalls one with vodka and one with captain morgan...then you pour the liquor in the drinks and start walking around the mall sipping alcohol... Even though you totally work at the mall and if you got caught you could of lost your job....

Also you know you're an alcoholic when you take a taxi to your house and the cab driver is playing forgot about dre and having a long ass convo with us and then asks us what we're sipping on.... Then we just drunkenly laugh and we say ummm slushies with some additives and he's like that's what I thought..

Then we ended up drinking more tonight/this morning than we did new years night.
 
You mite be an alcoholic if a fly lands in your beer and you eat/drink the fly.
You mite be an alcoholic if you pick up 1 year + heavy metal coins and go to bars and tell the bartender a story and show him/her the coin and give it to them for a drink. (Usually they will feel sorry for you and will give you a drink. They also like the heavy metal year+ soberity coin.)
You might be an alcoholic if you steal all the stuff you need to make julep and when you do make it you make massive amounts in those huge 55 gallon drums.. you might be an even bigger alcoholic if you distel that julep you made.
 
you have passed out naked with other people at your house on more than one occasion.

you wake up with your front door wide open on more than one occasion

you use liquor as mouthwash in the morning and swallow it.

you constantly think of walking in front of cars/buses and the only other solution seems to be to get more drunk. repeat cycle

you buy alcohol instead of food. eat nothing but ramen noodles for months.

you carry not one, but two flask with you and a bottle of mouthwash at all times.

even with the best cover up job, you still get busted at work b/c the alcohol is oozing out of your pores.

you have the ability to get/get fired from multiple jobs in a short time span.

other druggy friends/drinkers look on in amazement as you knock down multiple shots while still in "just woke up morning haze".

you realize you have no friends left and no one gives a fuck about you b/c you are always a fucked up piece of shit.

get so drunk you can't move. want coke to wake up. more alcohol and benzos to calm down. more coke. more downers. get some x pills. more coke. more downers. repeat.

you tell people you quit drinking and they genuinely seem relieved. "you really just didn't give a fuck..."

the corner store people wonder what happened to you when you stop going in to buy 40z every day.

quit one year 7 months ago. best decision I've ever made.
 
You wonder when its appropriate to start drinking...thinking "is 11AM late enough to start for this to not be embarassing?"
 
you wake up at 3am wondering what the fuck happened, check your phone, wonder where the fuck your vodka is, girlfriend is pissed and knows you were drinking, you think oh fuck she found my vodka, but later realize she thought you were just drinking beer and your vodka is right next to the toilet. drink vodka, surf internet till 6, pass out.

^^^me last night
 
Your mother says you're going to need to go to rehab if you continue with these habits.

You feel sad when all your liquor is gone :'(

You drink a cup down in a few seconds and are already starting to pour the next.

You think others are pussies if they can't even drink something straight, let alone a mixed drink...

You rather sleep the day away because what's the point of getting up if you aren't going to drink?

You've blown off work so you could go drink.
 
You just drank two bottles of "cooking wine" because it's the only alcohol in your house at 3am
 
you know what time in the morning your state is legally allowed to start selling alcohol.
 
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Your friend texts you and says that you and her are alcoholics. Then you reply lol I know so when are we going to drink again?
 
If you have ever bought a cider that has white in its name, eg Diamond White, White Lightning
 
I would be an alcoholic if i could drink large amounts of booze without getting nautious, ever since i cold turkeyed of 120mg methadone 1 week ago, my stomache is week... normally i can get through a bottle of wisky in an evening but atm i'm not feeling the drinkin vibe... so i smoke instead :)
 
If you can seriously compare the two cheapest brands of your liquor of choice as if you are making the decision of a lifetime.

If you rate wine by its ease of chugging, instead of it's actual taste when drinking it normally. White Zinfandel is my favorite wine, not because of taste, but because it is so easy to down a bottle of it, or to drink the whole box of it.

If you understand the end of my previous sentence.
 
^lmfao I was totally reading that thinking that's so me and then when I read your last statement I started dying of laughter lmao....so sad for me though :\
 
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