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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Screw a slow 6 month taper off Methadone, I'm jumping at 40mg.

Hope your doing OK mate. Let us all know how you're getting on.

The above poster is totally right about staying away from amphetamines, yes they will give you an energy boost bu will magnify the anxiety by about x10000. Plus when you start coming down from them you will crave opiates intensely and since you mentioned you were having a little trouble resisting buying some suboxone from your mate, this would probably push you over the edge. Really well done for not buying any though, shows what a strong person you are. Dig deep and just remember as bad as it may get it's NOT permanent and it will pass.

Take care mate, much love....
 
I was woken up abruptly by my Dad arriving home at 3am and immediately K-Fuck was playing in my head. Thinking of random shit and songs by Taylor swift and Eminem and then thinking about that 8 mile song. Just random ass shit but it kept me from falling back asleep and I'm fucking angry.

Tossed and turned for about 45min finally said fuck this took 2mg kpins even though I knew they wouldn't help with sleep for like an hour or two. Now it's 4:35am I don't feel that bad physically but mentally in thinking what can I do or take to relieve this rage I feel towards myself, towards God, and i so wanted to curse God for giving me this fucking burden I cannot get out from under of.

The two posts above were encouraging and I appreciate them both. I hate my fucking life so much right now. Zero gratitude at the moment, full blown toxic thinking. If I had enough drugs to take to guarentee a suicide I might impulsively do it that is how fucked I see my situation.

So I'm gonna lay here and play Diablo 3 on ps4 and wait to feel remotely tired then try and sleep tommorow away. I use to wake up from dreams and think 'oh thank god that was just a dream'. Now I wake up from dreams and think 'fuuuuckk why'd I have to wake up to this nightmare diseased life.'

/whining.
 
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Hey man, don't lose hope!! You're doing so, so well!!

Myself and other posters did warn you that when the subs left your system, you would feel a whole lot worse, BUT you can do it mate!

Rollercoster emotions are part and parcel of withdrawals and as I said earlier, compared to heroin withdrawal which is largely physical and over within a week, methadone is more mental/psychological in it's nature (although that's not to say the WDs aren't physically brutal as well - they are).

Stick in their mate, don't let dark thoughts cloud your purpose, think of it as the addict in you clinging on for dear life but eventually he will let go.

Take care brother and if I can help at all or if you need any advice, support or just someone to talk to then please feel free to drop me a PM.

Hang in their though, you're doing great!! :):):)
 
I personally have seen this happening too much. And the failures are way greater than those who succeed. Why the rush. If you have spend quite a bit of your life on drugs now you are on hurry. Fuck that men. You won´t make it..Statistically I mean. You may go through this for a while but then comes all the problem we come to think. Yeah, should have done it accordingly.
Good luck to you!! Maybe you are an odd number in math..
When you mentioned the side effects, what do you think it´s gonna happen if you jump to a lower dose without doing it on its on course??
They side effects will be much worse. Way worse. Like 10x. So guess what people do??
Hope has nothing to do with it..
 
Erikmen said:
I personally have seen this happening too much. And the failures are way greater than those who succeed. Why the rush. If you have spend quite a bit of your life on drugs now you are on hurry. Fuck that men. You won´t make it..Statistically I mean. You may go through this for a while but then comes all the problem we come to think. Yeah, should have done it accordingly.
Good luck to you!! Maybe you are an odd number in math..
When you mentioned the side effects, what do you think it´s gonna happen if you jump to a lower dose without doing it on its on course??
They side effects will be much worse. Way worse. Like 10x. So guess what people do??
Hope has nothing to do with it..
Click to expand...


While I agree that he would have been better off doing a slow taper, he's made his mind up now and cut himself off from the clinic so all we can do is support him as much as possible.

I also agree that if he's finding it tough now when he's been on subs most of the time then it's going to get a whole lot rougher when those leave his system completely. It isn't just a case of saying the methadone WDs have now gone and all I will have left are the sub WDs as the subs have simply been masking the methadone WDs which now the subs are gone will manifest themselves in full force.

In terms of the likelihood of relapse, when things start to really peak, the temptation to go out and purchase an opiate, (ANY opiate) will become overwhelming. Yes, I think he's gone about this the wrong way...... but still it can be done. Neversickanymore jumped off at a much, much higher dose and he made it through.

Get2 has made his decision and now must live with it and do everything possible to succeed. I for one will be supporting him and wishing him the strength and the will to see it through. All the way to the very end.

Take care Get2....much love <3<3<3
 
just remember, the depression and anger are temporary. while you may very well have legit reasons to be frustrated with yourself and your life, things are not as black as they seem - the hopelessness is coming from withdrawal, not reality. you're young and able bodied and have your whole beautiful life ahead of you. you can do this! when I tried to taper methadone it was a nightmare - worst depression ever. Ive read methadone has an ssri like effect as well - i have to say i only read two articles on this and dont even know if it's really true, but i wouldn't doubt it, because when i was coming off it I was monumentally depressed. I'm on subs now and it just feels like normal withdrawal depression, not 'the world is black Im empty i want to die" depression.

hang in there - you're doing so well. keep it up :) There's an amazing life waiting for you on the other side.
 
Thanks guys after my angry 4am post I slept from about 5-9:30am and I feel pretty damn good. I'm reading your guys posts and thinking to myself, 'wtf they talking about this isn't that bad.' And ITS NOT. Day 2 no opiates:

Symptoms

- shaky leg
- chill running up and down my spine occasionally.

I'm in a good mood and grateful the WDS have gotten easier not harder and if I was still on MMT I wouldn't have been able to sleep into 10am because they open 6am-10am on weekends.

To those saying I did this the wrong way, you have a valid point. I could have kept driving to the clinic 7 days a week talking to a doctor who wanted to taper me off methadone over HALF A YEAR. Ha! Dude even people jumping off 1-5mg methadone have WDS. There is no painless way and if there is i sure don't have the patience to endure it knowing all along that opiod maintenance makes me look pale, tired, and is a ball and chain. Not to mention prevents me from working the Narcotics Anonymous program to save my life because that's what's gonna save my life not MMT. <~~~this is only my opinion.

Day 2 WDs ain't nothing, and all you guys saying it's gonna get worse I love you guys but nah.....I feel better today than yesterday. Still waiting for the MMT WDs to make me regret quiting MMT on my own accord.

Maybe it's all the sleep, maybe it's the klonnopin, maybe it's cause it's only Day 2, but this shit ain't nothing compared to kicking a heroin/morphine habit. Last time I did that EVERYTIME I rarely drifted off to sleep I woke up completely drenched in sweat. I mean all the way to the frecking mattress. I went through so many blankets and clothes and sheets.

That kick is still very engrained in my mind so it's making this endeavor much easier I think.
 
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It's the end of Day 2 and it was pretty good. Just fatigued and felt like i had a typical common cold. Still ate 3 full meals and just took 2mg Kpins as the night is winding down.

The only time I left my house was to go to a noon AA meeting. The rest of the time was spent showering, playing ps4, and pacing around the house. I actually did a couple productive things like pay my parking violation.

My mind seems to be all over the place one second I'm thinking of Charlie sheen snd his goddesses the next im thinking how badly I fucked up with my last relapse and how the hell I'm ever going to get anywhere in life again.

The hardest part is knowing how long recovery takes but if I can make it to 60 days I know I'll start seeing a way out of this house (my parents) this town (small nor cal mountain town) and so on and so forth.

Day 2 off all opiates, not too bad I so wanted to go for a run or something but the best I could do was 25 push-ups. I look better physically. Way better, opiod maintenance just drains my color and I'm pale to begin with.

Feeling perpetually unhappy and depressed with brief moments of happiness. And the WDs ain't that bad so we'll see what tommorow brings. Thanks for letting me share my struggle.
 
Have to coral your thoughts in the moment, in today.. slip into the past and we get hit by shame, resentment, anger, guilt.. jump into the future and we get slammed by anxiety, fear, self doubt, hopelessness. Keep it very simple. EVERYTHING will work out if you get back to good, nothing will if you dont. Just chill, you have way more than enough on your plate right now. Just keep it simple get2.. all that shit is no big deal and will work itself out in no time. The focus right now is getting through the tunnel and returning to where you want to be.

Pacing around the house seems pretty lame, I would consider venturing out. What do you have to loose. Like I said I detoxed an ocean liner full, never stopped rolling. I slowed way the fuck down, but kept doing things. I went fishing, went to baseball and football games, went to museums and movies.. just kept rolling.

Sitting around and focusing on how wretched we feel sucks. If we get out and do shit at least we are distracted a third of the time. Thats like shaving 1/3 off the tunnel. Fuck yeah count me in.. a twelve day detox goes to an eight day and you do interesting shit.


Nice work, your doing great.. keep rolling get2. <3
 
Ha your great neversickanymore but how you managed to go out and go fishing and go to museums is beyond me. Did you go alone? Because I'm not someone anyone would wanna hang out with right now in public.

Upped the dose to 3mg kpins tonight and only have six left now. Oh well fuck it. This is what I wanted, off the benzos, off the opiates. I've never had any problems quitting klonnopin cold turkey ever and me and that drug go way back. Fucking xanax gave me the only seizure I've ever had in my life.

Yeah I know it's dangerous.

Shit my M amphetamine guy just texted me and said he had a dubb to sell. I'd have to lie to my parents saying I'm going to an NA meeting, drive 30 min there and 30 min back and I probley wouldn't even feel it cause of all the kpin in my system.

Fuck....I read your guys posts saying how doing meth during opiate withdrawal was fucking stupid but I'm running low of benzos, alcohol doesn't work, and I'm shit out of ideas except immodium AD which isn't worth the money in my opinion and eating all those big white chalky pills...blah.

I tried dxm during opiate WD once, wouldn't recommend it. I was puking my brains out and it was one of the strangest horrible experiences of my life.

Fuck me,.... Gotta stay strong
 
Hey man,
Another day, you're still hanging in there. This is how you're going to beat this. You're going to outlast it. It's not tougher than you.
Again dont do the speed. Your body wants a high, thats why you even considered imodium.

I feel ya on going out in public while wding.
My experience seems similar to yours in that respect.
My limbic system was really screwed up when I got clean off md. Any (and I mean any) stressful situation caused my wd's to turn up.
Especially anxiety and those spine gripping chills.
Anything you can stand to keep your mind occupied will help. Definetly dont sit there thinking about "high times" .Something simple as a walk around the neighborhood can help.
You're going to have random shit popping in and out your mind. You brain isn't firing right.
Just try to change the subject in your mind.
It gets easier the more you do it.
I didnt have the intense rage a lot of people describe, but definitely had the irritability.
I felt like smashing things for no apparent reason. It subsided after first week or so.
I see you are taking the showers. They were the only real relief I could get.
Seems like you are dealing with the physical well. Just keep the mental side of this thing in check and you will get thru this.
Keep it up my friend...:)
 
I just have to say thank you for sharing all of this.

I myself have never been addicted to any drug, but I am currently dealing with a friend who is trying to get off fentanyl and it's not pretty. I've never really been around hard drugs like this (worst I've ever done myself is E and a few lines) so I don't know what to expect or how to help. Reading your posts helps me understand a bit better and helps me know what he's going through. He tells me but I see a lot of what you're going thru in him as well.

All I can say is that if you want it bad enough, you'll do it. It'll be tough, no doubt, but that's only temporary. Things may seem dark and hopeless right now, but like I keep telling my friend, you ARE worth it, you DO deserve happiness and you DO have people who care about you. Day by day, that's all you can do. The days will start getting easier soon for you and you'll be able to take your life back.
 
Well guys i caved. I couldn't sleep Saturday night and ended up taking too
much kpins then when I still couldn't sleep I went on a mission to get half a G of tar.

Been IV all day yesterday and a bit this morning. Parents noticed I was wasted so I had to blame it on the Kpins and now I've gone from like 3-5mg down to 1-2mg but then I'll be completely out in a day or 2.

It was weird I was doing so good but I just couldn't seem to do the right thing and stick with my MMT detox.

So now I'm back to feeing fine although craving dope. I probley gotta just go to drastic measures and block all my friends/dealers phone numbers. I was considering going and getting more tar or
maybe some suboxone.

Isn't BTH weaker than suboxone? This has been my progression of trying to get off methadone.

Tramadol>Suboxone>heroin. Today would have been day 4 no opiates but I had to fall back down and now will suffer as a result of it. I can't seem to break out of this cage and I told my sponsor I relapsed and he said just go to a meeting and listen don't share. Of course I didn't go.

Yes I've been free from the clinic for like 8-9 days, I feel like Iam still making progress even though I relapsed for a couple days.

Now I have no kpins no opiates no nothing so I set myself back and should have just taken a weaker opiate like tramadol but instead I chose to do my doc before getting clean.

Well getting clean is probley gonna be hard as shit now, I dunno, I still believe I can make it to complete freedom from
Drugs.

It's humbling news to bring to you bluelighters but it's just where Iam
at and its sad Christmas is approaching and I've been fighting with my parents and just nobody except at the meetings really understands how hard it can be JUST to get sober.

God help us all. I know before I relapsed
I got so angry I basically told my higher power "hey asshole, thanks for the crippling disease that is slowly ruining every aspect of my life.

So that's the latest thank you for letting me share and no I won't get on suboxone or back on methadone. I see this relapse as a slip on the path towards sobriety so I gotta pick myself up and keep walking.
 
Hey man was wondering how you were doing.
Its hard as hell to get clean.
No doubt about it.
They say you won't get clean till you have had enough pain, and ive found this to be true.
Execption being jail or running completely out of funds/ways to get drug of choice.
Im not saying you cant get clean on your own without above, just that it is real dam hard.
Rehab really helps cause you cant get doc.
If you're going to do this you're going to have to lose all your connect numbers. It's torture to know you can score when you're dope sick.
Its to easy to talk yourself into using.
Toss those numbers and forget about the relapse. Its in the past. You're free from the clinic and if you can make it a short time without using you will have a real choice at whether you will be sober or not.
You can do this man. You dont have to hit a new rock bottom to realize your ready to recover.
The meantal side of this seems like is your biggest hurdle. Can you make more meetings?
Maybe talk to a doc about temp. mood stabilizer?
 
ahh man, I'm really devastated that happened. Never mind though, it's done now. Can't go back, only forwards. I really don't know what to offer in the way of advice and I'm certainly not going down the "I told you so" route as that's not at all helpful.

Now you're out of benzos and opiates I think some strategy other than just hoping for the best is needed to avoid you relapsing again, but I don't know what that strategy is.

It's a shame you can't sit down with your parents and explain to them as you never know they may be able to help. I'm sure they just want the best for you.

Damn I wish I could help you someway. The thing is the WDs haven't even started to get REALLY rough yet and when they do, the urge to go and score some black tar (or whatever) is going to be intense. I agree with the others about deleting your source numbers but as you know if you really want to score badly enough you will regardless.

Sick in there through mate, I'm praying for you, and let us know how you're doing
 
I know I need to delete the connects # but before I do should I get more suboxone strips or tramadol? I'm really at a loss of what to expect now because isnt suboxone much stronger than street dope?

I'm very confused because I don't want to get stuck on subs, but I guess using for a couple days is gonna do what exactly? Prolong the detox and/or is it gonna be super fast and terrible like heroin detox is?
 
I think you just need to let go and not take any opiate at all. The withdrawal from the methadone hasn't just gone away, you've just masked it with the subs, tramadol and heroin. I really think buying more subs is a bad idea, the only way it would be a good idea would be if he sat down and wrote a strict suboxone taper and stuck to it rigidly regardless. The practice of getting down to 30-40mg of methadone then abstaining for at least 48 hrs before jumping on a suboxone taper is pretty common practice but you must have a rigid plan and stick to it. Just buying some subs and taking them randomly as soon as the withdrawl start to hurt is pointless and just prolonging the agony but a rigid taper plan with the subs may work IF you have the willpower to stick to it. And man, only you know if you do or not. I would never be so presumptuous as to say that I don't think you would stick to a rapid strict taper as only you know that but looking at whats happened so far, it doesn't look too promising.

I'm still praying for you and stick in there. Let us know what happens.

Much love
 
Get2Think said:
I know I need to delete the connects # but before I do should I get more suboxone strips or tramadol? I'm really at a loss of what to expect now because isnt suboxone much stronger than street dope?

I'm very confused because I don't want to get stuck on subs, but I guess using for a couple days is gonna do what exactly? Prolong the detox and/or is it gonna be super fast and terrible like heroin detox is?
Click to expand...
Md wds are different than H wds.
They are longer and they are cyclic-- turn up and down. You seem to be like me and would rather it hit hard and just go away. Md withrawls dont do that (from my experience). They just keep steady hitting you and backing off and then hitting you again. Its like a 2-3 round fight vs a 9-10 round fight. I say this because you need to prepare for a longer battle than you have. Using during these wds just hits the reset button.
A lot of people go the sub route and end up hooked on them. Seems little pointless to me.
I cant tell you from my experience what long term sub wds are like, but my friend went ten days and was still sick(been on them over a year)
At best your trading one habit for another.
If your ok with that than that is your decision.
Only you know that.
If you want this you can do this.
Playing guinea pig with your body and wds is a tough way to learn buddy.
But no judging ya man, I did the same thing:)
us hard heads learn the hardway
Praying for ya
 
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