Solipsis
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2007
- Messages
- 15,509
I took 10 mg XR (so equal to about 5-6mg instant) today but I've been at 16 mg XR, not long ago at all.. Somehow recently I haven't been feeling right at 16 - seemed like too much to be productive and also makes me on-edge. Drinking too much or smoking weed may have been influencing the efficacy of the dex but I am making efforts to cut back / quit.
Sometimes I take pretty short breaks but mostly to get some rest from it.
The dex is priced perversely high here as well for IR because of big pharma patent monopolization, so I went for XR as an alternative (though justified i believe - only taking it when i want to wake up works really well for me) which is covered by my specially selected healthcare insurance company. I requested most of the psychiatric drugs that I've had - basically only mirtazapine before this. They did get me to try methylphenidate first and quietapine a while ago instead of the pregabalin as anxiolytic.
After a few years now and having had a break off pregabalin involving strange and bad withdrawals, I opted to go back on them because I was just not cutting it without the pregab. In retrospect not sure if I was having PAWS... I find it hard to say if it's worth it to stay on the pregabalin for a very long time, and I hardly have effects from it that come close to the initial honeymoon with it but it is still nice stuff for sure, choice picks IMO i agree.
My psychiatrist is not strict about any of this - critical yes, but the choices aren't off-label and well.. it works. Like psychiatrists before him he seems to be confident that I am knowledgeable and wise enough with all of this though I do make mistakes with for example being irregular with taking my pregabalin doses which can apparently have bad effects on my state of mind, though somehow it feels far from obvious how those consequences are linked... I can see much less of a clear causal effect than with other drugs/meds. Anyway when I talked with him we seem to have well matching ideas about use of the dex. It differs per individual whether it feels better to skip it on easy days with an open schedule.
I've had difficult times in the past with self-medication / drug abuse and therapists have obviously been concerned about that, but I finally caught a break 1-2 years ago, I could let my life settle down finally after moving around, hardship, things left undiagnosed until late twenties... I've made a lot of good progress so therapists realize this and I got fewer and fewer appointments with them. Lately though I started it up again cause I may be looking at reintegrating towards that traineeship and I probably need to seriously change something about my habits, drinking etc and possibly even things to do with bluelight.
Great perspective but making that change will be hard (I will hear today whether I did the assessment test well), so I'll need some guidance to handle the shitty feelings of working more (and managing the rest at home/myself) plus not drinking anymore and getting some semi-mild detox shit...
Remarkably I never abused the dex once. That surprises me looking at my track record, but I get a LOT out of therapeutic use and the idea of abusing it doesn't really appeal to me somehow. It's kind of irrational why it would be that much less interesting than using 2-FMA recreationally, but I'm pleased about that and don't question it.
I like the word tryptamancy, but a P&S thread on the words seems cray cray. Just write some sci-fi stories or something, creativity and fantasy are great... but neolojizzms don't make anything real or believeworthy, that's the flying spaghettimonster talking. Kinda triggers me because I also am appalled by people using new age jargon to create an esoteric belief system. One reason is that I've been in that vagueness years ago when I tripped on acid weekly and I really thought I was onto something while it was just overreaching fantasy and I am glad I came back from it.
Works like an NLP sort of virus and you can also easily see it in religious people... really unhealthy because it's inductive to circular reasoning among other things.
Sometimes I take pretty short breaks but mostly to get some rest from it.
The dex is priced perversely high here as well for IR because of big pharma patent monopolization, so I went for XR as an alternative (though justified i believe - only taking it when i want to wake up works really well for me) which is covered by my specially selected healthcare insurance company. I requested most of the psychiatric drugs that I've had - basically only mirtazapine before this. They did get me to try methylphenidate first and quietapine a while ago instead of the pregabalin as anxiolytic.
After a few years now and having had a break off pregabalin involving strange and bad withdrawals, I opted to go back on them because I was just not cutting it without the pregab. In retrospect not sure if I was having PAWS... I find it hard to say if it's worth it to stay on the pregabalin for a very long time, and I hardly have effects from it that come close to the initial honeymoon with it but it is still nice stuff for sure, choice picks IMO i agree.
My psychiatrist is not strict about any of this - critical yes, but the choices aren't off-label and well.. it works. Like psychiatrists before him he seems to be confident that I am knowledgeable and wise enough with all of this though I do make mistakes with for example being irregular with taking my pregabalin doses which can apparently have bad effects on my state of mind, though somehow it feels far from obvious how those consequences are linked... I can see much less of a clear causal effect than with other drugs/meds. Anyway when I talked with him we seem to have well matching ideas about use of the dex. It differs per individual whether it feels better to skip it on easy days with an open schedule.
I've had difficult times in the past with self-medication / drug abuse and therapists have obviously been concerned about that, but I finally caught a break 1-2 years ago, I could let my life settle down finally after moving around, hardship, things left undiagnosed until late twenties... I've made a lot of good progress so therapists realize this and I got fewer and fewer appointments with them. Lately though I started it up again cause I may be looking at reintegrating towards that traineeship and I probably need to seriously change something about my habits, drinking etc and possibly even things to do with bluelight.
Great perspective but making that change will be hard (I will hear today whether I did the assessment test well), so I'll need some guidance to handle the shitty feelings of working more (and managing the rest at home/myself) plus not drinking anymore and getting some semi-mild detox shit...
Remarkably I never abused the dex once. That surprises me looking at my track record, but I get a LOT out of therapeutic use and the idea of abusing it doesn't really appeal to me somehow. It's kind of irrational why it would be that much less interesting than using 2-FMA recreationally, but I'm pleased about that and don't question it.
I like the word tryptamancy, but a P&S thread on the words seems cray cray. Just write some sci-fi stories or something, creativity and fantasy are great... but neolojizzms don't make anything real or believeworthy, that's the flying spaghettimonster talking. Kinda triggers me because I also am appalled by people using new age jargon to create an esoteric belief system. One reason is that I've been in that vagueness years ago when I tripped on acid weekly and I really thought I was onto something while it was just overreaching fantasy and I am glad I came back from it.
Works like an NLP sort of virus and you can also easily see it in religious people... really unhealthy because it's inductive to circular reasoning among other things.
