Your worst withdrawal experience.

[w0w0mg]

Oh man, I remember those nasty t-pine withdrawals. I was doing about 3 grams a day IV and it was hell coming off of it. Hang in there bud.

 

[mrsnowygrainius]

my worst withdrawal experience was having to work a labor- intensive job while in COLD TURKEY heroin w/ds. My god just thinking of those days make me cringe it truly was hell on earth having to lift those 60lbs bags of salt in EACH arm after my last shot of D had been over 30hrs ago... just imagine..

I couldn't take it, I lasted 2 days like this and I did end up losing a great, well paying job

 

[SexyTweakerBitch]

I was forced to go cold turkey from smoking a teener+ of meth a day and it was absolute hell. The peak of torture starts at day 2 and lasts at least 2 weeks but the entire WD process lingers for months. I had to drop out of cosmetology school to go to an outpatient rehab program 5 days a week at fucking 9 am and get randomly drug tested 2 days out of the 5. I was constantly falling asleep in the class and being woken up by the counselor. I was the only one who wasn't there for alcohol and I think some of them thought it was funny that I kept passing out because they didn't understand. I was drinking like 3 cups of coffee and it still didn't help.

The first week is the worst, that's when it feels like your so week your almost paralyzed and can hardly get out of bed to take a piss. The depression and mental part of it sucks but I think the physical part is worse. People who say there are no physicAl symptoms during meth withdrawal are full of shit. I get dizzy and sick to my stomach, very naucious but can't throw up, lightheaded when I stand up to the point where I lose my vision for a few seconds and that's pretty scary, I get headaches and my whole my body feels heavy and sore, the fatigue is unbearable, and I get hot and cold chills. When I'm sleeping a lot of times I get terrifying nightmares, dreams about using, and sometimes even sleep paralysis, which really scares the shit out of me because it feels like I'm trying to wake up but I can't move. It feels very realistic and one time I was going through sleep paralysis and saw a grim reaper looking creature coming towards me with a butcher knife, right when he was about to slash my throat I woke up. This happened like the 4th or 5th day off dope, before going to rehab.

The cravings are so intense it puts me into a trance like state and my heart starts racing. It happened even when I was with my best friend doing something fun, she would ask me if I was Ok because she had no idea I was going through withdrawal fiending for a bowl. She's my sober (stoner) friend that knows I used to be a meth head but never knew I relapsed because I've always hid it from her. I consider anyone who isn't addicted/dependent on a drug or alcohol "sober." Even people who smoke weed often are sober in my mind because weed isn't really addictive.

The dreams I always had consisted of dropping a nice shard in a pipe, melting it into a clear puddle, letting it crack back until I melt it again and inhale until I run out of breath, followed by a huge white thick cloud. Sometimes I would wake up before taking the hit and that's even worse. It sucked waking up after those dreams and realizing it's not real. I've almost cried a few times. It sucks balls and even after almost 6 months (the longest I've been clean) I still craved it everyday and dreamt about it 3+ times a week. On top of that I needed like 12 hours of sleep a day and still felt tired a lot.

 

[Moreaux]

Easyfrantic - that's horrible, I had no idea it could last the longer. Congratulations for making it through and not just giving up. I commend you!

 

[TripMcnealy]

My worst was an unintenional cold turkey off of a 4 year oxy habit ( i think you know what i mean by unintentional). Same old story, started small, yada yada yada and at the point of this story was at 300 mgs a day just to get by, nothing even resembling a buzz from that. ROA was strictly oral. By hour 6 i was sweating like Marlon Brando in a wetsuit. Shaking twitching panic attacks. Then came the knives to my abdomen followed by keeping the toilet seat warm for 7 hours straight. I sweat through a down comforter while burning and freezing. Worst part was the pain. I have serious muscle pain (which is why i started) since im 14. All of the pain came back literally times 10. I paced my shitty apartment for 6 hrs straight, pulling my hair, punching the floor, stretching, anythimg to not think of pain.
I took 4 teylenol pms and a bunch of anti diah, and passed out for hr and half. Woke up and drove 4 hrs to meet a "healer". Dont know how i made it. Kratom is a godsend btw.
A definite tie is benzo... agorapgobia, and truly feeling like ur insane for week straight....

 

[cire113]

FUCK BENZOS nuff said.....

I only took benzos daily for about 8 months in moderate doses; mostly Valium, Xanax, Ativan, Klonazepam,;

I started tapering and it took me like Another 5-6 months to Do a Valium taper and quit ;

I had 10mg valiums so I tapered down to a crumb which was about 1-2mg;

I was stable on a crumb at one point I did An ultra slow taper; thought it wouldn't be as at all and I would be fine ;

HOLY FUCK is all I gotta say;

Benzo WD is by far the most fucked up experience any human can go through by far; I Remeber I used to hear ppl say how bad Benzo wds were;

HOLY shit ppl you have no idea of the sheer terror and hell until you experience it first hand ;

I quit at fucking 1-2mg of Valium(long taper) after a 1 year+ heavy daily binge and taper and the first 100 days or so we're just HELL;

the most terrifying symptom of Benzo withdrawal is by far

"-feeling convinced that you are seriously 100% dying ; like this is it; it's over ; I'm gonna die"

This was after a super long and careful taper and I jumped at 2mg Valium ;

I'm a highly anxious person in general but I can't even bear to imagine what other ppl have experienced after years of high doses .......

FUCK BENZOS

 

[Moreaux]

[MENTION=60201]cire113[/MENTION] - so true. At least you had a taper - I got cut off a ten year run cold turkey when I went to rehab. I didn't think I would survive. I was miserable for two years. The only good thing that came out of the experience is that I'm much better at dealing with anxiety and no longer take meds for it. So glad to hear you made it through to the other side!

 

[AnythingEverything]

FUCK BENZOS nuff said.....

I only took benzos daily for about 8 months in moderate doses; mostly Valium, Xanax, Ativan, Klonazepam,;

I started tapering and it took me like Another 5-6 months to Do a Valium taper and quit ;

I had 10mg valiums so I tapered down to a crumb which was about 1-2mg;

I was stable on a crumb at one point I did An ultra slow taper; thought it wouldn't be as at all and I would be fine ;

HOLY FUCK is all I gotta say;

Benzo WD is by far the most fucked up experience any human can go through by far; I Remeber I used to hear ppl say how bad Benzo wds were;

HOLY shit ppl you have no idea of the sheer terror and hell until you experience it first hand ;

I quit at fucking 1-2mg of Valium(long taper) after a 1 year+ heavy daily binge and taper and the first 100 days or so we're just HELL;

the most terrifying symptom of Benzo withdrawal is by far

"-feeling convinced that you are seriously 100% dying ; like this is it; it's over ; I'm gonna die"

This was after a super long and careful taper and I jumped at 2mg Valium ;

I'm a highly anxious person in general but I can't even bear to imagine what other ppl have experienced after years of high doses .......

FUCK BENZOS

This scares me ?. As I said earlier in the thread, benzos are by far the worst one I've ever done and I've done a lot. That was from high doses over 2 weeks in hospital. I was worried about going home but they assured me I was finsihed and all done and would be fine and anutjing else would be in my mind. Omfg I was bedridden and convinced I was going to die for weeks and weeks before I had to jump back on. My use got out of control again and I've now been tapering for 3 years. Im down to 20mg valium and scared to go any lower. Im scared you say it was so bad from 1mg ?. I thoight the purpose of a long tsper was to lessen the horrors ugh. Looks like I'll be on benzos for life! If I can get off the subs I'll be happy with that though its not ideal.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

Bedridden, paranoid and absolutely useless for weeks at a time going through benzo withdrawal sucks so bad. It really does take chunks out of your life. It gives me life when I'm on it, great quality of life, but then takes it all away when I run out. Constant battle... You just have to know what you're getting into. I'm definitely not done with them yet, but by now I know what to expect on this merry-go-round.

I also notice without benzos for a while, your stomach bloats like you're pregnant. I told my psychiatrist about this symptom and she said it was all in my head, but I know my tummy looks huge until I take benzos again and then it goes down and I look slim. It's just a weird thing. Same thing happens with alcohol withdrawals too I think. You bloat without alcohol for a while and it's really uncomfortable like you're carrying twins. I think because it's all connected to GABA receptors. Messes with your gut as well as your mind.

 

[AnythingEverything]

Coasttwocoast, I had the opposite, I got super bloated whilst on high doses of benzos, I've read about 'benzo belly' while I am slim. When I did my second detox, the one in hospital, I dropped a few kilos in a short time. Now im just on a tiny dose im not bloated anymore.

Definitely with you on the bedridden horridness.

 

[Moreaux]

[MENTION=397472]CoastTwoCoast[/MENTION] - That's interesting about benzo belly. I too have been slim all my life but he last few years I was on benzos my stomach was huge! I actually went and screened for cancer, I've never heard of benzo belly. Since I've been off of them it's flat again, but I have noticed that there is more fat there than there was prior, even though I fall on the low range of healthy for my BMI.
[MENTION=340552]AnythingEverything[/MENTION] - Regarding benzo withdrawal - you can go lower than 1mg - a compound pharmacy can out a liquid together. I cold turkeyed from 10 years on Xanax, which was a two year hell, but I have to say since being off of benzos I have so much more clarity and my anxiety is significantly reduced. The healing takes time, and I've been off them for six years. There's no rush, so stay low dose until you stablize with everything else. It would be pointless to stop benzos and relapse on other stuff, or have you ED kick in again. Of course, everyone is different and you have to make the decision that is best for you, but I wanted to add my 2 cents. Even though I haven't commented on all your posts lately, I just wanted to say keep up the good work!

 

[AnythingEverything]

That was me that said about benzo belly and being slim etc, coast mentioned his/her belly being bloated after being off them I think. I got a scan for ovarian Cancer too!!!!

Yes, thanks, I've heard of doing that re minute dosing, im going to HAVE TO do that, my life won't allow me to be bedrodden for that long again, it's not fair on anyone, least of all the kids.

 

[AnythingEverything]

And yeah, I've been sitting on 20mg a day for over 6 months at least now and he didn't drop it last time now im starting to decrease the subs (lol even though officially its only 32 to 30mg, im only taking 24 now.) one thing at a time. He did say 'are you going to be stuck on this for life'

 

[THE UNKN0WN]

Suboxones have to be the worse I ever felt. You know that withdraw feeling you get well imagine that for 2 weeks. Some say it last less or more. I always got my oxycodones 15's by then to help me.

 

[Napdmd]

Going through benzo withdrawal at the moment. The worst part is over I think and hope. I was having a severe psychotic reaction. I thought I was the devil himself and thought everybody knew I was the devil and out to get me. I also thought I was connected to the sewer, WTF. Waching TV or hearing music was scary as fuck. I can watch TV now without thinking the news is reporting on me, but I can not deal with a little bit of stress, sudden sounds are making my heart pound out of my chest, social interaction is not possible without me acting like a total anxious weirdo, zero energy and motivation, cog fog, insomnia, inner vibrations and twitches, dreams about me being weak and the feeling my left and right brain are not working together. I feel like the old me is dead. Fuck this shit.

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

I feel for you. The paranoia and thinking everyone is out to get you is bad. It makes me think my family hates me and is conspiring against me somehow. Yes, the hypersensitivity to sound is awful too. It makes you want to jump out of your skin. Noises from outside your house cause major anxiety and hopeful you don't have people inside your house making a lot of noise. That's torture on the nerves. I'm sorry you're going through it. Did you go cold turkey are were you able to taper at all?

 

[CoastTwoCoast]

[MENTION=397472]CoastTwoCoast[/MENTION] - That's interesting about benzo belly. I too have been slim all my life but he last few years I was on benzos my stomach was huge! I actually went and screened for cancer, I've never heard of benzo belly. Since I've been off of them it's flat again, but I have noticed that there is more fat there than there was prior, even though I fall on the low range of healthy for my BMI.

I guess "benzo belly" is different for people. For me, it was always being off of them that made me bloated and I looked it up before, others had the same reaction. Even if it causes your belly to be big while on it (like you and AnythingEverything), it's still not a good feeling. You're right about the fat being in the belly area. I don't know why it does that, but I believe it fucks with your hormones big time and some guys would mention getting "bitch tits". I notice after a binge, my body feels gross and more fatty. It gives me the munchies when I binge so it could also be from eating too much while high.
I read about people having the belly fat and they said they had to work out hard to get it off. So extra sit-ups for sure and just working out, it should go away.

Gabapentin is what bloats my belly while on it and constipates me. But when it comes to klonopin, etizolam and c-lam, I didn't bloat while on it, only after being off it.

 

[herbavore]

Going through benzo withdrawal at the moment. The worst part is over I think and hope. I was having a severe psychotic reaction. I thought I was the devil himself and thought everybody knew I was the devil and out to get me. I also thought I was connected to the sewer, WTF. Waching TV or hearing music was scary as fuck. I can watch TV now without thinking the news is reporting on me, but I can not deal with a little bit of stress, sudden sounds are making my heart pound out of my chest, social interaction is not possible without me acting like a total anxious weirdo, zero energy and motivation, cog fog, insomnia, inner vibrations and twitches, dreams about me being weak and the feeling my left and right brain are not working together. I feel like the old me is dead. Fuck this shit.

Wow, that sounds terrifying and I'm glad the worst of it is over. The old you is not by any means dead but you are going through a difficult time that is going to take great patience and acceptance. Have faith that this is only something to get through, not something you are doomed to live with forever. Use it for motivation by constantly reminding yourself that as bad as it is, it will not last and you will never have to deal with this again. People dealing with addiction issues are the strongest people in the world but they often fall prey to feeling like the weakest. You are strong and what you are going through now will only make you stronger and more compassionate. Hang in there!

 

[Erikmen]

Suboxones have to be the worse I ever felt. You know that withdraw feeling you get well imagine that for 2 weeks. Some say it last less or more. I always got my oxycodones 15's by then to help me.

Some people suffer for longer periods in withdrawal with Methadone. They say it's within the same line of time bc they stay in your bloodstream for so long, but I'm not sure if this is the reason withdrawal takes over two-3 weeks. And it gets worse because of the feelings of depression and sadness while you aren't yet ready for exercises or hobbies. That is really tough because you keep wishing for relief 24 hours a day and at some point you think about giving up and trying again later that's why one needs enough support so they can see their own feedback and go on.

@Moreaux, you have mentioned this timing frame of a 2 years in hell when you quit benzos. This sound beyond tough as it's indeed a long time to adapt. I get the reference and can relate with that since life takes a long time to go back to a new and different 'normal'. I had thought that after 15 months everything would be okay but there are still a long way to go. You have also mentioned you became less anxious without benzo in your life. I can see this about opiates but not yet with benzos as they have had an important role in my sleeping habit and also when I'm anxious or fearful.

 

[Napdmd]

I feel for you. The paranoia and thinking everyone is out to get you is bad. It makes me think my family hates me and is conspiring against me somehow. Yes, the hypersensitivity to sound is awful too. It makes you want to jump out of your skin. Noises from outside your house cause major anxiety and hopeful you don't have people inside your house making a lot of noise. That's torture on the nerves. I'm sorry you're going through it. Did you go cold turkey are were you able to taper at all?

I was using xanax in the powdered form. I used every other day up to mostly 12 mg a day. At the end of my usage I sometimes used a higher dose up to 20 mg or more. I was not able to feel much of even 20 mg in the end. On the days I was not using Xanax (or sometimes etizolam) I was using phenibut (23 grams), pregabalin (7/10 grams) or baclofen (300/450mg). For about 6 months in total I had high doses of GABAergics in my system. The last benzos I took were 10 clonazepam 2mg tabs and the rest of my xanax powder (100mg or more) It took a little longer before the acute withdrawals showed up probably because I still had benzos in my system because of the high dosage. I was totally blind to the consequences of this reckless dosing. Yes I quit cold turkey with every GABAergic drug but had no choice. Once the withdrawals started I was so stupid I was not able to think clearly or use my limbs for a whole week. I also had no idea how to taper off from this every other day use of high dosage.


@herbivore

Thanks for the support. It calms me down to know I get back to my old self. I am still "me" but somehow I can not express myself or get access to it. I hope it does not last years on end..... But it is my own stupidity that caused this and now I have to face it and sit it out.