Here's my first trip report. I wonder if this should go the top of the thread.
Day 1 (Fri): 225mg + 2.5cc hash oil @ 0:00; repeated after 2:00
Day 2 (Sat): 375mg + 5cc hash oil @ 0.00; repeated after 3:00
The trip was fantastic (now to summarise the insights). I felt a bit concerned I had pushed myself too far, but it was just right. In retrospect, I might've delayed my second dose by about 30 minutes and I should've prepared for the second dosing ahead of time. Trying to figure out how much to take while on DXM isn't a good idea. The hash oil idea was great one IMO, and it resulted in one of the best euphorias I've had, comparable or even better than MDMA (which I also like to combine with stronger hallucinogens to avoid bad trips). I had a mild hangover before I went to sleep last night and took a while to sleep but I did rest and I'm better now though still slightly dysphoric. Took my last cc of the hash oil and some gabapentin to quiet the jitteriness that seems to be present in my head (a memory of the flanging?). It has been going down steadily. Writing this message out and thinking about the experience seems to really help.
When I hit the third plateau, I felt not only a clear distinction between losing all my body's senses and my brain, but I also I felt I had transformed into a entity consisting of pure information. In other words I was trying to wrap myself around the recursive nature of pattern formation a priori. This leads into the notion of matter/atoms being physical but completely abstracted away so as to be representable as bits of information (bit as in binary digit). I've always tried to connect information, QM, and relativity especially on psychedelics since I feel it's more easily possible under that state to appreciate an infinite recursion and I felt I was this biological being in 3D who had become very planar (like a sheet of paper) and then I became a single point (bit) of nothingness that then expanded back into the universe. I'm an atheist and I think when we die the information that makes "us" is dissipated but I felt for a while that "we" weren't really complex information architectures but rather just a single bit of information. During the most intense part of my trip I really was trying to connect matter and information (there was a post I read on this forum about there is no space but it's all energy which is how I felt) and go from something to nothing to back. I felt it was very close and within my grasp but I think I was just tripping.
What was weird about this trip was the intense focus I had on the trip itself, it's like I was the snake eating its own tail, I was tripping about tripping... this probably had to do with my mindset from the last few weeks in our science which has involved a lot of discussions about recursion and recursive thinking. It seems so universal so as to be fundamental.
Visuals did start once I reached the third plateau, but it wasn't the hallucinating kind. My perspective of the universe was very warped. It's like written in the FAQ: my body finally started giving up on processing my senses entirely! When the dissociation my brain seemed like to give up processing visual input and this was when it was the scariest and awe inspiring. There were people around me then and they asked if I was okay but I managed to say "I wasn't feeling too great" (I always do this if people don't know I'm tripping) and it went past. Man, I felt I was clearly giving it away but I guess others can't tell really (it was dark also). I definitely didn't try to engage in too much conversation with people who didn't know I was tripping though.
I felt extremely compassionate, kind, never irritable (the THC I think). Unlike MDMA redosing didn't diminish the experience I found and the second experience matched and exceeded that of the first on both days.
Appetite went away the last two days and as my senses started to return, smell was the hardest to cope with. I've still not eaten in largely 48 hours. I just had a glass of milk.
I thought about how this is the place I needed to be after taking a fork five years ago due to alcohol. I started my psychic exploration with MDMA and LSD about 15 years ago and then I switched to alcohol for 3 years and I became addicted to it in part because I was trying to chase some kind of a high with it (stupid in retrospective). I have been sober from alcohol for 3 years but I've recently been self-medicating a bit and I was reading some threads I had started where people had written about polydrug addiction. I've always been wary of this but when the DXM was going the memories of my alcohol addiction (and the mild alcohol induced psychosis I went through) was *extremely* strong. I had never experienced that even though I remember the last few weeks before I bottom intellectually I felt that the DXM could push me to the psychotic states that the alcohol had pushed me (there is an effect similar to alcohol with DXM also). During these memories I felt concerned a lot about my current self medication and decided I should dwell on this DXM experience for a while and let it all sink in before I started using other things again (plus I have shit I need to get done, i.e., drug discovery and my discussions with my group). I learnt a bit about how I've let mood altering substances confuse with me substances that explore your psyche. I've not been able to my finger on it, but every time I trip I never get a craving, etc. but of course when I try opiates, etc. I want more. I reread some posts that I didn't get about this. I read the DXM FAQ properly again.
Interestingly, on one of the polydrug addiction threads, where I suggested swapping drugs every day to avoid physical and psychological addiction (not the best idea), someone suggested using ketamine lightly to "reset" your brain. I thought this was interesting. I seemed to find wisdom in many of the posts made by bluelighters! Even your posting that Dubstep (I've been listening to this music for decades now) was very insightful I thought.
All in all it seems like DXM works like a combination of many drugs I've tried and then some. This was definitely my full on first dissassociative trip. Also at the 225mg x 2 dose on the first I felt the slight beginnings of a trip but I was just hovering around the edges and it was really the 375mg x 2 dose that pushed me into having a trip that really lasted only an hour at its most intense but felt like forever (the THC again I believe, coupled with all sense of time being lost).
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I did try to send a message, yes. Thanks for keeping me company man! That was interesting, I normally am not a big fan of the computer when I'm tripping like that but I enjoyed the social aspect as long as I could do it. There is a bit of MDMA/MDA feeling here.
Hope the experience went well : P
By the way, bluedom, did you try and send me private messages?
Sorry I got some notification that I couldn't recieve anything due to a full inbox.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
It could have been much worse (an unnecessary death always is), though I still feel that the trip was worth it in the long run.