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  • LAVA Moderator: Shinji Ikari

How do you get your anger out?

It used to be getting drunk, for whatever reason I am always a happy drunk.

Then one time I punched my bathroom mirror. Bad idea, broken hand. Of course I was pissed that I broke my hand out of dumb anger so I bashed my cast into things, then took it off myself, sorta fucking up the healing process. So I don't punch things anymore.

Nowadays I don't get angry as much, but when I do I tend to just go drive around really fast (not so safe), to spend some time by myself. Or work out.
 
martial arts...


though these endeavors dont get anger "out," but rather, attempt to cease such toxic chemistry from occurring in the first place.
 
its a three step process for me.

1. i never immediately react. i like to sleep on most feelings (peace and shutting down the ego can do wonders for emotions, and 9 times out of ten have been grateful for not reacting while in the heat of the moment and or volatile). following rest, when mentally calm do two things (see below).

2. assess the situation. truly assess the situation from both sides of the fence. contemplate where i could have gone wrong in the eyes of others, and what i could have better done from their standpoint to heal ill repute. if after doing that, i still feel justified in my offense/feeling negatively about a situation;

3. communicate. listen, speak, try and relate. if all fails, i try and learn SOMETHING positive from the experience (even if the lesson is; "in my opinion, youre an asshole. but in you being an asshole, its taught me perspective, patience. etc).

emotions are individual, many feelings we experience are temporary and are subject to change; and thankfully anger is one that heals quicker than most. <3

...kytnism...:|
 
Wise words from xenocat right there. <3

Dealing with anger has been something i've really struggled with in the past - my problem was that i'd go on a slow-boil, so to speak. I'd never speak up and hold it in, until i simply couldn't, and then i'd literally see red. I've been that angry in the past that i've lashed out and can't remember doing it. In saying that, i've never hurt anyone or myself, but for instance, have suddenly found myself standing in the middle of a room, surrounded by completely shredded magazines. :\

Over the years, i've been able to work on de-pressurizing - which for me, meant actually speaking up about things that are upsetting to me, and if i'm feeling annoyed or angry, to talk about it. If i've argued with someone, as xenocat said, i've worked on recognising when i'm filled with emotion and can take a step back now and know that it's time to simmer down and come back to it when i'm feeling more settled.
 
depends on the situation, but i end up swearing a lot. calmed down a lot since ive gotten older though
 
Samadhi said:
Wise words from xenocat right there. <3

Dealing with anger has been something i've really struggled with in the past - my problem was that i'd go on a slow-boil, so to speak. I'd never speak up and hold it in, until i simply couldn't, and then i'd literally see red. I've been that angry in the past that i've lashed out and can't remember doing it. In saying that, i've never hurt anyone or myself, but for instance, have suddenly found myself standing in the middle of a room, surrounded by completely shredded magazines. :\

Over the years, i've been able to work on de-pressurizing - which for me, meant actually speaking up about things that are upsetting to me, and if i'm feeling annoyed or angry, to talk about it. If i've argued with someone, as xenocat said, i've worked on recognising when i'm filled with emotion and can take a step back now and know that it's time to simmer down and come back to it when i'm feeling more settled.
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with age comes wisdom; any woman over 30 can affirm that.

i too was a loose cannon, aka. pocket rocket; when younger.

full of big opinions, "unique ideas" and assloads of passion for the little things in life.

now i simply couldnt give a fuck.

loud noises and aggressive natures make me feel uncomfortable.

im too lazy now to fight back most times.

life seems far too short to be pissy.

id rather be content.

<3

...kytnism...:|
 
^ again, wise words right there. Life is simply too short.

I've always loved this piece of writing:

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
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However, as i've aged, it's resonated with me on different levels, and i've gained a deeper understanding of it - I thought i understood it, but looking back, it was a different understanding. This year; with the peaks and troughs i've faced (redundancy, illness and death - of family members and other loved ones, friendship), i've felt anger that i've not felt in years, and i kept coming back to Desiderata. There is so much to take away from this piece of writing, it truly is something to live by. The words really calm me. One way for me to deal with anger, is to simply do my best to, where possible, avoid situations and people that make me feel angry and concentrate on nurturing the people and circumstance that makes me the happiest and most at peace. By doing that, it builds my resilience to the negative; which subsequently become more of a case of 'water off a duck's back'.
 
Ever since willow mentioned his means of dealing with personal crisis in P&S with the photograph of Earth by Voyager 1 in 1990, also known as 'The Pale Blue Dot', i've been using this technique and im astonished at how all my frustration,anger and suffering simply just wash's away and i laugh that i ever thought it was important to begin with and feel humbled by my very existence. There's something rather calming about the contrast of Earth as a mere speck of dust in comparison to vast space surrounding it.
 
ive found that a lot of exercise (mainly boxing) helped me out with my anger issues i've had. not really sure why but smacking a bag around feels good and makes you feel stronger imo!

although when i really mentally snap (im talking bad here) i'll take it straight out on the person/thing that has caused it. d'oh.
 
May not be the safest way to deal with it, but I tend to drive extremely fast and listen to really loud music- at that point my mind is so occupied that I can't think about that's bothering me, only the road. Just me and the car and there's nothing else going through my head at that moment. The best way to deal with my anger or bad thoughts is to forget by completely occupying my mind with something else. I have huge problems with anger, and I try to take it out in ways that don't involve lashing out at the people around me. That just makes me feel worse afterwards if I'm bitching at people I care about, so I avoid it if t all possible. Not their fault I'm an angry person.
 
Im pretty wreckless when im extremely angry, and infact I can be pretty damn destructive as well.
If im not too angry though I tend to just go for a drive, listen to loud music, medicate, or go to yoga.
 
Not sure if I've already posted in these threads, but my natural reaction to anger has always been to clean. I think it stems from my need to be in control at all times.. When I'm angry, it's often because I feel helpless and cleaning helps to remind me I do have control of my immediate surroundings.

It's pretty twisted, but I can clean with such fervor when I'm pissed off... I often say to Busty that it's probably a good idea to really annoy me at least once a fortnight so the house is cleaned thoroughly. ;)
 
I think I am gunna buy some kind of punching bag.... it normally comes out in a torrent of swearing.

However, a few years ago at uni I was mega pissed off about something and I punched a full length mirror on my wall which shattered.

Maybe this is why my life sucks, doesn't breaking a mirror bring 7 years bad luck?
 
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