• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Define cheating (in your own terms)

sixburgh said:
IMO, if you have to lie about it, you shouldn't be doing it.
Click to expand...

Not always the case and a common weapon of accusation used by paranoid, jealous or suspicious types.
Typically goes like this

A "you told me you were with Fred last night but actually here's evidence you were with Mary, WTF??"
B "not again. look, nothing happened, were friends, chill out, I love you."
A "then why did you lie? it automatically maks you guilty"
B "because i knew you'd freak out if you knew"
A "well of course i'll freak out if you're lying!"
B "but Im forced to lie even if the reality is that i don't even fancy Mary, because either way you get jealous"
A "because your behaviour is suspicious! I don't believe you, you obviously like her, or you wouldn't have to sneak around"
B "not sneaking, just trying to avoid a row that will happen inevitably anyway whatever i say because from past experience, if i so much as smile at another girl, you go nuts. even though i've never cheated on you and don't want to, you get all shitty like this."
A "of course, if you're lying to me"
etc etc etc

basically A can't control their emotions, specially those related to jealousy and insecurity.
B has had this many times before, even though he/she is NOT cheating and doesn't want to.
Thus it's just easier to avoid an inevitable row by not mentioning that someone is/was in their company,
which backfires horribly furthering the main issue of B's irrational and emotionally damaging behaviour.


cheating is only cheating when you deliberately break a rule for your own gain.
that's the very definition of the word.
so firstly the "rules" have to be set.
They are different with every couple.
My missus, for example, doesn't consider a one night stand to be cheating if it is animalistic and lust based. If it is not premeditated, or not within our social circle, and it is just for the physical gratification of our human nature, it's not a problem.
it IS a problem however if it becomes REGULAR and therefore a RELATIONSHIP.
worst of all is emotional attachment to the party and deception/dishonesty.

you have to set down the rules before you can define breaking them.
aforementioned kisses, touches, thoughts, flirts, smiles are irrelevant unless the rules are laid down.

actions don't become criminal unless they are in breach of the agreed laws.
 
with my fiance flirting and holding hands and ect i would like it but it isnt cheating just its like ..no.
kissing, touching and anything above that will be cheating....
 
imo, anything from a kiss to sex is cheating, a peck on the cheek is fine, on the lips is a no no unless its a sort of "sorry i have a bf, we can't date" kinda pity kiss, even so I would be rather weary of the guy lol, gentle flirting is ok but I would rather it not happen. Any other contact except a hug or a comforting holding of hands (if my gf is having a heart to heart with a friend) is cheating imo, basically if the feeling of lust or romantic love is there, its cheating.
 
-Kitten said:
with my fiance flirting and holding hands and ect i would like it but it isnt cheating just its like ..no.
kissing, touching and anything above that will be cheating....
Click to expand...
you like to watch your fiance flirting and holding hands with others and etc? what does "...and etc." include? and, if you like that kind of stuff, why is it "just like...no"? i'm confused.

more generally, cheating is whatever you and your partner agree is cheating...

alasdair
 
anything you cant tell your partner, is cheating

ive cheated on my 'current' gf cause im planning on leaving her soon and she has hurt and deceived me greatly ><
 
for my husband and i, it depends on the situation. i've made out with other people before and he hasn't cared. but other times i've made out with people and he has cared because he felt excluded. i've gotten jealous that he was talking to other girls but not cared that he spent the night with a girl. we just communicate with each other about what makes us feel uncomfortable.
 
For me there are three stages in my romantic relationships:
1. Ambiguity - the flirty part, the part where you don't know if he/she reciprocates your feelings
2. Dating (but still can see others, very very casual) - going on dates
3. Dating exclusively (may or may not exist - when you guys are not bf/gf but sleeping with each other only/telling your friends you are attached but never officially or actually discussed it with SO)
4. Boyfriend/Girlfriend (duh)

I consider holding hands and kissing to be cheating in stage 3. In stage 2, sleeping with someone else is considered cheating to me but kissing isn't.
Thoughts/opinions?
 
Any activities whether it be physical cheating or emotional reliance on some one other then me to considered the role a significant other should do is how I define cheating
 
Where you feel guilty afterwards, because if you didnt then you werent in a relationship in the first place. Wana cheat? Have the decency to break up with your partner first, dont be a cunt (Y)
 
I think cheating can even be considered when you knowingly put yourself in a position to have a sexual encounter with someone of the opposite sex, such as going over to their house at 1 in the morning to watch a movie, texting them to hang out without telling your partner because not telling them is still a from of lying, etc. If the intention is there you might as well be a cheater in my book because even if they don't go through with it at that moment in time it could happen soon enough. Yeah our generation has grown a lot in sex and relationships and expectations have changed, but never once fool yourself to think cheating is okay. Have some respect for yourself wait until there is someone worth it, doesn't matter how long, if it is serious it's serious.
 
I'm not one for forced monogamy, I'm personally not going to want to engage sexually with another person while I'm in a relationship if my partner does express the desire to then there are a few steps. I need to have seen them interacting socially to see how the dynamic works between them and know it's a short term interest. Now if they didn't ask before hand I'd be pissed.

And I guess I'd call it cheating if they were having an intimate relationship with another person I'd be pissed, if it was someone I had a problem with I'd probably kill the other one.
 
Making out with another person is like half-way cheating. Not enough to end a relationship, but the cheater needs to fix the problem as well as have a good excuse.

Sex of course, is cheating.

My first girlfriend cheated on me 4 times and practically started a new relationship with a guy while dating me, then "got rid of" the other guy when I started to leave her.

A lot of negative emotions toward her now. I basically cannot trust any girl I date anymore, since she was literally always cheating on me whenever I wasn't around about 3 months into the relationship.
 
I'd consider kissing, holding hands, any kind of romantic/sexual attention given by my female to another male to be cheating.. We've discussed these boundaries and they are very well understood and very real to the both of us. The both of us aren't interested in contact with others in this way because doing so would result in the loss of that privilege to have each other. I'm also a stickler for exclusivity.. The moment an SO breaches this agreement I drop it like a hot potato. In my eyes cheating would mean I didn't really ever know that person, I knew a front they showed me so it becomes incredibly easy at that point to walk away and find something new.

Sooooo happy to have found a faithful lover :)

A lot of negative emotions toward her now. I basically cannot trust any girl I date anymore, since she was literally always cheating on me whenever I wasn't around about 3 months into the relationship.
Click to expand...

I know that feel bro. Chin up my man, there are women out there who won't walk all over you and disregard your feelings.. Rare flowers indeed but they're out there.
 
Last edited:
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top