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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 5)

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fnono33 said:
Could use a recovery story right about now. My visual snow is worsening. I just had to pass up a job because of it. I'm struggling a great deal. Anyone recovered from mdma induced hppd?
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Im not sure how severe your HPPD is but I only have tinnitus+VS and I can say that when I am busy I dont really notice either. Im only going to speak about VS here since I have absolutely no other "HPPD" symptoms. So im sorry if you have other things but this is what ive noticed with VS

My VS worsens with stress but when I am busy and/or less stressed I dont notice it.

Thats my theory, but im no doctor.

I think there is a balance between avoiding all stress completely and overworking/stressing yourself. I still go to college and all and I think that helps. Too little "stress" in this LTC leads to understimulation/boredom for me. I think when too unstressed I get low dopamine or something. Idk just my theory.

Though my capacity to handle stress has gone down I think having work or school helps.

Im of course no therapist either and I don't know what kind of job you declined but--

Do you think the VS is *seriously* hindering your life that bad that you can't do whatever that job required. Do you think that if you went to this job (and could handle the mental stress etc) it could even potentially help you?

Ive been in classes seeing all the VS on the board and everything but somehow it doesnt really get in the way of me paying attention. Its like my brain has adapted.

HOWEVER, sometimes this adaptation randomly gets "bent" (not broken) and I percieve the VS as having gotten worse even if it hasnt actually gotten worse. And after experiencing going into these bouts of VS "noticing" (or floater noticing) ive concluded this is a matter of neuroadaptation. Again, im not a therapist or doctor, but this is my personal experience. Whilst the neuroadaptation is shaken up due to say stress or obsessive thoughts it feels like itll never go away and life is ruined etc. But eventually somehow it just goes away without me actually realizing it. Its still physically there but its not emotionally bothersome.

Also--another thing for some perspective and this isnt intended to "put down" your situation with VS but just helped me--- think of all the blind people in the world. Shit happens. Remember, you are still alive and can at least *see*. Even blind people somehow eventually adapt to their situation.

PS-- I am feeling positive today so that could be the reason I am not "caring" as much about this so there is that mental state component too. When in a better mental state, I care less and less about these things as my mind gravitates towards thinking about other things like all the cute girls out there etc....
 
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Thanks for your story man. I appreciate that outlook. Yeah my visions is completely fucked Up. I have all other symptoms too. I'm going to have to go with meds. Has anyone had success with lamictal?
 
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Thanks everyone for the continued support. I've been developing (or noticing) some vision problems. I'm trying to chock them up to anxiety and such. At almost 2 months I'm getting nervous. That's an understanment, actually. I'm terrified. I'm sure other people here are having a tough time and I know we're all looking for hope. I know we'll all pull out of this and we'll be better people when we come out the other side. So here's to good company! I struggle with positivity and I can tell that is a theme here. Let's all hold each other up and take each day as it comes. It's brutal. I hate this. This is my life now. Anyone coming here knows these feelings. Let's all get better, fellas and ladies. Let's all never forget this and be better people.

Woodford
 
fnono33 said:
Thanks for your story man. I appreciate that outlook. Yeah my visions is completely fucked Up. I have all other symptoms too. I'm going to have to go with meds. Has anyone had success with lamictal?
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if I'm still suffering badly in another year or so I'm going to give it a try. I think overall it has a low probability of making things worse.
 
Just found something interesting that makes a lot of sense. Has anyone heard of state dependent memory? It seems like it could explain some memory problems (although not all), and the inability to think properly. As in, you are unable to recall simple memories from when you were normal (a different state of mind to now), when you are obviously so used to having them so it just feels like nothing is there. So actually when your state of mind eventually returns to normal, then your normal thinking process should come back. Something like that anyway. It's no solution but worth a read!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/State-dependent_memory
 
MYH1234 said:
Just found something interesting that makes a lot of sense. Has anyone heard of state dependent memory? It seems like it could explain some memory problems (although not all), and the inability to think properly. As in, you are unable to recall simple memories from when you were normal (a different state of mind to now), when you are obviously so used to having them so it just feels like nothing is there. So actually when your state of mind eventually returns to normal, then your normal thinking process should come back. Something like that anyway. It's no solution but worth a read!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/State-dependent_memory
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Exactly--thats what I think those who think they might be "forever scarred" by the LTC don't realize.

As you return to normal the LTC related thoughts also go down. My LTC was horrid in the way beginning. I had emotional numbing and many other symptoms. Probably some DP/DR as well since my perception of time was really screwey but not full blown DP/DR

I'm still getting mood swings and stuff but I cannot remember what those early moments exactly felt like.
 
I've also heard of people who have stated that "childhood memories have recently come flooding back" - something a long those lines -

Bear in mind though, this is somebody who abused the drug like nobody on this forum knows...This girl, her name is Charlotte, and when she was 17/18 she was taking the substance nearly everyday for over a year....
Sounds unbelievable, but I have been speaking to her on another forum called Longecity. She seems quite intelligent and is very good at articulating what she wants to say. Currently she has a job, and she also studies mathematics part time.

She also uses supplements such as insulin which she states has significantly improved her ability to comprehend and apply mathematic.
 
Do you have a link to any MDMA LTC discussion on longecity? Just curious what people are saying over there.
 
The MDMA/amphetamine abuse recovery threads on longecity always involved nootropics like piracetam and noopept, and of course the mainstays like exercise, diet and mindfulness

^^I'm surprised somebody on longecity is using insulin, seeing as the goal of those people is usually to live a long time.
 
Cotcha Yankinov said:
The MDMA/amphetamine abuse recovery threads on longecity always involved nootropics like piracetam and noopept, and of course the mainstays like exercise, diet and mindfulness

^^I'm surprised somebody on longecity is using insulin, seeing as the goal of those people is usually to live a long time.
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What even is the point or rationale behind insulin?

Are you sure its not growth hormone or something?

Hormones like steroids and stuff I could understand the rationale behind but why insulin of all things?
 
To me it seems the people that are suffering the most (in general), are the ones who had the initial OD/bad reaction, then retriggered/exacerbated the symptoms with another substance....Myself with booze and pot, socrilius with drinking and SSRI, FNono with the 5HTP and coffee.....It's like the bad connections in the brain are reinforced.
 
socrilus said:
What even is the point or rationale behind insulin?

Are you sure its not growth hormone or something?

Hormones like steroids and stuff I could understand the rationale behind but why insulin of all things?
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She may actually be using growth hormone mimetics, insulin is a bit serious. They are pro growth but this also means cancer growth et cetera as well as insulin resistance so I'm surprised somebody on longecity is using anything insulin related.
 
ADubbs said:
What's this light headed and nauseous feeling I constantly have now?
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I still stand behind my artery compression theory, the particular artery in question that I suspect may be getting a bit compressed by neck muscles results in such symptoms as dizziness and nausea, not to mention visual disturbances
 
ADubbs said:
What's this light headed and nauseous feeling I constantly have now?
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After about 12 months of suffering I developed dizziness (varying degree) and feeling as if I was constantly on the verge of feinting. This lasted for about a year I guess. Completely gone now.
 
I went out to the bars Friday night and for the first time in a long time I felt like my old self. It was glorious! I was able to make people laugh, I didn't feel like a stranger occupying my own body, and I was able to come up with quick witted remarks.

I like that idea of state dependent memory and hope it is applicible to our situation. If it is then I'm still not out of the woods cause the last couple years still feel like they didn't happen.

I noticed a serious improvement in my sense of self after I started taking a quality complex B vitamin supplement. It took a week or so but things just started feeling right again.

I found this blog with a supplement regime and the person reasoning behind it for people trying to recover from depersonalization. It's worth reading but hard to say how effective it is.

realization.blogspot.com/2009/11/this-is-my-gift-to-depersonalized.html
 
ScaredFirstTimer said:
After about 12 months of suffering I developed dizziness (varying degree) and feeling as if I was constantly on the verge of feinting. This lasted for about a year I guess. Completely gone now.
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I'm at this stage at the moment, in those 12 months did you drink at all or anything? The dizziness is horrible, it gives me anxiety and makes me feel nauseous and feel as if I'm going to faint, also weird sensations in my head! Had this for about 4 months now.

Reason I ask is because I've been sober 5 months and I drank on the weekend (a lot!) and hope I haven't set myself back.
 
I'm suffering from dizziness, I have been since the onset, at first it was unbearable, then as soon as I started weightlifting it got better. Stiff suffer but it's 65% gone. It's defiantly linked to anxiety in someway. I also agree with Cotcha's theory about the compressed arteries in the neck. It's no coincidence that my neck pain has gotten better along with my symptoms
 
Thanks for the input all. Yeah I've been exercising a lot more the last couple weeks..Both weights and running...Seems to at least make me feel good about myself.

Seems like I'm not the only one with nausea issues....It's weird only started happening in the last few weeks. Oh well, for now it's bearable at least but it sucks.
 
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