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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Screw a slow 6 month taper off Methadone, I'm jumping at 40mg.

I was 10 when trainspotting first came out. It was my first time hearing of heroin and tbh I think thats when a seed was planted in my brain to try it down the line. It was a very powerful yet funny film...one of my faves for sure
 
methamaniac said:
^
Thats the key to md. Take as little as possible.
I had a good experience with md at first,
and then the addict in me started to want "more". Started to have to have benzos, weed, and anything to "intensify" it.
Addiction is relative. What makes my life unmanageable may not necessarily make yours unmanageable.
Being on md is certainly better than scavenging for dope everyday.
Click to expand...

Thanks man!
 
Frecking Trainspotting you guys got me thinking about that movie all night but I did eventually fall asleep and have like 5-6 hrs. I like the scene in Trainspotting when Tommy tries to convince the group to go on a hike up that mountain rofl and they were like...ughh no fucking way man.

Took about 2mg sub this morning woke up with slight anxiety/depression. No physical symptoms. Day 4 no done. Approaching 96 hours.
 
Another thing which iam sad to mention is an almost overwhelming compulsion to take all 6 remaining kpins and about 4mg sub on top of the 2mg to just feel really good and buzzed. I haven't done it but I did take more sub then I needed to considering I woke up pretty much fine. I have to remember how bad WDs are when your shit out of benzos and subs because so far it's been easy rider.

Typical for me to look at my remaining stash and be like, eh, fuck it lets use it recreationally not as a tool for getting off methadone. Ahhh Being being an addict!!!
 
Okay so I may have gone off the rails a bit I ended up taking 2mg sub oral and snorting about 1mg because I could not resist, I love dissolving little pieces of sub film in a small amount of warm water than quickly tilting my head back as the sub/water ideally goes right into one of the nostrils. I use the corner of my retainer case to mix the sub and water and because it's angular I can usually get it straight into my nose. Sometimes I miss but I nailed it 100%.

But I want to point out that this was not what I had planned to do and I took more sub today than yesterday. I apologize for all the posters giving me advice not to take the sub than I go ahead and take it anyways, please forgive me for not having the strength of willpower to not take the suboxone.

I took 1mg kpin which ain't much and I will be able to get more kpin today, probley 5mg worth or so. And possibly 4mg more sub.

So this is the reality of my situation and it's making start to question my desire to get clean. The craving to feel good is driving me to do this shit when really I want off subs, done, and kpins. I hope this doesn't turn into a long affair with kpins and subs.

So readers be warned, I didn't take the advice of a lot of the bluelighters so if I'm suffering bad later you will know what I did to cause that for myself.
 
^
TS a powerful movie. Hope thinking about movie didnt get you to "romance the drug". When I think of movie I think about all the horrible shit that comes with addiction.
Yeah, when you run out of benzos and sub its going to suck. Its the addict in you wanting to get high that cant manage to just take "enough" benzo or sub.
Dont feel bad, Im powerless when using too. When (and you will) run out, go ahead and do everything now to prevent you from getting more if you want to be clean. As long as you have an "out", its going to be hard not to take path of least resistance. Making the choice to stop using is awesome, but you have to keep making correct choices to be clean. If you make a wrong one, learn from the pain and use it for motivation to make the right choice next time. When you've had "enough" pain you'll be ready to do something about it. Know you can do something about it. You got the power to not be powerless.
One more thing,
I know exactly what you're your feeling and are going to feel. I felt all the pain and loneliness too just like many others have. Your not alone. You got many many people here that been in your shoes. I truly hope this is the time you realize you've had enough, and the insanity must stop.
If not, I hope you get a chance to have another chance.
 
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Get2Think said:
I wasted 4'hours at the urgent care unit and all I asked for was a little clonidine, some benzos, and maybe sleep meds. Guess what I left with? Jack shit. The nurse practitioner knew nothing about opiate withdrawal and didn't trust me with any meds so I got really pissed and filed a couple complaints and called her out on
It. It's not right, I wasn't in there asking for OxyContin or A ton of benzos just like a
short supply to help me out. As soon as I'm honest and admit addiction I don't get shit. I'm still angry about it, but I have kpin, tramadol, and sub but I'm running out of kpins.

I'm lucky, I usually don't have anything but immodium ad and booze while kicking heroin and that was fucking hell compared to this. Anyways thanks for the encouragement guys.

If my math is correct im at 58 hours without any methadone.
Click to expand...

Get2Think said:
Okay so I may have gone off the rails a bit I ended up taking 2mg sub oral and snorting about 1mg because I could not resist, I love dissolving little pieces of sub film in a small amount of warm water than quickly tilting my head back as the sub/water ideally goes right into one of the nostrils. I use the corner of my retainer case to mix the sub and water and because it's angular I can usually get it straight into my nose. Sometimes I miss but I nailed it 100%.

But I want to point out that this was not what I had planned to do and I took more sub today than yesterday. I apologize for all the posters giving me advice not to take the sub than I go ahead and take it anyways, please forgive me for not having the strength of willpower to not take the suboxone.

I took 1mg kpin which ain't much and I will be able to get more kpin today, probley 5mg worth or so. And possibly 4mg more sub.

So this is the reality of my situation and it's making start to question my desire to get clean. The craving to feel good is driving me to do this shit when really I want off subs, done, and kpins. I hope this doesn't turn into a long affair with kpins and subs.

So readers be warned, I didn't take the advice of a lot of the bluelighters so if I'm suffering bad later you will know what I did to cause that for myself.
Click to expand...

Not to poke you when you're down man but consider these two posts together if you ever need to lay out a plan to get clean in the future.

You can still get through this, you haven't slipped too far. Just imagine how far off track you would be by now if that nurse had actually prescribed you more benzos.
 
Erikmen said:
For how long have you been clean?
You don´t taper it with anything?
I´m asking because I do use methadone. It´s an use that is lasting many years and I can´t stop due to medical orders.
What´s happening to you?
Lack endorphin producing, maybe?
E.
Click to expand...

Hi Erik,
What do you mean when you say what's happening to me? I was reflecting to the poster, what i went through. I'm not tapering now, but I did yes. For me it was indeed helpful, I'm glad I did it.
Thank you for your concern. I'm newly clean again, almost 4 months, since August.
:)
 
Hey Smoky,
What´s up was mostly what I meant to say? Don´t get me wrong. I have a great respect for you.
I knew you had quit and were dealing with being sober which seems to me that can be quite difficult to cope. At least it is for me..
You are very strong imo to go through this without any tapering. Good for you! Really good.
Congratulations for your 4 months :)
I feel tired all the time. I´m coping with a very little dose of methadone. And sometimes a benzo to help me to sleep.
I´m "sober" from street drugs, non prescribed medications and the addiction life, so to speak, for few years. I don´t drink either..
I only rely on my tiny dose of methadone prescribed by my doctor monthly. I can handle the meds myself, work, etc.
That´s why I had this belief that I was having a normal life when in fact I do need a couple of pills to start the day.
 
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Immodium (loperamide, get it generic as Immodium brand name is much more expensive) is an opioid as well and will prolong your withdrawal if you use it regularly... it's good as an emergency med to give you some degree of relief, at least for poppy seed tea and kratom withdrawal it would pretty much remove 75% of my physical withdrawal symptoms for a day when I took it at 40+mg. But you can become dependent on it too, and it will prolong everything. It's easy to justify taking it daily because it does help.

I hope you're doing okay Get2, I do think you were being cocky about it as people say methadone withdrawal really starts at day 4 and you weren't even on day 4 yet and were also taking suboxone. But you can do this, even if it sucks bad. :) You mentioned that you are questioning your desire to get clean... I believe that's your addict brain trying to rationalize further use now that it's not getting opiates. The reasons you outlined at the beginning of this thread seem more real than the rationalizations of a sick brain. Just remember the feeling of being free and clear of opiates, and let that be your motivation.
 
Erikmen said:
Hey Smoky,
What´s up was mostly what I meant to say? Don´t get me wrong. I have a great respect for you.
I knew you had quit and were dealing with being sober which seems to me that can be quite difficult to cope. At least it is for me..
You are very strong imo to go through this without any tapering. Good for you! Really good.
Congratulations for your 4 months :)
I feel tired all the time. I´m coping with a very little dose of methadone. And sometimes a benzo to help me to sleep.
I´m "sober" from street drugs, non prescribed medications and the addiction life, so to speak, for few years. I don´t drink either..
I only rely on my tiny dose of methadone prescribed by my doctor monthly. I can handle the meds myself, work, etc.
That´s why I had this belief that I was having a normal life when in fact I do need a couple of pills to start the day.
Click to expand...

Thank you Erik,
Yes, as Satir says it's how we cope which isn't easy in transitional recovery stage. Thank you. I'm moving along best I can, and better than where I was indeed. :) I'll have 4 months soon.
That's great you are on a small dose now of methadone. Is that what you started on or did you taper down to it? Yes, where I live docs don't give take home privileges for some time.
 
Well guys the day 4 is coming to an end and as expected, the 3mg sub and 1mg kpins kept me okay. I felt really good in the morning and now I'm depressed and started crying for reasons having to do with temporary circumstances affecting me.

I took the last 2mg of Kpin, I debated saving some for tommorow but I will probley end up buying 10mg more for the suboxone withdrawals. I have 2mg Sub left which I'm saving for tommorow morning.
A friend said he would offer me 4mg of sub but maybe it's time to officially jump off all opiates and hope the Kpins help enough.

Ppl are saying Imodium, I'm a believer in the stuff but it's not worth the money imo.

Went to 2 AA meetings today and did some Christmas shopping with my mothert, but it's night which is always the hardest time for me and again in laying in bed alone much like last night with the lights turned down low and nothing that seems even remotely worth doing. Just listening to the rain outside and in my heart. But it was a good day and I know it will get so much better I'm already looking healthier and eating more.

Thanks for the support and reminding me this to shall pass.
 
Nights are always the worst for me aswell. I get so restless and bored to tears. Thats why I picked up a bag of heroin, i needed to chill soo bad and it worked. But im definitely not going to make a daily habit of it again, once a week at most. No way can I handle more horrible physical withdrawals. Ive had to detox 3 times already this year and I just couldnt cope with another one
 
Yeah detox from heroin is a real bitch. A lot of the reason I drank and used was due to boredom. There are things I could do like read of play video games or write in a journal but I'll probley just lay here reading a little bluelight here or there until I can eventually hopefully fall asleep.
 
How did the heroin act with the methadone blockage?
Do you also use methadone when you have heroin?
The w/d can be immensely greater.
Think about restless legs, x2 + swet, vomiting and diarrhea..added with pain (muscle and bone pain)
 
Get2Think said:
Yeah detox from heroin is a real bitch. A lot of the reason I drank and used was due to boredom. There are things I could do like read of play video games or write in a journal but I'll probley just lay here reading a little bluelight here or there until I can eventually hopefully fall asleep.
Click to expand...

Im the same way, ive got severe anhedonia. I just cant get pleasure from things like I used to such as video games, reading, watching good films etc. I just get so restless and bored that the only thing that interests me is either doing drugs or reading about them on the internet. The lack of good sleep just makes things 10 times worse and I cant concentrate or get intersted in anything anymore
 
Erikman I never did heroin while on methadone.

I'm no longer on methadone, I was on 40mg 4 days ago and decided enough was enough so now Iam trying to detox as comfortably as possible until I get off all narcotics except for my anti depressant Wellbutrin because that helps me a lot. I just believe in abstinence because I've had it before and it was fucking awesome.
 
FEDO the anhedonia won't last forever and at least I'm not in jail, in drama with ppl, or homeless. I can't afford self pity of negative thinking and that's a hard thing to accept but fuck if I paint my world black and look at life through shit coloured glases all it does is make ME FEEL FUCKING MISERABLE.
 
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