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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

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Did you get any better? I'm an too going through the same thing I was fine this time last week then had a heavy night of meow meow, cocaine little smoke and a small bomb of MDMA. I dont do drugs as a rule but went a bit mad that night, didn't sleep until the Sunday night woke up with a panic attack Monday but after the attack felt back to normal then same thing Tuesday but I broke down. Couldn't eat dry mouth and constant panic/nervous feeling. Doctor gave me diazepam which I used on two occasions but not any more and now I'm on beta blockers as I feel like I have a constant panic attack. It's been 6 days now and I really don't feel like me I feel like I have lost the person I was and all my dreams and ambitions have disappeared. I am managing to eat a bit more now and at times I feel a little better but mornings are worse and I'm scared that I won't return to me who never had to try to be normal!! Help!
 
Fraser123 said:
Did you get any better? I'm an too going through the same thing I was fine this time last week then had a heavy night of meow meow, cocaine little smoke and a small bomb of MDMA. I dont do drugs as a rule but went a bit mad that night, didn't sleep until the Sunday night woke up with a panic attack Monday but after the attack felt back to normal then same thing Tuesday but I broke down. Couldn't eat dry mouth and constant panic/nervous feeling. Doctor gave me diazepam which I used on two occasions but not any more and now I'm on beta blockers as I feel like I have a constant panic attack. It's been 6 days now and I really don't feel like me I feel like I have lost the person I was and all my dreams and ambitions have disappeared. I am managing to eat a bit more now and at times I feel a little better but mornings are worse and I'm scared that I won't return to me who never had to try to be normal!! Help!
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Well it has only been 6 days, it's definitely possible you can feel fine in a week, maybe two. Just know that your symptoms are common for anxiety. What you're describing is depersonalization, something pretty much everyone in this thread had or is experiencing. Stay strong.
 
Fraser123 said:
Did you get any better? I'm an too going through the same thing I was fine this time last week then had a heavy night of meow meow, cocaine little smoke and a small bomb of MDMA. I dont do drugs as a rule but went a bit mad that night, didn't sleep until the Sunday night woke up with a panic attack Monday but after the attack felt back to normal then same thing Tuesday but I broke down. Couldn't eat dry mouth and constant panic/nervous feeling. Doctor gave me diazepam which I used on two occasions but not any more and now I'm on beta blockers as I feel like I have a constant panic attack. It's been 6 days now and I really don't feel like me I feel like I have lost the person I was and all my dreams and ambitions have disappeared. I am managing to eat a bit more now and at times I feel a little better but mornings are worse and I'm scared that I won't return to me who never had to try to be normal!! Help!
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Ah, the 2 weeks are terrible. However this all may not apply to you, you could get better within a week. If not, you will definitely become the person you once were, maybe a little mature, but still the same Fraser. I'm 3.5 months in and I can tell you everyday I feel more and more like me. Just don't look up any symptoms, MDMA reports or anything of that scientific brain damage nature. I did that and I think I put my brain into overdrive for a good month. You're gonna be okay man.
 
thejibberman said:
Ah, the 2 weeks are terrible. However this all may not apply to you, you could get better within a week. If not, you will definitely become the person you once were, maybe a little mature, but still the same Fraser. I'm 3.5 months in and I can tell you everyday I feel more and more like me. Just don't look up any symptoms, MDMA reports or anything of that scientific brain damage nature. I did that and I think I put my brain into overdrive for a good month. You're gonna be okay man.
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I remember doing this sort of thing obsessively after becoming ill and realizing that the doctors and theirs tests would solve nothing.

Looking back, I think it was a bad idea because it got me wound up mentally, or in other words, increased my anxiety levels considerably.
 
thejibberman said:
You're at good health. The run did good for your body, you just need to stop checking up on yourself and let your body do it's thing, it knows how to deal with problems. If it was a heart attack, you'd know with either hours of extremely sharp pain in your chest. Don't let the panic conquer you.
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Thanks jibberman. That was exactly what I needed to read at that moment. I reread my own post a few hours later and thought what is wrong with me, why would I be thinking that? If I learnt one thing from MDMA it was that we are a slave to chemicals in our brain and it can easily go the other way. When I'm having an anxiety attack literally all logic goes out the window. Feeling a lot better now after I changed my environment, seems to help a lot to just up and leave and go stay with friends or family, just changing scenery to clear my head.
 
Well. Last week I rolled on half a pill and didn't get much. Yesterday I decided to go bold with one.

again, HUGE risk. This is almost retarded at this point but i'm confident it was my last time.
I had the same bad early-trip with the anxiety as every time I rolled so far, and a medium headache by the end of the roll.
I feel extremelly well today, it's completely insane how good I feel about my symptoms and everything and at this points I can really tell that what caused that shit is just underlying anxiety that got triggered and if we search enough im sure people have those symptoms on other prescription drugs or recreationnal or even with life in general. Were not MDMA brain dammage victims.

I rolled 4 times total. And those 4 times I had a 1-2 hour pure rollercoaster phenomenon where I would dance for 5. sit for 10. dance for 5. sir for 10 because I felt bad about my heart pounding and got nauseous about it. So fuck it, it's over for me. After those episodes the trips were obviously amazing but it's not worth it. Let's go on the safe road to recovery :))!

Also, any idea why I get so stressed and anxious for literally 1-2 hours before I can dance for hours after? This is just stupid.
 
Mate saying you dont have braindamage is easy when ur feeling better and onlu took half a pill. Everyone keeps saying this once they recover. This most defenitely isnt the case with those of us who seriously abused. I dont think its fair to say its all mental for everyone. Really glad ur doing better though.
 
The recovery is truly all anxiety based, yes for heavy abusers there may be 'damage' as such but as long you weren't literally eating the shit daily then I'm sure that with good care and positive lifestyle you can clear your mind and feel better!
 
me2point0 said:
Well. Last week I rolled on half a pill and didn't get much. Yesterday I decided to go bold with one.

again, HUGE risk. This is almost retarded at this point but i'm confident it was my last time.
I had the same bad early-trip with the anxiety as every time I rolled so far, and a medium headache by the end of the roll.
I feel extremelly well today, it's completely insane how good I feel about my symptoms and everything and at this points I can really tell that what caused that shit is just underlying anxiety that got triggered and if we search enough im sure people have those symptoms on other prescription drugs or recreationnal or even with life in general. Were not MDMA brain dammage victims.

I rolled 4 times total. And those 4 times I had a 1-2 hour pure rollercoaster phenomenon where I would dance for 5. sit for 10. dance for 5. sir for 10 because I felt bad about my heart pounding and got nauseous about it. So fuck it, it's over for me. After those episodes the trips were obviously amazing but it's not worth it. Let's go on the safe road to recovery :))!
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I'm happy for you me2point0 :)

me2point0 said:
Also, any idea why I get so stressed and anxious for literally 1-2 hours before I can dance for hours after? This is just stupid.
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Ever since my bad roll, this is exactly how I used to react to any type of drug with stimulant effects, including:

- MDMA
- MDA
- Dextro-Amphetamine
- Methamphetamine
- Methylone
- Caffeine
- Ephedrine
- Methylphenidate
- Cocaine

Basically, as soon as I'd begin to feel any sort of stimulatory sensation, such as my heart rate increasing, or my mouth getting dry and me wanting to start clenching my jaw - I'd begin to panic. Many times, my panic would manifest itself into a full-blown panic attack.

The way I got over it was, that I tackled it head on - in the same way that some people with phobias are subjected to whatever scares them until they stop being scared.

Obviously I was careful to not overdo it. And as the weeks passed by, I slowly increased the dosage until I got back to the point where I used to be many years ago in terms of my average dosage of the aforementioned drugs.

I forget who said it, but (s)he was right in that I made matters worse for myself by choosing to freak out about a normal response (increased heart rate) to stimulants.

The mind is a very powerful thing, and it can really mess up things if the conditions are right (such as obsessively overreacting).

P.S. - I think that alcohol made things a lot worse because of its short half-life. I used to use it to calm me down years ago when using stimulants, but, I think it actually made things worse (because it wears off quite fast, and once it does, an pre-existing anxiety tends to go higher than it was before the drinking).
 
ro4eva said:
I'm happy for you me2point0 :)



Ever since my bad roll, this is exactly how I used to react to any type of drug with stimulant effects, including:

- MDMA
- MDA
- Dextro-Amphetamine
- Methamphetamine
- Methylone
- Caffeine
- Ephedrine
- Methylphenidate
- Cocaine

Basically, as soon as I'd begin to feel any sort of stimulatory sensation, such as my heart rate increasing, or my mouth getting dry and me wanting to start clenching my jaw - I'd begin to panic. Many times, my panic would manifest itself into a full-blown panic attack.

The way I got over it was, that I tackled it head on - in the same way that some people with phobias are subjected to whatever scares them until they stop being scared.

Obviously I was careful to not overdo it. And as the weeks passed by, I slowly increased the dosage until I got back to the point where I used to be many years ago in terms of my average dosage of the aforementioned drugs.

I forget who said it, but (s)he was right in that I made matters worse for myself by choosing to freak out about a normal response (increased heart rate) to stimulants.

The mind is a very powerful thing, and it can really mess up things if the conditions are right (such as obsessively overreacting).

P.S. - I think that alcohol made things a lot worse because of its short half-life. I used to use it to calm me down years ago when using stimulants, but, I think it actually made things worse (because it wears off quite fast, and once it does, an pre-existing anxiety tends to go higher than it was before the drinking).
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ever do any acid or shrooms after your recovery?
 
Pmz - I have. I was worried at first but I actually had a great time. I have also hippy flipped with 4acodmt. All positive experiences with no residual negative effects.
 
Dawglaw said:
Pmz - I have. I was worried at first but I actually had a great time. I have also hippy flipped with 4acodmt. All positive experiences with no residual negative effects.
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Sweet I just smoked weed to be honest with you. I'm actually enjoying the high. Its not making anything worse. No anxiety. My DP shows up more, but I think I'm just paying attention to it more. Doesn't bother me.

But regardless. I actually don't like feeling stoned. I think I value sobriety more. I have more control of my head. I feel mentally limited when I'm stoned. And right now I'm feeling mentally limited as it is. Why make it worse. Not gonna smoke again for a while.
 
Good deal, it seems you are making some real progress lately. THC was a no no for me during my LTC, I don't mind weed but if I get too high I am a paranoid idiot.
 
Dawglaw said:
Good deal, it seems you are making some real progress lately. THC was a no no for me during my LTC, I don't mind weed but if I get too high I am a paranoid idiot.
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I think it was just a good strain. Because I felt so normal in regards to being high. I forgot about my come down most of the high. At times I felt almost recovered and just felt high.
 
pmz said:
ever do any acid or shrooms after your recovery?
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Yes. I did LSD in 2008, and shrooms 2010 (and again in combination with MDMA in 2012).

The LSD trip was good at first but eventually became creepy as hell - possibly because I wasn't somewhere familiar, and I didn't feel very safe. As cheesy as it may sound, I find this make a huge difference with all mind-altering substances.

In contrast, the shrooms were fun by themselves in 2010, and AMAZING in combination with some very high purity MDMA in 2012. I mean, this MDMA was so pure that when I received it, it was still in shard form, and there was no coloration to them (it looked like shattered glass almost). And when I tested it with three different reagents, the reaction was very quick, plus, the Marquis was so dark purple, that it was nearly black. I actually still have the pictures from it because I was stunned at the results so I decided to snap a few pictures, LOL!

Edit - That being said, I don't recommend others do the same, but if they do, then I will accept it and never judge them for it, and not think less in any way of them. After all, it's your body, your business (not mine), and your decision. That's how I've always looked at these things. Most importantly, I feel like I don't have a right to judge anyone for their actions because I don't see myself as better than them, nor am I perfect. Besides, I wouldn't appreciate it if someone judged me for my actions - especially if it was a victimless activity involving the use of a mind-altering substance.
 
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I did 2-cb while in my ltc. Really dumb I know but I was really drunk. So at the start it was a lot of fun, but after my space became a bit darker (wasnt freaking out though), and eventually I started to notice all my anxiety symptoms had worsened. I couldnt swallow and was breathing rather heavy. Eventually my muscles (which are continuously tense throughout by body ) became so tense I started getting cramps up to the point it hurt really really bad. Like sporters who fall to the ground grabbing their ankles. I managed to stay calm somehow, but I really believe it was a close shave. Just saying be careful, I've been lucky. Though if your anxiety is gone you might react to it better. It was my first time psychedlics so. Also quick question, sorry for whining, but I really can't help the hypochondria, are there a lot of people who have had really really serious anxiety whithout improvement 3,5 months in? Cause I was expecting at least some improvement right about now, but it isnt coming. I'm even running every single day eating healthy, and thinking as possitive as possible. I've excepted my situation but that doesnt seem to help so much. Anyways In a month I'll be going to Italy for a month with my parents seeing all kinds of beautiful stuff and eating pizza's, I'll hope that'll clear it and allow me to relax my my body. Cheers guys! Chins up!
 
imabicycle said:
I did 2-cb while in my ltc. Really dumb I know but I was really drunk. So at the start it was a lot of fun, but after my space became a bit darker (wasnt freaking out though), and eventually I started to notice all my anxiety symptoms had worsened. I couldnt swallow and was breathing rather heavy. Eventually my muscles (which are continuously tense throughout by body ) became so tense I started getting cramps up to the point it hurt really really bad. Like sporters who fall to the ground grabbing their ankles. I managed to stay calm somehow, but I really believe it was a close shave. Just saying be careful, I've been lucky. Though if your anxiety is gone you might react to it better. It was my first time psychedlics so. Also quick question, sorry for whining, but I really can't help the hypochondria, are there a lot of people who have had really really serious anxiety whithout improvement 3,5 months in? Cause I was expecting at least some improvement right about now, but it isnt coming. I'm even running every single day eating healthy, and thinking as possitive as possible. I've excepted my situation but that doesnt seem to help so much. Anyways In a month I'll be going to Italy for a month with my parents seeing all kinds of beautiful stuff and eating pizza's, I'll hope that'll clear it and allow me to relax my my body. Cheers guys! Chins up!
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Pretty dumb like you said but if you came out alright, that's good! I still have hypochondria a little bit and I'm 3.5 in too. It's improving the most out of my symptoms though, that is my anxiety. I didn't have any agoraphobia or social anxiety, all this time it has been health anxiety, so the better that gets, the better I get. If you still think you've got no improvement yet trying to think positive, you're still thinking you've had no improvement. Just stop thinking about it, that's what I've learnt to do. I just go with the flow now. Like surfer said "you start getting better, once you stop trying to get better".
 
Went in to hospital today as my LTC pushed me to finally confront my doctors on a number of issues I've been having and I had an endoscopy of both ends. Turns out the damn chest pain that's been freaking me out is NOT a symptom of anxiety, I have Oesophagitis. Overall I think this LTC has been the shake up I needed to get my health in order. Since my LTC started I've been diagnosed with:

- Ectopic heartbeats
- Oesophagitis (caused by uncontrolled reflux)
- Bladder infection

I think my reckless attitude towards drugs was partially down to frustration with my health and my LTC hypochondria pushed me to finally get some tests done. I'm in the UK so tests and treatment didn't cost me but I still recommend if you do seriously think anything is wrong other than anxiety that you talk to your doctors. My doctors made me feel stupid and insisted that every symptom I had, even bladder pain, was down to MDMA induced anxiety.
 
thejibberman said:
Pretty dumb like you said but if you came out alright, that's good! I still have hypochondria a little bit and I'm 3.5 in too. It's improving the most out of my symptoms though, that is my anxiety. I didn't have any agoraphobia or social anxiety, all this time it has been health anxiety, so the better that gets, the better I get. If you still think you've got no improvement yet trying to think positive, you're still thinking you've had no improvement. Just stop thinking about it, that's what I've learnt to do. I just go with the flow now. Like surfer said "you start getting better, once you stop trying to get better".
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true but if you're hyperventilating all day everyday, constantly nauseous and dizzy, etc, ts really hard not to realise those things. The physical aspects make me so sick that its hard not to think about it you know. I dont really know how to get over it without resorting to benzos but I dont want those anymore. Maybe just wait it out I guess. I was just hoping it'd go faster. Maybe a bit naive. Thanks for ur response.
 
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