MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

[imabicycle]

I actually live with my parents so it probably wont escalate ^^. The reason I'm asking is that I'm still experiencing really bad physical anxiety (while feeling much better mentally, especially in depression/dp department), such as tingling sensations muscle tension, nausea and tremors. What I'm asking is if moderate amounts of alcohol negatively influences these symptoms. If its only on the short term it might be worth it but I just don't wanne impair my recovery in any way.

 

[thejibberman]

I actually live with my parents so it probably wont escalate ^^. The reason I'm asking is that I'm still experiencing really bad physical anxiety (while feeling much better mentally, especially in depression/dp department), such as tingling sensations muscle tension, nausea and tremors. What I'm asking is if moderate amounts of alcohol negatively influences these symptoms. If its only on the short term it might be worth it but I just don't wanne impair my recovery in any way.

I think you should do what you are comfortable with. Asking for advice on alcohol at this point sounds like a worry on your mind, but in my opinion I think you should give yourself a chance to relax and by relax I mean live your usual life. Taking supplements and things didn't actually make me feel any better because it made me feel like something was wrong with me so I stopped. I wouldn't fret upon it though, just as you would if you felt normal, don't over do the alcohol!

 

[onemonthsnake]

I actually live with my parents so it probably wont escalate ^^. The reason I'm asking is that I'm still experiencing really bad physical anxiety (while feeling much better mentally, especially in depression/dp department), such as tingling sensations muscle tension, nausea and tremors. What I'm asking is if moderate amounts of alcohol negatively influences these symptoms. If its only on the short term it might be worth it but I just don't wanne impair my recovery in any way.

From my experience, alcohol will ovveride any physical and mental anxiety you might be experiencing, even with a few beers. I wouldn't say there are any negatives using it to combat physical anxiety as long as you don't drink too often.

 

[me2point0]

What coder said, if you feel fine, do it. It's all about regaining back to normality isn't it? Basically do what you usually do to relax. I think quitting from alcohol and caffeine only helped for the first three weeks of this (because of the constant dizziness).

EDIT:
I drank quite a bit last night for my birthday party, and today I feel way better than I did yesterday. I gave my brain some time to relax from all the stress and now today I feel pretty good. Just went to the beach with friends and am going to the pub to watch the England game, haven't even had the sense of derealisation today (or at least I don't think I have).

Happy birthday

I feel fine. Obviously dizzyness wont go and my blood seems to travel weirdly. Bloated veins and orthostatic hypotension scare me a little. Head presure not that much anymore. Mentally 100% better. No dp dr at all. I feel love again(lol). Fucking dizzyness man...

 

[imatowel]

I came back to see how me2point0 was doing, just out of interest, great that you are doing fine!

Brain zap isn't a medical term and DP/DR is rather mental, but lots of users experience this physical condition of headache/head pressure.
What do you guys think is the most likely it will be?

• Nerve damage : for me this is unlikely because the pain varied throughout the day
• Compressed trigeminal nerve : can be?
• Neurotoxictiy : too high dosage?
• ...

 

[PJ2]

Well, I've been having a rough time lately. I guess the good news is that I've been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea and I mean severe. I wonder now if that had anything to do with the bad reaction to rolling. Problem is that I don't get the machine for like another month and my sleep patterns and quality of sleep are just atrocious. I feel like I am walking around in a daze all day lately with bad fucking head pressure. Ugh!!! My cognition has been shit as well. The hopeful part is that when I do get on the "tube" as they call it in the sleep apnea world I may see a dramatic difference in all my symptoms because I'll actually get real sleep. But, right now, I am as exhausted as I've ever been in my life. I just want to lay in bed all day and fuck around on the computer. I have zero energy.

It's weird the number of stages I've gone through already. I just got out of a phase where I was soooo thirsty all day long for a few weeks. I was drinking huge sums of water, but I felt pretty decent. Now that the head pressure has returned 24/7, I am not thirsty at all and I feel like complete shit again.

What a fucking nightmare LTC and severe sleep apnea!?! Dear god, I don't know how much more I can take.

 

[me2point0]

I dont know about you guys but my veins are pretty big in my arms when beside me. Its new and troubling.

Also, when I stand up from a seated position, I almost always get orthostatic hypotention, wich is annoying. I feel like my heart and my blood are affected by this.

On another note, try ruling out too high dosage, my comedown happened after one little 100mg cap. Rule out nerve damage and dirrect heart damage too.

I stopped searching for answers because there doesnt seem to have any due to the lack of research done on brain structure and how it reacts with mdma use and it's adverse effects unfortunately. My latest find was that in rats, neurotoxicity presents itself as anxiety in the animal. That startles me a little.

Last thing, am I the only one with upper body muscular pain? Shoulders and neck, back, chest, all feel tense. They really feely locked if I may.

Stay strong

 

[thejibberman]

I dont know about you guys but my veins are pretty big in my arms when beside me. Its new and troubling.

Also, when I stand up from a seated position, I almost always get orthostatic hypotention, wich is annoying. I feel like my heart and my blood are affected by this.

Last thing, am I the only one with upper body muscular pain? Shoulders and neck, back, chest, all feel tense. They really feely locked if I may.

Sounds like general anxiety symptoms to me. There was a member in one of these threads somewhere that mentioned he had bad circulation at one point, but he still got back to normal, however his circulation didn't. But to point fingers at the MDMA might be a bit irrational considering how long it has been.

 

[imabicycle]

pain in the lower back and shoulders/neck is a common symptom of anxiety. I have it through my entire body. Rphilli, cant the sleep apnea and ltc be related? Also I read sleeppills (such as benzos) can cause this. So if ur on them try quitting. Also if ur smoking u should probably stop. As you found out about apnea only now, during ur ltc, it would be very coincidental if they're not related in my opinion. This would mean it'll go away as ur other symptoms do. So keep your head up. I do feel for you though even moderate insomnia is really annoying to me.

 

[Dawglaw]

I dont know about you guys but my veins are pretty big in my arms when beside me. Its new and troubling.

Also, when I stand up from a seated position, I almost always get orthostatic hypotention, wich is annoying. I feel like my heart and my blood are affected by this.

On another note, try ruling out too high dosage, my comedown happened after one little 100mg cap. Rule out nerve damage and dirrect heart damage too.

I stopped searching for answers because there doesnt seem to have any due to the lack of research done on brain structure and how it reacts with mdma use and it's adverse effects unfortunately. My latest find was that in rats, neurotoxicity presents itself as anxiety in the animal. That startles me a little.

Last thing, am I the only one with upper body muscular pain? Shoulders and neck, back, chest, all feel tense. They really feely locked if I may.

Stay strong

That sounds like hypochondria. I've been there man. I'm confident you are fine, your anxiety and brain are ducking with you.

 

[coderbrah]

I dont know about you guys but my veins are pretty big in my arms when beside me. Its new and troubling.

Also, when I stand up from a seated position, I almost always get orthostatic hypotention, wich is annoying. I feel like my heart and my blood are affected by this.

On another note, try ruling out too high dosage, my comedown happened after one little 100mg cap. Rule out nerve damage and dirrect heart damage too.

I stopped searching for answers because there doesnt seem to have any due to the lack of research done on brain structure and how it reacts with mdma use and it's adverse effects unfortunately. My latest find was that in rats, neurotoxicity presents itself as anxiety in the animal. That startles me a little.

Last thing, am I the only one with upper body muscular pain? Shoulders and neck, back, chest, all feel tense. They really feely locked if I may.

Stay strong

I had the same thing in the first month where I had to stand up really slowly otherwise I would black out for 6-7 seconds.

 

[MindOverMatter1]

I came back to see how me2point0 was doing, just out of interest, great that you are doing fine!

Brain zap isn't a medical term and DP/DR is rather mental, but lots of users experience this physical condition of headache/head pressure.
What do you guys think is the most likely it will be?

• Nerve damage : for me this is unlikely because the pain varied throughout the day
• Compressed trigeminal nerve : can be?
• Neurotoxictiy : too high dosage?
• ...

I had and still have (too a much lesser degree) tingling sensations in my head. When my comedown started six months ago it was sharp pains and pins and needles in my brain. I read a user on here who had similar symptoms on here thinking it was a damaged trigeminal nerve from the MDMA bruxism. Most of the annoying sensations I had were at the top of my skull at the scalp. Here is a good picture of the trigeminal nerve: https://www.google.com/search?q=trigeminal+nerve&espv=2&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=cMSkU8GBIsS1yAS3-YLABw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAQ&biw=1920&bih=979#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=asHLPeAmaG0otM%253A%3BEWaPnD6Icp_T7M%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.jackjasperdesign.com%252Fimages%252Ftrigeminal%252520nervea.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.jackjasperdesign.com%252Fpepid11.html%3B600%3B544 This may be the cause of what happened but that doesn't solve why I suffered from other cognitive impairments.
this makes me thing that it could be a damaged trigeminal nerve and some neurotoxicity. Who knows? The good news is that the tingling sensations in the head slowly go away. I still have some but they are far less severe then three months ago. The user that had similar symptoms to me said it look almost a full 9 months to go away and I'm almost at month 7.

I dont know about you guys but my veins are pretty big in my arms when beside me. Its new and troubling.

Also, when I stand up from a seated position, I almost always get orthostatic hypotention, wich is annoying. I feel like my heart and my blood are affected by this.

On another note, try ruling out too high dosage, my comedown happened after one little 100mg cap. Rule out nerve damage and dirrect heart damage too.

I stopped searching for answers because there doesnt seem to have any due to the lack of research done on brain structure and how it reacts with mdma use and it's adverse effects unfortunately. My latest find was that in rats, neurotoxicity presents itself as anxiety in the animal. That startles me a little.

Last thing, am I the only one with upper body muscular pain? Shoulders and neck, back, chest, all feel tense. They really feely locked if I may.

Stay strong

I had bad orthostatic hypertension when my comedown first started and it lasted 5+ months. It hasn't been bad lately. When it first started if I sat for more than five minutes it meant that I would get really dizzy when I stood up. Many times it was so bad that I'd have to keep myself upright by some solid object such as a table. My arms would shake and I'd have such a head rush that I felt like I wasn't in reality. It's a surreal feeling. The last time I felt anything like this before my comedown was when I was on a SSRI. It had the same effect. This makes me believe that when messing with serotonin (whether it be MDMA or a SSRI) it has an affect on our blood circulation. The dizzyness/orthostatic hypertension has gotten much better although I still get it from time to time. The interesting thing is that when I would sit down and prop my legs up on the table in front of me, my legs would go numb much faster than they ever had. There was something seriously wrong with my blood circulation.

The positive I can take out of this is that the head sensations and orthostatic hypertension has gotten better over time. It makes me optimistic that if I let time do its thing I will eventually no longer have these symptoms.

 

[Tpchan85]

Losing my sanity a little bit here. I was basically normal and now I'm slipping back to square one. As I posted before it all started again after going for an intense run. It's now 3 days later and I'm back to daily panic attacks precipitated by a tight aching in my chest that extends up to my neck. I've been having to take a low dose of diazepam or propranolol to ward off panic attacks. I still have muscle spasms all down my left side in strange places (such as twitching in scalp and eyelids). I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle, physical symptoms cause panic attacks which cause further physical symptoms (muscle tension etc), benzos all the only thing that can break this cycle but I'm at the point now where I really need to cut them out or risk withdrawals. I also still get skipped heartbeats.

I don't know what to do because I've had 4 clear ECGs and a clear echocardiogram, so the cardiologist has said I'm fine on that front aside from benign skipped beats, but I also had 1 dodgy ECG that showed Ischemia which the doctors dismissed due to "low risk factor" (my age). Half of me is saying I could drop of a heart attack any moment and the other half is saying stop being stupid this is just MDMA induced panic. I have no idea what to think anymore.

 

[thejibberman]

Losing my sanity a little bit here. I was basically normal and now I'm slipping back to square one. As I posted before it all started again after going for an intense run. It's now 3 days later and I'm back to daily panic attacks precipitated by a tight aching in my chest that extends up to my neck. I've been having to take a low dose of diazepam or propranolol to ward off panic attacks. I still have muscle spasms all down my left side in strange places (such as twitching in scalp and eyelids). I feel like I'm stuck in a cycle, physical symptoms cause panic attacks which cause further physical symptoms (muscle tension etc), benzos all the only thing that can break this cycle but I'm at the point now where I really need to cut them out or risk withdrawals. I also still get skipped heartbeats.

I don't know what to do because I've had 4 clear ECGs and a clear echocardiogram, so the cardiologist has said I'm fine on that front aside from benign skipped beats, but I also had 1 dodgy ECG that showed Ischemia which the doctors dismissed due to "low risk factor" (my age). Half of me is saying I could drop of a heart attack any moment and the other half is saying stop being stupid this is just MDMA induced panic. I have no idea what to think anymore.

I can assure you it's the panic. The run probably had nothing to do with it, however you were probably pretty nervous afterwards on what effect it might've had on you. I still get the annoying eyelid twitches here and there, and the other muscle spasms, but it's nothing to worry about seriously! 4 out of 5 tests saying you're fine means you're definitely fine. Out of likeliness you were panicking like crazy during that one dodgy test which probably caused your tachycardia, which all resolves in time (for everyone with MDMA-induced anxiety).

You're at good health. The run did good for your body, you just need to stop checking up on yourself and let your body do it's thing, it knows how to deal with problems. If it was a heart attack, you'd know with either hours of extremely sharp pain in your chest. Don't let the panic conquer you.

 

[PJ2]

pain in the lower back and shoulders/neck is a common symptom of anxiety. I have it through my entire body. Rphilli, cant the sleep apnea and ltc be related? Also I read sleeppills (such as benzos) can cause this. So if ur on them try quitting. Also if ur smoking u should probably stop. As you found out about apnea only now, during ur ltc, it would be very coincidental if they're not related in my opinion. This would mean it'll go away as ur other symptoms do. So keep your head up. I do feel for you though even moderate insomnia is really annoying to me.

I think they are related in that the sleep apnea may have made me more susceptible to this LTC considering my body, brain, and organs aren't getting the proper amount of rest when I sleep. But, the sleep apnea wasn't cause by the LTC if that is what you are thinking. I was working on a sleep study prior to all of this and I think the first step in me getting fully healthy is to get my sleep right. The deep sleep is where healing occurs.

 

[ro4eva]

Well, I've been having a rough time lately. I guess the good news is that I've been diagnosed with severe sleep apnea and I mean severe. I wonder now if that had anything to do with the bad reaction to rolling. Problem is that I don't get the machine for like another month and my sleep patterns and quality of sleep are just atrocious. I feel like I am walking around in a daze all day lately with bad fucking head pressure. Ugh!!! My cognition has been shit as well. The hopeful part is that when I do get on the "tube" as they call it in the sleep apnea world I may see a dramatic difference in all my symptoms because I'll actually get real sleep. But, right now, I am as exhausted as I've ever been in my life. I just want to lay in bed all day and fuck around on the computer. I have zero energy.

Hopefully you'll be able to tolerate the breathing apparatus.

I was diagnosed with central sleep apnea, but, I could not fall asleep with it, nor handle it.

Maybe I had a broken and/or improperly calibrated model, but it was rather loud, and actually made it harder to breathe.

Not to worry, I was told most people get along with them just fine.

It's weird the number of stages I've gone through already. I just got out of a phase where I was soooo thirsty all day long for a few weeks. I was drinking huge sums of water, but I felt pretty decent. Now that the head pressure has returned 24/7, I am not thirsty at all and I feel like complete shit again.

Reading this really worries me.

Have you checked your blood glucose levels lately?

Excessive thirst is associated with type 2 diabetes (among other things).

Do you have a family history of diabetes? In any case, you should let your doctor know about your excessive thirst for water, as it may (or may not) indicate abnormally high blood glucose levels.

Please know that I'm not trying to scare or stress you. If I didn't care, I wouldn't bother saying anything.

What a fucking nightmare LTC and severe sleep apnea!?! Dear god, I don't know how much more I can take.

I understand it can frustrating as hell. You'd probably give anything to get back to your old self.

Even after I managed to recover after 19 months, I still had to take medication for a number of medical issues (and it continues to this day - for the most part).

There are days where I get extremely frustrated, and I think about how I would flush all my remaining meds down the toilet if I could without going into massive withdrawal.

Even so, whenever I get asked by family/friends/acquaintances how I'm doing, I tell them that I have a lot to be grateful for, because it could be A LOT worse.

For example, I'm so grateful that I'm not dependent on others to help me take a bath/shower, use the toilet, eat, drink, etc.

Don't get me wrong, I would do it for my loved ones if I had to, but, I'd feel terribly guilty if it was the other way around.

Also, I'm beginning to wonder if all of us who have experienced this condition all have something in common (other than MDMA use) which led us to eventually react in a similar fashion? A really stressful and traumatic childhood perhaps?

 

[coderbrah]

Also, I'm beginning to wonder if all of us who have experienced this condition all have something in common (other than MDMA use) which led us to eventually react in a similar fashion? A really stressful and traumatic childhood perhaps?

My childhood was fine really. Just an ordinary one. I think it's stress that caused us to be so sensitive to the XTC. I mean I was really tired from a lot of stress from starting my own business, plus the pill hit me like a bomb. My friends told me they never seen someone react so hard to a dosage like that before.

 

[thejibberman]

My childhood was fine really. Just an ordinary one. I think it's stress that caused us to be so sensitive to the XTC. I mean I was really tired from a lot of stress from starting my own business, plus the pill hit me like a bomb. My friends told me they never seen someone react so hard to a dosage like that before.

Same goes with me. I had a lot of university work on my plate and thought that night could give me the edge off. What a mistake.

 

[Lazyoaf]

Same goes with me. I had a lot of university work on my plate and thought that night could give me the edge off. What a mistake.

I was the same, overwhelmed with work and studying and wanted to blow off some steam the night i got sick too.

 

[India111]

Ditto, was in my last few weeks of my final year of uni and facing the worry of leaving plus dealing with a bereavement and an unhealthy relationship, thought getting off my face on md would give me a break aha