Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[Ne0]

Good, keep it up. I don't have that much great day, couldn't sleep even after 18h of the last dose of speed, so I had to skip sleeping and go this day too, just dosed again to keep me going and started to see some hallucinations, but I play it cool, good I have anti-psychotics in my stash. It seems to get harder and harder to get sleep when using speed, first day I can get good 8h rest, second day sleeping is impossible even on 250mg quetiapine and 18h after last dose. At least I don't have WD's, started to have some minor when I was coming off speed, or maybe they weren't wd's but normal meht come down, can't really tell.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Day 10, the physical part is over and I am in a near-manic state. It's not bad just a lot of energy and everything I want to do all my goals are coming back in mind. It is overwhelming, and I can't sleep. I remember this happened last time. I could sleep just fine in acute withdrawal for a few hours each night but now I can't sleep at all. This insomnia goes on for months, and it's best to accept it and stay up watching movies or reading. Also, I am getting extreme anxiety now. These symptoms are a laugh compared to that week of hell, but they are going to stick around for a very long while. If I got dope again, it would likely be so I could get a good night's rest and stop the panic and fear. I'm not even worried about the future or anything but obviously at day 10 my brains are still scrambled. Also, I am easily made angered or irritable. I wish I had some meth to take orally... I mean, if I can't sleep anyway and I have very little energy... the insomnia really wears me out.

 

[JoeTheStoner]

^ dang , i recall you were in a better place just a few weeks ago... i'ma look back in the last few pages...

hope to report back with more progress.

made it through hellish fentanyl/morphine wds, i thought of tapering down even more with the the last of what i had, but was prepared to fight. glad i trashed the last i had, no mas.

and of course during the worst of it i had the new twin peaks on with that lit episode in new mexico and NIN. good times.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Yeah I don't really know what happened but I relapsed a few times and now I have nothing left but 10 days off opiates. Today is nothing but extreme terror and fear. My panic attacks are coming back so hardcore and with the insomnia I think it is probably better to go back to heroin because I'm just abusing benzos instead. It's not a willpower thing it's common sense if I am crippled by anxiety this extreme and can't stop myself from resorting to benzos I may as well shoot up. The anxiety is so extreme that high doses of benzos don't even work. All day I have felt like I am having a heart attack and I am crippled by it. That's just me without drugs. I'm too fucked up to go back.
Twin peaks is sweet.

 

[Ne0]

Yeah I don't really know what happened but I relapsed a few times and now I have nothing left but 10 days off opiates. Today is nothing but extreme terror and fear. My panic attacks are coming back so hardcore and with the insomnia I think it is probably better to go back to heroin because I'm just abusing benzos instead. It's not a willpower thing it's common sense if I am crippled by anxiety this extreme and can't stop myself from resorting to benzos I may as well shoot up. The anxiety is so extreme that high doses of benzos don't even work. All day I have felt like I am having a heart attack and I am crippled by it. That's just me without drugs. I'm too fucked up to go back.
Twin peaks is sweet.

Have you tried phenibut, pregabalin or gabapentin for anxiety, maybe getting some phenibut and try it out before going back to heroin? for me benzos have never really helped but any gaba-b drug will do the trick. Also they are great drugs for opioid wd's anyway, I guarantee that 300mg pregabalin without tolerance will take almost all the wd's off or mask them.

 

[ShroomySatori]

You pretty much read my current thoughts. If I can't get my panic disorder under control, then I am going to start shooting heroin full time and never look back because this anxiety is fucking crippling me. I am in a constant state of panic feeling like I am having a heart attack, I don't ever really drink alcohol but just resorted to it.

Benzos do not work for me in opiate withdrawal. Otherwise, they work fine at least, regarding the cost of using them daily for years. But, in opiate withdrawal I can take 20mg xanax and feel no relief whatsoever. I get so desperate I will do it anyway.

So I need to introduce a gaba B drug to my system to combine with the benzo habit which is gaba A, if I'm not mistaken. The two choices I know that are available to me are GHB, or baclofen. I used to have a baclofen script since that gaba B agonist is a muscle relaxer, but I stopped taking it. I'm desperately trying to get it back because it helps so damn much. I'm making phone calls doing everything I can because I'm going to relapse if I don't get a second anxiety med to go with my benzos, at least for the short term. If I was taking 30mg baclofen daily, my benzo use would probably be back to normal. In the worst of my heroin withdrawals when I wasn't ready to quit, baclofen would knock me out for 12 hours which is insane. GHB would be my preference, absolutely, because it is excellent for anxiety and insomnia and has no cross tolerance with benzos in my experience. I'm a panic freak and accept I will be on benzos for the rest of my life, but I need to keep my dosage under control. I'm not going to double or triple it to get off heroin when I could die of seizures, and my dose would be so high that no doctor would even be willing or knowledgable enough to taper me off. So for me, it's about getting the benzo use down to a minimum while not allowing the anxiety to destroy my whole entire life.

If I use heroin, I don't need anywhere near the same amount of benzos. I would take a shot in a second right now, without question. So I need to get the anxiety under control. I was considering going to hospital emergency because that's when I was first prescribed benzos. It's that bad. But I am going to wait and see if I can get my baclofen back, it's not considered a 'narcotic' so I should be able to knock myself out with that shit for a few weeks at least.

I've never tried phenibut, pregabalin, or gabapentin. I would have to research what they do to the brain; I know nothing about them except that I knew they had no recreational potential so I never wanted them. I don't care about that anymore I just want to be able to function. Suboxone made my anxiety even worse, probably because it is synthesized using that stimulant thebaine from the poppy plant. It was like the oxy stimulation but even more and I would only sniff them so subs are not an option for me. I don't want ORT, I don't see the point. I may as well be shooting dope.

 

[Ne0]

I've never tried phenibut, pregabalin, or gabapentin. I would have to research what they do to the brain; I know nothing about them except that I knew they had no recreational potential so I never wanted them. I don't care about that anymore I just want to be able to function. Suboxone made my anxiety even worse, probably because it is synthesized using that stimulant thebaine from the poppy plant. It was like the oxy stimulation but even more and I would only sniff them so subs are not an option for me. I don't want ORT, I don't see the point. I may as well be shooting dope.

This is not true they can be used recreationally, one of my favorite drugs, I can play hours video games when on pregabalin, it makes everything interesting.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Day 11 complete! My family is being so supportive and they see the positive changes and will do anything to help me keep clean and recover to a better life.

I am running into trouble with anxiety and I need to see a specialist about that because it is horrendous and I'm using more benzos than usual to deal with it.

Yesterday, I freaked. I was in a constant state of sheer panic all day, cracked, and went to a little party. I was very close to picking up dilaudid but these friends are cokeheads so I did the right thing and had my night of fun without the drugs that destroy me. I still have my gram of snow, and use it sparingly. I drank six 7% tall cans last night and that was bad, I was kind of hungover today but I still did a lot. I spent time with family, ate some healthy food, played my guitar for the first time in ages, went to the mall. I'm always on the go now, at least on good days. I even applied to several jobs today in person and I am expecting a phone call back for part time work. The prospect of working is very exciting to me since I am so sick of spending every penny I have on opiates. It was nice to go to the mall, buy a pair of piercings for my ears and not start think hey, why am I not saving that for drugs.

I added several relaxing herbal tea blends to my repertoire. Generally I am doing just great. My back pain has been extreme today though. I don't care. I will do anything to keep clean, I have my spirit back! I can enjoy things without drugs. Sure I've been doing some coke since last night but I still slept and I am not feeling too bad at all about that. It's not a drug that I like very much, but it's good for applying for jobs in person and a job is something that I very much desire. I need to become a workaholic if I want to stay clean. I have to be working my ass off all day every day or I'll start thinking about those stupid pills that don't even work for pain. Even if they worked for pain long term I wouldn't want them. The side effects are extreme, I was straight up suicidal that first week of hell but I am really glad I toughed it out. It was a nightmare.

I am doing well, but I'm sure there will be some hard days to come. I am really proud of myself and I am looking nice and healthy again too, already. I'm assuming as much because a table of ladies at the restaurant kept checking me out, haha. Wonder why it took me 29 years to realize I am in fact handsome and not ugly and worthless. My self esteem is incredible right now and it isn't the cocaine. I'm already crashing from that, I did what I needed to do to stay clean and I hadn't done coke or got drunk like that in many moons. I won't be drinking again. It is an awful idea in withdrawal.

 

[Squeaky]

I tried drinking a couple of times in the last year. Worst F-ing idea I ever had. I was trying to get through an evening without taking my pills, just to help tapering down to a lower dose. It made me nauseous the whole next day and I couldn't keep my pills down. I wound up in opiate wd until the hangover was gone and I could swallow my pills. I think I took even extra pills to try and recover from the hangover.
I was a functioning alcoholic for 15 years, but it's been 2 1/2 years since I quit and I think I'll probably never go back now.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Man, fuck alcohol. I drank the other night and the hangover was so bad I binged on coke the whole next day because otherwise it was unbearable (and I was doing lines with the booze). Then I ran out of coke the next day and drank alcohol all day because the crash was horrid. Now I got some more coke and I am paying very close attention to my doses. I am essentially quickly tapering off coke while getting over a brutal alcohol hangover. I'm just going to deal with it and get it over with, get healthy again.

I'm socializing more, talking to a new lady. I had a lot of fun at the gathering I went to but I cannot tolerate alcohol whatsoever. This reminds me of university when I used to feel like such shit after those keggers. I can't wait until I can be happy again when I recover from the hangover and after tomorrow I should be totally fine. Today marks the 12th opiate-free day and despite the bit of coke and setback there I am really proud of myself. First week was like the exorcist, and everything is changing now. Man, I wish I didn't get drunk that day but the anxiety was extreme and I couldn't deal with it with only benzos. I'm drinking herbal teas at the moment and trying to get some food in me. Might smoke a little weed but I've drastically cut back on that.

 

[ShroomySatori]

two weeks clean of heroin as of tomorrow! Been doing a little coke for the lethargy. Really happy with my progress though. I never wake up sick anymore and I'll still do drugs but never so much as a codeine ever again. My life is changing in a lot of positive ways and my back doesn't hurt all that bad most of the time. Man, fuck opiates. Squeaky bro if I can cold turkey that shit so can you. Man it will change your life and you know this already but you can't handle those pills, same as me. Do whatever you need to do to quit cold turkey, if you really can't do it try subs. Get the fuck off that garbage man you are so much better than that and so am I. You got this man it is very straightforward. You simply don't take the drugs and suffer the consequences. I really want to see you quit too. We had very similar habits and I know you can do it. It just takes patience and commitment to the suffering.
Anyone know what happened to closeau? He was a good friend of mine. Haven't heard from him all year.

 

[Painful One]

Good progress Shroomy!!
Well done on getting through the acute withdrawal. I'm really proud of you for that.
So happy to hear of your progress. I just wanted to give you some support and encouragement.
Also happy to hear your back pain has been manageable and you have been able to get out and socialize.

I hope everyone is doing alright and holding or tapering. Great to hear of Joe the stoner's progress too! Good job!
I'm holding at my prescribed dose for the most part. Looks like I'm going to have to suffer a day of morphine withdrawals this month.
Damn! Not looking forward to that. I will try harder next month. I'm determined to at least hold where I am at instead of increasing.
The colder weather is making me much less functional with my chronic pain.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Thanks, I'm crashing after doing coke for a few days. It's not too bad, I am taking a lot of health supplements and feasting on healthy foods. Just got cravings for more snow. I've been out having fun, applying for jobs too, and I even have a date this week with a new friend who is very attractive to me. Seriously I have NO idea what these women see in me well I sort of do. I am not going to make the same mistake and relapse because we clearly really like each other. I can already tell this is a very special opportunity, again opiates are a deal breaker and if this turns into a relationship it would be a much healthier and more stable one. So wish me luck with a very attractive lady, and also with NOT developing a cocaine habit. The crash is shit fro 3 days straight and another line would fix it, but I'm taking all my health supplements and getting hydrated for now.
I hate when the cold weather hits for the same reason.

 

[Ram2358]

God bless anybody that can successfully taper themselves off a drug. You are a fucking Zen master. I have no will power. Give me dope I'm going till it's gone then I'm out the door for more.those that can do have done or are currently doing it successfully. That's amazing and your truly the exception not the rule...your saving yourself from the horrors of a CD turkey withdrawal,i.e living hell that your forced to endure every second of because sleep is not an option.

 

[ShroomySatori]

In my experience, tapering was a lot worse of a way to quit. There is the constant threat of a relapse, it happens way more often than not, and your days tapering will still be off. Won't feel right until you are off the drugs completely. It's really just spreading out and extending the pain you have to endure.

Why not endure that week of hell and get it over with? It's the fastest way out. Not to discouraging anyone who is tapering well, but I could never ever taper at the end of the day because I was a drug addict. Had to quit and never look back and at the two week mark today I'm feeling phenomenal. The time will pass and you will feel better quick. And that week of hell will make you think twice about a relapse, that's for sure. I'm not even picking up my script this week.

People who want to just need to commit and fucking quit. If you want to quit a drug and it's not like benzos, why not cold turkey the shit. You'll feel more accomplished too enduring that nightmare. Just my opinion and what is working for me. I would only ever cold turkey detox this shit.

 

[ShroomySatori]

painful one I hope your pain isn't so bad at your prescribed dose. Are you on oxy's for it? I could never control myself like that.
I'm laying in bed in physical agony. My spine is screaming pain signals at me. Being an addict was SO much worse than even this horrific pain that gets so bad I can pass out from it. I'm just happy to be clean, a full two weeks today! I gotta watch it with the cocaine though... I had no idea I was so partial to it.

 

[FnX]

In my experience, tapering was a lot worse of a way to quit. There is the constant threat of a relapse, it happens way more often than not, and your days tapering will still be off. Won't feel right until you are off the drugs completely. It's really just spreading out and extending the pain you have to endure.

Why not endure that week of hell and get it over with? It's the fastest way out. Not to discouraging anyone who is tapering well, but I could never ever taper at the end of the day because I was a drug addict. Had to quit and never look back and at the two week mark today I'm feeling phenomenal. The time will pass and you will feel better quick. And that week of hell will make you think twice about a relapse, that's for sure. I'm not even picking up my script this week.

People who want to just need to commit and fucking quit. If you want to quit a drug and it's not like benzos, why not cold turkey the shit. You'll feel more accomplished too enduring that nightmare. Just my opinion and what is working for me. I would only ever cold turkey detox this shit.

Part of me agrees, to me it feels like I'm just prolonging the pain when tapering (and in a way I guess I am). Right now however I'm feeling completely the opposite, so I think it also depends on the circumstances too, besides the individual that is. I relapsed during the messed up break-up, ran out pretty much right before I heard about the death and I'm really hoping acute symptoms will pass before the funeral... I would much rather suffer in smaller increments right now, even if the total amount of suffering turned out slightly higher/longer. Not to mention all the things that need doing, it's almost like I couldn't even afford to go through intense withdrawal right now. It's not going to kill me or anything, but I need to pack, get a new apartment etc with quite the haste. Having great difficulties achieving progress with those (well, most) things right now, but so much depends on me getting them done.

 

[Painful One]

painful one I hope your pain isn't so bad at your prescribed dose. Are you on oxy's for it? I could never control myself like that.
I'm laying in bed in physical agony. My spine is screaming pain signals at me. Being an addict was SO much worse than even this horrific pain that gets so bad I can pass out from it. I'm just happy to be clean, a full two weeks today! I gotta watch it with the cocaine though... I had no idea I was so partial to it.

I have no choice but to control myself. Yeah, my chronic pain is BAD! I have trouble with anything to do with sitting or standing for very long. I would not even be able to shower myself or anything without the medication I am prescribed. I was offered the OxyContin but I took the MS Contin as it is cheaper and my family is having to pay for me while I try to get disability benefits.
I have been on the same dose of MS Contin since 2009. 75 mg per day. I have no break through medication or anything.
I have been okay at that dose up until this year. It is just not working for me anymore and my doctor just refuses to adjust my dose.
So I find myself at the end of the month having to use loperamide for a day or two and it fucks up my tolerance and makes me not feel right for about a week after using that. I'm in a bad situation. I have zero support.
I'm getting so desperate that I have been looking into euthanasia. I don't know what to do.
I am also very good looking and the disability people just look at me like - phew! Go find some rich guy to take care of you.
I cannot be thrown to the streets. I wouldn't last a day.

 

[FnX]

I have no choice but to control myself. Yeah, my chronic pain is BAD! I have trouble with anything to do with sitting or standing for very long. I would not even be able to shower myself or anything without the medication I am prescribed. I was offered the OxyContin but I took the MS Contin as it is cheaper and my family is having to pay for me while I try to get disability benefits.
I have been on the same dose of MS Contin since 2009. 75 mg per day. I have no break through medication or anything.
I have been okay at that dose up until this year. It is just not working for me anymore and my doctor just refuses to adjust my dose.
So I find myself at the end of the month having to use loperamide for a day or two and it fucks up my tolerance and makes me not feel right for about a week after using that. I'm in a bad situation. I have zero support.
I'm getting so desperate that I have been looking into euthanasia. I don't know what to do.
I am also very good looking and the disability people just look at me like - phew! Go find some rich guy to take care of you.
I cannot be thrown to the streets. I wouldn't last a day.

If you have the patience to read, you might want to check this out https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4444749/

"Chronic pain patients receiving opioid drugs are at risk for opioid-induced hyperalgesia (OIH), wherein opioid pain medication leads to a paradoxical pain state."
"OIH is characterized by a paradoxical state of heightened pain sensation in which both pain threshold and pain tolerance decrease"
"However, OIH differs from opioid tolerance in that dose increases are accompanied by an increase in pain sensitivity and higher pain scores ... OIH is also accompanied by allodynia, pain caused by a stimulus that does not normally provoke pain"

Couple quotes from the link.

 

[ShroomySatori]

Painful One, please hang in there. Tolerance is a known fact of these drugs and in my opinion if they are going to script them, why the fuck don't they ever increase doses? I was on the same dose the whole entire time and it was the weakest oxy they make and tamper proofed too. Wonder why I went to street drugs...

My pain is extremely hard to deal with sometimes. Last night for example, from 11pm to 1am I could not move. I was in a state of sheer agony, my spine screaming at me in pain. It was absolute hell and I had no opiates to deal with it, but I took my turmeric supplement and in time it passed. I just listened to the hardcore music that I like during that episode but what happens if I get a job and I'm at work? I really think though since I am only on day 15 that the pain situation will drastically improve over time, especially if I take initiative and try new treatments. It's miserable how I want to practice my electric guitar for 4 hours a day, but after 20 minutes to half an hour I have to lay down for a break. It totally sucks and even an office job is VERY hard to deal with for me. Having to be somewhere, where I can't lay down for pain relief for at least 8 hours is hell on my back. Honestly though for me, it is a way better situation for me because otherwise I abuse heroin. And I can't be doing that anymore, it starts with a couple percocets and within a week I'm doing lines. I need to stop it with the fucking cocaine though. I have been using it for several days now and I get cravings for it. I've been doing coke for 15 years sparingly and never had a problem with it. It is breaking through the depression and helping me keep active but it has to go, and it will once I'm done what I have.

I am definitely experincing OIH, I think it is common even in people without chronic pain who abuse opiates. Painful One is on a low dose and in my opinion, since there is no abuse going on and the dose is quite low, there should be a slight increase until maybe the pain can be sorted out some other way (seems impossible, I know).

I'm not giving up my testosterone when I'm 29 for some drugs. I'd rather be dating attractive women and out socializing, building a future for myself, I mean I never even play my guitar when I'm on opiates. Even with the pain I'm practicing like crazy now. Opiates make me lose my sex drive completely and I don't want that to become a long term problem as I become a horny little fucker in a couple of weeks and it's generally agreed that it can take 3 months or longer. I need to quit this shit while I'm still young.

You should obviously have some breakthrough meds or something, maybe try turmeric supplementation I swear it works amazingly as an anti inflammatory. Sounds like your doctor is a prick. Every doctor I have ever met in my life has been a prick. I feel like they have inflated egos a lot of the time, and are not compassionate enough to fucking listen to what the patient has to say. I was so frustrated with my dumbass doctor that I started writing letters in advance to get my point across. He'd manipulate me, like grab my shoulder or something and ask what was wrong. Well read the fucking note, like what if I wrote I was suicidal or something. Then 5 minutes later I have the same script that does not work at all and he's rushing out the door.

My new nurse friend I am hopefully going on a date with soon is much smarter and more knowledgable than any doctor I've ever known. In my opinion, doctors are responsible for a lot of this addiction bullshit. I will never trust a doctor again so long as I live. They don't even listen to me it's like they cut me off what I'm saying and start writing on the prescription pad. I always leave doctors appointments enraged... every single time, so I'm just not going to see them anymore because they are stupid as fuck.