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April getting/staying sober thread v. April showers

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Hey guys. I'm back! I had some clean time but fucked it up with assorted narcotics (inadvertently (or maybe subconsciously) stumbled on a dilaudid/oxy supplier which isn't difficult to come by in Tampa Florida apparently. So it was a few months back to the races. I moved across the world, literally and managed to get supplied with tramadol (of all the fucking things to be addicted to..embarrassing opiate but I was doing what the master said) I really thought mmmeeehhh, how bad can the withdrawals be after 2 months of moderate use? Ha!! Yeah. On day 3 now. Just feel human. Just able to type this. Holy shit. What a fucking ride. And I've kicked my mmtp cold turkey years ago so I know how to gauge a kick .. Not that this is as long or intense by any means but id say it's as bad or worse than a straight up H kick. But I can tell the fog lifted. I know I can make my way from here. I know the way back to the light well. Just wanted to come back to this place and post. It's really a positive, amazing community and even thru those shit months of using, I still crept around this forum. Feel like an ass coming back after my episode but fuck it. Who here never slipped back down before? So peace and love and light guys. I'm back fighting for my life and future. And damn, it looks pretty fucking bright.
 
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Eveleivibe said:
I've gone back to my old ways of drinking last few weeks n I am deeply ashamed of myself.
So, if it's ok I'd like to come back to recovery support because I want to get back onto recovery n I need some support with that.

Evey
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Hi Eavy don't beat yourself up too bad, just keep it day by day that's what I keep telling myself anyway. hope your well. Love and Light
 
HEY Evey and Lucky!

Wanted to remind both of you to move forward with courage! You're both strong people and relapses happen. Don't be discouraged; Failure exists only in the absence of an effort to succeed. If you still have a desire to turn your lives around then you have not failed.

-Case
 
CaseFace said:
HEY Evey and Lucky!

Wanted to remind both of you to move forward with courage! You're both strong people and relapses happen. Don't be discouraged; Failure exists only in the absence of an effort to succeed. If you still have a desire to turn your lives around then you have not failed.

-Case
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Thanks Casey. That means a lot.
I went into a pharmacy other day for some ******* n the pharmacist recognised me, took me into a room n asked me lots of questions about my subs n who could tell. I never ran out that pharmacy so fast in my whole life then bought some a******. Why was he going to tell someone on me? :( i just sobbed for ages. I'd had some of my sleeve done under my arm. Hurt like hell n I kept thinking "I need the pain gone n why have paracetamol when I could have *******? Then when I couldn't I just thought well I can have some a****** without anything trying to control me.

Anyway day 1 of no a****** yesterday n back on s**** 12 mg so lets see what happens. Im going to be reducing the s***'soon to 10 mg.

More exercise is needed I think.

Evey xxxx
 
You're doing great Evey. Keep up the good work. <3

I am on day 132. Still yawning a lot. My GI tract isn't back to normal. I still have bizarre intense dreams but they don't fuck with me a lot like they were.

Other than that I think I am doing well with recovery.

Much <3 to everyone here
 
Still hangin in there by a thread. Had a really bizarre relapse dream last night and to my surprise I actually woke up wanting to use LESS today! So here's to not waking up dope sick, not having to reup on my way to work and making it closer to payday this go round with money in my pocket then every before! Hang in there guys <3
 
On 24mg bupe and 30mg diazepam daily, hopefully got a detox coming up soon.

Living my life in a healthy manner and moved away from most using behaviours now, no desire to use illicit drugs at all at the moment really. Just looking forward to finishing my first year of uni and getting clean. Looks like I might be getting the opportunity to help work with training new drug and alcohol staff at my care centre which is really exciting. Having the chance to use some of my knowledge in a more positive manner would be nice!

Mainly just looking forward to being clean though. Hopefully I'm doing things right this time, taking as muich help and advice as possible from where it's available and I feel mentally stable and at peace with myself despite still being on a script.
 
omen_owen mk2 said:
On 24mg bupe and 30mg diazepam daily, hopefully got a detox coming up soon.

Living my life in a healthy manner and moved away from most using behaviours now, no desire to use illicit drugs at all at the moment really. Just looking forward to finishing my first year of uni and getting clean. Looks like I might be getting the opportunity to help work with training new drug and alcohol staff at my care centre which is really exciting. Having the chance to use some of my knowledge in a more positive manner would be nice!

Mainly just looking forward to being clean though. Hopefully I'm doing things right this time, taking as muich help and advice as possible from where it's available and I feel mentally stable and at peace with myself despite still being on a script.
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That's good for you how's the bupe working out for you 24 mgs that's a lot of pills under the tounge they must take forever to dissolve. I too am on bupe im on 2 mgs a day hoping to taper off completely soon gonna do it in .25 increments. I get constipation pretty bad with this dose and lots of stomach trouble I couldn't imagine doing a higher dose it would kill me. You finding the side effects manageable though?
 
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Yeah, the side effects are minimal, certainly nothing comapred to an IV smack habit that's for sure! I get a bit of constipation but it's minimal and I find it hard to piss standing up. That's about it really. The shitty memory from the diazepam is much more annoying.

If I get generics they take about 30-40 minutes to dissolve (three 8's together) but I then keep the saliva in my mouth for a further 20 minutes or so to get all the bupe in it. Brand name subutex dissolves in about 15 minutes with the same routine but you jjust get loads more bupe in the saliva so I keep it in my mouth for about 30 minutes afterwards to get it all. Either way the process takes going on an hour each day.

I'm going to be doing pretty much cold turkey from 24mg of bupe using a really new detox technique, wish me luck!
 
Day 15 after my 3mg sub jump....today was bad...easter was great but not today...if i had the means i wouldve done more than drink a pint and smoke some herbs......seems alot more undercontrol mentally at the moment...but that lasts how long...a few hours after i go to sleep. then wake up at 230 in the morning wide awake....feels like im stuck..and nothing will help long term
 
rlssux420 said:
Day 15 after my 3mg sub jump....today was bad...easter was great but not today...if i had the means i wouldve done more than drink a pint and smoke some herbs......seems alot more undercontrol mentally at the moment...but that lasts how long...a few hours after i go to sleep. then wake up at 230 in the morning wide awake....feels like im stuck..and nothing will help long term
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Well done on day 15. I'm sorry that you're having a bad day. Keep with it. You'll get there. We're rooting for you.

Evey xxxx
 
I needed that evey.....im glad you my mum(adopted of course) but its been hell no doubt...but have had excellent advice on my issues so far
 
rlssux420 said:
I needed that evey.....im glad you my mum(adopted of course) but its been hell no doubt...but have had excellent advice on my issues so far
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Great to hear it. You're welcome to pm me if you need anything.

Night all - bed is calling
Evey xxxx
 
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