Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

[SweetLeaf7]

Too funny Shroomy - we read each others minds across the globe, lol! Thanks for the tip on Baclofen too. I think I have about 20 of those. My PM doc said Methadone is 4 x stronger than Morphine. Oxycodone is 1.5 x stronger than Morphine. Methadone has such a long half life so the withdrawals are intense after last dose is cleared. But on flip side, I think long half life is what is allowing me to still work full time through milder withdrawal while taking it daily. You have definitely been through a wild ride and your story could help so many. I think you should consider writing a book, like that one you mentioned about the life of a guy that went through some similar stuff. I can see your passion for writing and you could probably make a living from it.
- SweetLeaf7

 

[SweetLeaf7]

Sorry for the multiple posts but want to become a BL'er.

Shroomy, what you described is an accurate depiction of those gnarly CT opiate w/ds - and that horrible bone pain doesn't make sense to me either. I had to go through CT once before when my first PM doc lost his license and I was on about 240 MME/day back then. My current PM doc was very responsible and wouldn't go over 90 MME/day (equivalent to 12 Percocets) so I was shocked that the DEA shut him down. The most important thing I learned from that experience is to always have an exit plan when you start taking daily opiates and become physically and psychologically dependent on them like I did. So fortunately I was able to accumulate enough to taper over 8 weeks. Now with losing my 2nd PM doc I am literally tired of being a slave and am confident I will find a way to mange my chronic pain without them like you were able to!
- SweetLeaf7

 

[ShroomySatori]

I don't understand the bone pain... but somehow I feel it in my bones. Like I can feel my skeleton, or something. I get it horribly in my upper arms. Like every nerve is on fire there.

What is MME? I forgot to book my PM appointment this time... probably wonders where I am. Since I quit, I haven't been in too much pain. I was just having a panic attack and went crazy on my guitar for an hour until I was soaked in sweat. Back hasn't been hurting much from that I was jumping around and stuff too. It was a lot worse when I was using opiates. Good luck with the tapering. Yeah it sounds like you are very much fed up, as was I.

Thanks for the suggestion, others have suggested I write a book too (like, before I became hooked and stuff). I would be quite good at describing in vivid detail the experience. I think it is a great idea, in fact.

Yeah and this is a compliment that a friend gave me recently that sort of says some of what you were writing... dude is so chill, you don't realize you JUST met the guy.

I have changed in a lot of ways this past while. Writing about spending a month of my life on 2cc would be enough to write a book, let alone the entire tale. Would have to be 1000's of pages.

 

[jalara]

IV Dilaudid is what I was given in the hospital after surgery and it worked like magic. No pain and not high. But they gave me Dilaudid pills after going home and it did nothing.
MS Contin is just timed release morphine. IV morphine was given to me in the hospital and it had zero effect. It seems I am immune to it?.
I know it sounds crazy, but I think I felt better on loperamide and oxy than I feel right now on oxy alone. Maybe next week I'll try the combo again and see if it works. Who knows, maybe 40 mg lope with 30 mg oxy per day would work better than 90 mg oxy.

I'm scared to tell my dr to change anything. I know from experience that they will continue a current prescription easily, but upping my dose or re-starting on a high dose of anything is almost impossible. I quit cold turkey 2 years ago to find out if I had OIH and made the mistake of telling my Dr. After a month passed with no opiates, she refused to put me back on oxy. It took 6 months and another back surgery to get me to a comfortable level of oxy. Too many similar stories on BL like that.
Thanks for the suggestion though

Aren’t people getting all bound up taking that much Imodium in addition to the pain medicine?

 

[ShroomySatori]

By the way Sweet Leaf, I have always wanted to right a book almost subconsciously because I know I can but I had no idea what to write about.

I do now, thanks to you. I've been filling pages upon pages in my journal with memories of my heroin habit as a form of self talk or therapy I guess. It's just what I write about.

I write to my friend who is the best listener, she only smokes pot but says she can experience what its like to be a heroin addict through my writing.

And the way I went about it was highly unconventional the story is ridiculous. Somehow ended up getting my grams or quarters or halfs chipped off keys of damn pure. Always had money for it until I didn't, since I was a functional addiction if there ever was one.

The story would be my life story, but the heroin addiction part is so intense looking back that it almost makes the rest of my life irrelevant to those 5 years. Plus, it is a hot topic presently and nobody really understands well I can describe it so vividly it will bring chills down anyone's spine. Even with the chronic pain and everything, girl problems, anti-social behaviour, all my problems all my hobbies and interests and everything about me really (which is also an interesting tale) just pales in comparison to the experience of a lifetime. Now that I am recovering my life back together, the way I did this is crazy and unconventional. I pretty much tripped out on psychedelics for a month straight after the first week to get over it. I did so much self work and analysis of my personality and worked so hard on acceptance during this time, and changes my life in so many ways through positive thinking and flowing free energy that I underwent a spiritual transformation from an inherently selfish man to just a cutie with panic attacks and a temper who likes to help people and talk to women I find cute, wherever I might encounter them.


Each memory I have of you


15 hours split into infinite views


Pictures, streams of thought, ideas flow through


Cannot get you out of my mind if I try


Each memory, sees you in a different light


I grow to know you more when you’re not around


I hope that some day love will be found


This already has, but I’m sometimes in doubt


I don’t think you are so much as I


You have a funny way of showing it though, but it’s cute


Can’t help but wonder what you’re up to


At least, lately, I knew you had the flu


I’ll see you again, we’ll have fun and hang out


I’ll show you what life’s all about


Balancing complicated yin and yang


the both of us, are more than slightly insane


No matter how different we are, down deep were the same


Chaotic lost souls, living different lives and confused

I like that you find my outbursts at people cute

My favourite part about you is your sense of humour

No one notices how silly you are, caught up in your beauty

You can find solace in me, and I with you

Perhaps we can make something beautiful out of this

You know as much as I do, and I don't know how much choice we have

When it comes to matters this deep

 

[Runningfox]

Loads of creative expression. .. SHROOMY when the Hell do you sleep??

I must admit today was shit.
The sleeplessness and whatever it's called when my body can't regulate its own temperature are both driving me crazy. Yesterday having been a Skip day (took zero meds) on the gabapentin as I'm working those skip days in now while I taper, made for a one-hour sleeping night last night. One goddam hour. Are you kidding me?

Today followed suit. I mean I was up and around and Did things but tired achey hot n cold hot n cold always this drastic horrid bitchin hot n cold. Geeeeeeez.

So that's my gripe n that's why I'm not in bed yet. Just so dreadfully uncomfortable!

Jury duty tomorrow. That's always lots of fun.

 

[ShroomySatori]

I slept from 11:30pm to 1am today. The one lingering withdrawal effects apart from some muscle and bones aches after 6 weeks would be insonmnia.

I'm tripping anyway, figured that last dose of 2cc wasn't worth it to save. Woke up with massively dilated pupils haha... work at 4am should be fun. Jury duty? My ex did every to get out of that lol and did somehow. Just didn't show up.

I'd probably have slept 3 or 4 hours if I hadn't randomly taken a psychedelic... I get around 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night on average, but sometimes it is 8 hours after 2 days and stuff like that. I had a normal sleep schedule before I quit opiates. It is what led me to relapse this time so I try to keep myself busy and embrace it now.

Does it sound like I'm falling in love though ? haha.

 

[Runningfox]

Attraction --> Attachment --> Dependence --> Addiction

Ha ha ha
I dunno. The early stages of EVERY romance feel like falling in LOVE I think. Time and trust kinda make or break it.
Wishing you Luck!

 

[ShroomySatori]

Yeah, my other two romances happened really quickly. This one we are being super slow about everything, so it's different. There has been a lot of attraction building up between us. I can't say I'm attached, but the attraction is stronger than with anyone I've felt it with before, it has been so slow but steady in the making, and I know she feels the same way. She is a shy cutie about it and drops me little hints that speak volumes. Funny cause her personality is so extroverted otherwise but when she likes someone... is she ever cute about it. That is like opposite of me but I am not that introverted anymore I make friends easily now. Just like my alone time but so does she.
We already told each other kind of randomly that we trust each other and from what we were up to at the time (just getting ready for a party at her friends) ... anyways, we do have that trust. Was nice to hear her be like Yeah!! I trust you! As I wasn't expecting it, but made total sense why she'd say that at the time.

 

[Runningfox]

I guess my Big relationships with men moved quickly by most standards. I dated my 1st husband only 2 1/2 months before we got engaged and my current spouse it was... let see ....seven months in we got engaged. Both were long engagements with a year, and two years respectively living together before the actual weddings.

The other two Great Loves in my life (whom I never happened to marry) were very dear close friendships that went on for years, but yeah I was in love with them.

What can ya do?
I was just discussing with my oldest daughter recently that we just don't buy the line that "there's One soul mate out there...." oh bull.

You could move to any town/ city/
Rural area in this world and fall in love with someone who's great for you. Likely a dozen someones.

There are seven Billion ppl in our world. That's more that one soul mate per capita.

 

[Painful One]

Hi Everybody,

I hope everyone is doing well today. It sounds like you all are making progress! So happy to hear that!

Thanks SweetLeaf 7 for clearing up my questions regarding the barometric pressure. That is a real thing. I thought it was.
I keep track of everything I do so I can cut out anything that is making me hurt more, causing migraines, etc. and the barometric pressure is the one thing that I have noticed hardcore! I don't know what I can do about that.
I sure am happy to hear the Sativa is working for you during the day! Excellent!! Great job on your continued progress with your taper and finding other solutions to help manage the problems. I think you are doing just wonderful! Well done.

Love and creativity and a positive attitude are definitely the way to go Shroomy! I'm extremely proud of you.
You have grown in a very positive way and I am happy to see you enjoying your life again and also looking back and examining your behavior. You are right that a positive attitude can really help with chronic pain, depression, and everything. It is very important to keep a good sense of humor through life.

Love and Laughter my friends!

I tell you, love has sure been helping me! I'm still talking to the guy I met last January everyday and I am in love with him. We are so much alike and not alike in areas that compliment each other. It makes it so we can help one another in areas where the other struggles. I have a lot of hope now. I had just resigned myself to being alone after the car accident. He has migraine headaches also and is so understanding and takes the time to learn how to help me. I'm crazy about him! I have never felt this way before about anyone.

I'm also struggling with some withdrawal symptoms right now also. I have a few more days until I can get my refill and the Imodium
(Loperamide) has given me some bad constipation.

 

[Squeaky]

Jalara - Backed up for sure. But believe it or not, oxy alone left me more constipated than cycling on and off loperamide. Two days on lope then two days off seems to jump start the bowels for me. Oxy alone would leave me 'not going' for 7-10 days at a time.
Sucks getting old and a trip to the bathroom becomes something to write home about.

 

[Squeaky]

I really miss the days of only making sure there was beer in the fridge. It was so much easier to be an alhocolic than dependant on a prescription. No watching the calendar, or stressing about tapering plans, or worrying about Dr's appointments.....
I think everyone is addicted to something. It could be religeon, or jogging, but it is always something. And whatever it is, it usually causes problems- with other people, or with your body. But it doesn't matter what you like to do every day for your sanity, it is so much harder if you are dependent on someone else for it. There's a lot less stress in being the master of your own destiny.

 

[Runningfox]

Squeaky

Most certainly EVERY buddy is addicted (dependant or even in the early stages, Attached per se ) to Something.
Look around at the ppl you know. Maybe it's work or exercise or rituals or attitudes or random behaviors or Drugs drink nicotine caffeine .....
EVERY buddy is "on" something.

 

[SweetLeaf7]

That is silly we messaged each other in unison! And yeah... I don't give a fuck! That's one reason why this one girl likes me (or is driving me crazy?8().

But yeah, I am going for corporate positions now and before I do that taking some time of with a chiller job from home. It's nice. So I am getting some tattoos my friend is sketching, got a double conch piercing in one ear, getting a triple conch piercing in the other ear sometimes soon (they take like a year to heal... and hurt like hell... fml but I love them)... and I am going to see if this lady I fancy, since I know she cuts her own hair and used to model a lot... I'm assuming in fact I trust her more than anyone to do my hairstyle I have in mind. It is ridiculous, but then again so am I. I want to like, bleach and dye my black hair (well, it's a subtle crimson red now) a soft light kinda pastel pink... maybe on only one side, but probably all of it. Then have like a longer spot somewhere and use one of those girly tie things to tie up a stretch of my hair off on a weird angle. I seriously don't give a fuck I will go into engineering interviews like that and eventually find someone who sees my creative nature manifesting and doesn't care about me looking like an acidfreak and not a conformist corporate slave. If I don't show out blatant warning signs... they won't know what they are getting into haha. This girl I like would be down for stuff like that she's really chill like that, doesn't mind cool tattoos and piercings was there with me when I got the double conch (like a minute of being stabbed in the innermost post of the ear with something dull while it twisted.. it was fucked... she said he had to have a block for it to hit when it pierced through so it would like stab my neck... she def knows what's up with piercings. I think she is the only one who could get this hairstyle right, really... I don't really want to resemble my past self, you see. I mean I don't because I have a contagious smile now and bright eyes and am pretty much always giggling and my brain is half gone. But yeah, I have gotten so creative since I quit and found a few new outlets so this will just be another one.

I think you inspired me as much as I inspired you!

I'm glad I was able to inspire you! You could always look into corporate jobs that offer work from home until you release your book. Those jobs are usually behind the scenes, like Project Management for software. I know many professionals, such as engineers, that get certified in project management (PMP) and make 6 figures working from home. I ended up selling out and becoming a corporate grunt, but I have a job as described and have been there 15 years now. I have to wear a suit and travel every month, but that beats the daily grind. But they monitor everything so you can't screw off or you get fired. And who would want to fuck up a good thing?! I do feel blessed and do not take for granted. I also am not the corporate type but have to be a chameleon once in a while, lol.
- SweetLeaf7

 

[SweetLeaf7]

I don't understand the bone pain... but somehow I feel it in my bones. Like I can feel my skeleton, or something. I get it horribly in my upper arms. Like every nerve is on fire there.

What is MME? I forgot to book my PM appointment this time... probably wonders where I am. Since I quit, I haven't been in too much pain. I was just having a panic attack and went crazy on my guitar for an hour until I was soaked in sweat. Back hasn't been hurting much from that I was jumping around and stuff too. It was a lot worse when I was using opiates. Good luck with the tapering. Yeah it sounds like you are very much fed up, as was I.

Thanks for the suggestion, others have suggested I write a book too (like, before I became hooked and stuff). I would be quite good at describing in vivid detail the experience. I think it is a great idea, in fact.

Yeah and this is a compliment that a friend gave me recently that sort of says some of what you were writing... dude is so chill, you don't realize you JUST met the guy.

I have changed in a lot of ways this past while. Writing about spending a month of my life on 2cc would be enough to write a book, let alone the entire tale. Would have to be 1000's of pages.

Hey Shroomy,

MME is Morphine Milligram Equivalent. It is used in the States to convert medications so they are equivalent. There are equigesic calculators online. Methadone is hard to convert, but is usually 3-5 x stronger than Morphine milligram to milligram. My PM used 4 x stronger. And Oxycodone is 1.5x stronger. So I was on 90 MME, which was four 10 mg Oxy IR and two 15 mg MS Contin. (15 mg Morphine * 2 = 30 mg Morphine) + (40 mg oxy * 1.5 = 60 mg Morphine) = 90 MME.

You are memorable and that is important in building your personal brand. I recall your stories of picking wild mushrooms in the forest, meeting the old man with a dog and the haunted house - you described in such vivid detail I felt like I was there. People love a success story, a triumph. You could write a trilogy: dancing with the devil (romance of drug use and the withdrawals), the awakening through psychadelics and slaying the beast (continued long-term success). I would buy your books!
-SweetLeaf7

 

[SweetLeaf7]

Hi Runningfox,

That sounds dreadful! Melatonin helps me and also Epsom salt baths and lots of Ibuprofen if I couldn't get to anything else.
- SweetLeaf7

 

[Runningfox]

Hi Runningfox,

That sounds dreadful! Melatonin helps me and also Epsom salt baths and lots of Ibuprofen if I couldn't get to anything else.
- SweetLeaf7

I've never tried melatonin. I read years ago that alot of "herbal" or natural remedies can collide with actual prescription meds n cause multiple organ failure so..... I've been afraid

Right now I'm only on gabapentin. I use the Imodium for ibs but I don't take gross amounts; I tried tianeptine 3 times.... nah. It's just more-ish but gives no actual Benefit. Waste of money.

 

[SweetLeaf7]

Hi Everybody,

I hope everyone is doing well today. It sounds like you all are making progress! So happy to hear that!

Thanks SweetLeaf 7 for clearing up my questions regarding the barometric pressure. That is a real thing. I thought it was.
I keep track of everything I do so I can cut out anything that is making me hurt more, causing migraines, etc. and the barometric pressure is the one thing that I have noticed hardcore! I don't know what I can do about that.
I sure am happy to hear the Sativa is working for you during the day! Excellent!! Great job on your continued progress with your taper and finding other solutions to help manage the problems. I think you are doing just wonderful! Well done.

Love and creativity and a positive attitude are definitely the way to go Shroomy! I'm extremely proud of you.
You have grown in a very positive way and I am happy to see you enjoying your life again and also looking back and examining your behavior. You are right that a positive attitude can really help with chronic pain, depression, and everything. It is very important to keep a good sense of humor through life.

Love and Laughter my friends!

I tell you, love has sure been helping me! I'm still talking to the guy I met last January everyday and I am in love with him. We are so much alike and not alike in areas that compliment each other. It makes it so we can help one another in areas where the other struggles. I have a lot of hope now. I had just resigned myself to being alone after the car accident. He has migraine headaches also and is so understanding and takes the time to learn how to help me. I'm crazy about him! I have never felt this way before about anyone.

I'm also struggling with some withdrawal symptoms right now also. I have a few more days until I can get my refill and the Imodium
(Loperamide) has given me some bad constipation.

Hi Painful One,

Good to hear form you! Unfortunately, I have not found anything that works against drops in barometric pressure. Those days are just hell for me.

I'm so happy to hear about your love story - that gives me hope! I also resigned myself to being alone because of the chronic pain and stigma with taking opiates. But I was so numb from taking opiates, I didn't care if I had anyone - actually, I preferred to be alone. So this will be a new world for me as I get off the opiates for good.

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I really just felt like I don't have a choice. This was second time getting cut off and I don't have street suppliers. I was able to stockpile enough for a 2 month taper and get 2 wks off work to jump off so I feel in my gut that I will not have this chance again so I need to just do it. That was most important thing I learned from this - always have an exit plan if you are going to take opiates daily long-term. I'm not any stronger than anyone on here. If I still knew I had a steady supply I would have stayed on them.

Love and laughter my friend!
- SweetLeaf7

 

[SweetLeaf7]

I really miss the days of only making sure there was beer in the fridge. It was so much easier to be an alhocolic than dependant on a prescription. No watching the calendar, or stressing about tapering plans, or worrying about Dr's appointments.....
I think everyone is addicted to something. It could be religeon, or jogging, but it is always something. And whatever it is, it usually causes problems- with other people, or with your body. But it doesn't matter what you like to do every day for your sanity, it is so much harder if you are dependent on someone else for it. There's a lot less stress in being the master of your own destiny.

Amen Squeaky! I agree that not everyone understands the definitions of dependence vs. addiction. Physical dependence is when you suffer physical withdrawal symptoms with cessation of the substance. Similarly for psychological dependence. Addiction is when one abuses a substance and has no control over it and suffers negative consequences, such as divorce, incarceration, job loss, etc., and continues abuse the substance despite suffering negative consequences - they can't stop until they hit their personal bottom, which could be death. So, yes, many of us are physically and even psychologically dependent on a substance, but that does not make us addicts. They say only the person can declare if they are an addict.

I lost a friend recently, drank himself to death in 4 months after losing his wife of 35 years. He was restrained because of DTs/hallucinations in the ICU and his heart would not stop racing at 160 beats per min; they had to put him on a breathing machine too - it took 4 days for his heart to give out and stop beating. He was to the point he wanted to stop but had violent DTs and had to keep drinking. So he went to hospital to detox and they could not save him it was too late - such a violent, horrible way to die. Please do not think about becoming an alcoholic. You are part of this tribe and we care about you.
- SweetLeaf7