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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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I did ct from 60 mg oxy/day once and it was miserable, but only for about a week, then it was better for 2 more weeks, then life was normal. I've been tapering for months now and it has been a daily struggle.
I wish I could just cold turkey this crap and be done.
 
Everything has improved so much. I am happier than I have ever been. I got my script the other day, and I don't give a fuck about it let alone H. Sure I'll take the odd percocet if for example I am going for a long hike with my lady friend, or my back seizes up - I mean that's what they are for. On a regular basis it is zero milligrams a day though, and when I take it, it is not to get high.

It's over for me, this is how it ended. I can't believe how I was behaving. I was ruining my life and I nearly died many many times. I am lucky to be alive, and I am treating this lady really really nicely. We met when I was still a little sick and I didn't mean for it to happen but it did and I was fighting to get out of bed some days just to drag myself into the car and get over to see her. Sure I have back pain now, but my life is so much better I don't really care.

I am really proud of myself. I can't see myself never taking another 5mg perc again due to how severe my back problems are, but I finally figured it out. Abusing painkillers is retarded. I am lucky to be alive, as is anyone who has abused them. I think back at heroin with disgust and hatred. It's over, I made it. So I'm moving in with my lady friend in the near future. Really, what I always wanted. It has been a lovely romance it truly has and I am so grateful for that, but either way I'd be clean.

So let me know how you are doing Squeaky man. You'll be fine dude, you are on a low daily dose these days. I can't recommend cold turkey enough no matter what it takes (quitting jobs, missing bills, what the fuck ever - it is your life and you cannot truly be alive while using all the time). These pills are fucking retarded and I know I'm a hypocrite for saying that. Some days I still take them but nowhere near what I am prescribed which is a low dose. Only when the pain is so bad I have to ask my lady friend to give me a perc, which is pretty damn rare that I actually need one for pain. I am fucking disgusted with how I ruined my 20's like that, and how nobody even noticed. Nobody gives a fuck at all except my lady friend. I get pretty damn nice back massages as needed, lol. Just the fact that opiates fuck with my sex drive is enough to deter me from using them. It's just SO. FUCKING. OVER.

I have never been happier, really I haven't. I don't care about the back pain, I have a lot of other things to care about that are much more important and nobody really gives a damn about my pain in my life apart from the really lovely and special woman I am getting serious with. I just have to deal with the stupid pain and still enjoy the good parts of life. I just know this time that it really, truly is over for me. I'm moving on and never looking back. Those were the most miserable years of my whole entire life and my life has been trashed by a tornado. I am really picking myself back up though. It's not even a fight anymore. I just hate that disgusting junkie garbage so much that staying away from hard drugs like that, 'doctor prescribed' or not, is common sense to me.
 
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Congrats Shroomi.
I'm still struggling at the same dose I was 6 months ago...
 
I skrewed myself this month. I'm taking 120-150 mg/day and I just realized I have to cut that in half for the next 16 days or I'll run out about 5 days early, I have some serious family commitments the next 5 days and I'm going to be hurting a lot. This really sucks.
I miss the days of having a big stash to pull from.
 
Thanks joethestoner. Time for another bowl. fucked up as well. I abused oxy's for a week starting the day I got my prescription out. Damn pharmacy, watch out for those, lol.

Anyways, I definitely feel garbage withdrawal today and the past few days. It doesn't take much to get really addicted again and ruin your life.

Having a low tolerance didn't really matter, I got addicted faster to lower doses of the opiate and had a larger supply to pull from. It's really easy to totally fuck up even months in, that definitely wasn't worth it though I don't even know how it happened fuck. My life has been noticeably fucked over by a single week and I was using like 30 or 40 milligrams but I did got up to 150mg to nod out and get well completely wasted so yeah if you quit well for me there is certainly no going back I had done one-time uses before when my back really hurt and that was okay but going back to pills just isn't an option.

Anyways I used for a week at low doses of oxycodone relative to what I was using before and I practically feel like I am in full blown WD's again although it is not at all to the same extent, I can sit here pretty comfortably, it's still enough to ruin my day. I hope that I get better soon and I'm considering a taper with extended release meds. Like go down to 20mg for a week and then 10 and then zero but I'm not so sure. I really wish how long this was going to last relative to my full blown withdrawal since I still feel like shit, just don't relapse it sucks and I don't even know how it happened. A week was enough to ruin a few days of my life and I still don't feel right I really hope it's over soon. If it isn't I'll take a 10mg ER pill every 12 hours because I need to be functional so maybe this time I really should try to taper.
 
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Just re-writing this. I relapsed with the percocets on the 4th day (after a relapse that lasted a week with the percocets, can't even really remember the last time I did dope, I'm doing way better now). I don't consider this day 1, I can deal with withdrawals and chronic pain better now and I don't use H. Caught the binge a week in as well which was lucky, but the withdrawals are still just awful. The first relapse was the day I got my prescription, of course. I had a crazy low tolerance, got high as hell actually too high, off 20mg and it went from there. I decimated my life in a week with those percs... haha.

I'm trying not to think in a linear way. This is just a day that I absolutely cannot take a single opiate. Ideally I'd never use again but it's hard to imagine that right now despite how much better life is. Even after a single use I notice changes in my sex drive, I'm a horny 30 year old with an equally horny girlfriend, we really are quite horny little fuckers, and using those percocets for a week almost destroyed us. She was wondering why we were falling out and it was totally me being a fucking prick on oxy's. I lose interest in everything, she needs attention obviously, yet think I have my shit together. I simply can't have a job or a relationship if I am using on a regular basis at all, or experience any sort of physical comfort even. I feel like I lost interest in communicating with her when I was on the percocets for that long (a week). I can use for one day without getting withdrawal once I am clean from acute wd's, like single-time use. Risky business but hey thanks for the drugs mr doctor douche. I'm trying to get clean, I'd tell you if it was socially acceptable to make mistakes.

I was doing really well and that's what keeps me going. I got to a point where I no longer craved or even thought about opiates and it only took a little over a month. I'm not sure how long withdrawal from a one week relapse is but I guess I just have to keep going because otherwise this oxy is going to ruin my life. I think if I ever used H again I would not live very much longer. It really sucks getting into this situation. My tolerance is low but I am trained to fiend... it's risky to use at all.

Anyways still struggling Squeaky. Relapses are such shit. I ended up wasted a couple weeks of my life and I am still fighting for my sobriety all for a week of highs that I didn't even really enjoy because I was taking way too high doses and it wasn't the sweet spot. Yesterday was the sweet spot... the relief was wonderful but what's the point if it doesn't last. Smoking off a QP now there's a drug. Smokin joints like the good old days.
 
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ShroomySatori said:
. My tolerance is low but I am trained to fiend... it's risky to use at all.

Anyways still struggling Squeaky. Relapses are such shit. I ended up wasted a couple weeks of my life and I am still fighting for my sobriety all for a week of highs that I didn't even really enjoy because I was taking way too high doses and it wasn't the sweet spot. Yesterday was the sweet spot... the relief was wonderful but what's the point if it doesn't last. Smoking off a QP now there's a drug. Smokin joints like the good old days.
Click to expand...

right there with ya.

when a fix is needed, keep tryin use tiny bit less just to function. pop a benzo. smoke a spliff. and i'm ok. i woke upt he other day feelin "decent" i could kick this with some effort easily but as you say "small tolerance, large amounts, trained to fiend"
 
Yeah man you know it, and that's how overdoses happen a lot of the time as I am sure you're aware.

I took some klonopin this morning and I've been smoking bong all day, got outside for a walk and a spliff. Actually, I got a bowl packed of some OG. Be right back lol. (insert bubbling sounds and coughing from a heavy rip).

I'm tapering my oxy's from here on out. I'm using my oxy's, but I'm not blowing through my supply. I'll probably stay at 40mg oxy for a little while and cut back on the benzos. I took 40mg ER today and that's it for me, done for the day. I feel like with the horrific post acute withdrawal symptoms I get, I slight "relapse" to a pharmaceutical opioid would have been a decent choice. 40mg of tamper proof oxy is a hell of a lot better than railing and eventually IV'ing a few hundred milligrams of very pure heroin (real china white, crazy good afghan #4 hydrochloride). I am so done with that shit, I wouldn't even consider using it again.

I spend a lot of time sick too, even if I used 40mg today I'm just chilling out about it. I am in the midst of such a lovely romance and she has been amazing to stick with me through all of this. She is so fucking beautiful, I'm a really lucky guy. It might have taken 14 years to find her but I finally did and it is so wonderful. I'm happier than I've ever been despite this bullshit drug problem shit. Romance is an extremely powerful force and I haven't ever experienced it like this before, it's actually real. I like everything about her including her cute faults. She is so fucking adorable grrrr sorry for the aside, I just can't get her out of my mind sometimes. It's crazy... I'm totally falling in love and it's well, lovely : ) she is such a sweet hearted chick too. We have so much in common, and we're kinky as hell. Chemistry at it's finest.

I just need to kick the last of my percocet habit after enduring that heroin bullshit, and I'll be fine. I'll have a wonderful life but I need to be clean (at least not abusing my meds). I'm going to taper from 40mg oxy now, just because the heroin withdrawal took a lot out of me. It took all of my strength to beat that shit and I don't want to take it too fast because then I go insane with panic attack and cravings. So I'm just chilling out with the oxy and accepting the my scripted dose has to be a part of my life right now. I can certainly taper and I really want to but for now I'm just distressing and taking it easy, getting healthy again after abusing all that heroin. I know I need to cut back on the oxy's though, I know that, and soon. Right now I save them for special occasions or when I really need them, but I'm still using at least once a week or a couple times. I'm sure things will get better, I have to keep it up and realize no matter what how lucky I am. How I'm lucky to be alive.
 
that's great you have someone close for support. i can sense how much you want to put this behind you from the words.

i'm stuck in thought, words aren't flowing right now. just now i'm rootin for ya.

hope to report back with more progress.

OG got me :? lol
 
I am on Day 3 today although you know I hate counting days. It's all about how active you can force yourself to be. I just ran an errand that fucking exhausted me, it was just going to a couple stores. I will recover faster for that but I need to lay down fuck do I ever.
I feel miserable, not even. Just like I have no soul, my mind is void. Blank. Dead. Exhausted.

Hopefully I can beat it this time. I was doing H a couple months ago so going from that to a 60mg oxycodone habit for a week completely fucked me up. I was surprised at the horrific withdrawal that resumed but hey I'm a junkie, I like getting a fix over everything else. That was like 2 weeks ago and I'm still not right. I'm sick of wasting time it's infuriating. And I relapsed because I was dumb enough to talk to a doctor and go to a fucking pharmacy.

At this point, I'm a junkie. It doesn't matter if it's heroin or percocet. Percocet will ruin my life in one or two days. My body will completely change, I'll lose interest in my girlfriend, I lose interest in everything but more drugs, I fuck with my body in so many ways, and the sole benefit is pain relief.

It lasted a week and it has been a long time and I'm still fucked up. I was using again a little bit after that but not for a week. I am totally out of pills now 2 weeks after my script and I didn't use every day at all. I really think I should just fuck off the medical system, hit my doctor in the face tell the fucker everything and storm out of there. But I wouldn't even go trust going near a drug dealer who sells your favourite shit right? It's a calll away. I'm losing my fucking mind it's been going on for too long. Too god damned long when I relapse it makes it a million times worse.
 
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I'm down to 60 mg oxy/day. Pretty great considering I was at about 120 a month ago. Today I have to drop to 45 mg or I'll run out before my next Rx
I'm only dropping my dose because I used too much at the beginning of this month and I am finally out of EVERYTHING I had stashed from the beginning. I probably had 150 -30 mg oxys, 30- 10mg percocets, 50 -10 mg norcos(hydrocodone). It took me 6 months to use it up in addition to the 90 mg oxy/day I am prescribed.
Long story short..... I am suffering less at 60 mg/day than I was at 120 or 150 mg/day. I think my pain will be mostly gone if I quit the opiates. I'm really going to try to stay at 45 mg when I get my new Rx this week. Hopefully I can get to zero in the next month.
 
Also, I tried smoking week last night. What a mistake. I feel like crap this morning.
I was so good at getting drunk and functioning through a hangover. And usually alcohol left me sleeping way too late the next day. Everything else I have tried in the last year just gives me insomnia. Now I'm awake really early on a Sunday because I smoked a tiny bit of weed last night.
Sucks
 
Friends,

Here is a website https://opiateaddictionsupport.com/how-to-sleep-during-opiate-withdrawal-insomnia/
With all the information we need. Thank you Matt Finch!

There is an article on here about natural supplements to take while tapering down that help not only with symptoms but with actual brain recovery. Lots of excellent information on this website.

Hang in there friends!
Sending you all lots of love and support.

Ps- having a real hard time getting this to post so I hope it comes out okay.
 
Hey squeaky, I'm not on any dose. I binged on 40mg dilaudid yesterday, and I am suicidal today. Hopefully I don't slit my wrists but I am really drunk right now and all I want is more drugs. Heroin heroin heroin. I don't give a fuck if I drop dead, in fact I'd prefer it that way. Good luck man, if I don't respond within a couple weeks consider me dead. I've just been beaten down by life to the point that slitting my wrists seems quite appropriate, however I'd like to shoot myself up with a lethal dose so that I don't feel any pain. Good luck man, peace to everyone. Hopefully I am not reincarnated as another form of a disgusting fuckin junkie
 
Shroomy my brother, hang tough!
So many love and care for you. More than you may realize.
I don't think you should keep doing the up and down with the dosage thing.
I think you should get whatever you need to be comfortable and get stable.
Whatever that takes. Let's get you to a stable point instead of in free fall. Yes?
PLEASE check in and let us know you are okay.
I am here if you want to talk. I will keep checking in.

Things can and will be a lot better Shroomy. Fight through the momentary suicide thoughts.
Just hold. Let's see if tomorrow is better. Hang on my friend.

Praying for you.
Praying for us all.
 
Hey,

I'm so glad to hear from you. Big hugs.

You had some problems with your new girl? I think they will be worked out. Most people do not understand this thing we go through and take it in a personal way against them. She will calm down. Trust me on this.

You have not ruined your brain. It can heal. You can heal it through meditation, diet, excercise etc.
I think what you are going through is major chemical imbalance and lots of pain right now.
Just give it a few days and see how you feel. Get yourself to feeling better. Try not to over do it.
Just get your pain level down. Flush your system out with lots of water and try to sleep.
You will feel better soon and there is still much living to do. Many good times ahead.

Taking the 40 mg dilaudid yesterday added a lot of pain and intensity to your opiate withdrawal I think.
I know you are suffering hard core right now but these suicidal thoughts will pass my friend. I promise.

I just want you to know that you are cared for very much and you are not alone.
This will pass. The best thing you can do is sleep right now. See how you feel tomorrow. <3
 
No problems like that. Just complications haha but that's not why I wrote that. Opiate withdrawal generally makes me suicidal for the first few days. I am going through it again because I did a lot of dilaudid for one day. Now it is the 3rd day since then and I still feel like shit, but I wouldn't say anything like that. I have a lot of big decisions in life to make and I'm having real nasty panic attacks and I just want to use again.
Yeah, the dilaudid really fucked with me. It makes it hard to see afterwards. All I wanted was more dilaudid but I am back on track. I have those fucking muscle aches today and I can't afford any more of these slips because the setbacks are just insane for what I get. I haven't done heroin in months now and those were by far the worst withdrawals. Absolute horror show. Today I'm low and depressed, extreme back pain (I fell on my back yesterday, it really hurt me and made this even worse), and awful muscle aches, bowel issues but I guess I'm feeling okay. It's not unbearable like the heroin withdrawal was. It was from a 24 hour binge this time but I wasn't exactly stable going into it and it really destabilized me.
 
Good to hear.

Choose wisely.

Think things through.

Thank you for letting me know you are doing better.
I appreciate that.
I hope you feel better right away and clarity comes.

Hope everyone is doing well.
 
I have never been thinking things through so hard in all my life. I find that with opiate withdrawal if one can keep themselves distracted it helps so much. I was feeling like such shit today before I headed over and helped my girl move from her place. Our love is way too strong at this point for distance to keep us apart and she just lives a few hours drive away. I'm really happy, since I am in love with her.

So we have to figure out how to make it work with limited resources but great families. There is so much to talk about, it's so overwhelming but funny thing is I used to work where she lives and I love it there. Way more than here, and I feel that I need change. So, I really thought things through and I am still doing thinking a lot; up all night tonight again. Staying with her was an easy choice. We complement each other so well it is crazy. Now it is all the other things... figuring out how to live out there at first, transportation (we already figured out how this would most likely work... we make a good team), moving permanently after a trial period, finding a place to live, getting a cheap car. It's where I want to live, so much more rural and chill than here. More in touch with nature and I'll be with her. The love of my life, I'm convinced and I think she is too. I can't even describe that part though, I suppose it is futile. I met her when I was first starting getting clean and trying to keep active and we are crazy about each other now.

Yesterday was day 3 off of a 24 hour dilaudid binge. I'm feeling okay. I need to cut the benzos out now I don't even really care about the opiates anymore but I have to take it one step at a time and there is already so much going on. I started taking more benzos in heroin withdrawal and it messed me up.

Responsibility is what is doing it for me... I never felt responsible before. I didn't want to live. Now I am looking for a job before I can get a career, moving to a place that actually has jobs in my field (if things work out and there is no stopping us... horny fuckers haha). I'm really happy with my girl and we are really serious now, more serious than I have ever felt before. She is always on my ass about the drugs which is great. Since we decided not to keep secrets like that.

My clarity came back today. There was an emergency and I dealt with it like a pro. No more bedridden bullshit... I think I need a day. haha. Gotta catch up on sleep. It really does get so much better. Be careful with relapse it is fucked. Within a day, depending on your history with the opiates, you can get withdrawals for several days. I got horrific withdrawals from abusing oxy's for a week (and almost fucked up my relationship, losing her over some fucking pills would be a pretty unforgivable selfish act). Her back massages are more than good enough but we are going to be apart for a little while, maybe not too long.

My back pain got way better after a month. The relapses have made my recovery really disjointed, even though it was oxy for a week and dilaudid for a day. I was messed up today and had another panic attack. Anyways, I'm doing really well. The dilaudid slip didn't last long so I am bouncing back fast. It'd be so damn easy to keep going, but why would i do that. It will destroy everything going on for me, and I am coming up with an entire plan for my future.
 
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