kind words from friends & family slid off me like water from a duck's back. the only thing that helped me was my very strong new-found faith in God (as i understand him, for the 12 steppers out there) & auricular acupuncture.
www.acudetox.com time? well, i thought so....it eased the pain some, but the pain came back ten-fold after i was freed by the tornado and the grief came back as our opening wasn't open any more. actually, this made my grief worse. i lost some people in the storm. it was a reminder of who i'd lost. dammit! but, it's slowly easing. she'll always be there.
You guys in Joplin are tough cookies. I'm sorry you had to go through a traumatic storm like that, I live around tornados, but can't know how you feel. It's a double wammy, losing your town and people you care about.
It was SO very inspiring to me when an injured kid from there told his story about how he woke up in the hospital for his sister to tell him they had lost both their parents. The poor kid pulled himself together and made the start of this school year after multiple surgeries and physical rehab. I don't think I could have stood that strongly. That boy was just, awe invoking.
I understand what you mean about words of comfort feeling hollow. Every time some one said to me "it will be painful in your heart forever, but it gets lesser and easier," I thought they were full of shit. I am here to make sure you know, and everyone posting here knows:
THINGS WILL NEVER BE THE SAME, BUT THINGS DO GET EASIER!
I believe this occurs with time. As the sense of loss settles down, the loving, affectionate memories you shared fill in that hole. Love will massively overwhelm and overflow it as grief leaves, but there will always be tiny cracks around the edges where the pain still resides.
The sun may have set and you may feel dark and cold, but you'll bask in the sunrise. It WILL rise, when you're ready.
Grief is special. If you didn't give a damn you wouldn't shed one trear. But the pain is comforting in that you know that person would have cried the same for you; they loved you too.
This part may not be comforting to everyone, but it makes me happy that something 'special' didn't happen to my father. what happend us written for us already, the question is when will we be united agian.
In a more physical sense, to those who do not believe in an afterlife, I find this thought of comfort:
In billions of years when our sun explodes in a super nova, us and our loved ones will be blasted into dust which will coalesce agian to form a start. We will be burning in the heart of a star, lighting up this universe. We will form heavier elements which will give rise to new worlds. We will have died for a new cosmic happiness. For a new solar system where people can love. This reincarnation WILL happen physically. We will light up the universe.
As Carl Sagan said: We are star stuff.
It will get easier. It will always hurt a little, it should. You will feel joy agian. This sadness will make the joy extra special.
If I win the lottery I will be stopping by everyone to give them a hug.
Love to all here.