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  • EADD Moderators: axe battler | Pissed_and_messed

Tell a shit joke

The beauty of the training centre I attend on weekdays means that I can keep an eye on here while doing online courses - at the moment I'm having a crack at another maths course.

It advertises a good refresher for a number of topics including trigonometry, algebra and calculus.

One of the other customers noticed what I was working on and reminded me that..

"alcohol and calculus do not mix - one should not attempt to drink and 'derive' "

Thought that sounded wet enough to pop back over here and record it for posterity
 
steewith2ees said:
The beauty of the training centre I attend on weekdays means that I can keep an eye on here while doing online courses - at the moment I'm having a crack at another maths course.

It advertises a good refresher for a number of topics including trigonometry, algebra and calculus.

One of the other customers noticed what I was working on and reminded me that..

"alcohol and calculus do not mix - one should not attempt to drink and 'derive' "

Thought that sounded wet enough to pop back over here and record it for posterity
Click to expand...
Yep. Thats certainly bad and deserves a mention.
 
Iknow you weren't.

Andwhat I meant about the GF was that being on the spectrum, no matter where, be it classic autistic, aspie, rett's (I only know one Rett's girl though, its not common.And damn she really is a smoking hottie=D Rett syndrome USUALLY disables severely, but in this girl's case (it affects only girls, since Rett's is X-linked, and as such, since girls have a spare X chromosome, its possible,as with my friend, for a chimera to be produced as X-inactivation is totally random. Rather than being mentally retarded (although I have dated girls who are, way I see things, if someone wishes to date me, and if they are mentally retarded, autistic, or whatever, then that is entirely up to them as long as attraction is there from my POV, then I won't refuse someone just because they have MR,or are 'severely' autistic (my GODS I absofuckinglutely LOATHE that term, it makes me sick to hear my kinfolk described that way, it makes things sound like we are being called diseased, as if there is actually something wrong with us. Ugh...fucking severely...what a truly repugnant thing to call any of us.)

I've never dated anyone who has Down syndrome, but IMO thats mostly due to probability factors, as I have not known any so well as to get involved.

Myself I'm autie rather than aspie, but aspies are, in a loose sense, family, nevertheless.
 
Ok....

Back on topic.

Who designed the Round Table for King Arthur and co. ?

Sir Cumference

8)
 
How do you reverse severe hypoxia in a member of the labour party?










Take the plastic bag off his head.







What did the country yokel farmer say when he walked past theresa may, and saw she'd just been set on fire by a bunch of heroic chavs (now theres a contradiction in terms, usually!)

'arrrrhson of a bitch.



What are theresa may's favourite two kinds of mushroom?

The liberty crap.

And Not mushroom here for freedom and civil rights.







Aside from gender, whats the difference between theresa may and Adolf Hitler?

Adolf is dead. And theresa may is a ginormous utter complete cunt, with no scale in existence against which her cuntingdom could possibly even begin to be measured.


Whats the difference between Adolf Hitler and G.W.Bush jr?

Adolf was voted for.



Whats the difference between jeremy corbyn and a nest of homosexuals?

A possible man date.
 
I am now working in addiction treatment services.

That is a joke in itself. ;)
 
C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished; the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and is now au naturel.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides he needs a rest - and closes the bar.
 
Sadie said:
C, E-flat, and G go into a bar.

The bartender says, "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them.

After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished; the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough.

A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second."

An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims, "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight."

The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and is now au naturel.

Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless.

The bartender decides he needs a rest - and closes the bar.
Click to expand...

Hoho, very good =D

However, any decent bartender would know that the E couldn't possibly look sharp, and would likely get quite crochet(y)...
 
Q. What should uou do if a radio ham guy tells you he's started transmitting on the 1.2 GHz band?

A. Ask to see his 23 cm. exciter!
 
ሰባት አንድ ታላቅ ሠረገላ ለመስበር , በበሬ የማረስ . ታላቅ ቡናማ ድብ ለተጠበቃችሁ . ሰባት ስድስት እና ታላቁ የወይን ጠጅ ችግኝ የያዘ .

Anyone here speak Aramaic? Raas? Anybody? A supposedly hilarious joke that gets somehow lost in translation on Google Translate.
 
I told my mate i had a mouse running about in my house.

He said "just spray it with WD40"

I said "will that kill it"

He said "no, but you'll never hear from it again"
 
John and Ralph were out fishing one day when Ralph reached into his pocket for his cigarettes.

Ralph then took a large object out of his other pocket and lit a cigarette with it.

''By jayzus - what's that you have there, Raplh?'', asked John.

''This is my 10 inch lighter'', Ralph replied.

''I've never seen one like that before. Where did you get it?'', John queried.

''I made a wish. I have a genie in my tackle box, have a look'', urged Ralph.

John looked in the tackle box and, sure enough, there was a little bearded genie.

''Wow. Do you think your genie would grant a wish for me, Ralph?'', John asked, barely containing his excitement.

''Aye, I'm sure he would, no problem. Fire away'', Ralph answered.

John leaned over the tackle box and the genie asked for his wish.

Without having to think twice, John answered the genie.

''I wish I had a million bucks'', John said.

John waited a moment, not quite sure where to look. Suddenly the sky began to darken. John looked up and saw the biggest flock of birds he'd ever seen.

''What the fuck is that!?'', John demanded of Ralph.

''It looks to me like a million ducks, John. I forgot to mention that my genie's hard of hearing. Did you really think that I would wish for a 10 inch bic?''
 
What do you call a Scotsman who is stood in the doorway to his own house?

Hamish

=D
 
^
That's awful But pleased your getting into the Scottish culture :D

There are three cows in a field, but how do you tell which one is on holiday?

enhanced-868-1415567137-5.jpg
 
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