This is not an impulsive decision but something I have been investigating and contemplating for several years
I fist thought of opting out (suicide) several years ago whilst on another attempted rattle
I think this is something that most users will find familiar
However,recently things have come to the position where I really don't want to go on-gear or not.
I have spent years investigating and assembling methods
I even played a big part in the apprehension of a an who was going online and persuading young people to kill themselves so that he could watch
I set up a 'sting' which outed him for who he was and what he was doing,which led to his conviction(this case is a precedent as there is no comparable case).If you google 'William Melchert Dinkel and Kat Lowe',you will see what I mean.It has been suggested that this may be something that could help my case in court.
Most of my suicidal thoughts were during times of abstinence-I think many get these thoughts in such a situation.
But with everything that has happened,at last,I feel ready,even when I have gear.
My kids are both at college/uni and I see them very rarely.
I don't think I have anything to lose.the one thing that has held me back is the idea that if i do it in jail my family should get a decent settlement.
I'm sure many of you will understand and not condemn
Hi Katt, i googled William Dinkel, he sounds like a real nasty piece of work! It was very brave of you to help stop him. Yes i'm sure stuff like that could indeed help your case.
I hope your ok, suicide comes hand in hand with depression. Is what your saying that when every time you stop using heroin you feel suicidal? Most people get very depressed when they stop using heroin & it seems that can last for a long time. What is the longest time that you have ever gone without heroin for? Maybe you have never given yourself long enough to recover?
Depression is a complexed thing, i too have suffered from bouts of depression, i'm sure you have seen a doctor for your depression but did the doctor give you the right advice? Different things work for different people, its a lot of trial & error before you get it right, you gotta find what works for you! But if & when you do stop using heroin you will have to expect to give it time before you start feeling in anyway normal again, it could be months or it could be a couple of years, but in time you will feel better.
I know that you have a lot on your mind with the court case hanging over you at the moment, but i have a really good feeling that things will work out ok for you with the court case. Hang in there.
You have two gorgeous kids who need you, life can be so hard at times, but remember thats just life, its a battle most of the time. But one thing thats for sure is we only get one chance at life, so its onwards & upwards!!! I hope your ok, i know you have a lot on your mind, if you ever need a chat then P.M. me. XXX
