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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT

I'm going to overdose with the next month once I obtain the heroin

tacodude said:
People seem to be ignoring my posts completely and just talking to one another giving advice on who they assume I am based upon bias vs reading my posts I clearly explain just about everything. Not reading it offends me completely and reminds me no one will listen even if I do talk and ask for help....

It's reconsidered for now, but my suicidal intent is essentially impulsive based upon situation degrading I do everything to hold together. Hopefully I can hold it together... I'll add it's not just the pain. The pinching causing spasms or limiting range of motion are the biggest problem. 'Nuff said.
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My reply was a direct response to your original post.
 
I was not referencing you, but everyone else derailing my thread or assuming certain things about me that aren't true that if they read my posts they would've realised what is true
 
tacodude are you still planning on suicide?

is there anything I can say to help you change your mind? <3
 
Captain.Heroin I know all too well why things happen even my own shortcomings. It's getting handled though as my peers are finally understanding where my family and mentors have failed in response to my success so they are helping me stay supplied and get back to work so I can take care of myself again even if it means a habit. I shouldn't have to spend 40$ a day once things develop in a few days so I'm just waiting for that.
 
hey dude i only read about 2 pages but i think i get the jest of your situation. i too suffer from chronic back pain. i know how you feel bro, it can be debilitating, I also have nerve pain that shoots down my leg. Im assuming you live somewhere in north america where they are blowing this BS opioid epidemic out of proportion. I've see PM doctors/ tried acupuncture, neurosurgeons, spine centers, injections, PT, you name it I've tried it.

I know how you feel to want to end it man. sometimes when you've tried everything suicide seems like the most logical solution. Im only 25 and have been told i will be dealing with this pain for the rest of my life. my doctors agreed that long term opioid treatment would be my best chance at having an active productive life. however I'm only allowed 7 oxys a week, thats right 7. its so fucked up but my doctors can't do anything because of the new administration and laws. As if that wasnt bad enough i was a passenger in a Lyft that got in a pretty bad car accident about 2 months ago. so now my pain is magnified greatly, and yet i still can't get more than 7 oxy a week.

Honestly the only thing that has kept me from killing myself is that I'm probably going to get a big settlement at some point in the future, and i don't want to let these fucking cheap POS insurance companies get away with not paying a dime. My dad died 4 years ago from work related incident and the insurance companies tried to say some BS like it was his fault or he wasn't paying attention or something. Were still trying to get a settlement 4 years LATER.

My mom and brother also think everyday i complain of this horrific pain is just a scam to get pain meds, so yeah i understand how you feel. My own fucking family barely believes me and i have MRIs that clearly disprove their skeptisism and show the disks in my back are degenerative/ herniated nerve damage. Just because i made 1 mistake like 3 years ago when i was taking a bunch of xanax and had 2 seizures, they won't let that go.

Im not posting to try and talk you out of it, but when i saw this thread and read what your going through, i thought wow i can really relate to this person, and I'm not the only one out there suffering. I don't post on here a lot but if you want to talk you can PM me.

Btw I'm sorry if I talked to much about myself on your thread, didn't mean to make it about myself. Just thought id share my story and my struggles so you don't feel alone. there is a great community on here and honestly some strangers I've never met before on here have helped me through some very difficult times in my life. More than my actual family.

Good luck and wish you the best and can find some sort of comfort or solution in the future.
 
I'm sure your doctors are actually affected by your families accusations that your bullshiting the pain, but they do give you something as there is acknowledged evidence of what happened to you and it's effects.

I'm gonna go to the hospital tonight to talk about the pinch and spasms I get so hopefully I can get someone to look at it, but I'm just resting at home now. Although now that I've gone back up to 1/3-2/3 of a gram of the local black tar dope that I've heard it's 40%, which I estimate closer to 10% pure, has allowed me to get my room for while the #4 is obtained to help me get back to my job that will help me continue physical therapy by maintaining an income that supports a quality supply. If it wasn't for the support I gained I would not have been posting after today.

I wish I had better advice for you, but I'm a year or two older.
 
So this is really the moment of truth point.... The hospital won't do anything for a suspected nerve pinch/damaged nerves because it's not new and my doctor's office is completely neglecting treating me. If my stuff doesn't come in before I run out I'll likely end up make an attempt if I go to the hospital and they give me the attitude policy prevents them from treating me on the excuse they can't justify my treatment with the insurance.... I would think insurance would rather pay a small treatment rather than a lawsuit for being the excuse as to why my health care was neglected as well as the doctors who did nothing as my parents would not let something like me ending my other go without someone taking the blame like they do with most of their in appropriate choices
 
tacodude said:
I'm sure your doctors are actually affected by your families accusations that your bullshiting the pain, but they do give you something as there is acknowledged evidence of what happened to you and it's effects.

I'm gonna go to the hospital tonight to talk about the pinch and spasms I get so hopefully I can get someone to look at it, but I'm just resting at home now. Although now that I've gone back up to 1/3-2/3 of a gram of the local black tar dope that I've heard it's 40%, which I estimate closer to 10% pure, has allowed me to get my room for while the #4 is obtained to help me get back to my job that will help me continue physical therapy by maintaining an income that supports a quality supply. If it wasn't for the support I gained I would not have been posting after today.

I wish I had better advice for you, but I'm a year or two older.
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It's a pathetic narrative but if you can survive; you're alright.

I would renage on singing from the hymn-sheet of victimhood (everyone knows you just convince yourself youre a genius) as it will do nowt but keep you delusional; with a load of delusional sheepish supporters - until they all die off.

Time for real-check.
 
Asclepius I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, but I can tell your way off track. Why respond to an old post like that? Especially one trying to connect with someone trying to be supportive.

Reality check... You need to check yourself as you're no bro
 
Fuck my life.... I order what's supposed to be a trusted vendor who's been around since 2013, but of course when I buy I end up getting stuff that tests positive for fentanyl. This stuff was supposed to be medicine for me. It's for sure not if it's fentanyl especially as it's taking 50-100 mg still to feel it. I'm really pissed off it turned out like this. I might just use it to overdose as that's all fentanyl is good for outside the ER.

I don't understand why I am always getting screwed in the end. I don't deserve this... I'd blame karma, but even then nothing I've done should cause this level of bullshit. All I've done is try to give back so I could pursue my own life interests, which should bother no one, and yet my existence seems to bother everyone. I'm tired of this bullshit I just want it to end
 
Think about it this way if it were meant to end you wouldn't have tested your stuff and given yourself a hot shot
Consider this to have a meaning that it's not your time to go
 
I wasn't planning to overdose with this stuff... It was supposed to help me stay stable. It is nowhere near as strong as I would expect pure #4 (takes over 50 mg to notice effect) and tested positive for fentanyl twice. I'm trying to look into false positives, contact the vendor who's been around since 2013 with a reputation for good stuff even with a review saying they tested it and was negative, and trying to contact my friend who helped me get it in hopes to stablize as I'm pretty much freaking the fuck out as what was supposed to last a good 20 days may not last a month. I don't even know what to think anymore... I'm tired of this shit. I shouldn't be barred from health care and I am. I want it all to end and it's getting back to the point where I only see one way to do it. I'm sure there is a chance both strips gave a false positive, but I doubt that... I'm going to test my urine with one of the strips when I get another and decide what to do than. I don't want to die, but I'll do anything to end the pain where if I can't get anything to manage it so I can treat it I'll end my life so that even if it's hell overdosing I'll find peace after that.
 
Well this is it... 36 hours for things to change and my needs to be acknowledged before it is too late and I end it all. I can't do this anymore. To be screwed by the supposed reputable dragon and his cove is the final straw. Obviously I'll always be taken advantage of and never find support. I can't afford to replace what I should've recieved and I'm not going to spend another 20 days going in and out of pain and withdrawals. I'm tired of the neglect and bullshit. Tomorrow if nothing changes I'm ending it all for me. There's nothing left I can do
 
i just came out of two 90mg oxy habits, 3rd degree burns and chronic trap/occiput spasms that I am battling to this day. But don't end it, you will find something. A friend of mine came into my life and got me hooked up with a TMS clinic. The sessions relieve the spasms and I am finally finding a way forward. It will happen. you gotta hang on. And look out for TMS, it's extremely helpful for chronic pain/trauma. I have seen you posting on here for quite a while, I would hate this to be the last one. :( Stay Up
 
I hope you are still around tacodude ?. Please check in when you can ?
 
There is still a way out of the pain although you blew it off in the beginning of this thread.

Methadone is a wonderful pain killer and you don't have to worry about having friends order stuff off the internet for you.

Many chronic pain patients have had to go to MMT when they fail drug tests or doctors don't want to prescribe any more.

You might not enjoy the first part but it doesn't take that long to start getting take homes and eventually to get around 5 take homes a week.

It seems like the better choice over buying something that isn't what it's supposed to be. MMT would be a load cheaper also.
 
Never mind. I just reread the thread and you said Methadone made you emotionally unstable. You said you tried 10 mgs before but if you want to try it again I'd say that 50 mgs to 70 mgs, depending on how much heroin you currently take would hold you steady, you wouldn't feel high and you could work again.

It comes down to whether you are done with this life or if you think you have more contributions to make.

Don't get upset with members who haven't been here long and don't know all about your years of posts. We can only respond to the current thread and not many of us would click on a user's name and spend an hour reading some of the posts and threads you've made over the years. It's not an insult at all. It just takes more hours than I have in a day if I checked all the posts of someone I was replying to, you know?
 
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