Thank you thank you thank you
life's never been easy for me....the normal things that should be easy like going to the grocery store probably paying bills....ya know, the stuff normal people are just supposed to be able to do. until I started getting high. the scary part about my drug use is that in the last few years of my life that I've been using pretty regularly I've had a very successful life to anyone who doesn't know What's actually going on. I've got a great job that pays well and just keep getting promoted. Bought a house. It's been effortless to be a 'normal person' I don't know why I say all this....mostly because it is one of the things that confuses me the most. That I keep feeling like all this success I came upon is all in jeopardy now.I have trouble doing my job which is very high stress and can't keep up the house...I can barely manage to keep up on the laundry and remember to feed the dogs right now.
EDIT: I kinda read it back and realized all this 'success' was actually being jeopardized by my addiction...in all different ways. I should probably stop posting for the night my damn head is feeling like a hot mess right now....
I know exactly how you feel. Recently I have been reading the Qu'ran and it explicitly states its stance on alcohol/drug use, though believing it to be a sin, concedes that it offers benefits.
Drugs do you benefit you. That's exactly what drove you towards them in the first place and what initiated your addiction. Drug use was clearly having a noticeable positive effect on your life when you first started. For me, marijuana and other drugs allowed me to see life in a profound manner, they gave me abstract thought, and well, made me a more conscious, empathetic, happy, informed and motivated human. But this won't last. At one point drugs opened your mind, but it turned into you closing your mind, shutting it down, numbing it, believing you would still yield the benefits you once experienced but it just isn't true.
Take everything you learned from drugs. Your addiction was your partner at one point. It helped you cope in times that you needed that coping mechanism. No matter how bad or unhealthy it was, it was COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE why you would believe turning to drugs is an acceptable solution. Life isn't fair, and pain is very real and when we seem to find an easy solution OF COURSE we will grasp onto it and try to cherish it, control it, believe it to be special and beneficial. But it served its purpose. Holding onto it will only dig you down deeper and deeper, and continue to cause the pain. It really has no end.
Take everything drugs taught you. That "success" you felt, HAS BEEN THERE THE ENTIRE TIME. Drugs may have made you realize your potential but now all they will do is rob you of it. It served its purpose. Now you need to realize you are a capable human being. The brain is a powerful tool. The pain it has caused you to suffer can easily be manipulated into turning around your entire reality to what you envision it to be. It's all there. The only tool you need anymore is your brain, and you need to supplement it with positivity, optimism, goal setting, and ambition. You can do this. You CAN combat this stress, and no matter how difficult our lives become, it is up to you to remove the limitations you set on yourself that say you can't be happy without drugs.
three weeks clean for me but i hghly doubt it would have happened had i not tempoarily moved toa town of 600. prob going back home in a week(very home sick
.) hopefully can keep beating cravings there but i rele want that last ride i wasnt able to take before i came out here. blahh o well continue with the addiction place when i go back hopefully that helps i suppose.
You really need to believe in yourself. The way you envision your reality is what it will inevitably become. If you have uncertainty about your ability to maintain sobriety, chances are you will allow yourself to cave and give up on yourself. There really is no "last ride". Taking that last ride will send you right back to the land of a void that can't be filled. There is no satisfaction, there is no last time. 1000 is never enough, and one is too many. You need to discover what is causing a lack of faith in yourself and replace drugs with a positive and natural supplement of self confidence, happiness, relaxation, stress- relief, boredom, or whatever you are trying to use drugs to solve. You've come this far, take what you have and keep going forward. Many will tell you on here that there certainly are some hard times ahead, but there is so much uncertainty in the future and I'd say sobriety is a good bet. You know exactly what will happen if you use drugs. It's all up to you, but Im just saying, don't fool yourself.
