So I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for a few months and so far I've been paying for everything. Usually, I wouldn't stand for this but I'm in the Philippines so dinner and a movie typically only amounts to a few dollars and a hotel is about $30. We go out about once a week. No biggie. Plus, usually I have more money than she does.
This isn't to say that she contributes nothing to the relationship. Her and her friends are models so I get free entry to clubs and free drinks (usually). (However, she's been out of work for the past few months and has practically no money). Also, she arranges pretty much all of the outings because I'm a foreigner and don't know how to navigate my way around as well as she does. Basically, so far I don't feel like I'm being used at all.
However, lately we've been talking about renting an apartment together and this is where the trouble started. Not quite moving in but simply spending more time together. I started asking her about things such as expenses and whatnot and then I asked her if her and her ex split general expenses while they were living together. She said he paid for everything 'cos he's a guy' and I asked her whether being a guy meant that one should automatically pay for everything. She said she didn't think that and I said 'good, cos that's a selfish way to think'. Then she said I hurt her feelings and that she didn't want to rent an apartment together any more.
Normally I'd expect a girl to foot her share of the bill when it came to things such as rent and holidays, etc but then I thought to myself that it's the Philippines, they've got a different culture here where the guy is expected to pay for everything. Should I be more flexible with stuff like that given the cultural gap? Also, I haven't been working for a few months, my work is kind of sporadic and financial situation at the moment isn't great, so there's that. Truth be told, I don't really care about the money, I'd do anything for her... I just don't want to feel like I'm being used.
UPDATE - just to be clear, we're not going to move together in yet. I just wanted to rent the apartment because a) I can see her more often and (b) it works out cheaper than a hotel even if we just stay there a few nights a month. I can afford to foot the bill myself, I guess I just wanted to see if she would be willing to chip in. We talked for a while, she was pretty pissed off (which I don't think is fair given how tactful I was). Eventually she told me that she's been out of work for a few months and couldn't afford to help out with rent and she didn't want to ask her mother for money, which is fine by me. Otherwise she would help out which is the main question for me, so the issue is resolved. Besides, a typical condo is only around $100/month including expenses.
FWIW, in her last relationship she did all the cooking, cleaning, etc.
This isn't to say that she contributes nothing to the relationship. Her and her friends are models so I get free entry to clubs and free drinks (usually). (However, she's been out of work for the past few months and has practically no money). Also, she arranges pretty much all of the outings because I'm a foreigner and don't know how to navigate my way around as well as she does. Basically, so far I don't feel like I'm being used at all.
However, lately we've been talking about renting an apartment together and this is where the trouble started. Not quite moving in but simply spending more time together. I started asking her about things such as expenses and whatnot and then I asked her if her and her ex split general expenses while they were living together. She said he paid for everything 'cos he's a guy' and I asked her whether being a guy meant that one should automatically pay for everything. She said she didn't think that and I said 'good, cos that's a selfish way to think'. Then she said I hurt her feelings and that she didn't want to rent an apartment together any more.
Normally I'd expect a girl to foot her share of the bill when it came to things such as rent and holidays, etc but then I thought to myself that it's the Philippines, they've got a different culture here where the guy is expected to pay for everything. Should I be more flexible with stuff like that given the cultural gap? Also, I haven't been working for a few months, my work is kind of sporadic and financial situation at the moment isn't great, so there's that. Truth be told, I don't really care about the money, I'd do anything for her... I just don't want to feel like I'm being used.
UPDATE - just to be clear, we're not going to move together in yet. I just wanted to rent the apartment because a) I can see her more often and (b) it works out cheaper than a hotel even if we just stay there a few nights a month. I can afford to foot the bill myself, I guess I just wanted to see if she would be willing to chip in. We talked for a while, she was pretty pissed off (which I don't think is fair given how tactful I was). Eventually she told me that she's been out of work for a few months and couldn't afford to help out with rent and she didn't want to ask her mother for money, which is fine by me. Otherwise she would help out which is the main question for me, so the issue is resolved. Besides, a typical condo is only around $100/month including expenses.
FWIW, in her last relationship she did all the cooking, cleaning, etc.
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