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Becoming increasingly unhappy with the sex life in my marrriage.

  • Thread starter Thread starter sexytimewoes
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sexytimewoes

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Hi all,

I am hoping to gain some perspective, ideally from a woman's viewpoint.

When I first met my wife, our sex life was white hot. For the first several months of our relationship, we could not keep our hands off each other. We were literally making love 3+ times daily. Recently, over the past three months or so, the frequency of our sexy time has diminished greatly. We now make love ~1x or so weekly. Now, I know that is frequent when compared to some relationships, but I am still not happy with this. I still have passion for my wife, yet it seems that I am getting shot down constantly. Every time I try to breach the subject with my wife, she gets furious. I have no idea why.

If anyone who can shed some light upon this subject cares to share, it would be a great help. Peace.
 
exactly-- determine what has changed in her life. Put yourself in her shoes for a day and figure out the kinds of things that occupy her mind. If she's overwhelmed with work or stress, sex will be the last thing on her mind.

Tell her your feelings openly, and let her know that you want to be there to help her acheive stability. Don't make it all about the sex, make it about her emotions. Open up to her, let her open up to you, and you'll be back in the sack in no time at all.

Surprise her with candlelit dinner on her night off work?

Sometimes Cosmo magazine has it right-- try texting her during the day just to remind her that you're thinking of her. Keep her thinking of you and she'll eventually remember how good that cock feels inside her :)
 
How long have you been together? How long dating and how long married?

Try switching things up. Change your approach. Cook her a delicious dinner. Buy her some sexy lingerie. Try sex toys. Watch porn together. Different things like that.
 
I'm gonna try and dig up an article on the neurochemistry of sex for you... The gist of what I remember is often times either partner will be tired of feeling like they are being used as a fix by the opposite partner (I assumed this is usually the female who ends up feeling used, but I imagine it can be either). I'm not sure how you can remedy this, do you guys smoke weed or anything? I know smoking a bunch of weed together is a really great way to lead into sexy time for me and my girl, we both get super turned on.

I found the article, may or may not help but I found it to be insightful.

http://www.health-science-spirit.com/neurosex.html
 
I agree with llama112.
Having been married 10 years in 2012, I have found that the frequency of sex has declined but the thought and effort put into sex has increased. I have found that planting the seed by sending a sexy text message, making dinner and putting the children in bed early increases my /our chances. Role play and fantasy can be a fun way to spice things up a bit if you have trust in each other.

Good luck.
 
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Unfortunately, I think marriage increases stress and sex levels off. I don't know anyone who has been married or lives together for a long period of time where the sex doesn't levels off. Kids, work, money, stress, etc. These all play a role. I know for me, stress is a huge factor. I can't relax. If she is stressed, try to find a way to relax her.

However, I don't think you should reasonably expect 3+ a day as normalcy. ANY girl you get involved with isn't going to live with you, marry you, and have a long-term relationship with that much sex. It just doesn't work that way. Not with the normal 9-5 working day for both people and especially with kids.
 
I gotta second the request for more info; how long have you been married, do you have children, stress etc? New job? Addictions?

But honestly dude it sounds like a normal marraige to me lol! In any relationship, you have lots of sex at first, then it regulates...becomes normal, you do it occasionally, not every day...that's to be expected. Often for me, I just plain don't want to deal with the whole thing, and would rather lay in bed with a good book to unwind. We have kids, I have a lot of stress to deal with daily, and I can't relax. And it annoys the crap out of me when he wants to talk about it...bc I've said over and over I'm stressed. Is that it you think for her?

If so, the best thing you can say is "Hey let me know what I can do to help you out around here or to de-stress, I know you've got a lot going on" to let her know you don't JUST want sex, you want her to be relaxed and enjoying it too. *I'm just assuming that part lol* Give her a little massage as she's doing dishes, offer to take over whatever she's doing or do something else...give her a kiss as you go do that. She'll start appreciating your help, and be more inclined to have sex because she's happy and relaxed. If she shoots you down again, it's time to ask what's up, bc for me, when my hubby is helping out more, being sweet, even sending dirty texts...I'm totally up for it.

That being said...he's lucky if we do it once a week! In most people's lives, kids, jobs, etc just make any more often than that almost impossible.
 
sexytimewoes said:
Hi all,

I am hoping to gain some perspective, ideally from a woman's viewpoint.

When I first met my wife, our sex life was white hot. For the first several months of our relationship, we could not keep our hands off each other. We were literally making love 3+ times daily. Recently, over the past three months or so, the frequency of our sexy time has diminished greatly. We now make love ~1x or so weekly. Now, I know that is frequent when compared to some relationships, but I am still not happy with this. I still have passion for my wife, yet it seems that I am getting shot down constantly. Every time I try to breach the subject with my wife, she gets furious. I have no idea why.

If anyone who can shed some light upon this subject cares to share, it would be a great help. Peace.
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honeymoon phase is over and she probably doesn't want to push the boat out as much sex wise. life beats you down and sometimes you can get bored of having the same sex all the time unless you do it once a week to let the flames of lust build up.
 
Jblazingphoenix100 said:
No one seems to be picking up on her being "furious", instead of just mildly annoyed/irritated.
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maybe she began by feeling annoyed at the pestering innitially and over time it began to annoy her more and more to the point were she would get in an instant rage because it felt like an arguement groundhog day.

with me if i keep having the same issue crop up it becomes instantly infuriating as i've made myself clear on what i want and its not being listened to
 
My sister and her husband had the same issue. They used to have a really great sex life then all of a sudden she'd get so angry when her husband tried to touch her. She had no idea why she was feeling this way. As it turned out she had a Hormonal Imbalance, and she's no where near menopause age. She's been taking medication and now she's fine. Talk to your wife, and see what she says. Lack of communication is what brings down most marriages.
 
Make a deal with her, tell her you won't pester her for sex all the time as long as she gives you regular sex when you really want it and ask for it, and when you do ask for it she's not allowed to complain or say no unless she's got a real good reason.

My gf is just lazy when it comes to sex, because sex is a big effort, the same is true for me too, especially as an opiate addict.
Every time we have sex she's like " I don't want anything you just get off and hurry up" and I just grin because she always has this fucking enormous orgasm under me and makes weird noises once I start.
Then afterwards I can tell how much she enjoyed it, yet a few days later she has forgotten that sex can be worth the effort, and starts being frigid again!

So yeah girls are just basically lazy when it comes to making an effort in the bedroom, but you gotta get them warmed up and enjoying it, once you turn their minds to sex they gotta have it.

My girlfriend even sometimes tells me not to touch her so as she won't get in the mood and want sex, lazy!!

But if nothing works and she won't ever give you sex, fuck her off an get another, sex is s necessary part of a gf bf relationship and if she had no intention of continuing to have sex with you then shes been deceitful.
 
Africanus said:
Make a deal with her, tell her you won't pester her for sex all the time as long as she gives you regular sex when you really want it and ask for it, and when you do ask for it she's not allowed to complain or say no unless she's got a real good reason.
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Yeah maybe it's just cumulative, BUT I'm sure there's a deeper reason...OP just needs to ask what it is.

That's a "good" plan to find out what the real reason is though - bargaining... lol that's what you do with small children.

It could work, but will also piss her the fuck off imho.

Just flat out asking what the deal is would be a better one, in my opinion - just honest open proper communcation.
 
bliz62 said:
If so, the best thing you can say is "Hey let me know what I can do to help you out around here or to de-stress, I know you've got a lot going on" to let her know you don't JUST want sex, you want her to be relaxed and enjoying it too. *I'm just assuming that part lol* Give her a little massage as she's doing dishes, offer to take over whatever she's doing or do something else...give her a kiss as you go do that. She'll start appreciating your help, and be more inclined to have sex because she's happy and relaxed. If she shoots you down again, it's time to ask what's up, bc for me, when my hubby is helping out more, being sweet, even sending dirty texts...I'm totally up for it.
Click to expand...

^^^
This is solid advice and it turns me on just thinking about it because that's exactly what I used to do when I was living with the s/o
 
Sometimes you have to make the right decision, and sometimes you have to make the decision right.
 
Jblazingphoenix100 said:
Yeah maybe it's just cumulative, BUT I'm sure there's a deeper reason...OP just needs to ask what it is.

That's a "good" plan to find out what the real reason is though - bargaining... lol that's what you do with small children.

It could work, but will also piss her the fuck off imho.

Just flat out asking what the deal is would be a better one, in my opinion - just honest open proper communcation.
Click to expand...

Sometimes the only thing wrong is that sex gets boring after a while and becomes a big effort.
In those circumstances a compromise or deal is needed, so both partners get a bit closer to what they want.

I don't make deals or compromises with children, I command their obedience.
 
Make sure she's in a good mood and then talk to her. Maybe make her dinner ... something nice ... then bring it up. Communication is very important in a relationship.
 
pofacedhoe said:
maybe she began by feeling annoyed at the pestering innitially and over time it began to annoy her more and more to the point were she would get in an instant rage because it felt like an arguement groundhog day.

with me if i keep having the same issue crop up it becomes instantly infuriating as i've made myself clear on what i want and its not being listened to
Click to expand...

This is what I was thinking in answer to the "furious" issue. 3 times is a lot when you have responsibilities or you're stressed and just want to talk about things.
 
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