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  • H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist | cdin | Lil'LinaptkSix

I'm alive despite rumors to the contrary ;)

Sounds like how I used to be without my bi-polar medication.

If you are going to write that article and want some international view on how addiction is handled and how rehabs are organized you can always PM me and arrange some way to do interview. I know how to write well but in my native language only :p
 
Do you have any Refuge Recovery meetings in your area? You could always start one you know, if you do not I mean.
 
I've never heard of refuge recovery so I can almost guarantee you there is not one.

I know I need to lay off the benzos. I've been taking an unknown benzos 2-3 times a week. It comessage in liquid form and tends to last at least 8 hours. God knows what it is honestly. The days I don't take that I've been getting wrecked on gabapentin. I had tapered down to 400mg a day but that went out the window when I got my last refill for 150 400mg pills.

Sorry about grammar and spelling mistakes. My computer broke so I type on phones and iPad which I find difficult.

Like I said before I am not as unhappy as I probably should be. I'm just living life for the sake of being alive. What I mean is my death would traumatize my mother which I am not willing to do.

Truth is I have been flirting with a benzos addiction for quite awhile now. I haven't crossed the line yet but I think I can see where it is. I have lots of work to do.
 
Odds are you are already dependent on benzos, at least on a psychological level.

Are you unable to stop taking them on your own?
 
Yeah I don't disagree captain. Honestly I am dependent on drugs in general psychologically. I don't think I have a physical addiction though. I'll know tommorow as I don't know of any benzo with more than a 24 hour half life and I haven't taken any since yesterday. I'll keep this thread updated. I want to lay off the benzos but the methadone clinic is busting my balls about smoking weed so I don't know wtf to do honestly.
 
What does the liquid taste like? Could it be ghb or gbl?

I have faith that things will work out cj. I too think the Benzos are a bad idea. Seeing your doctor soon is a good idea.

I haven't been using my computer lately either ..(can't go in computer room...too much contamination.) So I feel your pain about using a phone to post. You are in my thoughts man.
 
manboychef said:
What does the liquid taste like? Could it be ghb or gbl?

I have faith that things will work out cj. I too think the Benzos are a bad idea. Seeing your doctor soon is a good idea.

I haven't been using my computer lately either ..(can't go in computer room...too much contamination.) So I feel your pain about using a phone to post. You are in my thoughts man.
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Have you ever tried forcing yourself into an uncomfortable situation?

I'm sure your place is 1000x cleaner than mine. :) Don't feel so bad about the outer world man. Focus on how you feel inside and do your best to just breathe and remember it's going to be ok <3
 
It's not ghb. It's some kind of rc opiate mixed with polyethylene glycol. Yesterday was my last day wits benzos. I'm going to try and quit c/t but I have 6mg of kpin if the withtwalas start so I won't seize
 
Great cj. Hopefully your cold turkey will end up well.
Good luck!
How are your plans about writing the article you mentioned?
 
I'm not feeking any physical withdrawal but I ended up buying more bEnzo this morening. My tolerance is jacked to the point where 6mg kpin doesn't give me a feeling. This all starTed when the methadone clinic cracked down on me smoking weed. What a disaster. In the end this is probably going to end in a trip to detox...
 
It would probably be best if you came off the benzos and methadone if you are going in for detox.
 
I feel for you CJ. Coming off Methadone was horrible. Of course I did it cold turkey. In the end it was worth it. I hated waking up early every morning just to waiting in line to dose. Benzos are very tricky too. If anything you could go to the Er and they usually give you librium to help with benzo withdrawals. It's nothing fancy but will keep the seizures away. Keep your head up buddy.
 
Nah not really any decisions yet. I'm just holding steady with the idea of trying to taper down my bEnzo use gradually. I'm not dangerously addicted yet I don't think. If I did go to detox it would just be for benzos I am very happy with my methadone treatment.
 
If the detox wouldn't cost anything to you and you would get paid sick leave for going there would that affect your decision?
 
MrRoot said:
If the detox wouldn't cost anything to you and you would get paid sick leave for going there would that affect your decision?
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not really. I don't really have stable employment right now anyway. I have insurance my parents pay for so it's not really a money issue. I really don't want my parents to know about this right now as my grandmother is dying so I want them to be able to focus on her right now. Plus it's not like I'm dying. When I don't have benzos I feel uncomfortable but I'm not having seizures. I feel like I can get through this on my own or at the worst wait till after my grandmother passes to go get a professional detox.

I may also look into getting an outpatient detox. The problem is I am busing this liquid stuff that dude claims is xanax but I know it's some RC bEnzo of unknown potency. Like 3mg of kpin doesn't even get me a buzz. Luckily the liquid is cheap so I can afford to maintain for the moment.

This all started when the fucking methadone clinic made me stop smoking pot. But because I have a small kpin script i can use benzos without them caring. If it want for that I never would of used benzos so much.

It's a fucking silly situation.
 
cj said:
not really. I don't really have stable employment right now anyway. I have insurance my parents pay for so it's not really a money issue. I really don't want my parents to know about this right now as my grandmother is dying so I want them to be able to focus on her right now. Plus it's not like I'm dying. When I don't have benzos I feel uncomfortable but I'm not having seizures. I feel like I can get through this on my own or at the worst wait till after my grandmother passes to go get a professional detox.

I may also look into getting an outpatient detox. The problem is I am busing this liquid stuff that dude claims is xanax but I know it's some RC bEnzo of unknown potency. Like 3mg of kpin doesn't even get me a buzz. Luckily the liquid is cheap so I can afford to maintain for the moment.

This all started when the fucking methadone clinic made me stop smoking pot. But because I have a small kpin script i can use benzos without them caring. If it want for that I never would of used benzos so much.

It's a fucking silly situation.
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This is a perfect example of how backasswards treatment policies are when it comes to ORT in parts of the US.
 
Luckily here they can't quit your medication but they can stop you getting doses at home for a month during which you can't have cannabis in your urine test. They are watching this site so I won't write long replies as otherwise they could detect us even with VPN on.
 
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