hey dude i only read about 2 pages but i think i get the jest of your situation. i too suffer from chronic back pain. i know how you feel bro, it can be debilitating, I also have nerve pain that shoots down my leg. Im assuming you live somewhere in north america where they are blowing this BS opioid epidemic out of proportion. I've see PM doctors/ tried acupuncture, neurosurgeons, spine centers, injections, PT, you name it I've tried it.
I know how you feel to want to end it man. sometimes when you've tried everything suicide seems like the most logical solution. Im only 25 and have been told i will be dealing with this pain for the rest of my life. my doctors agreed that long term opioid treatment would be my best chance at having an active productive life. however I'm only allowed 7 oxys a week, thats right 7. its so fucked up but my doctors can't do anything because of the new administration and laws. As if that wasnt bad enough i was a passenger in a Lyft that got in a pretty bad car accident about 2 months ago. so now my pain is magnified greatly, and yet i still can't get more than 7 oxy a week.
Honestly the only thing that has kept me from killing myself is that I'm probably going to get a big settlement at some point in the future, and i don't want to let these fucking cheap POS insurance companies get away with not paying a dime. My dad died 4 years ago from work related incident and the insurance companies tried to say some BS like it was his fault or he wasn't paying attention or something. Were still trying to get a settlement 4 years LATER.
My mom and brother also think everyday i complain of this horrific pain is just a scam to get pain meds, so yeah i understand how you feel. My own fucking family barely believes me and i have MRIs that clearly disprove their skeptisism and show the disks in my back are degenerative/ herniated nerve damage. Just because i made 1 mistake like 3 years ago when i was taking a bunch of xanax and had 2 seizures, they won't let that go.
Im not posting to try and talk you out of it, but when i saw this thread and read what your going through, i thought wow i can really relate to this person, and I'm not the only one out there suffering. I don't post on here a lot but if you want to talk you can PM me.
Btw I'm sorry if I talked to much about myself on your thread, didn't mean to make it about myself. Just thought id share my story and my struggles so you don't feel alone. there is a great community on here and honestly some strangers I've never met before on here have helped me through some very difficult times in my life. More than my actual family.
Good luck and wish you the best and can find some sort of comfort or solution in the future.